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Author's Chapter Notes:
All characters are copyright of DC Comics. I derive no monetary gain from their use.

The ever-expanding Harley Quinn burst up through the roof of the building, sending debris crashing down on all sides. Her massive head rose like a leviathan, taking Oracle and the tiny occupants of the Batplane completely by surprise. Twenty-foot-long tassels projected forth from either side of her jester’s cap, springing upward with dangerous speed as they slipped through the opening in the rooftop. Harley’s cute button nose (more a boulder than a button at this point and decidedly less cute as a result) bumped the front of the plane as she emerged, shaking the hovering object violently. A vast painted white face with dark, black lips as big as a VW Beetle filled the aircraft’s windscreen.  

                                                  

“Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” the thunderous voice of the giantess squealed.

 

“Oh hell,” said Oracle, staring in astonishment at this surreal vision. She wasn’t sure what had just happened but they had to get out of there fast.

 

“Sorry, boys, I need my hands.” Unsure what else to do with them, Oracle closed her fingers around the miniature Robin and Nightwing and quickly stuffed them down her top, stowing them safely in her bra. Ignoring their ticklish squirming, she used all her upper body strength to pull herself from her wheelchair into the captain’s seat nearby. Oracle took the controls of the plane and prepared to beat a hasty retreat.

 

“Ooo, lookit!” Harley boomed, spotting the jet black craft. A gargantuan red-gloved hand burst out of the building, taking another section of the roof with it, and pinched the Batplane between thumb and forefinger. The plane’s turbines whined and screeched as it tried to free itself from the giant woman’s grasp.

 

Harley brought the tiny jet close to a huge, blue eye. She attempted to peer inside but was thwarted by the impenetrable tinted windows. “Who’s in there?” she said. “Can’t be Batman, he’s downstairs still. Unless I squished him just now. Hee hee! Maybe it’s the bird-boy. Or his big brother, Night-brat. Well, whoever you are….wanna play?”

 

The giantess spun her arm about in a wild looping pattern, simulating the flight of the miniature aircraft in her fingers. Oracle clutched the sides of her chair as the jet tilted violently from side to side, turning and banking erratically and forming exotic figure eights in mid-air. Within her bra, Robin and Nightwing were tossed back and forth, half-crushed as their redhead companion’s breasts slapped together with each turn.

 

“Zoom! Zoom!” Harley giggled. “Bat-Jet to tower, permission to land requested!” Harley made a fist with her other hand and covered her mouth, muttering like a garbled radio broadcast. “*click* This is Harley Tower (hee hee!), you are cleared for landing, Bat-Jet-One!”

 

At last, Harley brought the tiny plane to a halt in front of her huge face. “You know, when I was a little girl,” she told it, “and I wouldn’t eat my vegetables, Mama used to play a game with me called ‘airplane.’ Went something like this, as I recall…”

 

The demented titaness opened her lips wide, giving Oracle an unobstructed view of a staggeringly vast mouth. Rows of sharp, gleaming white teeth framed the entrance to this spacious cavern and several thick strands of glistening saliva stretched from floor to ceiling. Harley’s tongue undulated below expectantly, flattening itself out to form a slippery runway. In the distance, a rounded uvula the size of a man dangled above a gorge of blackness. The Batplane’s windows fogged up from the humidity of a hot, wafting breath. With a childlike “Aaaaahhhhh,” the giant woman slowly brought her toy closer.

 

“Oh, I don’t think so, clown,” Oracle said, depressing a small, green button on the plane’s dashboard. Instantly, two guided missiles blasted from the front of the jet and shot into the darkness of Harley’s throat. The colossal mouth was illuminated by the glow of an explosion.

 

“Yoww!!!!” Harley shrieked, losing her grip on the plane. Oracle grabbed the controls and turned the aircraft around desperately, taking off into the sky.

 

Harley gently massaged her throat as gray wisps of smoke drifted out from between her lips. “Wow. Spicy,” she said. She looked for the little plane but found it had eluded her. “That’s okay,” Harley giggled, looking out at the miniature buildings that surrounded her. “I have so many other toys to play with.”

