Caretaker Chapter 2: Life After

“Why she chose a human I’ll never know.”

“Such sniveling, weak, pathetic things.”

“....But I guess I could never teach her anything.”

“She’s stubborn.”

Thomas opened his eyes then immediately closed them. There was a bright light shining in his face.

“Name.” he heard.

“Wh-”

“Name!” He felt a sharp pain in his side like a cold needle.

“Tho-mas! Thomas Waldo.” he choked. His mouth was dry and his throat felt like he’d just drank a glass of rubbing alcohol.

“Age.”

“Twenty-four.” he said immediately.

“Twenty-four…...that’s wrong. You’re twenty-three and eleven months and eight days.”

“How do you know?”

No response. He blinked to let his eyes adjust to the light. He was laying in a bed, in a white room with one window in the corner. The fluorescent lights buzzed up above with power, He looked out the window. It was dark. To dark to see. What time was it? He couldn’t remember.

“Where am I?”

Still no response. He heard what sounded like tapping. The telling click of someone typing on a keyboard.

“Where am I?” He repeated.

They typing paused. He heard a huff. Then the typing continued.

He turned toward the source. As his eyes adjusted to the harsh light he started to make the details of the room. It seemed clean, sterile, clinical. White tile floors and tan walls. A small desk with a lamp on it. A large easy chair across from him. Someone was sitting in it. A woman. She was typing away on..something? A laptop maybe.

“I’m in a hospital?”

“Obviously.” the blurred figure of a woman said. There was something off about her, but Thomas couldn’t guess with his eyes still fighting him.

“Thomas Waldo, age twenty-three…..Where are you, where are you?....Here! At the bottom. Heh. Human….Unfortunate.”

“Of course I’m human.” Thomas said. “So are you.”

“Don’t insult me, insect!”

Thomas felt another painful sting to his side. Had the woman done that? How? She was across the room. He rubbed his eyes to try and wake them up. They were still lethargic in their duties, almost like his brain was having trouble processing the information his eyes were sending him.

“Why couldn’t Jasper just….” he heard the woman grumble as the typing continued.

“I’m sorry is there something wrong with being human?” Thomas was starting to get a little offended at this woman’s attitude. He didn’t know where he was or why and she wasn’t helping. It would be nice to know what hospital he was in, or what happened to him, He couldn’t remember anything from…

He remembered a pain is his side, feeling his back literally snap, a dog barking, a bus horn!

“I was hit by a bus!” he snapped. “I’m in the hospital because I got hit by a bus! Wow.” he chuckled. “I’m lucky to be alive.”

“I….suppose you’re not wrong.” the woman said. “Technically.”

“So what? You some kind of insurance agent or something? Here to make sure I don’t sue the public transit for running me over.”

“Hah!” The typing continued. “You wish you were that lucky!’

“Look. I’m not gonna sue or anything okay. Can you just call a nurse or doctor please. I think I might have suffered some sort of head trauma. I’m having trouble seeing right now.”

“Oh….that’s just the poison.”

“Oh, okay…..POISON!” Thomas blurted. “What poison?!”

“The one I’ve injected you with TWICE now.” The woman said. “Like this.”

Thomas felt that same sharp needle in his side.

“I’ll give you some credit. You have a pretty solid constitution. You should’ve been out by now. I’ll have to make a note of that.” He heard more typing at an increased pace.

Thomas jumped in his bed. He scrambled to move but his legs weren’t working!”

“Doctor! Police! Anybody!”

“Calm down human, it’s just a little neurotoxin. It won’t kill you.”

“You’re crazy!” Thomas screamed. He used his arms to pull himself out of bed. He landed on his elbows and yelped from the pain. “Somebody help me!” he dragged himself towards the door in the corner of the room.

“Oh here we go!” The woman said. Thomas heard the clacking of heels on tile. He crawled toward the door like his life depended on it. The clacking became louder. He reached toward the edge of the door and pulled it open. If he could get to the hallway then maybe a nurse would see him and get him away from this crazy lady!

