Eli awoke in a plain bed to smells of soap and band aids. On the other side of the white curtains, a radio played old music. He heard a voice too, feminine like his mom. Where was his mom? He needed her.

He shimmied down the side of the squeaky bed and landed on the cold floor. It was slippery under his socks. The curtains parted to reveal a black haired girl, a blue haired girl, and someone who looked like his mom but wasn’t. She wore the same light blue uniform, but her face was different.

“Hey there little guy.” The blue haired girl knelt and smiled. “Recognize me?” She looked familiar. She wasn’t a threat, but he didn’t trust her.

“Hey Eli.” The black haired girl’s voice startled him.

“Ally!” He ran to her and wrapped his arms around her waist as far as they would go. She looked different, bigger, but she was definitely his sister.

“It’s ok.” She let him nuzzle into her soft clothes. She always smelled like flowers, and it comforted him.

But he still wanted his mom.

***

Ally couldn’t believe her eyes. Eli had become so small, the top of his head barely reaching the bottom of her chest. Furthermore, his expression had been one of bewilderment. He’d recognized her, but not Paker — not that she had any complaints about the latter.

Parker patted Eli’s back while Mrs. Agee, the school nurse, tended to a student who’d sprained an ankle playing kickball. Other than supplying a bed, she hadn’t done anything, almost appearing miffed at Eli’s presence in her office. At one point, she’d muttered something about premies and medical necessity, but Ally didn’t catch it all, nor did she probe.

When Parker had explained the effects of age dysphoria, Ally had only halfway believed her. At the time, she’d been more concerned about Eli’s comatose state. But seeing him now, she couldn’t doubt any longer. He was still her brother, but he wasn’t his normal self.

According to Parker, it was only temporary. He’d snap in and out of it (usually after resting), or fall somewhere in between, a semi-confused state. The phenomena happened to premies who experienced rapid shrinking like Eli. As their subconsciouses tried to make sense of the world, their minds regressed, relying on childhood memories. It was an adapting mechanism. Eventually, they’d return to normal, though sometimes it required shrinking to a point beyond such memories, potentially beyond infancy.

Parker took it in stride, as if she’d expected it. In spite of Ally’s reservations about the girl, she’d been a calming influence, providing Ally all kinds of information about how to properly care for a premie, both during and after the shrinking phase. Ally couldn't help but feel thankful. Her official training wasn’t until the weekend and Eli needed help now. Most premies didn’t shrink as fast as he had.

“I’ve gotta go,” Parker said. “When he remembers me, tell him to check his phone.”

“I will,” Ally said.

“Give me a call if you need anything. I’m just a couple blocks down so I can drop by in a jiffy. Oh and if he feels good enough for dinner tonight, let me know. You’re all invited.”

Ally decided to save her concerns about the whole girlfriend thing for another day. “Thanks, Parker.”

After Parker left, Ally helped Eli with his shoes and placed his backpack on his shoulders. Since his collapse in the hallway, the girls had moved the majority of his books into his locker, making the backpack lighter. It hadn’t been the cause of the fainting spell (Zoey was carrying it for him at the time), but they didn’t want to increase his stress.

“All set tiger?” she asked.

He nodded, then rubbed his drooping eyelids with his fists. He’d slept through lunch and all of his afternoon classes. If they didn’t start moving, they’d miss the bus and have to call an Uber to pick them up.

He grasped a few of her fingers and they headed out, walking together through the empty hallway. Students had lined up outside, preparing for the buses’ arrival. By the time they made it out, their bus had just pulled into the drop off circle.

No one gawked at them while boarding, perhaps because he looked nothing like his former self. So fresh faced and petite, he resembled a little sister riding home with big sis, not uncommon given the proximity of the private elementary school across the street. Too bad Winter didn’t go there. She’d die to ride home with them, especially since he’d started shrinking.

They took a seat at the front. Instead of looking out the window, he leaned his head against her shoulder. His stomach growled. After digging for a moment, she retrieved a granola bar from his backpack.

“Here.” She unwrapped it and handed it to him. He sniffed then nibbled, chewing slowly as if tasting a foreign food. A scowl formed on his face. He picked out the raises, letting them fall onto the floor.

“You need to eat those.” Had his taste buds changed too? Maybe he’d always picked them out and she’d never noticed.

“I don’t wanna.” He continued picking, his fingers scratching the oats and making a mess on his pants and shirt.

“If you’re not going to eat the raisins.” She stole the crumbly mess away from him and wrapped it in tissue, then swept the food particles onto the floor.

