Reviewer: squashed123 Signed
Date: December 23 2020
Title: Chapter 1: The Plea
Great work! You seem to be falling into the same trap as I, though. Don't write about every little detail! I know, interaction between sb so large and sb so small is per definition extraordinary. But that doesn't mean every little thing has to be written out or we can't help mundane conversations along a little. I'm fighting that same demon and I know how hard it is. But stay strong.
I'm also rather surprised by just how gentle and tutti goody Allie is, given her occupation. I thought she must have been someone who just doesn't think a whole lot most of the time, a person that has a pretty clear picture in her mind of what's right and wrong and then just acts accordingly. That explains why she stomps everyone so quickly, not because she wants to be nice to them. Now it turns out she's actually a bit of a hippie.
I think that closes more doors than it opens, although I'm still dying to know what happens the next time she's called upon to do her duty. She might be forced to "branch out" more often, so as not birth to suspicion. On the other hand, before long she might be stuck with more tiny people she saved, some of whom are probably going to be pretty nasty criminals.
Another sidenote: Is it me or is their society entirely fucked up that they have to execute people every day?
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I really appreciate the advice. It is a little difficult for me to know what details you're talking about without specific examples, though.
There definitely is a contradiction between the way Allison is treating Brian and her job as a Chevalier. This is something that will be explored pretty soon, so I hope you find it interesting!
As for the sidenote, it's important to remember that Chevaliers and those who support the Shrink Penalty don't necessarily see the convicts as "people" anymore, due to the severity of their crimes. This assumes that the system is perfect, though, which Allison is learning to be very untrue. I hope you enjoy where the story goes from here!
-Pluto