“Help!” he shouted out. He saw another figure. A man’s. A nurse or doctor maybe?!

“Having some trouble here?” Thomas heard. He looked up, but his vision was still blurry. There was something different about this man. Did he have…..no.

“Just got a fresh one.” the woman said. “Human.”

“Makes sense.” the man said. The man squatted down and looked Thomas in the eyes. From up close his eyes could make out his featured. Thomas couldn’t believe what he saw. The man had red skin with orange lines cracked throughout his skin like flowing magma. Thomas could even feel the heat coming off them. He also had three pupiless eyes of the same color. He smiled.

“Hello, Human. Welcome to the Outer Layer!” he laughed and so did the woman behind him.

“Oh Vinny, you’re so bad!” she chortled.

She was a spider. That was the way she had described herself so his “limited” human brain could comprehend. He couldn’t argue with her. She’d injected him with the antidote as he saw her clear as day. Vivian the spider. She wasn’t actually a spider as far as he could tell. She had the look and proportions of a woman, but with extra arms, and eyes, and pink skin, Not the pinkish skin, he often got from staying in the sun too long. Pink, like the heart of a valentine. Bright, consistent, and full body. She was also exceptionally tall. Taller than him, or any human he’d ever met. Tall and spindly, thin and lithe. He found that he barely came to her waist, when she’d roughly hoisted him off the floor and dropped him back in bed. Vivian the spider…..she was also his “manager”. Whatever that meant.

“So congratulations on dying.” Vivian spoke never once looking up from her apparatus. She was typing with both pairs of arms on what seemed like a floating piece of glass. “You weren’t doing much with your life anyway.”

“I’m dead.” Thomas sighed. He gripped his forehead hard with his fingers. He clenched his teeth to prevent himself from crying. “Of course.” He imagined not many people would survive being hit by a bus.

“I guess.” Vivian stated. “More like you’re not on Earth and won’t ever be able to go back, but dying is just terminology for your benefit. What’s really happened would blow your limited human consciousness.”

“What really happened then?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss.” Vivian informed in an instant, almost as if she’d been trained to say it. “Also I don’t know. Way above my paygrade. Just know that you’re lucky to have me. I’m doing you a favor! A favor for a friend! And the shit ton of paperwork it comes with!”

“You think we’re friends?” Thomas hoped.

“Gross, No!” Vivian shot down. “Ew, I would literally die! Being friends with a human! Someone else obviously. Someone too good for you!” She finished typing and literally folded the glass in front of her in on itself until it was a small rectangle. She typed on it like it was a phone and held it to her or well...she didn’t have ears so Thomas really had no idea what was there.

“Jasper. Yeah we’re done here. I don’t know why you couldn’t do this yourself! I swear you old hound, I’ll get you back for lying to me! You did not mention a human when I volunteered for this! Yeah sure, he’s processed. Sure...fine….” She hung up and placed her glass device in her breast pocket.

“Come on, worm.” She ordered stepping out the door.

Thomas laid in his bed stunned. Vivian was right. His limited human brain couldn’t comprehend what was going on. Most of which involved not only dying, but being talked down to by a giant, pink, spider-woman in a sharp, purple business suit.

“You coming?!” Vivian shouted from the frame of the door. “I don’t have all day, human!”

They locked eyes.

“Eclipse us all!” Vivian seethed. She raised her palm at him and a slit in the middle opened up. Out flew a rope of white fiber. It wrapped around his neck and torso while still connected to her hand. Spider silk? She tugged and Thomas was yanked from his bed and onto the floor. She started walking and he was towed along behind her.

“I have better things to do then babysit you all day. Keep up or I’m done with you,and you can find her on your own.”

“Find her?” Thomas wasn’t sure what that meant. “Your friend?” There was a name on the tip of his tongue. Something, someone he felt he should remember.