He looked stunned for a moment, then his scowl deepened and he started crying! What! Just because she’d taken away a granola bar he didn’t even want to eat.

The bus driver glared at them from the wide rectangular mirror above his seat, his hawkish eyes like smouldering coals behind the bronze lenses of his sunglasses.

“Shhhh.” She patted his leg, but he pushed her arm away. He cries softened, thank goodness, but he leaned away from her, crossing his arms.

“I want mommy.” He cast a forlorn stare out the window, little sobs causing his breathing to hitch.

“We’re almost home. Mommy will be there soon.” She had no idea what to say or do. Their mom wouldn’t be home for hours. Maybe she should call Parker. She seemed to know exactly how to handle him.

***

Ally unlocked their front door and stepped inside, dragging her petulant brother behind her.

“Is that...” Winter stood at the top of the stairs, slightly behind the rail post, mouth agape.

Ally shut the door and released Eli’s arm. He crumpled into the corner of the entryway, hugging his backpack to his chest.

“That’s your brother.” Ally ascended the stairs and walked into the kitchen. “He’s got age dysphoria.”

“I watched a video about that!” Winter followed her. “He thinks he’s a kid or something, right?”

“Yeh. Kinda.” She opened the fridge and looked for something to eat. Leftover Chinese, string cheese, yogurt. She opted for the string cheese. Surely he wouldn’t complain about cheese.

“Here.” She handed it to Winter. “He’s hungry.”

Winter took the cheese and ran off. By the time Ally returned to the living room, Winter was crouched by the front door with Eli, stuffed bear in one hand, cheese in the other.

Good. Maybe she could get through to him, or at least get him to eat something. In the meantime, Ally would begin moving Eli’s things into Winter’s room. She’d been through enough today and looked forward to having her own room for once. Besides, he seemed to be getting along with Winter and he certainly couldn’t be left alone at this point.

***

“Who are you?” Eli asked. The blond haired girl danced a teddy bear in front of him. She wore a pink shirt and black pajamas with boxy pink letters.

“Winter.” She smiled a nice smile. “Your sister.”

“No your not. Winter’s little. She’s smaller than me.”

“Um.” She crunched her eyebrows for a moment. “I grew up. I’m big now, but I’m still your sister.”

“My mommy says if you drink a lot of milk, you’ll grow big and strong. Did you drink a lot of milk?”

“I did!” Her smile widened and she nodded her head. “I drank all my milk and got really big. You wanna get big too right?”

He nodded.

“Cheese has milk in it. If you eat this and drink milk every day, you’ll get big like me.” She opened the plastic packaging and handed the long piece of cheese to him.

“I’m going to get big like my sisters.” He took a bite from the cheese and chewed it up. It tasted weird, not like the yellow square kind, but it was still good. It was a lot, but he’d have to eat it all to grow big like Winter.

***

Winter’s emotions popped like corn in a microwave. On one hand, she’d never seen anyone so cute in her life. On the other, she’d just lied to her brother, all to get him to eat a silly piece of cheese. He’d never grow big, and she knew it. His true self knew it too, but guilt still pinched her heart.

“Where’s Mommy?” he asked between bites.

“Um. She’s at work.”

“My mommy’s a nurse.”

“I know, silly. She’s my mommy too.” She hadn’t called her ‘mommy’ in a long time, but with Eli, it felt right.

He swallowed a big bite (for him), then asked, “D-do you wanna go play outside?”

“Yes!” She couldn’t remember the last time one of her siblings asked her to play anything, especially Eli.

“Only until mommy gets back. Ok?”

“Ok.” She nodded.

Before she could process everything, he grabbed her hand and tore up the stairs, leaving the half-eaten cheese and teddy on the floor. He apparently remembered his way around the house because he headed straight for the back door in the kitchen.

“We’re going outside to play!” she said.

“Keep an eye on him.” Ally called from the hallway.

“I will!”

They ran onto the deck, then down the rickety stairs which swayed as they descended. Once in the back yard, he released her hand and bolted toward a discolored beach ball. Though barefoot and still wearing her gymnastics leggings, she followed, ignoring the prickly grass and sticks.

“Don’t touch that, Eli!”

He stopped, peering at the ball with curiosity. “Why not?”

“It’s gross.” She didn’t know where it had come from, but mold was growing on one side.

He spun around, then took off again, this time toward the fence opening. In spite of being a full head shorter than her, he ran fast. She chased him through the neighbor’s yard and into Mallory’s yard. Of course he headed straight for the trampoline. After attempting to pull himself up a few times, he stuck out his arms.

