The following morning, Lois was busily cooking breakfast for her family. The rest of them tried to pretend everything was normal. Still, Lois couldn't just ignore how her daughter wasn't there at the table with the rest of them. And the others had a hard time forgetting her as well; Meg was still sleeping outside in her tent, but she was snoring. Sometimes her snoring was so loud, the windows rattled.
"I can't take it anymore!" yelled Chris, covering his ears. "Meg's been snoring like this since four this morning! And it's driving the evil monkey insane and he almost strangled me!!" As usual, everyone ignored the part about the evil monkey.
"Dear God, it's more hideous than Ashlee Simpson's voice when she actually TRIES to sing!!" Stewie cried out. "Can't ANYONE do anything!?"
"Hey, if you can find a snore-strip big enough for a honker like that, and if you're willing to climb all the way up Meg to put it on, be my guest," said Brian dryly.
"No thank you," said Stewie with a shudder. "I'd probably get sucked up that big schnoz...."
"Look on the bright side, you guys. At least she didn't fart again," Peter pointed out.
Lois sighed and walked out of the kitchen. Just what were they going to do about Meg? There was no telling how long it would be before Quahog's doctors and surgeons would be able to cure her. What were they supposed to do in the meantime?
A hundred different question went through Lois's mind at once as she opened the front door. She picked up the paper and read the front page, which had the headline, 'LOCAL GIRL BECOMES GIANT-SIZED MENACE: TERRORIZES COMMUNITY WITH FLATULENCE.' "Ugh, our family hasn't been front-page news like this since Peter foiled that terrorist plot," she said to herself.
A lone al-Qaeda jihadist had snuck into Quahog's water treatment plant, ready to dump poisonous chemicals into the water system. "Yes, soon the infidel Americans will feel the wrath of Allah, and...."
However, the terrorist was so busy rambling to himself, he didn't heed the sounds of an approaching car outside being driven erratically. All of a sudden, the Griffin wagon crashed through the wall and the hapless do-badder was pinned underneath the front end. Peter was at the wheel, reading a comic book. "Yeah, you bitch, he's the Juggernaut," he said stupidly. "Oh yes, he is."
Lois sighed as she read the story. It was bad enough that the rest of the family weren't being all that supportive. Now the rest of Quahog was turning against Meg? Well, that's nothing new, but....
The sound of approaching trucks made Lois look up. A truck towing a long trailer, along with a large tanker truck, were driving down the street, and then came to a stop in front of her house. "That must be the shipment of food Daddy sent for Meg. Finally!" said Lois, relieved. She turned and ran to the side of the house. "Meg, the trucks are...."
But Meg was one step ahead of her. No doubt she had heard the trucks as well, since a tremorous footstep almost knocked Lois off her feet. Lois looked up, only to see the sole of Meg's huge white sneaker coming straight down. "AHHH!" Lois screamed; she didn't even have time to cower in fear before Meg's foot came down. Luckily, Meg's foot missed her, but only by mere inches. The shockwave knocked Lois backward, slamming her into the side of the house.
"OWW!" Lois cried out as she stood up and rubbed her aching back. She turned back to the street, and her jaw dropped when she saw Meg had lifted one of the trucks right off the road. Meg ripped the trailer open and quickly started to empty its contents right into her mouth. Several tons of apples, pears, potatoes and many other fruits and vegetables went straight down the hatch; Meg didn't even give herself enough time to swallow one mouthful before stuffing her face again. "Meg, watch where you put your feet next time! You almost stepped on me!" Lois shouted up at her gigantic daughter. "And for the love of God, slow down! You'll choke if you eat too fast!"
Meg glared down at her mother with an exasperated look. "I can't help it, Mom! I'm HUNGRY! I've gone a whole day without eating anything!" Meg cried out, her voice making Lois's ears ring. Meg set the truck back down, then grabbed the tanker. She ripped it open and drank all the milk inside.