“You don’t remember her?” Vivian paused. She jerked him up by the cuff of his shirt. He was wearing little more than a basic white top and bottoms. Her eyes were hard, she squinted and bared two wicked fangs. “Of course you wouldn’t. Leave it to a human not to remember the most important person in their pathetic life. Useless.” she dropped him to the ground.

“Who?!” Thomas groaned.

“You’re not worthy of even knowing her name. For a heathen such as yourself to even speak it would be sacrilege.”

“Who?” Thomas parroted. He knew it was critical he remember, but who was the most important person in his life. A woman…”Jenna?”

“He didn’t have time to regret his words before he felt the slap. His neck jerked back from the force of it. He felt a warm stream of liquid run down his nose. Blood, but...it was dark blue?

“You would mistake Luna; Daughter of Winrey, the immortal, Moon that eclipses us all….My dearest friend...for a common whore you met at stupid anime convention! This is why humans are so disgusting!”

“What’s happening?!” Thomas whined. “What have you done to me?!”

“Nothing you didn’t ask for, Thomas Waldo.” Vivian sneered. They were at a doorway to another room. Vivian opened it then threw Thomas inside.

“Clean yourself up and find something to wear. You have ten minutes.”

Vivian took out her glass object and pressed at it a few times before closing the door and locking Thomas inside.

“Luna, Luna. LunaLunaLunaLuna. Who(na)?” Thomas repeated the name over and over to himself aloud and in his mind. “Luna. Daughter of Winrey, the immortal something? Who was Winrey?” That didn’t matter. The name Luna stuck out. He was sure he’d heard it before, but where? He didn’t think that mattered either. What did matter was, where he was at, why he was there, and why he was bleeding blue blood! He died?! Thomas wasn’t particularly religious, but he was raised Catholic. Whatever afterlife this was seemed to directly contradict the Christian beliefs he’d been taught. There was nothing in the bible about ten foot tall, pink, spider-women or some hellspawn lava man. Was he in hell? Was this what hell was? He looked around this new room. It was a walk in closet. No fire. No brimstone. If this was the devil’s due then Thomas had suffered worse. Maybe living was the true hell afterall. One thing he was sure of, he was walking, breathing, still alive blue blood aside. He would get home.

It surprised him how quickly he’d made that decision. He would find a way home, he still had unfinished business. He had a mother, a father, a sister, and Jenna...MARKUS! He owed him a punch in the face at the very least. Whoever “Luna: Daughter of whoever.” was, was not important, but even as he thought that he felt an emptiness in his gut. A sudden chill and guilt. That name had meant something to him...maybe. He would at least find out more about her first. Vivian at least had a pretty high opinion of her. If you valued the opinion of a creepy spider thing.

He went to a mirror in the corner of the room. Vivian had clocked him pretty good and he wanted to make sure nothing was broken. Honestly he’d couldn’t remember ever being hit that hard in his life. Her arms were rail thin, yet they held surprising power. He made a note not to cross her again. She clearly disliked him and his species. She might kill him….again. He gave himself a once over. Everything was intact less a few glaringly obvious exceptions. His hair and eyes. They were both bone white. Only the dark of his pupils contrasted the milky iris. Now he was truly pale. Even his permanently pink nose had cooled to an off blue, most likely from his morphed blood. Maybe he was dead. Yet, he was breathing, he could feel his heartbeat, slow but strong. Another of a what was a growing pile of questions, but one he could ignore. He at least still passed for human. If he got back to his world a bottle of hair dye would solve this problem.

“What is happening?” He said to himself.

“Hurry up in there!” he heard Vivian command. It made him jump. He scurried around the closet to find something he could wear. He settled on a new shirt that was red with a strange symbol on it and a blue hooded poncho with golden trim. It had an image of the moon on its back. He also found a pair of matching sneakers. Actual sneakers and just his size! What were the odds of that? He looked at himself again. He felt like an anime character. He’d prefer something more contemporary, but everything else was too big and even more fantastical. Metal gauntlets, brass bikinis, cloaks, and robes. Where had Vivian gotten her dress suit from? Then he realized Vivian in fact had an extra set of arms and two “stingers?” on her back and understood even that outfit was more unusual then he’d be accustomed to.