 

Once her heart rate had calmed, Oracle flipped on her com-link and tried to contact her agents. “Canary, Huntress, Batgirl! Anyone alive down there? What the hell happened?!”

 

The radio crackled and a small, distant voice replied. “We’re all right for the moment, Babs,” Black Canary said. “And we found Batman.”

 

“Thank God,” murmured Oracle.

 

“Umm, we got the size-ray but there was a slight mishap.”

 

“Ya think?!!” Oracle shouted back to her.

 

“Hey, at least we know the growth setting works!” Canary said, trying to be helpful. “I always thought Atom’s gizmo just shrank things and changed them back. Either Harley got a really big dose of the radiation or Strange has been making some alterations.”

 

“Worry about that later,” declared Oracle. “Can you reverse it?”

 

The sound of crumbling mortar and brick cut into their conversation as Harley burst through the wall of the building and out onto the street. With a few mighty strides, she’d traversed a city block and was far outside the range of the weapon held by the miniaturized women below.

 

“Damn it,” Oracle cursed under her breath. “I’ll try to distract her. But one of you needs to either shrink this crazy down or get up here and fight on her terms!”

 

Oracle’s brow knit with concern as she watched the still growing giantess lumber away. The immediate area was mostly empty warehouses and condemned buildings, the perfect hideout for criminals on the lam. But a few giant steps to the north was the residential section of Park Row, Gotham’s so-called “Crime Alley.” Unless they acted now, people were going to die.

 

Far below, the shrunken heroes had climbed out of their mousehole sanctuary, as the structural integrity of the building was no longer certain. An entire wall and most of the roof was now decimated by the giant Harley’s improvised exit. The remaining segments of the hideout groaned ominously and masonry periodically tumbled to the floor. Somewhere in the wreckage, Poison Ivy lay unconscious or dead, though there was neither the time nor inclination from the group to look for her.

 

The tiny champions scurried along behind the Batman, who was skillfully steering his rat steed like he’d been born for it. He led the animal out the gaping hole where a wall once stood and onto the dirty city street. Harley towered in the distance, squeezing her wide hips through the gap between the buildings and laughing with manic glee.

 

“Make me bigger,” Batman growled.

 

The doll-sized Black Canary stared at the half-inch man in shock. “Batman, you’re bleeding,” she said. “That rat nearly killed you. I don’t think you’re in any condition to—”

 

“Make. Me. Bigger,” he said again. Gotham’s guardian jumped from the rodent’s back and staggered towards her, stumbling a bit on his tiny legs. His costume was in shreds and a sudden cough spattered his chin with blood. Batman lost his balance and nearly tumbled to the ground. Closest to his scale, the inch and a half tall Huntress quickly rushed forward to catch him in her arms like a small child.

 

“Screw this,” Canary said, taking the lead. “Here’s what’s happening…” As she was an Amazonian six inches high compared to her tiny companions, no one was about to argue.

 

“Batgirl, point this doohickey my way and make me as big as Harley,” the Canary insisted. She handed the size-altering device to the three inch girl beside her, who bent at the knees and strained to hold the large object aloft. “Then get to safety and figure out how to set it for normal size.”

 

“The rest of you, stand back,” said Canary. “I’m about to move up in the world.”

 

As Batgirl pressed the button, a beam shot forth and bathed Canary in its rays. Her body began to rapidly rise into the heavens, sending her miniature friends scurrying for shelter. In seconds, Black Canary loomed above the street enormously, a blonde colossus in fishnets and leather. She quickly turned to find her opponent.

 

Several blocks ahead, Harley Quinn was having the time of her life. The pavement cracked with each mighty step she took and many a parked car and newsstand disappeared under her feet. At this late hour, the streets were mostly deserted but the appearance of the giant woman had sent every night owl, street walker, and drug dealer of Crime Alley into a panic. Miniscule people ran from the massive jester, their fear filling Harley with delight.

