Brian was just your average 26 year old single man. He had just gotten off of work and entered his apartment on the 5th floor of his building. It was 5:00 in the evening and the sun was shining on a beautiful day. Brian looked outside to see the hustle and bustle of everyday city life. Cars drove along and people walked up and down the sidewalks.
"Well, time to enjoy a little television," Brian said before walking over to his couch and sitting down. He picked up the remote, but before he could hit a button, a blinding white light shown through the window and the building shook. When it stopped, Brian rubbed his eyes and ran to the window.
Outside, the sky was pitch black. Not even a star could be seen. Down below, everyone had the same reaction as himself. They were all confused and worried. Brian opened the window to look around better. As soon as he did, he was blasted with an awful smell. He slammed the window closed and stepped back coughing. He held his nose and fanned the air in front of him.
"What on Earth is going on!?" He walked back to the tv and turned it on. On his television he read "No satellite signal found." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that it also had no signal. Reverting to older methods of communication, he pulled an old radio out of his closet and blew the dust off. Then he plugged the device in and turned it on. All he heard was static. He twisted the tuning knob until he found the only station with a signal: the local city radio station.
"Emergency Broadcast!" The radio said. Then came a female announcers voice. "Attention everyone! By now you have no doubt noticed some strange occurrences over the past few minutes. From what information we can gather, it seems that dozens of blocks of our beautiful city has been mysteriously transported to an unknown location. Specialists are being sent to the edge of the city to investigate. Citizens are recommended to-" Brian turned off the radio and ran out his door. He took an elevator downstairs and then ran out the front doors of the building.
Once outside, Brian could smell the pungent air again. The streets were lit by streetlights and building windows. The 70 degree weather now felt more like 90 or 100 degrees. Everyone seemed to have the same idea as him as they ran toward the edge of the city. Brian followed the crowd for a few blocks before arriving at the edge.
It was as if a giant knife sliced through the city. The road just ended with a jagged line. Brian looked left and right to see the straight line that was the edge of the city. Then he looked down to find a hundred foot drop. Cut pipes spewed out water from the dirt that held them in place. Then, in the dim light far below, he could see the ground of wherever the city was.
Police officers shined giant lights down to get a better view. The ground was now visibly pink. It glistened as the lights reflected off of the liquid that covered it. Small patches of brown also dotted the pink landscape. The hilly land stretched on for miles. The lights were rotated and people could now see that the pink floor wrapped all the way around, up to the sky far above. Apparently they were in some sort of moist tunnel.
The crowd around him was anything but quiet as they discussed things such as "What is this place?" and "How did we get here?" Then the ground began to shake. The pink landscape vibrated and rumbled. A deafening grumble was heard that caused people to cover their ears. Weaker buildings crumbled as people hugged the ground for stability. After a few seconds, it all stopped.
Everyone was completely silent. Then, before anyone could speak, a gentle breeze hit their faces. This breeze quickly picked up to a steady wind. Trees began to sway and buildings creaked. Then, all at once, the winds picked up to 100+ mph. Everybody on the street was blown off of their feet and into the air. Brian flailed his arms and managed to grab on to a lamp post. Some others around him were able to grab hold of something, but others weren't so lucky. The tornado-like winds kept them in the air as they blew though the city. They didn't stop until they were blown past the city's edge on the opposite side and landed among the pink landscape.
But it wasn't just people taking damage. Cars also were swept up by the wind and carried away. Trees were uprooted and tumbled over. Windows on buildings shattered and people were sucked outside. Even buildings themselves were being blown down.
Brian held on with all his might to the lamp post. The wind kept his body fully horizontal. He closed his eyes and yelled while he heard others screaming as they flew by. He could barely hear them over the sound of the wind. He heard car alarms go off, cracking trees, and crumbling metal buildings. Then, after several seconds, which seemed like many minutes to everyone, the wind died down.
Brian was now vertical once again. He looked around at the survivors among him who were able to hold their ground. Then he took a breath and smelled the air. He and everyone else immediately vomited. The air smelled bad before, but now it was absolutely nauseating. After he finished puking, Brian took a gander at the city.
The once beautiful city was now nothing but heaps of rubble. Every building had fallen down, cars were overturned, and trash littered every part of the ground. It was like an apocalyptic wasteland. "Is everyone alright?" A surviving police officer asked.
"Yeah, those of us who are still here anyway." Brian replied. Only about a dozen people were nearby. Thousands had been swept away and lost among the mysterious tunnel's floor.
