• 9 •

I should really complete this work.

No, I HAVE to complete this work. I’m through with the written exams, alright, but the oral exams are yet to come, and I can’t step up without handing in a thesis first. I know the stuff, know it perfectly well. This should be a cakewalk.

Why can’t I concentrate on it, then?

Bugged, I slam the pencil on the table.

“The categorical imperative – logical flaws:” Great! The outcome of nearly one hour of thinking. What, by all means, is wrong with me? What’s this restlessness in me and where does it come from?

I stand up and pace through the room. Think, Kim, just think! Where did Hegel, Schopenhauer and Adorno apply the crowbar on the theory? Why? What about their critics was justified, what was not?

With a frustrated growl I push the chair under the desk. I grab my bag, slide into a pair of wedge mules and leave, slamming the door shut behind me.

What, just what is wrong with me? I had a nice second training this morning, without a grave setback like yesterday. It’s been intense, challenging and highly satisfying, just as I like it. I should be in prime condition, instead I’m restless like a hummingbird.

I wander over the campus aimlessly. The weather is warm but overcast. Few people lie on blankets on one of the extensive lawns reading, chatting or sleeping. Even fewer cruise on bicycles or wander around like me.

I follow the wound gravel path from a small administration building towards the old gazebo. I’m more at ease out here, yet I still have the vague but urging thought that I need to do something without knowing what that might be. I enter a placid seating area among a group of trees and suddenly see a dog before me. It stops sniffing around and eyes me estimating.

It’s the stray dog I fed Justin to, no doubt!

I sit down on a bench and behold the animal. No collar and he sure has seen better times, but he’s neither injured nor starved or squalid. He stretches to sniff my knee, cautiously, ready to turn and flee if I threatened him. Don’t worry, little friend, that’s not a thing you have to fear from me.

I put my hand on the side of his head and stroke him. Immediately, his tail starts wagging and he visibly relaxes. After a moment he sits down before me, eyeing me expectantly. I reach into my bag and find an open pack of cookies. I feed him one. No dog biscuit, but it won’t hurt him, and he seems to like it.

Suddenly I know what to do. I gently take his head into my hands and stare directly into his eyes. I blank out everything else.

I concentrate.

I envision.

My hands are empty.

I look down. Before my feet is the dog, smaller than a mouse. He looks around confused, then he crouches down, obviously rattled. He recognizes me but also perceives his own predicament. Whimpering submissive, he crawls prone towards me, his tail between his legs. When he reaches me, he deliberately presses his snout against my sandal.

He’s so tiny, so fragile… so anxious.

Again I concentrate on him. Growing back takes slightly longer than shrinking.

When the dog realizes the end of his fearful situation, he yelps happily, his tail wagging so vigorously that his whole backside topples. He licks my hands, a thing I can gladly go without. To distract him, I feed him the rest of the cookies.

I take out my smartphone and browse through the contacts. I choose one and hit the ‘call’ button.

“Graham’s here!”

“It’s me, Kim. I need to talk with you.” He’s uncertain about my motive and I prefer to keep it that way. I tell him to meet me at a café in twenty minutes. He offers only some weak resistance. I can be very imperative. No more incertitude, I’m focused like a laser beam now.

I pat the dog’s head and walk off. He follows me a few steps, but it takes only a single gesture to make him stroll his own way.

In the café I sit down and order a double espresso. Graham appears a few minutes later. He slumps down across the table, orders across the room and grins. He’s boastful, but I sense his uncertainty like a crack in his façade.

“Was it just talk when you told me you’re into that giantess thing, or did you mean it?” No need to pussyfoot around. Graham’s look is priceless!

“You don’t waste time, that much’s for sure!” He nods approvingly.

“I guess you know that you appear to others like an enigma – not the kind of ‘mysterious stranger’, but like a red rag to a bull. In this I want you to be honest and sincere. Are you?”

He hesitates for a long moment, estimating my intention. My approach put him off his stride and that’s showing. Ah, it feels so good to be back in control again!

“Yes. I honestly am into that subject. Why is that important to you?”

“What if I told you that I could really shrink you. Would you care to give it a try?”

After a moment of blank staring, he throws back his head and laughs.

“Ooh, that’s a good one. What are you up to?”

