By the time I rolled into the office I was about an hour and fifteen minutes late… Not good… but, no worries, I got this.
*Deep breath, scan my badge, pull open the door*
As I walk in, strike one occurs and I don't even realize it.
“Oh man, check out my timing, look who it is,” a short man with a graying mop of greased back hair and stubble to match says, as he turns to the security guard behind the front desk.
“No need to message me when he gets here, looks like he decided that he did work today.” which was totally not said in a shit head, sarcastic-y sorta way of course…
“Hey Marco, sorry I’m late man, I had som..”
“Car trouble?” He interjects, “Traffic? Roommates grandma die and you needed to lead the procession?” he rambles, obviously frustrated with me.
“Look Nick, you have to get here on time man, I can’t keep giving you slack just cause you've been here a few years, the rookies get all pissy.” he continues droning on as we head through the next set of doors to the main floor.
We’re not in a big place in terms of verticality, our building is wide and long with only one side of that structure having 3 floors. I entered through the single floor side, or the IT entrance as it's better known. As we round the first right into the buildings main area, I see the execs offices to my left along the wall, with all their glass doors and exterior glass walls. Following them leads towards the central area where all the standard short cubicles resided, which was where we’re headed. As we get a few steps round the corner and just start to pass the executive administrative assistant's desk, immediately to the right. A taller woman with newly permed curly, just past shoulder length, strawberry blonde locs. She chides at us as we pass, causing us to hold up and converse.
She seemed to be in about her mid thirties, can never really tell any more with all the makeup that exists. Tanned but on the whiter side with a few laugh lines here and there, showing she's aged “happy” so far, if that counts for anything. Looking pretty good in the shape department even with being a little plush thanks to the job, she was curvy for sure, at least from what I could tell she had some wider hips from this angle so, probably a nice booty, mixed in with a slightly above average, rarely uncovered chest. Never seen much in the shoe department since I rarely see her not behind her desk with where I'm located in the office; and with my lowest current view being some thicker jeaned thighs, probably to go along with that butt.
“I see you scraped that gum off your shoe, Marco." She says hinting to me.
“W-wait, what?” I stammer a bit, confused by the remark.
She smiles at me and, I gotta say, it was radiant. Laugh lines be damned this woman's smile could light up a room. Its like you just felt happy especially knowing it was directed at you, ya know. Just all innocent and motherly and jubilant at the same time.
“You were the gum silly,” as a light chuckle escapes from her engrossing smile.
I toss a nervous giggle, “I kinda get that but, why am I gum?” I say while looking between the two.
Marco chimes in, “Inside joke before you decided to grace us with your presence.”
“Ooohh got you, ok, yeah… I uh... still don't get it. I think I’d rather not be squished under someone's shoe like gum.” I reply, “Especially not Marco's.” I say with a light laugh.
She glances down at her computer as she responds, “Nooo, a Gumshoe silly, that's like a detective. Since, he was looking for you and all.” she glances up at me, “Although as of this morning, your last statement may not be all that farfetched…” she trails off her line of thought. Eyes scanning the screen, probably some email from some Exec for something they wanted.
“Sorry, as of this morning what? Being gum is not odd? What was that last part? I’m missing something right Marco?”
I state with a smile and turn to Marco just as her phone rings.
“Oh, I have to take this!” as she reaches for her headset, “Nice talking to you boys, hopefully see you around.” ;) She smirks, situating the headset over her ear and resting her likely juicy tush into her seat, already lost in a new conversation.
I try to shrug off the confusion as Marco nudges my shoulder to prompt some movement from me and before I bombard him with more questions I may not be in such good graces as I find my late ass in. So I shake it off as her inside “gumshoe” joke was confusing as hell and, you know what, I am just too tired to try and keep processing whatever that encounter was.
We get to what some folks in the office refer to as “The Dungeon.” Which is a 20ft by 20ft windowless room in the middle of the IT area with two ways in and a higher badge access clearance then most on the first floor. Add the fact that folks that work within it, rarely get a chance to step out because of the work they do and the name Dungeon starts to make sense. The rooms chock full of invisible digital chains that just keep an ass sitting and sweating like being on a long flight over and over again. Short breaks, eating at the desk, the whole bit and boy, it makes some pretty interesting human smells you're socially forced to accept. Some of which can emit from even the most visually stunning of individuals.