Vivian barged in a moment later and gave him her own up and down.

“Well at least you know her colors.” She squinted at him and pinched his back. “And you chose her heraldry. Painting a target on your back. Bold.”

“What are you talking about?”  

“It’s passable.” VIvian said. “Not that it will matter much. You’ll probably die before you make it out the front gate. For reals this time.”  She pressed her top set of hands together and more of that silk came out. She started spinning it in her lower hands into a shape. Then she hunched down and started biting at it with two short talons on either side of her mouth. She cursed to herself a few times as a bag started to take form. When she was finished she threw it at him.

“Not my best work but it will do.”

“What is this for?”

“Holding things!” Vivian snapped. “Wake up, human!”

She marched out the room clearly expecting him to follow. He complied not wanting to be on the receiving end of another of her slaps.

“Where are we going?”  Thomas tried.

No response. He followed obediently as Vivian led him down hall after hall. It was hard to keep up with her strides. It seemed like her legs were eighty percent of her body. As they travelled it became clear they weren’t in a hospital but some kind of office maybe. They passed rooms and cubicles with all sorts of otherworldly entities with vaguely human proportions. Vivian bumped into a woman the same size he was and they chatted for a bit. It was innocuous cooler talk you’d hear in any average workplace except the woman had fur and deer antlers.

“This Thomas Waldo?” she asked finally looking at him. Her stare brought a blush to Thoma’s face. Deer girl was cute.

“Unfortunately.”

“Haven’t seen a human in a while. Think he’ll find Luna?”

“Hah!” Vivian cackled. “No! He doesn’t even remember her! Complete waste of time. Luna was a lot of things and sadly a naive romantic was one of them! I hope he dies fast. That way we can start this thing for real.”

“I don’t think a manager should say that about their charges, Viv.”

“Shit, you right!” Vivian cheesed. “Too bad I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned this is just a intermission. A quick show before we start the real work in another decade.”

“Viv! Luna wanted this. She wanted Thomas Waldo!’

“Bleh!’ Vivian gagged. “She also wanted a rainbow unicorn! She wasn’t all there, Buns”

“Well you should at least try.” Buns insisted. “Jasper will have your abdomen if you half ass this.”

“Yeah yeah.” Vivian griped. She looked down at Thomas. “Maybe don’t die huh, It’d be nice not to have to do this again.”

“I have no idea what your talking about.” Thomas grimaced. “I don’t know who this “Luna” is or how I’m supposed to find her or whatever but maybe you can start telling me some things instead of being a vague asshole!’

Buns snickered at the human’s attitude.

“Yeah, fine.” Vivian relented. “Don’t have to get all snippy!”

“So what do you want to know?” Vivian asked as they walked the isles of the armory. Whatever office they were in apparently had an armory. Vivian was busy grabbing different items off the shelves and tossing them into Thomas’ silk bag.

“Who is Luna?”

“Finish it!” Vivian said.

“Huh?”

“For a no brain monkey like you to address her as “Luna” is blasphemy! At least have the courtesy to use her full title or don’t say her name at all!”

“Who is Luna: Daughter of Winnie, the immoral, who has the moon that enshadows everyone?!”

“Wow…..You butchered that entire sentence didn’t you?”

“What?!”

“Winrey, is the goddess of war. The terror of the five realms of man and at least a thousand other realms. Her mere name causes the hardest of orcs and largest of ogres to piss their pants like newborns. She’s not a yellow, diabetic, fucking bear who loves honey!”

“How do you know who Winnie the Pooh is?”

“Because I’m not a fucking idiot like you!”

“Sorry!”

“And that was just one of like five different mistakes you made. I swear it’s like you’re trying to invite a curse on us!”

“Sorry!”

“Say it again!”

“Luna: Daughter of “Winrey”, the imm-

“Immortal.”