I don’t answer, don’t let the slightest emotion show on my face while I stare at him. When it dawns to him that his own joke falls flat, his laughter ends.

“Okay, then. I’d say: Dear Kim, I dreamt the half of my life of a beautiful woman shrinking me. I’m completely sure that shrinking isn’t possible, though. As much as I’d like to get convinced of the contrary, the physical facts are clear enough.”

“I see it won’t work this way. What about this: let me demonstrate you something. If you don’t like what you see, you lost nothing. But maybe you get a pleasant surprise.”

“Okay… okay! Show me.”

“I would want to do this somewhere more private. Do you live near here?”

“My loft is just five minutes away.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” I empty my cup in one gulp and rise. Graham drops the money for both our coffees on the table and leads the way. We walk in silence. I can feel his tension and I can read his thoughts clear as neon signs. No, silly, I’m not going to rob you nor are we going to have sex. But yes, the experience will change your life, I’m sure.

Indeed we reach his apartment upstairs in some old industrial building. Not bad at all, must be expensive.

“Okay, what now?” He drops his keys in a bowl near the entrance and looks at me nervously.

“You best lie down there.” I point on a spot right in the middle of the spacious main room and put my bag on a table. Graham eyes me warily. Then he shrugs and lies flat on his back.

“Shall I close my eyes or something?”

“Not a clue, I never got shrunk myself.” With a casual shrug I step to his side. “Ready?”

“I guess so, whatever…”

Concentrate, visualize – done. A pile of clothes lie before me. Heck, this is becoming really easy. I crouch and cautiously grope about for Graham, finding him in his trousers. They’re shrinking towards their Hara, their body central point, it seems. I take him out with special care and put him on the floor. Then I collect the clothing and walk over to the sofa to drop it there. I turn and look at my tiny friend.

Graham is sitting on the floor like a sleepy Panda, puzzled and trying to realize what’s going on around him. I’ll give him some more time. My gaze falls on a neat automatic coffee machine in the kitchen unit. Time for another cup!

When I again step into the central area of the room with a steaming mug in my hand, Graham is standing somewhat lost and clueless. He stares at me as I walk towards him.

I don’t walk too close to him, since I don’t want to scare him witless. After all, I want him to cooperate with me. I sip from the coffee and scrutinize him. He stands like petrified.

“Okay, so much for what is possible and what isn’t.” Darn, that sounds more self-opinionated that I intend it to.

“How…?” Graham’s voice sounds faint but is clear enough to hear, considering the circumstances.

I raise an eyebrow in a facial expression a hundred times more confident than I feel.

“Does the ‘how’ really matter? I mean, except in: how do you feel?”

“Oh, I’m well, I guess.” It took him a moment to decipher my sentence, obviously. A moment he filled with staring open-mouthed.

“Fine. I want to ask for your help.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Sure you have, that’s why I’m asking.” Now it’s on me to be puzzled. What a silly question is this?

“What are you going to do with me when I decline your request?” His voice shivers audibly.

Aww, no! He sincerely believes I’m going to force him into something.

“Then I’m disappointed because I misunderstood you and that’s it. Hey, you don’t believe I’d harm you, do you? I promise, I won’t! This way or that, I’ll grow you back to normal at the end of our meeting and I ask you not to tell someone about this. That’s all.”

“Whom should I tell about this? And why? I’d be in the lunatic asylum next to nothing!” Graham exclaims. Good point.

“Whatever. I’m new to this shrinking stuff. I’d like to ask you if you’re willing to help me to flesh it out.”

“I know it solely in theory, you know? This is my very first practical experience.” The cheeky sarcasm is Graham again, only some nervous undertone is showing through.

“Listen, I wanted to try things out and it’s been obvious to me doing them with someone who enjoys it – better said: claimed to enjoy it. If you don’t want to team up with me in this, fine. I return you to normal and never bother you again.” I’m not really disgruntled, I just want to bring this fruitless discussion to a quick end.

“Oh, come on! This is without doubt the most radical change in all of my life, okay? Will you please gimme a second to come to terms with it? Of course I’m in. Truth be told, had I known you’re able to shrink me, I’d have begged and pleaded you to like a child in a toy store!”

I nod in approval.

