I stood on the table watching Fulda stomp back and forth, her stockinged feet making everything in her apartment rattle.  She was gathering the last few things for her outfit, though I did not see the point of her getting dressed up so much.  To fill the time I combed my hair to the side with my fingers and cracked my knuckles, knowing that if I hurried her she would just get frustrated.  Fulda had been gracious enough to provide me with a suit in my size for the night, though I doubted it was not shoplifting simply because she had made it tiny before walking out with it.

After several minutes of running around Fulda stopped in front of me, the hem of her black evening gown not quite reaching the table.  She gazed down from the top of her towering form, spotting me just where she had left me, and said, “I still can’t believe Jackie was ready on such short notice, it’s a good thing I know the manager at this place and could pull some strings to get you two in.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked.  “It’s a big world out there, and every time I meet someone new it gets worse.”

“Aw, is someone getting itty-bitty cold feet?” Fulda teased.  “Trust me, you have nothing to be afraid of.  Jackie’s one of my oldest friends!  Besides, if something goes wrong or she tries to hurt you I’ll just be a couple tables over keeping an eye on you.  You’ll be fine, and I’m sure you and Jackie will hit it off.”

“Well, if you’re sure…” I replied, tugging at my jacket.  There was no point arguing with her about it now anyway, I was going and that was the end of it.  “I’m ready when you are, then.” 

“Glad to hear it.”  She reached down and pinched me between two long, tanned fingers, plucking me off the flat surface of the table.  Slowly she lifted me until I was level with her chest, then moved me over her open clutch.  Her fingers released and I was sent plunging into the small bag, landing softly on the lining between the column of her lipstick tube and the great disc of her compact.  I found my way to a corner so I would be less likely to be crushed by the bag’s contents while she walked around.

Fulda left it open, looking at me tenderly with her normally cold eyes.  “Sorry about this little guy,” she began, “but I’m trying to be inconspicuous.  I’ll try to give you a comfortable ride, okay?”  She began to close it, but just before the light was blocked she stopped.  “And remember to be yourself!  She’s a cool lady and you’re a cool guy, there’s no need to put on airs just because she’s a couple thousand times your size.”  Her fingers closed the clutch with a loud snap and I was surrounded by darkness while the smooth, steady rhythm of Fulda’s gait swept me back and forth inside her clutch.

I heard muffled voices from outside and the swaying resumed, and I figured we must be getting close.  After a few more swaying steps she came to a sudden stop, throwing me forward against the cold lipstick tube.  A loud click filled the small space, and I looked up to see Fulda’s blue eyes peering down at me.  The room around her was dimly lit, casting long shadows over her face, but her pearly white teeth still shined behind her dark lipstick.

“Looks like we’re a bit early,” she said, reaching into the bag.  Her fingers gently gripped my chest and pulled me out of the clutch, lifting me up to her face for a moment.  “Just like I expected.  I’ll leave you on the table somewhere she’ll be able to see and let you get ready.  Remember, if you need anything at all, I’ll be nearby and listening.  Just holler and I’ll come see what’s up.”  Fulda lowered me from her face and set me on the plain white tablecloth, then pulled her hand away.  She gave me a small wave before walking away, leaving me alone with the fake candle and empty vase behind me.

I tried to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for what was about to happen.  Fulda seemed to have confidence in her as a friend, but had been evasive about what her sorority did during college, which did not speak well of their treatment for tiny men.  Did she even know about my situation?  It would be unbearably awkward if she walked in expecting to find a relatively normal-sized guy, then looked down to see me.  What if she had agreed to come out because I was tiny, and she wanted another chance to torment one?  There were a million ways this could go wrong and only a couple it could go well.

Fortunately, I did not have too long to imagine disasters.  A tall woman, pale enough to reflect the small amount of light in the restaurant, was being led toward my table by the hostess, eagerly looking over her head to see what she was walking into.  She was dressed predominantly in pink, with straight, chin-length hot pink hair and a sleeveless dress down to her knees.  A black belt was cinched around her waist with a silver buckle, pulling it tight against her thin body, and her long, slender legs were given extra definition by white stockings.  Her long feet were in simple black ballet flats, stepping carefully behind the hostess to avoid running over her heels.

She gripped the back of the chair in front of me and pulled it back, dragging its legs over the carpet, then carefully sat down in it.  With a couple quick jerks forward she pulled herself back beneath the table and looked at her place setting.  While I watched her looming body get situated I felt the pictures did not do her justice.  Her teal eyes brimmed with energy, and the subtle movements of her thin, pink lips while she glanced around nervously made me eager to stand atop them.  Even her long, pointed nose only added to her beauty, pulling together the rest of her features in a neat package.