“Immortal, the moon that enrapt-”

“Eclipses!”

“Eclipses!...us all.”

“Again from the top, meat!”

“Luna….Daughter of Winrey, the immortal, Moon that Eclipses us all!” Thomas let out a breath. “Who is she?!”

“I’d say you know now, meat boy!” Vivian shot.

“Ah!”

“She’s a goddess duh!” Vivian said. “Try to pay attention human! This is basic stuff.”

“Earth doesn’t have goddesses, or gods even, or giant spider bitches!”

“That you know of!” Vivian spat. She dropped a glass bottle full of red liquid into the pouch. “She’s dead……..Luna is.” Vivian got quite for a moment and seemed to stare off at nothing.

“Oh!.....I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. The day I need the pity of a human is the day I squash myself!” She snapped back to reality. “Besides, gods don’t actually “die” like a squishy mortal meat boy who got offed by a drunk bus driver. They’re immortal. She’s sought out the cycle of rebirth. Which is where you come in. Out of an infinite number of possible candidates she chose you to find her. So as you can imagine she’s pretty fucked.”

“Why me. I’m just a loser from Oakland.”

“For once we agree on something.” Vivian shrugged. “Who knows. She was pretty high for like the last century she was alive. Had a lot of radical ideas. Worst of which was trusting her life to a disgusting Earth born!”

“So then if this is all on me. What do I even need you for?” Viv popped him in the head for that one.

“Be grateful, bitch! You are fortunate enough to have the service of Vivian Brighteyes: 2,343rd Daughter of Maxine the Spider Queen, and the best damn junior manager at Holse and Ranthor’s After Life Resources. So count your fucking blessings!”

“That means literally nothing to me.” Thomas informed.

“Obviously! You pig brained, soft skins have such a narcissistic perspective. Your god’s an old bearded man. Idiots!”

“You know what?!” Thomas snapped. “I don’t need this! I’m out!”

“What?!”

“I’m out!” he repeated. “I died apparently! The last thing I need after dying the same day I was fired, and my girlfriend cheated on me is to be yelled at by someone who clearly despises me….AGAIN! I’m DONE! See you in hell or wherever this place is!”

“Shit!” Vivian cursed. She raised her hand and webbed Thomas to her. He’d forgotten she could do that. “Look I’ll level with you here. I don’t think you can do this.”

“Obviously!” Thomas seethed trying his best to mirror Vivian’s tone.

“Yeah, but you might as well try right?”

“Oh! Great pep talk! That makes up for everything!” Thomas snarked.

“Sorry! Okay!.....Sorry. This is all just...it’s really important to me and you may be...dammit. You may be our only option.”

“What happened to trying again in ten years?!’

“That’s being optimistic. Look gods, goddesses, immortals, they don’t die often. People are going to be looking for her. She’s vulnerable, her power, it’s up for grabs.”

“Up for grabs?”

“It’s complicated. Just….look it’s like losing a lottery ticket. If people know you lost it they’ll look for it themselves. Try to cash it in! That’s what’s happening.”

“So why don’t you look for her?”

“Because I don’t know where she is!” Vivian blurted. “The Outer Layer is huge! Twice the size of your Earth! Plus finding a goddess isn’t easy to begin with. That’s the only edge we have. But as time goes on someone will eventually find her. We need to be first. YOU need to be first!”

“Woah.”

“Look I know this is a lot to take in. Believe me if anyone else was an option I...but she chose you. Luna chose you! You may not remember her, but she remembered YOU. Thomas, Waldo. So...I’ll be helping you. Okay.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” Thomas shook his head. “Finding a  goddess in a land I know nothing about! I’m a waiter! I-I draw logos on a computer!”

“I’ll get you home.” Vivian said. “You find Luna….and I’ll get you back to Earth. Alive.”

“Really?”

“You can fuck, your whore girlfriend all you want. I promise. Just.”

“I’m in.” Thomas said.

“.......”

“I’m in.” he repeated.