With usually four of us on staff every day, we try to keep the lights on and computers up for the world wide company that was our “Dungeon Master” I guess you could say.
We badge and walk in through the Dungeons man entrance, Marco first with me close behind.
“Look Millie,” Marco says pointing at me as we head to our own desks, “I found him and dragged him in into work just for you!”
As Marco hangs a left towards his desk I see Millie at hers directly in front of me. Her head facing her screens with her high gloss, straight black hair facing back at me, just like the other 3 desks. The two on the opposite side of Millie's and mine being oddly empty.
As I stroll past Millies left, to my desk in front of hers, she laughingly chides at the statement, “Oh, I’m sure you did Marco, by the ear too I hope.” She leans off to the left side of her desk which was directly behind mine. “Which one was it,” She glances between my two ears while I glare at her. “I want to yell my frustrations of being left alone first day of the week into the correct one.”
“Come on Millie, at least I'm not as late as those two.” I point to the empty desks starting to think I'm not in that hot of water after all if they weren’t in either.
“Did you seriously forget the others decided to take this week off dummy?” she says, seemingly stupified by my stupidity.
“Oh shit, I mean... Oh yeah, thats right, I mean you’re right!” My glare turning apologetic, “I totally knew that...Mary and Joesi were off this week… ok fuck it, thats my bad Millie.”
“Oh, no need to apologise now, I just finished passing your tardiness onto HR.” Millie states matter of factly and with a pearly sly smile to match.
My jaw drops and I stand up whirling around to face her, “What! Come on really, wha… why would you have to go and do that for Mill…” saddened by this sudden news, my shoulders starting to droop. This was not looking to be a good day for me…
As I move around the front corner of Millie’s desk, past her Millionaire “Millie” Monroe name plate stuck to the cubicle wall, I finally caught sight of how she was looking today.
Millionaire Monroe, was firstly, not a millionaire. She was a moderately paid college intern working here to gather some on the job experience. Her interesting name was apparently thanks to some pretty “Gangsta Parents” as she likes to call them but, she isn’t much for it in the corporate setting so she prefers Millie.
She’s Black American on the lighter side of the skin tone, brown eyes, jet black hair straightened to perfection, dropping to just above her breasts. Bangs dropping down to almost brow level leading your eye to her rounded and yet sharper features that mingle well with her fashion sense. She had on a cushy sparkly white sweater with sleeves pulled up to mid forearm, almost like she was looking to highlight her moisturised hands and well manicured blood red nails. The lower half of her having pitch black, high end, stretchy yoga pants; nicely sticking to her fit frame. Her shoes were some peep toe sparkly white designer flats to match the sweater of course, the few toes seen showing a matching red to her fingers. Glancing a little further under her desk I notice the pair of shoes I have unfortunately longed to take a whiff of for some time.
See, Millie worked out regularly to combat the prolonged sitting that can happen working here which did nothing but help enhance the 22 year old’s beauty which, in turn, also made me pretty happy. Seeing as she needed to keep a pair of work out shoes in the office, which she also used as her office kick arounds, I was able to catch glimpses of her well taken care of beautifully two toned athletic feet from time to time. I’ve seen here go with and without socks in those poor black on black Nike Airs. Playful and colorful fresh toes go in, squirmy and colorful glistening toes come out. Lightly coated in what I can only assume is a potent mixture of salty sweat and cocoa butter. Sadly, when she’s worn the Airs for a good stint, she’ll transfer to whatever new shoes she’s brought pretty quickly and then keeps those Airs locked away in a lower spare desk drawer. Probably trying to prevent any smells getting around, especially since she's always competing with Joesi for the imaginary title of most physically upkept human in the dungeon. Ugh, I know I shouldn't but, I really do wish that someday I could get a little whiff of what her gorgeously soft toned feet smelled like.
My focus snaps back up to Millie as she continues on.
“Cause you always get away with being late like, ALL the time, it's ridiculous,” she says clearly tired of my lazy demeanor, “Oh, and not to mention you getting away with pretty much anything else you unintentionally screw up that you never seem to catch flak on for either.” I could feel the finger snaps in my bones that she tossed out, “You just making the rest of us look bad and work more so yeah, HR. What of it??” Her brown eyes cast a fiery stare above her monitors, almost as if to bore holes though to the back of my head; superman, I mean supergirl, style.