"C'mon Meg, just because you're as big as a Japanese movie monster doesn't mean you gotta have the table manners of one," Lois muttered as Meg scooped up the first truck again. She started snarfing down the rest of the food in there. However, she suddenly stopped, a look of confusion etched on her face. Meg reached into her mouth and pulled out one of the illegal Mexican immigrants that worked on the Pewterschmidts' estate. Meg just stared at the man held between her fingers, wondering how he had gotten in that truck. Eventually, she set him down on the street; as soon as his feet touched the ground, he ran off screaming something in Spanish.
It wasn't long before Meg went back to stuffing her face. Meg tilted her head back and emptied the rest of the food into her mouth, shaking the truck to make sure she got every last morsel. When Meg finally swallowed the last mouthful, she carelessly let the truck drop down with a crash, then dropped down into a sitting position on her front lawn with a deafening thud. Lois warily looked up at her titanic daughter as she sat motionless, her face blank and unreadable.
Meg crossed her arms in front of her chest, resting them on her knees, and she buried her face in them a second later. The sound of her sobbing and sniffling filled the air. "Oh Meg," Lois said softly, walking over to her, but was forced to jump aside when Meg's feet suddenly shifted, almost knocking her over. Damnit, again? Lois thought acidly. Out loud, she said, "Meg, talk to me, honey. What's wrong now?"
Meg picked her head up, looking down at her mother through tear-soaked glasses. Lois was standing between her legs; it was like being in between two tall trees wrapped in denim. For a moment, Meg remained silent. Then she finally blurted out, "What's WRONG!? Do you even have to ask!? I've been turned into this hideous, monstrous freak! A monstrous freak that has to scarf down truckloads of food like some movie monster! And there's no telling when someone can cure me!" Meg thundered. "Who knows if it's even POSSIBLE to cure me!?"
"Oh Meg, don't be so pessimistic!" Lois implored, trying to think of something reassuring to say.
Unfortunately, nothing else came to mind, and Meg continued to rant. "And y'know what the funny thing is? I always envied everyone else in the family, because everyone else had some talent, something that made them special. You're a pianist and a black belt in tae-jitsu, Dad played for the Patriots and writes erotic novels, Chris is an artist.... Well, here's my claim to fame: turning into an 100-foot tall freak! Careful what you wish for, huh!?"
"C'mon Meg, don't be so down on yourself," came Brian's voice. Lois turned around to see that the rest of the family had come out of the house, no doubt having been unable to ignore Meg's booming voice.
"Yeah, things'll be fine once they get that rock out of your ass," said Chris.
"Yeah, and there's plenty of good things about you," said Brian. "You've proven you're a hard worker. And, well, err...." Brian's voice trailed off as he thought of something else to add.
"Oh, you can do that bird calling thing," Peter interjected.
"Oh yeah, like that was really useful," said Meg darkly, remembering their run-in with Big Bird.
"Aw, c'mon, don't let that discourage you. Give it another try," said Peter. Lois just sighed. She doubted this would help lift Meg's spirits, but anything was worth a try.
Meg sighed heavily as well, then tried her bird call. For a few moments, nothing happened. But then, the air was filled with the sound of thundering footsteps, as if something was stampeding down the street. The Griffins turned to see a whole herd of chocobos running down the street; one of them had a racing harness, and Cloud Strife had his foot caught in it and he was being dragged along the street painfully.
Everyone stared blankly as the chocobos ran further and further down the road. Peter broke the uneasy silence. "Wait wait, you're just out of practice, that's all. Go on, give it another try."
Meg shook her head, but took Peter's advice anyway. She let out another low whistle. Again, nothing happened for a few seconds, but it wasn't long before the silence was shattered by another unwelcome sound. This time, however, it was the cawing of several thousand ravens.
The rest of Meg's family looked up to see thousands of birds descending fast, crashing into houses and smashing through windows. "HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP!" Peter screamed over and over as they were besieged by legions of crazed, homicidial ravens. They all ran in desperation, eventually coming across a conveniently loacted phone booth. All five of them miraculously managed to squeeze inside and take refuge, though it was a VERY tight fit.