"Okay, let's gather everyone who's left together and-" The officer started before another deafening earthquake happened. Everyone ducked down and covered their ears again. If any buildings were still standing, they surely would have fallen. Off in the distant reaches of the tunnel, an enormous object appeared from the darkness. People watched as the massive object drew closer. They feared it was some sort of beast, slithering forward for its next meal.
They soon realized how wrong they were. Everyone continued holding their ground as the "creature" moved into the city's remaining dim light. It stopped only a few feet from the edge of the city. The trembling and grumbling stopped as well and everyone stood up to see what this thing was. Not a single jaw was kept closed as they discovered what was causing all the commotion. Lying before them, as tall as the tunnel's ceiling, was a ginormous one thousand foot high turd.
There was no mistaking it. The lumpy brown log was covered with small chunks of undigested food. The smell was atrocious, causing people to gag. They would have thrown up, had their stomachs not been emptied by the "fowl wind." Despite how disgusting it was, the mass of poop was indeed a sight to behold.
"Well, I think I know where we are now," Brian said, breaking the silence. The ground began to shake once again and the turd lurched forward. "RUN!!!" Everybody took off down the street. The ground shook and the tunnel walls rumbled. Brian, not being very athletic, fell behind the rest. As he ran down the street, he noticed people trapped under rubble. They begged for help, but he knew that if he stopped, he'd be a goner. After he passed them, he could hear their blood-curdling screams as they were engulfed by the encroaching turd.
Eventually, everyone made it to the edge of the city and skidded to a stop. They glanced down at the 100 foot drop. Then they turned back to the poop. The nasty log had already covered half of the city. It continued to obliterate everything in its path, easily working its way around things like play-doh.
Everybody had to make a drastic decision. One by one, they jumped off the edge and onto the tunnel ground. Brian was the last to jump. He readied himself, but then he said, "What's the point? Even if I survive the fall, I'll never outrun that beast."
Then he had a thought. He quickly found a nearby car and jumped inside. Lucky for him, the keys were left inside. He turned the key to start up the car, but the engine only sputtered and failed. "Are you kidding me!?" He looked back as the turd came ever closer. He turned the key again. "Come on!" No luck. He tried one more time and the engine sprung to life. "Yes!"
Brian slammed on the gas and drove over the edge. "Ahhhhh!" He screamed as he plummeted down. He hit the ground and bounced off. Then he came back down, floored it, and took off. The terrain was very uneven and made his car tilt all about. All around him, people were running the same way. They tried to flag him down for a ride, but he didn't stop. Some people in front of him even had to dive out of the way to avoid being run over.
He flipped on the car's headlights as he made his way from the lights of the city. He looked in the rear view mirror right as the turd finished consuming the city. Now the tunnel was completely dark, save his headlights and several smart phones and flashlights.
Brian kept driving until he had passed every running citizen. He might actually make it! Then his headlights shown on a giant wall. He slammed on his brakes and turned his steering wheel to skid to a stop. Looking at the wall he knew exactly what it was. The wrinkled hoop with a tiny hole in the center was no doubt an anal sphincter.
Brian hopped out of his car. He slid on the moist terrain and fell down. When he got back up, he looked back in the distance to see people running for their lives as the mass of poop effortlessly crawled over them. He quickly ran to the anus and tried to climb up to the hole, but there was nowhere for him to grab hold.
He started banging on the wall. "Let me out! Please! Can you hear me!?" The turd continued as Brian kept banging. After a minute he gave up. There was no way his pounding was going to do anything. But then he saw a bit of light. He looked up to see the sphincter slowly expanding. "Come on. Keep going..."
However, Brian was so focused on the hole that he forgot to look back. He turned around to see the log right in front of him. It slammed him against the anus and absorbed him in. He struggled to get out and breathe, but it was no use and he passed out. The turd had claimed its final victim.
"I'm telling you it has to be aliens." Fred said as he sat on the couch with his girlfriend Sophie. The two were watching a very interesting news story on tv.
"Yes, Freddie, it was definitely aliens." She replied sarcastically.
"Well how else can you explain it? An entire city just vanished and nobody can communicate with it."
"I have no idea, but the thought of aliens taking... ow!" Sophie put her hand on her stomach.
"What's the matter?"
"There's a weird pain in my gut. And it feels like a bunch of bugs are crawling around."
"You probably just have to go to the bathroom. Go on, I'll fill you in on whatever you miss."
Sophie got up and walked to the bathroom to unknowingly flush an entire city's deceased population down the toilet.