Before I can even bother at a retort, Marco pipes in with a sudden, “Oooh maaan…”
Millie and I both switch focus to Marco, “Oh shit, what is it now?” I say, “Tell me something is broken and it's not something to do with me, please, for the love of whatever's out there, just not about me.”
“Well, something is broken.” Marco says.
“Oh thank God, what is it?” I say a bit relieved, we could finally change the subject.
Marco then lets out a low whistle, “And buddy, that something, seems to be you.” Now shaking his head looking at his screen.
“What!?” I say confused and yet again, completely stressed out. (I mean seriously when will the shit stop falling on me today?) “What is it now, what could I have possibly done.” my arms and shoulders raising in surprise bewilderment.
Marco looks at me, “Well, I was checking into Millie’s tardiness notice, to see if it was posted to HR.”
“Annnnnnnnnnd.” I say, wanting to get to the bad news as soon as possible.
“And it looks like someone else ALSO filed a complaint and shipped it to HR as well cause, there’s two under your name here now man.” as he thuds his screen with his finger.
“Uh What, how!? I’ve been here like... 10 minutes Marco! There’s no way I could have done anything other than be late.” I say starting to get frustrated. (What is going on today!)
“What's it for Marco?”
“Well, I shouldn't say.” Marco starts to think it over, whether or not he should tell me.
I want to know so I press, “Come on Marco, is it anonymous?”
“Uhhh, yeah, looks like it.” he replies.
I continue to argue, “Well then I won’t know who sent this one,” I tossed a quick “c’mon man?” glare at Millie.
“Alright alright,” Marco interjects with a sigh. “I’ll give you the gist of it before you argue with me till I eventually tell you anyway.”
Millie then says to no one, “And there it is, gets away with every god damn thing, fucking privleged mothafu...” shaking her head with the last part trailing off as she returns to her monitors while sorta listening for what Marco had to say.
“So, it sounds like you tried to grill a fellow colleague about newly established workplace policies while they were trying to conduct their vital work functions? Yada yada yada, caused colleague to miss an established deadline for an executive meeting. Blah blah blah, yeah, that looks to be about it.” Marco says, looking to me and then to Millie, who slowly spins her chair around to reveal a pearly white grin.
“A missed meeting!? Who the hell did I grill and cause a missed meeting for!?” I exclaim.
“Ha, so you do have two strikes! Oh shit this is gonna be so good” Millie says gleefully bouncing in her chair.
I look at her, “Two strikes, we have “strikes” now!?” I say quizzically.
“Well, if you had been in on time you probably would have seen the new company policy for workplace misconduct in your inbox.” she says turning back to her screen, as I then immediately rush to sit down and begin to boot up my pc.
Over the next few minutes I scour my inbox looking for this supposed email.
I find it in my spam for some reason (seriously, is nothing going to go my way today?) so, I set a new rule in the system to never let that happen again with this email address, PED-HR@CGTS.com.
It reads:
Hello All CGTS Employees,
As of 12 am this morning, the PED policy for employee misconduct went into effect. Please reference the attached email which is a personal copy of the CGTS Employee Renewal signed by you six months ago with the highlighted PED policy therin. This letter is to inform you that your participation in this policy is now active and appreciated.
The folks in PED would like to personally thank all the personnel that volunteered to be Correctional Counselors to aid in helping along the unfortunate few employees that refuse to utilize CGTS’s Lax and Supportive company policies. For those selected you will receive an additional email shortly with the Correctional Counselor Guidelines pdf.
Thank you all for your continued efforts in making CGTS a great place to work,
Particle Enhancement Division(PED)
Head of Human Resources
Rebecca Paine
My face lifts from the screen and I say aloud to the room, “We signed something six months ago for some policy that starts today? I don't remember anyone saying anything about a PED policy being a part of that stupid Employee Renewal.”
“You really need to start reading the stuff corporate sends to you before you sign it dummy, don’t you know that?” She says, slightly leaning towards me and rubbing her eyebrows. “Cause if you had read that “stupid” Employee Renewal form, you would have seen that you didn't even need to sign it.” I just stare at her dumb struck. “It was obviously a scheme to get the veteran employees to sign over to the newer employees HR and Benefit policies once you got like a paragraph into it.” her soft red hued ebony lips pulled up in a another smirk.
