“Give her this.” Erica handed the folded paper to Lily. “Remind her how much I love her. Remind her how much we all love her.”

“Ok.” Lily took the slip of paper.

“You’re sure you can do this?” Erica asked.

“I can do it.” Lily stuffed the paper into her jeans pocket.

“I love you, honey.” Erica planted a kiss on Lily’s forehead. “If anything happens...if you need anything — ”

“We’ll be ok,” Lily said.

Ok.” Erica took a shuddering breath, then marched toward Haley’s room. Before she could allow her anxiety to build, she swung open the door. “Bedtime you two. Remy, you’ll be sleeping in Lily’s room tonight. We’ve already got your house set up.”

Her children looked up from their game of Monopoly. Haley was on her stomach, head perched on her hands. Remy stood on Park Place, likely playing the roll of her own token as she usually did.

“Awww,” Haley said. “Can’t we finish? I’m winning.”

“I’ve got more hotels than you,” Remy said.

“Yeh but I’ve got more houses and more money.” Haley stuck out her tongue.

“It’ll still be there in the morning.” Erica strode toward the board and knelt, extending her hand to Remy. “Plus, we’ve got a big day tomorrow. I need to pick up Remy’s bot, she needs to learn how to use it’s new functions, and you’ve got school.”

Haley rolled her eyes, then brightened. “Can Remy come to school with me?”

“Not tomorrow,” Erica said. “Maybe on Tuesday if she feels like it.”

“Really?!” Haley turned to Remy. “Will you come? Pleeease?”

Remy shot Erica a look, sighed, then said, “Maybe. But only if there’s a no touching rule. I don’t want to be passed around like last time.”

“Yay!” Haley jumped up and did a little dance.

“And only if you get ready for bed now and go to sleep,” Mom said. “I don’t want to find you still awake at ten, or sneaking off to steal your sister from her bed in the middle of the night.” Tonight especially, Erica thought. Haley adored her oldest sister but Remy would need some space for a day or two.

“Ok.” Haley dashed off, yelling as she ran. “I’m going to floss too!”

Erica looked at Remy who only shrugged, then stretched. “What time is it? I’m really not that tired.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Erica said. “You can stay up with Lily for as long as you want. But do try and get some rest.”

Erica willed her hand to remain still as Remy boarded. It wasn’t easy. It would likely be the last time Remy would perform the action of her own accord. After tonight, her eldest daughter would hate her, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be forgiven.

“I won’t stay up late,” Remy said. “Lily and I never have much to talk about. I mean I love her, she’s my sister, but we’re pretty different.”

Erica rose to her feet and blinked back the wetness. She held Remy lower than usual to avoid eye contact. Although she wanted to respond, she dare not speak because her voice would crack.

The walk to Lily’s room, even though it was only a few steps, seemed like an eternity. Erica replayed the delivery of her firstborn in her mind, how her life had changed the moment she held her baby, how she knew at that moment, she’d do anything to protect her child, to make sure Remy had the happiest life possible.

She’d promised the same during the births of all her children, but Remy had been her first. Her first success and her first failure. Letting her shrink…

It had been her fault they’d taken a detour that day, her fault they’d drawn too close to an uncharted portal. Watching her daughter shrink, little by little, had nearly caused Erica to lose her mind. It was like watching her baby endure a slow, disabling disease without a cure. She’d almost lost Remy in those early days, but she wasn’t about to let it happen again. She’d have to break part of her promise — Remy’s happiness — in order to uphold the more important part of that same promise — her safety.

“Mom? Are you ok?” Remy asked. “Your hand’s shaking.”

Erica wiped the tears from her eyes, steadied her hand, and lifted Remy to her face. “Just tired, sweetie. Give me a kiss.”

Erica kissed the side of her daughter’s face, lingering there a bit longer than usual. After she withdrew, she said, “I love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.” Remy wiped the side of her face and looked up. “Sure you’re ok? You look pale.”

Erica nodded, then knocked on Lily’s door. As soon as it opened, Erica handed Remy off to her middle daughter, then retreated downstairs, barely managing to say, “Good night.”

