Reviewer: Devils_Advocate Signed 
Date: May 14 2012
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Suzaku Academy and Hitoshi Hayama
L2K7... I feel I must point things out
1. This is lazy: if this is not a story of your invention, why are you writing it?
2. This is too long: you spend too much time doing the build up... Build up is nice but too much of it and readers lose interest.
3. It bugs me to no end when you put a question at the end of a chapter "this happened, but how will it affect the future???" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? Ignore the caps, thats just thee first thought that always goes through my mind
Author's Response:
1. The creator of this game had suggested to me about making a novelized version of his game before, so I eventually took him up on that suggestions. Also, I'm not just repeating dialogue, word for word. I am wording everything differently than what is shown in the actual game.
2. The build-up I have in here is just as much build-up that is in the game. LiquidTension put in this much build-up for a reason. I'm not going to just cut out a lot of dialogue that he went through the trouble to writing just because a few readers will get impatient and not want to bother reading the story anymore.
LT put a lot of effort into this game, and I want to put a lot of effort into the story.
3. I've always done that with my stories. You know, as sort of a question for the reader to think about what 'might' happen in the future. It helps to get their brain moving and thinking of the possibilities of what could happen next.