Still not sure what to think about this new info I begin to stutter something out but Millie interrupts.
“You are a sad little man... didn’t even realize till today that you had dug your own grave sixth month ago, and now look at’cha,” Millie says starting to giggle, briefly point in my direction, “dumbstuck as hell and the worst news hasn’t even been revealed yet.”
Marco, laughing now, chimes in, “I know right! Now we’ll just have to see if he pulls off a hat trick with one more strike and trips right into the grave headfirst .”
“Oh jeez, come on you two, that's a bit morbid isn’t it?” I say, finally finding the chance to speak up. Finally, this may even be my chance to shut this convo down and get us all back to work,
“Ya know what, laugh it up,” I say putting up an air of confidence, “You’re right, thanks you Marco, I do still need that one last strike to enact whatever this PED thingy is, which is fine since I’ll just be on my best behaviour from here on so,”
This last unfinished statement caused them both to start laughing hysterically... interrupting me yet again...
Through some breaks in the laughter Millie says, “Ha, oh my god, I so wish Joesi was around to hear that shit!”
Marco responds with, “Oh damn yeah, Mary would have had a good laugh at that too. Man did they pick a bad week to take off! HAhahaha” Their laughter fades in tandem.
Millie looks at me with her dark auburn colored eyes slightly teared up a bit from all the laughing. “You? On your best behaviour? As in not late to somewhere or accidentally fucking something up just by being present? For the rest of Q1?”
I stare back at her plain faced starting to realize this wasn't like a day to day policy, but a quarterly one.
(That's definitely not so good…)
I shrug tilting my head sideways a bit trying to muster my shattered confidence, “Yeah… uh, all Q1... for sure…” followed up with a weak ass attempt at a confident smile.
Rolling laughter follows suit from the two yet again.
“Ok mister Best Behaviour,” Millie says sarcastically, “if you're so confident, don’t even read the policy. It’s probably nothing “Big” anyways right?”
Sadly following through with my now faux confidence, not wanting any further embarrassment, I take the bait she so expertly flung out to me, “You know what Millie, I won't look at it, cause it is probably nothing “BIG” cause CGTS is all about making things as “TINY” as possible, be it micro chips or morale!” I start gaining a bit of bravado and sit back at my desk, Millie and Marco now standing up to get a better view of my screens.
I click the email and then hit delete for them both to witness. “See? No worries at all, I got this shit, no problem!” I say nodding my head at their semi surprised faces. I guess they didn't think I was going to do it… oh shit… Then slowly looking back to my screen, trying to discreetly regret my decision. I hear their chairs creak as they settle back into work mode.
Millie likely still smiling and always having the last word says, “Oh I’m sure you do Nick,” Sarcasm seeping into her voice, “I totally believe in you. This won't be like last quarter at all with its 5 or 6 “recorded” tardies.” slightly trailing off as if she was starting to read something, with a low and almost sinister tone I can just hear her say to herself, “Oh god no... definitely not like last quarter at all “little” man... I can feel it.” she then seems to go back to her work behind me as I sit stewing over everything that just went down.
Especially transfixed on that last, “little man, I can feel it.” part. That sounded a bit too... ominous maybe? Definitely feeling a bit more matter of fact over sarcastic and she said it just loud enough for me to hear.
Oh man, I better watch my step for real this time. I have no idea what the heck was in that PED policy thanks to Millie goading me and well fuck... I guess more so thanks to my stupidity for falling for it really… so stupid!
Can’t think about that now though, if I don't focus on my work I could get hit with my last strike and without knowing what the hell that could be I’d rather not find out first hand just yet.
From here on I ignore Marco and Millie for the next few hours and go about my day trying to work while internally debating whether I should ask anyone through the company IM if I could get a copy of the policy. So far, I couldn't think of anyone I could for sure say would help me over trying to screw me over; or nark on me cause it would be “funny” to see what happens.
I finally abandon the effort after an hour and decide the best bet is to keep my head forward with my hands on the keyboard. Next thing I know, lunch rolls around so I quietly excuse myself from the room with no comments from the peanut gallery, thank god. I headed over to the Cafe where, unbeknownst to me, my third strike awaited my arrival.