She’d just made the biggest mistake of her life, and she’d done it knowingly. It made her a bad mom, it made her heart ache, and it almost made her wish she’d never had children. However, it was done. There would be no turning back. She’d go on living, and she’d protect them until the day she died, with nothing but her own weakness to blame.

After making it to the kitchen, she reached into the back of the spice cupboard and retrieved an old pack of Camels. She lit one with an equally old lighter hidden inside the pack.

It had been a long time since she’d smoked, and the smoke was hot on her tongue.

***

Remy swung her legs as they dangled over the side of Lily’s algebra book, feeling both utterly bored and surprisingly energetic. With Haley, her energy could be drained in a matter of minutes. Just dealing with the girl’s incessant affection could wear her out. With Lily, it was the exact opposite. Conversation wasn’t an option, and Lily would answer questions by using as few words as possible, as if she had a daily limit which couldn’t be exceeded.

Contrary to popular opinion, Lily wasn’t a goth. She wore black clothes, black hair, and dark nail polish, but there the similarities ended. She didn’t wear spiked jewelry, she rarely used makeup, and she never listened to music of any kind. She read a lot, but it was mostly science fiction, not vampires and werewolves.

She had an unusual face. From the front it was rectangular, almost masculine, with a somewhat blocky nose and thin lips. From profile however, it was quite feminine. Her nose tapered to a point and her rounded chin complemented her mouth which never betrayed her emotions. On rare occasions she’d smile, but you’d have to be looking for it. The corners of her mouth would turn down slightly instead of up, her levity only apparent by examining subtle changes around her eyes.

Those eyes. They were brown, and not even a pretty shade of brown. They were average. But the area between her eyebrows, the way it furrowed slightly when she contemplated, it made Remy jealous. The girl was highly intelligent, not even ‘smart for her age’, but off-the-charts smart. She hid it well. She avoided the advanced classes in school and made B’s, but they were consistent B’s. She literally never made A’s or C’s or anything else. Every assignment was a B and only rarely with a plus or minus appended.

Remy used to question her about it, but she’d long since given up. Lily simply didn’t answer some questions. But occasionally, her mask of mediocrity would fumble and she’d answer something random in a brilliant way. It’s what made Remy jealous. When Lily’s brow indented every so slightly, Remy could almost feel her brain processing faster than a computer, an envious ability if ever there were one.

But, she didn’t envy the sadness. There was always a profound sadness in that furrow.

“So.” Remy noted how the furrow disappeared as soon as she spoke. “Whatcha thinkin?”

Lily didn’t look up from her sketch, but her fingers stopped moving. She didn’t look at Remy when she asked, “Would you ever commit suicide?”

“Whoa.” Remy blinked several times. The question itself had surprised her, but not because of its content. Lily simply didn’t ask questions. “I — don’t think so. Why?”

“What if you could never go home?”

Wow. Another question. However, this time Lily looked directly at her, and the look was unsettling. Remy had anticipated the conversation would veer toward Lily’s own suicidal thoughts...but this seemed more about herself. “What do you mean?”

“What if all the portals disappeared?” Lily asked.

Remy’s heart paused in her chest. She’d considered the possibility. Everyone on Earth Beta had considered the possibility. But no one liked to think about it, much less discuss it. If all the portals vanished and she could never see her family again...

“If you’re trying to make me cry...” Remy didn’t continue the sentence. It was obvious by Lily’s air of sorrow she wasn’t trying to be mean. But what was she getting at?

“I’d miss you guys,” Remy said. “Terribly. Every day. But no...I wouldn’t kill myself.”

“What if you were here when the last portal disappeared?” Lily didn’t blink.

The words pierced into Remy like a cold knife into her stomach. They reminded her of something…

She’d had a nightmare recently, one which had involved Lily. In it, Lily turned to look at her. Lily’s face was unreadable as always, but when she’d opened her mouth to speak, the words which came out felt the same as they did now. For no apparent reason, she’d said, “I’m going to kill you.”

Remy had jolted awake and the fatal blow had never arrived, but that only made it more terrifying. It was the worst nightmare Remy had ever experienced because it seemed so entirely plausible. Logically, she knew Lily would never harm her, but there was so much of Lily she didn’t know. People fear what they don’t know. They fear what they don’t understand.

“Stop it,” Remy said. “You’re scaring me.”

