An extract from the Diary of Susan Smith:
Monday, 10th October 2050.
Monday, the worst day of the week. Could today be the worst Monday of my life? Will I, in my life, encounter Mondays that are any worse than this? Better not answer that. I finally understand a popular phrase (or at least I think this phrase is commonly used) of the English language, ‘Always trust your intuition.’ I had a severe case of Monday-morning-blues today. I should have listened to my body and not turned up to the University today. Ugh… today was like the black sheep of all the days of my life (memo. highlight today’s day and date in the diary; today can’t be forgotten).
Today started off as a normal working day (it is good that we have a holiday tomorrow and day-after; don’t ask me why though, I don’t know and I don’t care enough to find out). I woke up at 4.30 in the morning (#sad; the problems of having to share 1 bathroom-toilet with roommates; most girls get into the toilet together but I, as mentioned before in this diary, find that to be very disgusting- maybe this is because I was raised up in a predominantly male family) and brushed my teeth while I showered. Then I enhanced my looks with a light brush of makeup whilst at the same time using the toilet (I used my new hand mirror… duh! It is so much more convenient). Then I… never mind, I don’t think there is a point of me writing about my repetitive daily routine everyday… let’s just speed forward a bit.
My day at the University started as usual with most of the men gawking and commenting on my awe-inspiring voluptuous body. Some women did too (Both genders find me sexy! Yaay! :D). But who can blame them, am I right? ;D I am the very definition of sexy after all, the perfect creation of God (JK… no actually I ain’t kidding). But I am starting to feel that I am nothing more than a pretty face. My beauty is what tames and makes me likable to most people. But what happens after I grow old when my beauty withers away? What happens if I get injured in an accident? Will people still love me? I guess only time will tell…
Anyway, let’s get back to the story that leads us to the main event of the day, shall we? I was very nervous today because today was well, a big day… not for me though… but for the ligo students (they didn’t know it though, it was a surprise examination. We all knew it was coming but didn’t know when- I was only given a notice privately today by the staff because I had, in exchange for a generous offer, volunteered for it.) Some of the ligo students have complained (this has been going on for a while now but nobody seems to care) that these “precaution-training examinations” were racist as only they (the ligo students) had to take them. I partially agree with them but I believe that it is a necessary evil; although it is clearly discrimination, it is actually good for them and could potentially be life-saving for them.
Anyway getting right to the point. The guy who was giving an exam in my mouth was… Dmitri. Yep Dmitri! Of all the ligo students, I got Dmitri. Now I don’t really hate Dmitri or anything. It is just that he is an awkward geek (like me lmao) who has a massive crush on me. It is not that I hate him or anything, it just gets really awkward for me when he’s around. I have been his partner for the entire course (there’s still a year left before the finals; we’ll soon be having mock examinations; ligo students who fail this examination will not be permitted to attempt the finals- is it unfair?). Anyway Ms Amanda, the demonic bitch (I usually respect my teachers and don’t call them mean things. But believe me, this one’s a sadistic bastard), was the one who was supervising the exams. And the University Hottie Daniel was volunteering too. He was a ligo but god knows how he managed to not give the exams and volunteer instead (perhaps he finished giving the exams last year?). Anyway I couldn’t stop blushing and I was afraid that Dmitri might think that I was blushing because of him.
I prepared to swallow Dmitri as per Amanda’s instructions but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Luckily (or unluckily), he triggered a gag relax and I gulped. I could feel him sliding down my throat. The feeling was… indescribable. I would say it is something like swallowing worms- just this one was a bit larger and more lively (and human!). I wanted to throw up because I realised that I had swallowed a human being- the thought of my belly digesting him gave me goosebumps and made me want to regurgitate. The following events could be summarized in a few sentences: I started crying; Amanda was an asshole to me; Daniel stood up for me (I think he likes me too!); the bitch snapped at him too; Daniel apologized for his conduct (what a gentleman) and then we switched on the camera on Dmitri’s suit (I was told to not worry as the suit would prevent him from getting digested but I was nervous any way). I got to see my stomach from the inside- it was amazing! I saw pieces of chocolate cake floating around- this chocolate cake was my best friend for like 10 minutes (before I ate all of it)- I miss you buddy!