 

The Batplane buzzed about her head like a dragonfly but the giantess merely swatted at it, slapping the little nuisance with the back of her hand. The jet was sent into a violent tailspin and spun wildly away. Harley giggled and went back to her games.

 

Stooping down, she reached out and grabbed a little man. Harley rose back to her full height and held this poor devil in her vast palm. With a giggle, she began turning her hand over, watching as the man desperately scrambled up her fingers. Just as he clambered up onto the tops of her knuckles, Harley tilted her hand back the other way. Like a trapped insect, he could only crawl for safety. At last, the giantess ceased her game and leaned dangerously close to get a better look at her petrified prisoner.

 

“Say, you’re cute!” she boomed. “How’s about a kiss?”

 

Gigantic lips as black as midnight descended onto the screaming man, pressing his body into her gloved hand. When Harley pulled away, he had vanished. Quizzically, her tongue flicked out and traced its way along her upper lip. Sure enough, the man was stuck to the soft, moist surface like a cereal flake. He now adhered to the tip of her tongue however and as that huge muscle retracted, he was drawn with it into the humid cavern of her mouth. Harley squealed as she felt him, nearly deafening her new plaything. She thrust out her tongue and plucked up the little man.

 

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” she demanded. “Trying to French me on a first date? Naughty-naughty, little guy! You go squish now!”

 

“Put him down!” a voice thundered behind her. Harley turned to face the now-giant Black Canary and arched an eyebrow in surprise. For a moment, a tense silence hung in the air.

 

“…’Kay,” Harley said at last with a shrug. She held out her hand and released the man into a freefall. The Canary gasped and lunged forward to catch the plummeting figure. The tiny man landed safely in her palm and she breathed a sigh of relief. Naturally, Harley chose this moment to kick her square in the head.

 

Black Canary shot backwards and collapsed onto the pavement, causing a minor quake to the area. Her fist tightened around the man in her hand, almost crushing him. Once she’d landed, her fingers uncurled and she peered at the little person with clouded vision.

 

“Get outta here,” she told him. The terrified man whimpered but jumped off her palm and dashed into the night. Canary smiled weakly. One life saved, only a few million to go.

 

Harley lumbered forward and stood over Black Canary’s fallen form, straddling her triumphantly. “Well, look who’s a big girl now! You shopping at the Big ‘N Tall too, Canary?”

 

In answer, the Canary brought her foot up and kicked the other woman right between the legs.

 

“Yeep,” Harley squeaked. Canary swept her other leg to the side, knocking Harley off her feet and sending her crashing backwards onto her butt. The city shuddered around them.

 

Both women grunted in pain and climbed back up to a standing position. “Oh, it’s ON now, sister!” Harley cried, leaping forward.

 

A flurry of giant arms and legs almost as long as the street soon followed, colliding into one woman or the other. Under normal circumstances, the ditzy clown would be no match for the Canary’s martial arts ability. But in the narrow space between the buildings of Park Row, both combatants found their movement severely limited. With each attack, their hips and elbows brushed against the buildings, knocking loose bricks and shattering windows left and right.

 

Harley got in a lucky punch only to have her enemy grab a tassel on her hat and tug it like a schoolgirl pulling hair. Canary yanked on the headgear and used its leverage to slam the woman down onto the pavement. Recovering quickly, Harley scooted under the Canary’s legs and kicked her in the back. The giant blonde fell forward onto her stomach and crushed a Studebaker under her sizeable chest. Dusting herself off, she spun around in rage.

 

“Oops,” said Harley sarcastically as she punched a gaping hole in a nearby building.  She scraped her fingers along the side of an old tenement, leaving long gashes in the wall with her nails. “How clumsy of me!” She kicked at the foundations of another two buildings, leaving huge boot-shaped depressions and causing the structures to collapse in on themselves.  “Dear me, I’m such a klutz!”

 

Harley grinned like a Cheshire cat as the Canary’s face contorted with anger. Some of these buildings were certain to be occupied. The heroine lunged for her, ready to stop this destruction.