“Would you commit suicide?” Lily asked.

“I said, stop it!” Remy jumped to her feet and crossed her arms. “Why can’t we ever have a normal conversation? Why can’t we talk like sisters. It doesn’t have to be about boys or girls or makeup. It could be about anything.”

Remy breathed out in frustration. She obviously wasn’t getting through to the girl, but at least frustration was better than fear.

“Ok, you want to talk about this? Fine.” Remy took several steps toward Lily and stopped, standing right in the middle of her sketch. From Remy’s perspective it appeared to be some anime character (Lily did watch anime), but she couldn’t be sure. Her perspective of being right on top of the huge sheet of paper didn’t help.

“First, let me ask you a question.” Remy said. “How would you feel if you suddenly became trapped in a world twenty times your size? How would you feel if a random insect could kill you, if you couldn’t do anything for yourself, if your skills were popping pimples and cleaning underneath the nails of fingers bigger than yourself? Imagine that, and imagine living that way for the rest of your life.”

Lily looked down for several seconds. No furrow this time. Then she returned a haunting gaze to Remy.

“Ok,” Remy said. “Now let me ask you the same question. What would you do in that situation. Would you commit suicide?”

This time the brow furrow did appear, and for several seconds, Lily remained quiet. Then she spoke. “I don’t know.”

“Ok then.” In spite of the unpleasantness of the conversation, Remy experienced a certain amount of satisfaction at having stumped her sister. “You have your answer.”

Lily didn’t speak but her hand started moving again, shifting the massive pencil in quick strokes along the corner of the page. Remy eyed the rapid movements as she continued to speak to her gigantic sister. “I don’t know if I would commit suicide. I doubt it. I’d probably keep living because I wouldn't want to hurt you guys. But I’d probably die on the inside. I wouldn’t be the same person as I am today.”

A drop of water landed on the paper and immediately got sucked up, spreading out, smearing the pencil markings. Remy looked up to see a glistening streak on Lily’s face. Lily was crying, but...Lily never cried...

Lily never cried.

***

“How is she?” Erica asked, sitting up straight on the couch as her middle daughter descended the stairs.

“Asleep.” Lily rubbed her eyes and adjusted the backpack on her shoulders.

“You look exhausted.” Erica rose and placed a hand on her daughter’s forehead. “Are you sure you don’t want to skip? You haven’t taken a sick day all year.”

“I’ll be ok,” Lily said. “Let me see your phone.”

Erica nodded, then handed her phone to her daughter. Lily tapped and swiped a few times, then returned the phone. The screen now displayed a clear image of Remy sleeping in her glass house. Erica assumed it was a still picture until Remy shifted in her bed.

“Oh, wow.” Erica breathed. “I feel like I’m spying on her. Does she know? Will she find out?”

“Unlikely,” Lily said. “We have root access to her bot. It’s set to monitor her vitals and alert us if anything happens. It’s also capable of handling most situations on it’s own.”

“Good...I guess.” Erica still felt she was somehow betraying her daughters trust even further than she already had. “What if she boards it?”

“It won’t matter,” Lily said. “Actually, she’ll be even safer. The bot will be able to more easily prevent self-harm, and enforce the eating and exercise schedule.”

Eating schedule?” Erica asked. “Why — “

“She threatened to starve herself.” Lily said.

“Oh my God.” Erica couldn’t peel her eyes away sleeping form of her littlest. “She wouldn’t, would she?”

“She can’t.” Lily said. “I activated the bot’s preventative measures. Even if she doesn’t merge, it should be able to keep her fed.”

“What? How?”

“It’s probably better you didn’t know,” Lily said.

Erica pinched the screen to zoom in on Remy. “You’re sure it won’t hurt her if it tries to...force feed her?”

“It won’t,” Lily said. “If you’d like, I can set it to alert us before engaging in the process. One of us would have to authorize it.”

“Yes. Do that. Will I be able to watch?”

“Part of the process, yes,” Lily said. “But again, it’s unlikely to be necessary.”

“Good.” Erica hated the thought of forcing her daughter to eat, but if it came down to it, she would. Thank goodness she had the bot. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to do any of this without it’s help.

It might just be the key to saving her daughter’s life.