Reviewer: V11 Signed
November 02 2016
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Observations and such:
The BOOM BOOM BOOM of the footsteps is a trademark of yours. I actually like it, because it is short-hand for what you mean. It's simple, sort of childish, but, hell, I get tired of explaining what gigantic footsteps from a 400+ woman might sound like. It's BOOM! anyhow. You lean on the giantess converter a lot, but you're good at it, you are able to convey size through it well because you mention more than one measurement, or (in stepsister) you do a bit of math to arrive at how much of the blonde goddess is sticking up above the desk that the brother can see. Good stuff. How about find some real world analogues too, sometimes? From experience I can tell you for future stories that dialogue creates character. Write whatever comes out, put it in a mouth, and you have a clue to that person. Do three lines of dialogue coming from a person and often you now can see a character as an individual... perhaps not who you wanted, but someone maybe even more interesting than what you "ordered". If a young woman has size F breasts that's *unusual*. Live that up. I've known and dated several DDD women. Their breasts were a large (haha) part of their identity. They knew people stared, and they were particular about certain things because of that: good bras, sleeping in a certain preferred position, being forced to do (or not do) certain things, feeling intensly hurt whenever someone might mistake their loose tee-shirt hanging out away from their abdomen as a sign of them being tubby. Women with F-cup breasts do not like to clean stove-tops. They hate tying shoes. or jogging. Or lying for extended periods on their backs. They have to mind their breasts, corral them, round them up, protect them. Those breasts *are them*.Author's Response:
Sit on a finished chapter. Reread it a day or more later. I never do this with my stuff here. I continue to tweak after I post. Add nonsense to dialogue, (Yours) “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you.”.... “Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. You're weak and pathetic.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. Look over there, Jim, I'm filming us.”...“Good,” she replied, smirking. “I like controlling you. When I scare you, you sweat. Tiny people sweat smells like crunch-berries to me. Isn't that odd, Jim? Are you full of crunch-berries, little man?” It's smut, I always think the writer should have some fun themselves. Writing sucks, and it always sucks on some level, sometimes, no matter how long you've done it. Banging your head against something in isolation is never entirely fun. I hope somehow I gave you good advice, or maybe what I said sparks something in you that I should have sai
Thanks for the observations. That's a good suggestion that I look for real world analogues when describing the giantess' size, rather than just putting down a number, like 50 feet. That would make it interesting. Yes, dialogue creates character, and you reminded me of this. I knew that, but not 100% on all levels. The idea of large-breasted women having their identity tied up with their size is good to remember.
I agree that writers should have fun themselves. I struggle at times with continuing stories. If both the reader and writer can have fun, then that's the sweet spot. Thanks so much for your advice. It got me thinking about how perspective opens new writing avenues.