“Hey Jackie, down here!” I called out giving her a wave.  “I’m Fulda’s friend, she set us up!”  The giantess continued looking around impassively, so I gave it another shot.  “Jackie, look at the table!  I’m your date tonight!”  Her eyes scanned the room, looking everywhere except where I was.

Finally her teal eyes glanced at me, but from her disgusted expression I could tell she was far from pleased to see me.  “Unbelievable,” she said, her voice a quiet rumble.  She moved an arm onto the table, fingers outstretched to swat me, and I pulled myself into a protective stance.  I did not even bother shouting: I would be mush by the time Fulda got over here.  “Fifty dollars a plate here and they can’t even give me a clean table.”  Her hand swept toward me, and I watched it approach with trepidation.  At least she was not going to flatten me just yet.

Jackie’s fingers struck me at full force, flinging me from the table.  My back curved with the contour of her fingers while she followed through, and I flew off when her hand came to an abrupt stop.  I tumbled through the air until I collided with the thigh of a waitress walking past, digging into the linen of her trousers.  She stepped forward while I slid down her leg, and I rolled off her knee like it was a ski slope.  From there I plummeted toward the floor, and I tucked my arms and legs in before hitting the carpet.  Thankfully I was not dashed to bits on impact and rolled forward until a large object stopped me.

The wall I was against bulged outward, and I uncurled myself to lie prone on the floor.  A long, curved black ledge hung over me, stretching in either direction until it curved away.  Above that a towering pillar of white hundreds of feet tall stretched toward the dark sky of the table’s underside, with a sliver of pink near the column’s top.  Serendipity had brought me back beneath Jackie’s chair, and I was going to get her attention now.

I stood up, bracing myself against the outward curve of her shoe, and surveyed the climb up.  Scaling a leg was hardly new to me, and the fine mesh of her stockings should make it easy going.  She would not even be trying to swat me while I ascended her shin, making it even easier.  The first step, getting onto her shoe and walking over her foot, would be the hardest, and I had gotten plenty of practice with that over the years.

Confidently I placed my hands on the upward side of the shoe and jumped, using my hands to help push me onto its side.  I reached forward and grabbed the edge where it opened up for her foot, holding me steady while I pulled myself the rest of the way up.  Slowly I got to my feet, leaning forward to compensate for the uneven ground, and mentally prepared myself.  Just a quick dash over her foot to her ankle and I would be on my way up.

Jackie’s heel kicked up before I could start moving, bowling me over from the sudden steep slope.  I landed hard further down her foot and rolled back onto the carpet beside her foot, then the shoe slammed back to the floor.  With a glance back I saw that her heels had popped out, leaving nothing to keep the shoe aloft.  Slowly she slid her foot out of the shoe then set her feet back down atop them, squishing her shoes with her feet.  It was a bit of a setback, but with her stockings in reach now not much of one.

I stood back up and regarded the enormous feet beside me, ripe to clamber up.  I reached out with both hands and grabbed onto the fine nylon mesh, making sure my hold was firm before trying to pull myself onto it.  Suddenly Jackie lifted her foot and moved it to the side, taking me with it while I clung to the side.  Once I realized what was happening I let go, dropping back to the floor and rolling along the carpet while her foot continued moving over me.

Jackie’s foot stopped while I was still in its shadow and began a rapid descent.  Her enormous foot crashed down on top of me with a thud, pinning me beneath her sole.  She pressed down onto me harder and I gritted my teeth against the increased pressure, unable to even yelp in pain from the lack of air.  While she pressed her foot against me I felt the mesh of her nylons digging into my skin, marking me from the dozens of threads crossing over exposed areas.

Before I was squashed she abruptly raised her foot, freeing me from the sweltering prison beneath her sole.  I looked up at the gleaming white fabric pulled tight around the gargantuan foot, leaving each of her toes and every subtle curve explicitly defined.  My eyes were immediately drawn to it thanks to the shimmering white fabric, though there was not much else to look at anyway.  Its sheer size dominated my vision, and I could not even glance away.

The foot swung back down on top of me, smushing me between it and the carpet before quickly rising back up.  Jackie’s tremendous foot swung down again, making my arms and legs splay out while it made brief contact before retreating again.  It hit me once more, briefly compressing my ribs before letting me go.  About once a second her sole would slap me then pull away before it could do any real damage, but the incessant barrage was quickly becoming unnerving as I realized any of these strikes could easily flatten me.