“This is mostly about feet, right? I want to practice, then. Do you prefer shoes or bare feet?”

“I’m not sure if this is such a good idea. In a dream, yes, there it’s alright, but here and now, with this huge size difference… I mean, don’t misunderstand me, I really don’t want to get injured.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m going to be very careful. Lie down!” I cut him short, this time sincerely bugged by his griping. I shake off my mules and take a step towards him.

Now he shakes visibly. Just when I stand directly before him, he hesitantly lowers on his back.

Without any fuss, I gently put the balls of my right foot on his body. I’m surprised myself how incredibly good this feels.

“Please tell me immediately when the pressure’s too high or something else goes wrong. I want to learn, thus I need to know.” I look at his face, poking out from beneath my foot. Graham’s expression is somewhat abstracted, but he nods slowly.

I increase the pressure to what I believe it’s a good point to hold someone down, not too hard, but not wussy either.

“How’s this? When I start like this, would that be too tough? Too weak? I want a confident manner without rushing ahead too far.”

“You’d have the exclusive attention of everyone in this position. You sure have mine.“ My tiny training partner again nods, his voice strained. I chuckle amused.

“Say stop!” I slowly increase the pressure further and after what feels like just a fraction of a Newton, Graham waves with his arms. Immediately I take my foot off him and crouch, gently touching him with my index.

He lies flat and exhausted, struggling for air.

“Are you okay?” I ask, sincerely worried. Much to my relief, he not only nods affirmative but also smiles happily.

After a moment, I rise again. I let him recover for one more minute, then I place my big toe on his stomach and press down slow but steady. Soon, he doubles over from the pressure. He tries to push my foot off him with his hands, an attempt so pointless and feeble I can’t help but grin scoffing.

Oh my, that domineering streak shows up again!

“Stop!” Graham’s call sounds, more barked than spoken. A bit reluctant I release him. I see his penis, which also rubbed against my toe, is bulging stiff. Just ignore it!

While Graham struggles to get back in shape again, I step back and again slide into my mules. Their rubber bottoms dampen their thud on the floor only so much as I close in on Graham. Seeing him helpless before me now makes me feel truly masterful.

Again, I put my forefoot on him and press down gentle. Oouh, though bare feet provide a much better feedback from the tiny, this is far more commanding. Through the thick, unyielding soles I only feel a something. Thrilling!

With some solid pressure on him, Graham signals me to stop. Unwilling, I let my shoe rest on him some more and when I finally take it off, I accidentally rub the sole on him. He lies before me like some roadkill, panting hard.

I let him rally for only a moment. After all, this is my exercise so we’re going at my pace. All he has to do is just lie and enjoy and say ‘stop’ eventually. As a man who just gets granted his most offbeat dream, he should leap with joy.

“Turn your head aside.” I simply warn him as I move my foot over him, put my forefoot on the floor next to him and lower the thick wedge heel of my mule on his head, pinning it solidly. Hm, feels like a pebble!

“Kim, please, careful! A skull is not like a ribcage, it won’t give way under pressure, it’ll crack without warning!” Graham’s panic-stricken shrieking makes me smirk.

“Is that so? How can you know that, given you also never were in a situation like this before?” I chuckle audibly.

“Kim, Kim, please, I beg you… not the head! I’m scared!” He sounds terribly frightened now.

Immediately I take my sole off him. My sympathy for Graham easily outweighs my kinky urge in the end.

“Okay, that’s been much for today. Let’s end this now.” I concentrate and again find it astonishing how easy this already works for me, as Graham grows back to normal within a few seconds.

“Don’t get me wrong, Kim, I do trust you, but that’s been a bit too much for the beginning.” He looks at me with a mixture of appreciation and contrition.

“No harm done.” I smile, grab my bag and turn to leave. I turn around once more. “Are you going to be okay?”

Graham nods, so I turn to leave.

“Are we going to repeat and intensify this?” His question stops me as I reach for the doorhandle.

“Do you want to repeat and intensify this?” A silly question, I heard the answer crystal clear in his voice, so full of hope and fear of rejection.

“More than anything else in my life.” Wow. Real passion, no doubt.

I chuckle and leave his apartment. The way home is blissfully relaxing. The rest of my exam work will be a cakewalk, finally.