"'Oh, you can still do that bird calling thing,'" parroted Stewie mockingly, his voice barely audible over the sound of birds crashing into the glass of the phone booth. "Can you possibly do any more damage in the next five seconds?"
Stewie got his answer when Peter suddenly said, "Everyone, the crap was literally scared out of me."
The rest of the morning passed by slowly, but fortunately it also passed by quietly and uneventfully. Meg spent all that time sulking in her tent, wondering just what she was going to do next. What was she supposed to do until a cure for her condition was found, if there even was one? What was she supposed to do about food? She couldn't keep relying on her grandfather's money forever. And spring break would be over in less than a week. How was she supposed to attend school when she could flatten it with one false step? How could she hope to ever fit in when she couldn't even fit inside the school, or any other building?
Just when I thought things couldn't get any more screwed-up, this happens, Meg thought to herself as she stared blankly at the top of the tent. It's always been an uphill battle to fit in...with anyone, even my own family. Now....
A series of loud popping noises from outside snapped Meg out of her thoughts. Curious, Meg carefully crawled out of her tent and walked out to the front of the house. Meg looked down to see her father firing what looked like an AK-47 in the air, which was obviously meant to scare off a group of people who had gathered on the front lawn. At first, Meg had no idea who they were, but when she could make out Peter's angry cry of "Damn reporters from Dateline," it was easy to guess.
Meg sighed and shook her head. She shouldn't known the peace and quiet wouldn't last forever. She should've known it wouldn't be too long before all sorts of reporters would flock to her home and, like the leeches they were, try to destroy what little privacy she had left. Meg winced inwardly when she saw that one of the reporters had spotted her and aimed a camera up at her; a sudden urge to cry almost got the best of her. She always wanted to be popular, but not like this. "And stay away!" Peter shouted as the reporters drove off, emptying the rest of his ammo into the air for good measure.
Just then, Lois stormed out of the house. "Peter, when I asked you if the reason you took out your illegal stash of assault rifles was to scare off the press, you said 'No!'" she shouted angrily at her husband. "You LIED to me again!"
Her parents began arguing vehemently, and Meg tried with all her might to tune them out. However, even though their voices were very distant to her, their heated words seemed to drill into her skull...especially Peter's comments about how half the Dateline specials were about freakshows. She knew Peter meant to say that she didn't belong on such a special, but still....
"ENOUGH YOU TWO!!" Meg thundered. Lois and Peter, finally realizing Meg had been hovering over them, looked up to see Meg looming over their house. "Dad, I appeciate the sentiments, but let's face it, I AM a freakshow."
"Oh Meg, don't...." Lois began, but Meg cut her off.
"There's no point denying it Mom, I'll NEVER have anything close to a normal life now," said Meg, tearing up again. "How am I supposed to finish high school!? And how will I ever find another boyfriend if I'm stuck like this!?"
"Well, Meg, I'm sure we can find some way to get around the problem with school," said Lois, trying to sound optimistic. "And as for a boyfriend, well, don't lose hope, Meg. The right boy will come along eventually, you'll see. And I've heard that there's plenty of men out there who have a thing for, umm, tall girls," she finished, laughing nervously.
Meg's brow furrowed in frustration as Lois said that last part. "Mom, you've GOT to be kidding me!!" Meg shouted, loudly enough to make all the windows in the house rattle. "Are you actually trying to tell me there might be guys out there who get TURNED ON by the idea of a girl as tall as the Statue of Liberty!?"
"Uh, well, let's face it Meg, lots of people have kinky tendencies," Peter offered delicately. "I mean, look at the Belmont family. All that whipping and leather just makes you wonder...."
"You two are unbelievable!" Meg cried out, her thunderous voice once again making her parents wince. "Mom, you seriously can't expect me to believe there are boys out there that sick and twisted! What kind of boy would be demented enough to fantasize about a girl big enough to dominate him completely and play with him like he was a doll!? What kind of guy wants to commit to someone who's potentially a one-woman harbinger of destruction!? Who!? Tell me, WHO!?"