After a dozen taps her foot came to a rest atop me, holding me firmly beneath it.  It pressed down harder and I clenched my teeth again to help bear it, then she lifted her heel, pressing down with even more force.  With what little air I had left I cried out into the unhearing soft sole on top of me, trying to get through this.  She began twisting her foot slowly back and forth, grinding it against me, and my body was torn between staying totally pinned and moving along with her foot.  The pain put me beyond rational thought, and any instant I expected my body to give out and turn to mush.

Thankfully it stopped, and she picked her foot up once more.  I was firmly stuck to Jackie’s foot and moved with it, my body making a deep indentation on her sole.  Her foot rapidly shot to the side and set down against something, overcoming the force attaching me to her stocking.  My body detached from her sole and landed on a hard leather surface in what appeared to be a cave that smelled strongly of feet.  The titanic foot above pointed downward and began gliding inside, and I realized I was inside her shoe.

“And how are you two doing?” a voice asked when her foot was halfway in.  I recognized it was Fulda, coming to check up on me.  Maybe she would be able to end this farce of a date and get me back to safety.

“Are you kidding?” Jackie asked, sliding the rest of her foot in.  Her heel landed right on top of me, pinning me beneath it.  “He stood me up!”

“No, he’s been here the whole time,” Fulda countered.  “I made sure he was at this table when I got here.”  Jackie raised her foot, giving me a brief rush before slamming it back down.  Her heel ground into me, compressing my body from the impact, but miraculously leaving me unsmashed.

“He must have wandered off then,” Jackie replied, raising her foot more slowly this time, “because I don’t see him here.”

“Jackie he’s in your shoe!” Fulda blurted when her shoe began racing downward again.  I felt the shock of her toes hitting the ground as it ran up her foot to suffuse my bones, and I readied myself for the final explosion of pain before her heel crushed me.  The great impact never came, however, and I was left trapped beneath Jackie’s foot while she tried to process the information.

Slowly her foot went back up as though she was in disbelief over what she had been told, or nearly done.  The shoe deformed slightly while she gripped it before she took it off, pulling it off her heel then carefully sliding her foot out of it.  Cupping it like precious cargo in her hand she lifted it to her lap, where she set it down on her legs.  I looked up the enormous pink tower to find her gazing back at me, her teal eyes wide with shock.

After a beat of surprise she whispered, “Holy shit, I am so sorry, I had no idea!”   She turned to look at Fulda and said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were setting me up with a shrink?  I would’ve been more careful if you told me, you know!”

“The picture I sent was him standing on my boob, wasn’t that enough?” Fulda replied.  “And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like being called a shrink.”

“What does he like to be called, then?” Jackie asked.  “So that I don’t offend him for the rest of our date.”

“He generally prefers something along the lines of little guy, at least compared to the derogatory term we made up for the people we shrank,” Fulda explained.  “If you’re going to continue this date you should probably get him out of your shoe.”

“Oh, right!”  Apparently, the idea I might not enjoy being in her shoe had not occurred to Jackie.  She reached in with two long, slender fingers and plucked me off her insole, then lifted me up to her face.  Her huge teal eyes considered me, then she smiled and said, “Nice to meet you, little guy!  Ready to get started finally?”

“Now hold on!” I shouted.  “Don’t I get a say in this?  She almost killed me, like, twenty times just now, and I reek of her feet!  At the very least I should get some time to recover so we can try this again another day.”

Jackie seemed to consider it, as though she would force me to endure the rest of the night with her.  “Oh, you’re right, I guess,” she finally said.  “And I could use some time to think about whether I really want to date a sh- little guy.”

Fulda held out her hand, palm up.  “We’ll get this all sorted out, don’t worry,” she said, gesturing toward Jackie with her fingers.  “Now hand him over so I can take him home for the night and we can talk about this.”

“Oh… oh yes, of course.”  Jackie slowly moved me into Fulda’s palm, making sure I was standing firmly on her skin before letting go.  She snapped her hand back into her lap and looked at me bashfully.  “Well, I’m sure I would’ve had a great time if I’d known you were here, and I look forward to seeing you again!” she said, then went to put her shoe back on.

Fulda walked away, holding me close enough to touch her rounded nose.  “So?  What’d you think?”

“She’s pretty, and seems interested,” I began, “but she’s really absent-minded.  Let’s say maybe on her, at least until after I meet the others.”

“Agreed,” Fulda said, clamping her fingers around me.  “There are plenty of whales in the sea for a minnow like you.”  She grinned and opened her clutch, holding it beneath me.  Her fingers released, dropping me back between her compact and lipstick, then she closed it again to carry me back home.