Reviewer: Juliet Signed
December 28 2016
Chapter 1: 2nd Floor of the Library (Story Start)
I like your story. Normally I am repulsed by foot content, but your heavily unaware style has allowed me to appreciate it more.
I've seen your writing.com additions as well, I wish you could bring over some of the girls you've written there to this interactive.
Part of me wants to criticize you because you don't format your paragraphs at all. I used to have the same problem, and now that I separate them more readily, I feel that my stories are more readable. Maybe that would help you too.
What I want to see is more personality from many of your characters. Orfino seems to be the most popular because she is the one with the most of it." Maybe try to include more conversations or write unique actions that each character takes, give them a schedule that shows their interests and what they are like.
It's a shame that my favorite girl, Nesi, doesn't seem to be getting any love on the strawpoll. Maybe you can take some time to give her one more chapter for the time being? It's been a while since you've done anything for her.
Thanks for all the feedback! I'll try and address all the points you made.
Well I'm glad that you still like the story, even if you normally don't like the type of focus. I am glad that I added that disclaimer, so you'll know ahead of time what the story will focus on. And I'm happy that even though you don't really like the type of content, I got you to appreciate it a bit more. That's pretty cool.
And that does sound like an interesting idea with the Writing.com stuff. But most of the characters I've written about there were already established, so I wouldn't want to bring them over here too. But feel free to send me a message if you had something specific in mind though. It might be better to message/email me on Writing.com though, because I'm not entirely sure how well the messaging system works on this site.
And I will admit that I have a habit of making my paragraphs lengthy. I'll try and look into them, and find more areas where I can split them up. The length never bothered me, but if it makes the whole reading process worse or more of a pain, then I'll see what I can do.
Your comment about personality definitely rings true. It might have been because a lot of the older characters, like Alena and Nesi, were some of the earliest ones I ever wrote. In fact, I first wrote about them in an interactive on Writing.com. I spent a good while writing chapters on the first 3 Shrunk in College routes, plus a few others, but then the original creator deleted all of my work. I think he wanted more guy on guy stuff, and he never had any of those rules or guidelines at the time, so I ended up taking all of these characters (I backed everything up thankfully) and made a story here. So the newer characters, like Allison Kim and Ms. Orfino, were made after I've had more experience writing.
But I will go through my older chapters and try and make the personalities more unique and interesting. I have a few ideas to change some of the characters, so they're not all nice and playful, which is probably how I wrote them before. I want to overhaul them, so they end up feeling just as interesting too, because that'll make me want to write about them more as well.
As a preview, I'm gonna make one character pretty gentle but also very assertive. Once the MC is discovered by her, she will absolutely not want him to indulge in his new found interests in feet, no matter how much he tries to convince her, because she would find it much too dangerous, no matter how durable he thinks he is. It'll be interesting to have a character not want to indulge in the giantess fantasies, since I've usually written them the opposite way. I think it'll prove to be a fun dynamic.
And I liked Nesi a lot as well, since she was one of the first characters I wrote along with Alena, and I've actually been working on an outline for a new Nesi chapter. I'll try and make her new personality more present as well, so hopefully you enjoy that one once I finish it.
But thanks a lot for the feedback! Take care!