“Lift.” He turned to her with an expecting look.

“Um, I don’t think we can.”

“Why not?”

She looked at Mallory’s house. The lights appeared to be off.

“Well,” she said. “Maybe for a little while.”

She lifted him by the armpits until he was able to pull himself onto the trampoline and through the netting surrounding the inner part. She followed, vaulting herself over and into the bouncy center.

Eli jumped, twirled, and landed on his butt, then back to his feet, over and over again. She did the same, following his lead until she had an idea. She would demonstrate some of her gymnastics moves.

“Watch, Eli!” She waited for him to clear the center, then did a back handspring followed by a front flip. A trampoline made everything easier.

“Wow!” He clapped his hands. “How’d you do that?”

“Practice.” She couldn’t stop smiling. He’d never complimented her gymnastics so earnestly.

“Can you teach me?” He bounced onto his hands, but fell over.

“Yes!”

She spent the next half hour teaching him how to do some of the basics, starting with the handstand, something definitively easier on solid ground. But it was ok. She just held his feet. Eventually, he completed a forward flip, landing on bent knees. She couldn’t recall a recent time when she’d had this much fun with him.

“Hey!” Mallory marched toward them, hands on her hips. She was a big girl, not fat, just thick. In spite of being a year younger than Winter, she was nearly as tall as Ally. “Why are you on my trampoline?”

“Hi Mallory.” Winter motioned for Eli to stop bouncing. “We’re just playing.”

“Who’s she?” Mallory pointed at Eli. “Your friend?”

“That’s my brother.”

“Hi.” He clung to the net. “My name’s Eli.”

Mallory climbed onto the trampoline, her weight causing them to dip. She took a bouncy step toward Eli and narrowed her eyes. “You’re not a boy.”

“Yes he is.” Winter loved trampolines, but she didn’t get along with Mallory.

“You’re lying.” Mallory loomed over Winter. “You’re always telling lies. My mom said not to play with you.”

“I’m not lying!” She’d had enough of this girl. “C’mon Eli, let’s get out of here.”

“Wait.” Mallory blocked the opening in the net. “If you’re not lying, then prove it.”

“I’m a boy. See.” Eli flexed his arms.

“You don’t have any muscles,” Mallory said. “How old are you?”

Eli held up five fingers, paused a moment, then added a sixth.

“You don’t even know how old you are. Are you retarded?”

He looked at Winter.

“He’s not retarded!” Winter placed her arm around him. “We’re leaving.”

“You’re not going anywhere until you prove she’s a boy.”

“I’m a boy, right Winter?” he asked.

“Yes, of course you’re a boy.” She kissed his temple. “Ignore her.”

“I said prove it.” Mallory jumped into the center and pushed Winter away, then took hold of Eli. She lifted the tail of his shirt. Then, she screeched and fell backwards, clutching her arm. “She bit me!”

“Eli, run!” Winter scrambled after him, through the netting and into the yard. He tripped and fell, but she helped him back to his feet and they sprinted.

“I’m telling my mom!” Mallory ran toward her own house, wailing.

By the time they made it back inside and locked the door, they were both out of breath and his eyes were filled to the brim with tears.

“It’s ok.” She held him fast, rocking from side to side. “You’re safe now.”

“What happened?” Ally rushed in from the hallway.

“Mallory pushed me and called Eli a girl, so he bit her.”

“What?” Ally tossed the green pillowcase in her hand to the floor. “Eli, you can’t bite people!”

“But, she was being mean,” Winter said. “She deserved it.”

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t just — ”

A loud knock at the door. Ally went downstairs to answer it while Winter took Eli back into their room. Amazingly, Ally’s bed had all of Eli’s sheets on it. Some of his things were neatly parked on his side of the room.

“Hey Eli, look!” She walked him to his bed. “We’re roommates!”

“We are?” He’d stopped crying, but his voice still cracked.

She nodded. “How’s that make you feel?”

He paused. “Happy.”

He looked around, then went straight to the table with her toys. He sat at the chair, mesmerized by her shopkins.

“Sissy, are these mine?”

Sissy? He’d never called her that before. Mom said he used to call Ally that when they were very young. She liked the sound of it.

“They’re mine, but you can play with them as much as you want.”

She sat down with him and started explaining the various names of season three, or at least those she could remember. He listened intently, asking all kinds of questions, mostly about why they were named a certain way. She created elaborate backstories on the fly and he ate it up. His smiles energized her. She would’ve played with him all night had Ally not interrupted.

“Winter, I need to speak with Eli alone for a minute.” Ally held the door to their bedroom open.

