"Thea!" Mark called to her, pointing to the falling shrinkee.

She gulped, legs shaking. In a lunging dance move, the /co/lette cosplayer reached out, snatching him from the air.

Kat noticed him - and suddenly looked down, checking the small people across her body. Her eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

It was now or never. Instantly, every miniaturized person pulled on her vines, contacting around her pale skin. Unable to keep her balance, she fell to her backside with a resounding THUD.

With a few trembles, the boy hanging on her hair swung off, landing on her immense shoulder. His trap worked! Climbing up her chin and nose, he arrived at her mask, and grabbed it by the side. "Now, let's see who this monster REALLY is!"

With a little help from other miniaturized attendees, they pulled off Kat's mask, revealing... That hairy, broad-shouldered man in the pink dress, from 4chan.org/por/.

Everyone called in unison: "Old Man Anonymous?"

"Just as I suspected." Thea put a hand to her thick-rimmed glasses. "A lot of what Kat was saying didn't make sense. Shrinking rude people? Lines like 'I can't breathe' and 'I can't even'? Constantly assaulting someone with her breasts? Using an ancient character as a husbando? Only someone with strange prejudices and stranger fetishes could impersonate a teenage blogger so poorly."

The tiny woman in the red uniform looked up to her, confused. "But why go to all that trouble?"

Gail snapped her fingers. "Legends say there's an abandoned gold mine under the convention center!"

Mark nodded in realization. "He was using the old horror stories of tumblr SJW boogeymen to scare the attendees away... So that he could dig up the treasure for himself!" He tapped the side of his head.

As police officers took him away, removing his disguise, Old Man Anonymous shook a fist and shouted. "And I would've gotten away with it, too - if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

The speakers in the back finished their slow melody, transitioning into the song Good, Or Don't Be. As Mark stood in the center of the dance floor, lights glowing blue, everyone looked to him and began applauding.

"Congratulations!" The brunet and blond clapped together.

"Congratulations!" The Char cosplayer nodded.

"Congratulations!" Gail and the green-haired girl shouted.

"Congratulations!" His mother and sisters suddenly appeared, beaming with pride.

"Congratulations!" Megan was there, too - just as ecstatic as the others.

Nikki quacked gleefully in a manner that vaguely resembled "Congratulations!"

"Congratulations!" The real Kat laughed.

"Congratulations!" Thea cheered.

Mark, overcome with emotions, shut his eyes and smiled. "Thank you all."

To /d/, thank you.

To writing.com, farewell.

And to all the meddling kids...

Congratulations!

Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars

Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forever more

You are all I long for, all I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, Scooby-Dooby-Doo