"Oh, never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine a day like this would come," came a dreamy voice from behind Meg, making her eyes widen. Even though Meg could barely hear it, she recognized it instantly. Meg turned around and looked down to see Neil Goldman, the nerdy boy who had been obessively enamored with her for years, standing beside her feet, looking up at her with a hypnotized look. "I couldn't believe it when I read the paper, but you've truly transformed into the goddess I've always imagined you as."
Meg just stared down at Neil with a disgusted look on her face. "Oh, WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED!?" she finally exclaimed. For as long as she could remember, Neil had always been drooling over her...and just her luck, she was now the living embodiment of his darkest jerk-off fantasies. She glared down at him again, and suddenly got the urge to bring her foot down on him and rid herself of this pest forever; her foot actually twitched a little as she thought about it.
The gesture was not lost on Neil. "Meg, if I were to meet my end underneath your feet...I couldn't imagine a better way to go." Meg felt so revolted she nearly gagged. How demented did a guy have to be to fantasize about Godzilla-sized girls stomping on him!?
"I don't believe it," said Lois, walking up to Neil. "I was just joking about that, but you mean to tell me there're boys out there who're into this sort of thing?"
"You'd be surprised how many. Ever since the Internet came along, thousands of people found out they had a common interest and set up entire websites around it," said Neil. "Everything from artwork, collages, stories, homemade film...."
"Whoa whoa, wait a minute? Did you say "'homemade film?'" Peter asked suddenly.
"Oh absolutely. Lots of people make plenty of money selling DVDs with giantess-related material," replied Neil.
Peter scratched his chin, apparently lost in thought. Lois had no idea what he could possibly be pondering, but then it suddenly hit her. "Peter, you can't possibly be thinking of using your new digital camcorder and making Meg star in fetish videos!" Lois snapped angrily.
"Actually, I was busy trying to picture Wonder Woman and Supergirl wrestling in an inflatable pool full of pink Jell-O, but hey, that idea's a winner too," said Peter quickly.
The next day, all was relatively quiet in the waters surrounding Quahog's docks. However, unseen by anyone working at the docks was the arrival of something that could easily shatter that fragile peace. Swimming quickly toward the docks was an enormous great white shark, and one would be correct in assuming that this great white was the infamous Jaws. And as Family Guy fans know, Jaws has a voice not unlike Bruce the gay hypnotherapist.
"Hmmm, I think I smell some blood over by the east," said Jaws. "Lots of it, too. Must be a mighty big shipwreck...or maybe that Rob Zombie fella's filmin' yet another Poseidon remake. Either way, this oughta be fun. Hang on fellas, ol' Jaws is comin' to join the party."
With that, Jaws took off like a torpedo, swimming at top speed toward the east. "Hmmm, I think I can smell plenty of protein and vitamins in that blood too. Oh, but I ate a whole seal earlier this morning. Oh, but that's OK, I've been doin' plenty of swimming. Getting lots of exercise, and...."
But Jaws had been so lost in thought, talking to himself, that he wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings...namely, two colossal flesh-colored pillars very close by. As he passed them, a pair of gigantic hands plunged into the water with lightning-quick speed and grabbed hold of the great white. Jaws flailed about helplessly in those huge hands as he was effortlessly lifted up out of the water, and he was brought up to Meg's billboard-sized face.
Meg stood just off the shore, waist-high in the water, wearing her red two-piece swimsuit, holding the panicking shark firmly in both hands. She stared at the shark intently, her face stoic and unreadable. This was supposed to be one of the deadlest predators in the sea, but Meg was over four times as tall as Jaws was long, and had caught him with ridiculous ease. She stared at him a little longer, then reared her head back slightly, and....
"AHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!! AUUGGHH!!" came the hysterical screams of the great white as tombstone-sized teeth dug deep into his belly, spewing blood all over Meg's face. With manners that would make Big Boss's survival tactics look downright gentlemanly, Meg ravenously tore into Jaws's writhing body, eating him alive and tearing off every single bit of edible flesh. It took her a few minutes, but Meg eventually devoured Jaws entirely, leaving nothing but a bloody skeleton.
With a sigh, Meg threw Jaws's skeleton away, forcing some people on the beach to scatter. She wiped the blood off her face and looked down. Idly floating by her waist washer father's fishing boat. Peter stood on deck beside Chris, who was holding the camcorder and filming the whole spectacle. "That's good, Meg. But let's bag another one. And this time, let's show more passion, more carnal delight...."
"Ugh, Dad, why!?" Meg implored. "Isn't one enough? And besides, it's not like it's gonna be easy keeping that down." Just then, Meg felt a sudden surge of nausea and had to cover her mouth. Eating an entire shark, alive and raw, was even more revolting than she had imagined.
"C'mon Meg, you heard what Neil said. Guys like him love it when a girl lets primal instinct take over. They'll go nuts over stuff like this," Peter replied.
"Dad, come on, this is humiliating!" cried Meg. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this! Whatever possessed you to make your daughter star in what basically amounts to softcore fetish porn!?"
"Meg, you said you were worried about money, right?" Peter retorted. "If you know another way we can make a mint overnight, I'm all ears. Besides, at least there's free seafood in it for you."
Meg let out another exasperated sigh. I hate to admit it, but Dad's right...for once, she thought defeatedly. Ugh, it's a good thing I was wearing my swimsuit under my clothes before this happened. At least I won't get my only set of clothes ruined. Meg carefully plucked a harpoon off the deck, then made a small cut in the palm of her hand. She plunged her hand back in the water, fighting back tears as she felt the sting of the salty water. Oh come on Meg, it's not like this is the first time. I wonder if Mom thought I was joking when I said I cut myself....
Meg pulled her hand back out of the water, watching intently more more sharks to come and investigate. Meanwhile, Brian stood on deck sipping a martini, watching everything with an air of detached amusement. While waiting for Meg to spot and catch another shark, he heard Stewie mumbling to himself. Brian turned to see Stewie standing beside him, looking as if he was going to be violently sick. "What the hell's your problem?" Brian asked.
"Ugh, staring at Meg's fat carcass...I can't take anymore," Stewie said weakly.
"Oh come on, Meg is not THAT fat," said Brian tersely.
"Are you seroius!? Just LOOK at that spare tire around her! And now, it's like viewing everything close-up, the sickening effect of every little jiggle magnified and...ACK! Just thinking about it turns my brain inside-out!!" cried Stewie.
"Well, you won't have to worry for a while. Meg just dove underwater," Brian lied.
"Oh thank God. At least now I...." Stewie began, but the instant he looked up and got another look at Meg's midsection, he promptly leaned over the railing and vomited profusely. Brian simply smirked and took another sip of his martini.
After failing to catch any more sharks, Meg decided they should get on with the next part of the film. And so, Meg slowly made her way to the shore, prompting dozens of people on the beach to scatter in a panic. Oh, go ahead and run, Meg thought dryly as she stepped onto the beach. It's not like any of you cared about me before. Still, the sight of everyone fleeing from her in terror cut deep, despite how hard she tried to steel herself against it.
Peter's fishing boat had now come as close to the shore as possible. "Let's just get this over with," Meg called out to him.
For the next few minutes, Chris filmed Meg as she tried to make the most alluring, provocative poses she could on the beach. "Uh, Peter, are you really sure this video will take off?" asked Brian delicately as Meg continued to pose. "Don't get me wrong, Meg's far from ugly, but boys have never exactly considered her a prime catch."
"Brian, trust me, for our target audience, she's pretty much the ONLY fish in the sea," Peter said confidently.