“Why?”

“That was Mallory’s Mom at the door. She’s really upset.”

“So. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I need to speak with Eli.” Ally tapped her foot.

“Ok.” Then, she whispered to Eli. “Just ignore whatever she says. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

As soon as she’d left the room, Ally locked the door and her stomach sank. Why did she need to lock the door? She pressed her ear to the cool wood, attempting to hear something. Anything.

SMACK!

Eli cried out, screaming at the top of his lungs.

SMACK!

“Stop it!” Winter banged on the door. “He didn’t do anything wrong. Stop!”

SMACK!

Eli’s cries of pain drowned out her shouts. She wrenched the knob, but it wouldn’t budge. After banging on the door several more times, it flew open and Ally glared at her.

“I asked you to keep an eye on him.”

“I did!”

“Next time, do a better job.”

Ally went to the kitchen and Winter rushed to her wailing brother where he lay curled up on his bed. She draped herself beside him, holding him as close.

“I’m sorry, Eli. I’m so sorry.” Maybe Ally was right. Maybe she never should’ve let him get on the trampoline in the first place. Now he suffered because of her. He’d probably never trust her again.

To her relief, he turned around and pressed his wet face into her shirt, his little hands clutching.

“S — Sissy.” Hiccup sobs poured from him, shaking the bed.

“It’s ok.” She kissed him on the top of his head. “Sissy’s here.”

***

Eli awoke in his bed, comfortable, except for his butt which stung for some reason. He rolled over and dropped to the floor. Three questions sprang to mind. Why was he wearing flannel pajamas? Why was he in his sisters’ room? And why was everything so big?

His brain furnished answers, but they slipped through his consciousness like sand through fingers. Try as he might, he couldn’t remember the answers for more than a second, like unearthing buried treasure only to have it immediately reinterred, over and over again.

He gave up the hopeless mental exercise and snatched his phone from the nightstand. The messages icon indicated five, two from Ally, two from Zoey and one from someone named Parker. He read them all, but they were junk. They were probably trying to play tricks on him.

After discarding the phone, he left the bedroom and went straight for the kitchen, casting a quick glance toward his sisters, who were splayed out on the couch. He tugged at the refrigerator door until it finally opened with a cold swoosh. The Chinese food looked promising. He nabbed it, closed the door and stood on his tiptoes to open the microwave.

“Eli?” Winter asked.

Frustrated with the height of everything in the kitchen, he turned to face his sister. “What?”

“Are you...ok?” she asked.

“Uh, yeh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Ally appeared from around the corner, her new iPhone in hand. “Eli, how old are you?”

“What’s with the weird questions?” he asked. “And why is everything so huge?” Shouldn’t he be taller than Ally, or at least taller than Winter?

“Just answer it.” Ally glided over to him, plucking the Chinese from his hands.

“Um.” He considered the question. Maybe it was a trick. “I’m fourteen.”

Ally’s face relaxed. “Good. I think you’re finally back to normal.”

“Whatever. Leave me alone. I’m starving.”

“Awww.” Winter whined. “I liked young Eli better.”

“Did you read your messages?” Ally asked.

“Yes.” He jumped for the Chinese carton, but she lifted it out of his reach.

“So...what about Parker’s for dinner tonight? She invited everyone.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He thought back to Parker’s message — something about a kiss and feelings and dating. None of it made any sense. Probably a joke. It wouldn’t be the first time a girl teased him after Zoey dumped him.

“I don’t wanna go. Ok?” He looked around. Maybe he could find something else to eat.

“Ok,” Ally said after a pause. Then, she placed the Chinese in the microwave, set the timer for two minutes, and hit start.

He grabbed a plate and a fork, his stomach rumbling while the food cooked. Why were they watching him like creepers? They had to be up to something.

“Where did these come from?” He plucked the front of his green and blue pajamas.

“You like um’?” Winter’s face lit up. “We dressed y —”

“You put them on before taking a nap,” Ally said to Eli. “Don’t you remember?”

Winter’s expression slackened briefly before brightening again. “Remember Eli? You said you were tired and needed a nap.”

“I remember.” He didn’t, at least not entirely, but the food would help clear his brain fog. Chinese wasn’t his favorite, but it had been a long time since he’d had it.

After the buzzer went off Ally said, “Go sit at the table.”

“Can I eat with Eli?” Without waiting for a response, Winter grabbed a plate and set it beside his, on the long edge of the table. She dragged a chair around, placing it inches from his.