 

“Ah ah ah, sweetie,” Harley mocked. She clasped her hands together and held them like a sledgehammer over another building. “You wouldn’t want me to fall and crush all these po’ wittle people, would ya? Now just back up nice and slow, prom queen.”

 

Black Canary paused, considering her options. If this battle continued, they could take out half the city before Harley was stopped. And she knew this madwoman wouldn’t be as cautious with her movements as Canary had attempted to be (emphasis on “attempted.” Her right breast still stung from the car squashed beneath its weight and she prayed to God the vehicle had been empty at the time). Canary’s sonic scream was not a tactic she was even prepared to consider. At this scale, its destructive force would be catastrophic. This left only one alternative: Outsmart Harley Quinn.

 

Not the most challenging task, all things considered.

 

“All right, Harley,” Black Canary said, lifting up her hands in mock surrender. “You win. But at what cost? We’re both stuck being freakin’ ginormous.”

 

“Yeah, I know!” the clown girl laughed. “Isn’t it awesome?! I can’t wait to show Mr. J! I’m gonna dunk my Puddin’ in a vat of puddin’ and lick him clean!” Harley stuck out her tongue and lapped at the air excitedly.

 

As tempting as the thought of a giant Harley tormenting the Joker was, Canary continued her ruse. “A vat of pudding? Seriously? But look at all the weight you’ve gained. I mean, your butt must be the size of the Gotham Knights stadium!”

 

“What?! It is not!” Harley peered back over her shoulder, trying to get a look at her derriere. When she faced forward again, the next sight she saw was Canary’s fist hurtling towards her like a rocket.

 

Black Canary’s knuckles connected with the clown’s face at full force, sending Harley tumbling swiftly backwards. The dazed Harley hit the street behind her at top speed, cracking the asphalt and bursting an underground water main. The impact of the giant woman’s body caused a massive tremor the likes of which were unknown in the region since the Gotham Cataclysm of ’98. Buildings shuddered, pavement cracked, babies wailed, and people flocked to doorframes hoping to save themselves. But at last, mercifully, Harley Quinn lay unconscious.

 

Stepping over the slumbering giant, the Canary rushed to the collapsed and damaged buildings. As carefully as she could, she dropped to her knees and began sifting through the wreckage, looking for survivors. She gently scooped out the dead and wounded with her long, slender fingers, depositing them on the street beside her.

 

Glancing down at the bystanders and the still-conscious victims, Black Canary began barking directions. “What, you’ve never seen a 100 foot blonde before? Quit gawking and help these people! Move those girders, check under everything! Someone call 911!”

 

“Y-yes, ma’am!” a miniature citizen stammered. “W-What about that crashed plane a block from here?”

 

Canary frowned. “Crashed plane? Oh God! Oracle!”

 

Further down the street, the tail end of the Batplane protruded from the side of a building, smoke and fire rising up from its crumpled, black form. Harley’s casual swat had sent it careening into the fourth story of a tenement, nearly killing the surprised inhabitants of the squalid apartment. With growing dread, Black Canary stepped over the tiny rescue efforts and hurried to the site of the crash. She pulled the plane out of the wall and blew out the fires with a mighty breath.

 

“Please be okay, please be okay,” Canary whispered as she peeled open the top of the broken jet. At the controls, Oracle’s miniature body was slumped forward over the steering wheel. No movement was visible. As gently as possible, Canary lifted the still form of her best friend and held her up to her face.

“C’mon, Barbara, don’t do this to me,” she said, fighting back tears. “Sweetie, I can’t give you CPR, you’re the size of a Jujy Fruit. Barb….please….”

 

The little redhead lay motionless in the giantess’ palm. Moments passed. At last, the tiny woman gave a faint cough and halfway opened her eyes, staring up at her enormous savior.

 

“From now on…” Oracle muttered, “…I leave…the flying…to Zinda.”

 

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Canary, planting a delicate kiss on the little woman’s face.