It wasn't long after that before they were finally done with their filming session at the beach. A couple hours later, they gathered again at a junkyard...the very same junkyard where Meg had laid the smackdown on Ernie and Carolina's candy asses. Amazingly, the fact that their bodies were nowhere to be seen didn't seem to bother anyone in the very least.
"Dad, please explain to me what I'm supposed to be doing here again," Meg demanded, glaring down at the others with her hands on her hips. She was still wearing her swimsuit, and while waiting to dry off so she could put her clothes back on, Peter suggested they film her doing something else.
"Meg, we went through this already. Guys like Neil just love it the idea of a big girl going on a rampage, and most really love seeing stuff get crushed underfoot. All you gotta do is mash a few junked cars flat, and then we're done here," said Peter matter-of-factly.
Meg slapped herself on her forehead. "This has got to be the single most humiliating thing I've ever had to do," she mumbled to herself. She looked down at all the toy-sized cars around her, almost beckoning to be squashed underfoot. I just don't get it...not only are there guys out there who dream of girls as big as me, but get off on the idea of giant girls wreaking havoc and crushing things!? I can't believe even NEIL is that messed up!! she thought with disgust. She had always wanted boys to notice her, but being drooled over because she embodied their deepest, darkest fantasy was NOT what she had in mind!
After wrestling with her doubts a while longer, Meg once again decided it was best to just get it over with. She raised one foot high in the air, then brought it down on the first car as forcefully as she could. The headlights and front fender went flying off, and the rest of the car was almost completely flattened just from stomping on it once. Remembering what was expected of her, Meg stomped on the car a couple more times, then ground it into the dirt for good measure. The rest of the family was standing several dozen feet away, far enough to avoid getting knocked off their feet from the shockwaves. Chris had the camera on a tripod, and was able to film everything perfectly.
Satisfied that the first car was thoroughly demolished, Meg raised her foot again, ready to bring it down on the next car...a yellow, beat-up looking Volkswagon bug. But right before she could mash it, it suddenly transformed into Bumblebee. "Damnit lady, can't an Autobot get a little peace and quiet anymore!?" he said acerbically before transforming again and driving off.
Meg and the others stared as Bumblebee sped off. "What, ANOTHER Transformer!?" Meg said suddenly. "I think the author's running out of ideas already."
"Uh, Meg, you do realize that just because you're a potentially unstoppable engine of destruction, it doesn't mean you have to bring the fourth wall crashing down," Brian said dryly.
After about another hour at the junkyard, Meg was finally dry and put her clothes back on. Peter finally decided to wrap things up for the day. And so, he drove on home, with Meg cautiously following behind him. Fortunately, traffic wasn't that bad, but Meg took no chances, carefully making every step to avoid stepping on any cars. And if that weren't enough, having to carefully step over power lines and overpasses every few seconds was a nerve-racking nuisance as well. Things were bad enough already; Meg couldn't afford any mistakes and rack up any damage bills.
Eventually, though, they made it to the outskirts of Quahog. In a few more minutes, they'd finally be home. Finally, Meg thought. After all that stuff today, I just want to crawl into my tent and sleep....
As Meg slowly made her way through the city streets, however, she saw a bright flash out of the corner of her eye. She turned to face it, and gasped when she saw an apartment building was ablaze. Meg looked ahead again, watching her family speed off, oblivious to what was going on. She then looked back over to the apartment building that was on fire. She didn't know why she did it, what she hoped to accomplish, but she turned and made her way toward the building.
Meg crossed the few city blocks leading to the apartment building in less than a minute. When she finally made it, she shocked to find that, though crowds had gathered all around the building, no fire trucks were there at all. What the hell!? Meg thought fearfully as she looked around. It looks like this fire's been raging for a while, so where the hell are....
Then she finally spotted blinking lights a few blocks away, but they weren't moving at all. Growing more fearful by the second, Meg lumbered over to where the fire trucks had inexplicably stopped. It turned out there was a ridiculously long pile-up of wrecked cars, all apparently caused by the greased-up deaf guy running out aimlessly in the intersection.