Dmitri- that imbecile!- he had left his bag open and all of its contents spewed out into my stomach. That idiot also managed to get sucked into my intestines. Amanda told me that the only way out for him was through my butthole. Was she actually expecting me to poop this guy out? (memo. google ‘how do I poop a guy out without him seeing my butt?’) Yuck! I feel bad for him now. Amanda was kind enough to send in a professional diver (Daniel <3) to retrieve the materials. I was reluctant as I was afraid that he’d get sucked into my intestines and I’d have to poop him out too but he assured me that it wouldn’t happen. He hastily brought back all of the materials that had been floating around in my stomach. Amanda simply sent me home. Nobody from the University’s administration bothered to check on with me about Dmitri. But this news spread like wildfire across the University and I am afraid that at this rate this might appear in the news. Various students from the University though have already started asking me questions about this occurrence. Most of them think it is funny for some reason. I pity Dmitri- it must be so uncomfortable in there. I think he’s in my large intestines now. I’ll poop him out tomorrow morning. That poor fellow is probably starving by now. I’ll make him breakfast tomorrow. My roommates aren’t going to be here tomorrow; whatever happens tomorrow morning is going to be a lot less awkward (hopefully).
Hope to write again soon,
A golden beam of sunlight crept in through the window and caressed Susan on her rosy cheeks. In response, a mildly annoyed Susan squinted her eyes and dug deeper into her blanket. However her convenient shield could not prevent the loud thumping of footsteps, the cacophonous crashing of utensils and the head-splitting voices of her roommates from penetrating her ears. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t sleep through the disturbances for they were determined to tread on her wishes.
Susan’s roommate Sophia called into her room,“Susie! Liz, Anna and me are leaving now. We have an adventurous and exciting camping-trip to look forward to.” A moderately annoyed Susan replied, “Ugh… Bye! Have fun!” Sophia said, “Bye! Um… Don’t forget to release your poor prisoner. He has probably drowned in his own sweat already.” Susan’s widening eyes, along with the other parts of her face, pronounced an expression of horror. She burst out of her comfy cocoon as soon as she heard her roommate’s key bid adieu to the lock who lived in the main door. Susan’s yawn marked the official end of her mini-hibernation; she was now ready to rescue the ill-fated lad who had a crush on her. Just one thing needed to be done before she rescued him…
She rushed to the kitchen, home to the most wondrous of things (like food for example). Susan’s left palm scouted the kettle’s metallic walls to see if it was still warm. It had touched the steaming kettle’s body for less than a fraction of a second when it retreated almost immediately, for it seemed as if the kettle wanted to barbecue it. You’ll get nothing until you release your little guest, he seemed to say. When Susan lifted the lid of the kettle, she felt as if she had exorcised the kettle for she was greeted by steam, the spirits of water molecules who were very desperate and wanted nothing more but to escape. Susan said in her mind, ‘The way I see it, you hadn’t released your guests either.’
Susan mumbled to herself, “I don’t think Elizabeth would mind if I borrowed some of her cutlery.” She gathered her ligo roommate’s cutlery in her palm: a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a mug. She hastily arranged them on the dining table when the grumpy kitchen-clock’s hands struck eight. He appeared to question, How much longer must that unfortunate soul suffer in your bowels? Susan departed at once to be Dmitri’s knight in shining armor.
Susan brushed her teeth, washed her face and combed her hair in a jiffy before she sat on the toilet bowl. It wasn’t long before Dmitri plopped into the toilet bowl; he was alive and kicking but he was most certainly not happy- he looked like a mad famished wolf. Susan plucked him out and placed him in the sink. By the time she had finished wiping herself and flushing the toilet, Dmitri had emerged from his suit; he seemed most upset. Susan quickly prepared a warm bath for him in her soap-container. Susan informed him, “Here, have a bath while I bring you something to eat.” She motioned to the soap container- it was filled with a warm soapy bath. Susan departed momentarily and true to her promise, returned with food. She brought in her hands a large plate, on which was a large piece of hot brownie, a ligo-sized mug and a napkin.
She found Dmitri in the bathtub. Upon realizing that she couldn’t possibly place the plate on the sink, she decided to put both the plate and the soap-container on the bathroom floor. It registered to her that Dmitri was nude and that she was looking at him without his consent- she apologized sincerely and left the bathroom without further ado. As she left, she said, “Once you are ready, please do come to the living room. I would like to converse with you.”