 

Oracle rubbed her throbbing head and tried to sit up. This was a decision she immediately regretted. Resting her head back on Canary’s palm, she took in the sight of her friend’s gargantuan body. “You look incredible, Dinah.”

 

“You should try it some time,” Black Canary giggled.

 

“Been there, done that. Relatively speaking,” said Oracle. “On that note, let me check on my passengers.” She tugged at the neckline of her shirt and searched for her shrunken friends. “You guys okay in there?”

 

As Oracle reclined, the miniscule Nightwing popped out from under the fabric and slid down the curve of her breast, landing on her collarbone. “We’re okay, Babs,” he called up to her. “The impact was cushioned in there.”

 

“Where’s Robin?” she asked.

 

“I think he’s…gone spelunking.”

 

Oracle’s eyes widened and her face flushed slightly. She dug her fingers into her cleavage and fished around for the lost little one. She finally pulled him out by the end of his cape and dangled him before her.

 

Robin looked panicked. “I…uh…Barbara, this isn’t what it looks like!”

 

“Never mind, Tim,” she told him. “Say hi to the nice giantess.”

 

“Umm…hi?” Robin said, waving at her.

 

“Not me!” Oracle laughed. She pointed up at Black Canary. “Her.”

 

The looming shape that filled the horizon was incomprehensible to the tiny Robin and Nightwing. At their scale, they couldn’t even recognize this upright continent as their friend Dinah Lance. Canary squinted and leaned closer, trying to see the near-invisible figures in the already-tiny Oracle’s hands. “Hiya, boys,” said the sonorous voice of a goddess. The minute figures shrieked and clutched their hands to their ears.

 

In a few giant strides, the group was reunited with their other allies, who had at last resumed their natural size after some trial and error. Lady Blackhawk was sitting on Hugo Strange’s chest, pinning the winded scientist to the ground.

 

“Hawkaaaah!!!” she shouted, pumping her fists in the air with her triumphant Blackhawk battle cry. “Poindexter here gives up,” she said. “He told me where Scarecrow’s keepin’ that Atom fella. Ain’t that right?” She pinched Prof. Strange’s cheek and shook his face side to side.

 

“Yes, yes. Just get off me, you simpering twit,” Strange answered in annoyance.

 

From the shadows nearby, the rat-ravaged Batman regarded the group and injected himself with a Rabies shot from his belt. Fighting back his pride, he at last addressed the women. “Strange and Harley are down and I found Ivy unconscious in the wreckage. All things considered…nice work, ladies. But I’d prefer we never speak of this incident again.”

 

“Which part?” asked Huntress. “When Poison Ivy tried to eat you? Or kept you prisoner with her boobs? Or maybe that bit where you were fighting the giant rat?”

 

Batman scowled.

 

“We should, um, make everyone…normal again,” Batgirl said in her halting manner.

 

Black Canary smiled down at her friends with mischief in her eyes. A devious smile curled her lips. “Don’t change me back just yet,” she said. “Got some unfinished business before this case is wrapped up…”

 

* * * *

The Scarecrow hovered over a small cage on his desk, peering at the despondent little man sitting in the corner. He tried to manage a half-hearted cackle but the joy had gone out of him. Torturing his tiny prisoner had long since grown tiresome.

 

“I do wish Strange would get back,” the bored arch-villain muttered.

 

“You and me both, ugly,” Atom sneered.

 

Just then, the walls of the hideout creaked and groaned and a giant hand pried open the roof. A huge feminine face framed by a curtain of silky, golden hair filled the opening above.

 

“Boo,” said Black Canary. The Scarecrow screamed in terror, tasting his own medicine once again.

 

The Huntress jumped down from Canary’s shoulder and proceeded towards the cage on the desk. “Dr. Choi, I presume?” She opened the latch and gently lifted the tiny man out.

 

“Thanks, lady,” the Atom said, sitting in her hand. “If I had to listen to this guy whine for another day, I’d have gone crazy.”

 

“Let’s get you back to normal, Dr. Choi,” said Huntress. “Then the girls and I have a proposition for you.”

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