Meg shook her head, making a mental note to teach the greased-up deaf guy a lesson later. Ignoring the shocked cries of the people, she reached over the intersection and grabbed a fire truck in each hand. She had no trouble lifting the fire trucks right of the road. Then, with the fire trucks safely tucked underneath her arms, Meg ran back to the burning building. Meg set the trucks down next to the fire hydrants. After a few seconds, the firefighters finally got out, staring up at Meg with confused looks. "Never mind about me! GET TO WORK!!" she screamed vehemently, pointing at the burning building. Fortunately, the firefighters got the hint and got to work setting up their gear. Soon enough, the firefighters were busy dousing the smoldering flames and evacuating those still trapped inside.
Meg stood back and silently watched everything, praying that she had gotten the firefighters here in time. At least I was finally able to put my size to good use, she thought as she looked on with a fearful heart, watching badly-burned people being evacuated out of the apartment building and taken off of balconies that looked ready to collapse. As she watched, she noticed one balcony that WAS about to collapse, and two little boys were standing on it, screaming hysterically. And no firefighters on a ladder were there to get them. Meg instinctively leaned over the crowd with her hand outstretched just as the boys began to fall. They landed safely in the palm of Meg's hand, and she gently lowered them down to the street. The two of them jumped off once they were low enough, staring up at the colossal girl with confused looks.
Satisfied that they were safe, Meg stood back up and looked back at the blazing apartment building. Several minutes had passed, but it didn't look like the firefighters had made much headway in putting out the fire. Even worse, she could still hear the terrified cries of people still trapped inside over the roar of the flames. Meg decided she couldn't just stand there and watch any longer. But what could I possibly do!? she thought to herself as she looked down around the burning building. It was then that she spotted an unused fire hydrant.
Meg walked over to the fire hydrant and knelt down. They better not stick me with the repair bill for this, she thought. With a flick of her finger, Meg knocked the fire hydrant right off the sidewalk. The results were predictable. A huge geyser of water rocketed upward from where Meg had flicked the fire hydrant away. Meg stuck her head right over the water and sucked in as much as her mouth could hold, then stood back up and spat all the water through a window, instantly dousing the flames inside. Meg knelt back down to fill her mouth with water again, then repeated the process and spewed it through another window. Even over the noise of the geysering water and raging flames, Meg could still hear the gasps and cries of all the surprised people below, but Meg paid them no attention, focusing solely on putting out as much of the fire as she could. Hopefully, this'll let the firefighters get everyone out, Meg thought.
After a while, it seemed Meg had succeeded. It looked as if over half the fires had gone out, and firefighters were evacuating people out of the building in droves. Meg took a step back, overwhelmed with relief. Finally, she had been able to do something good....
"MEG!!" came a booming voice from below. Meg looked down to see Peter and the others, all standing by her feet. Chris was using the camcorder again, and Peter was holding a megaphone. "Meg, I don't believe it...you're a hero!" he yelled. Meg just smiled to herself. She didn't do what she did just to make herself look good, but it felt gratifying to have saved so many lives.
"Yeah, you're like a gigantic superhero!" said Chris, leaning over to speak into the megaphone. "Only you don't have to wear tights, since no one wants to see that anyway."
Meg's face immediately fell. "Thanks a lot Chris."
Brian then grabbed the megaphone from Peter. "Uhh, Meg, just to be safe...maybe you shouldn't be standing away from the building like that."
Meg raised an eyebrow. "Huh? Why not?"
Meg got her answer when she had another bout of uncontrollable, explosive flatulence. Her fart reignited the fires in the apartment building, and within seconds it collapsed entirely. If that was all that happened, it wouldn't have been so bad, since everyone had finally been evacuated. However, balls of flame had shot out all around, and fires started in some of the surrounding buildings.
"That's why," said Brian flatly.
Meg stared in disbelief at the damage she had unintentionally brought about after trying so hard to help everyone. So much for being a hero, Meg thought dejectedly as she bent over to suck up more water.