“I suppose there’s enough for two.” Ally opened the steaming carton, then scooped a couple of large spoonfuls on each of their plates. “But let Eli eat as much as he wants. He needs it.”

“I will,” Winter said.

After Ally filled Winter’s glass with water, Eli asked, “Can I have milk?”

“You want milk with Chinese food?” Ally said.

Winter giggled.

“What’s so funny? Yes, I want milk with Chinese food.” He sighed. “I’ll get it.”

“No. Go sit down.” Ally shooed him back to his seat, then grabbed the half empty gallon of milk from the fridge. “I just thought it was a little strange, that’s all.”

“Well I think you’re a little strange,” Eli said. “You’ve been staring at me all day and it’s creeping me out.”

Ally rolled her eyes. After she poured the milk, she went back to the living room. “Call me if you need anything.”

“What the heck? She’s acting like we’re kids.”

Winter giggled again. “She’s crazy.”

He dug into his food like a starving animal, wolfing large forkfuls and washing it down with milk. Winter did the same, matching his pace, bite for bite. After cleaning his plate, he patted his stuffed stomach.

She poured the remainder of the food on their plates, dividing it evenly between them..

“I’m full.”

“I thought you said you were starving. I had a snack and I’m still eating.” She took a big bite of fried rice and egg, then swallowed. How could she eat so much?

“C’mon, just one more bite.” Winter grabbed his fork, loaded it and moved it slowly toward his mouth. “Airplane, coming in for landing.”

Something seemed wrong about the situation, but he couldn’t wrap his head around it. However the facts were simple. The fork was an airplane, and his mouth the landing pad. So, he opened his mouth and let the food pour in.

“See, I knew you could do it.”

Of course he could. He wasn’t stupid, just full. Why couldn’t she understand?

She reloaded the ‘plane’ with cargo, but he shook his head and stood up before it could approach for another ‘landing’.

“Aww, ok.” She finished off both plates while he took his utensils and glass to the sink. He reached the faucet, but cleaning on his tiptoes proved awkward at best. Eventually she appeared behind him and took over the washing chore. She let him dry the plates and set them in the rack.

“What next?” Winter asked, a bit too excited.

“What do you mean?”

“Um. Wanna do gymnastics with me downstairs?”

“Why would I want to do that?”

She scratched at her cheek. “Can you help me with my homework?”

“I don’t know. I’ve gotta — ”

“Pleeeeeease. It’ll be quick.”

He knew he should be working on other things, but none came immediately to mind. “Fine.”

“Yay!” She took his hand and they zoomed into Winter’s bedroom. Well, he supposed it was his bedroom too now.

She set up shop on her bed, fishing out the school supplied tablet and navigating to the math exercises website. After answering a few of the questions, she paused on one, scratching her head. “Sometimes variables confuse me,” she said.

He examined the question.

Use the equation y=m+9 to find the value of y when m=7.

The letters and words made no sense. Math meant numbers, not letters. This site must be using some new training technique for kids.

“This is stupid,” he said. Switch to eighth grade.”

“Why?”

“If I teach you eighth grade math, fifth grade will be easy for you.”

“Ok.” She clicked a link. “Oops.”

“Wait.” He pushed her hand away from the screen. “Here we go.” Finally, something that looked normal.

7 + 8 =

“Um,” she said.

“Go ahead. Solve it.”

“But, this is addition.” She looked at him strangely, probably trying to figure it out in her head.

“I’ll get paper and pencil,” he said.

She touched his arm, stopping him. “The answer is fifteen.”

He scrutinized it for a few seconds. “No, I think it’s something else.”

She typed in 15 and pressed submit.

Correct!

“Oh yeh,” he said. “Fifteen. That’s right.” She’d gotten lucky, but she couldn’t rely on luck forever. The next question appeared.

9 + 2 =

She glanced at the question, then stared at him, obviously perplexed.

“Are you sure you don’t need paper?” he asked.

“Um.” She chewed on her bottom lip, still looking at him. “Yeh. I do.” She reached over, opened the drawer on the nightstand and pulled out a little pad of paper with hearts on the edges, along with a pencil. She wrote the numbers down vertically and drew a line under them.

“Can you show me how to solve it?” She placed the pad in front of him.

“Well yeh. But you should try to solve it yourself first.” He felt a little guilty, making her do eighth grade math. But she’d only improve if she pushed herself. Unlike other subjects, he excelled at math. He didn’t want to show off and make her feel worse.

She nodded, then made a bunch of line marks with her pencil, several on the first row and two on the bottom with the cross symbol.

|||||||||

+ ||

———

“I’m stuck, Eli.” she said. “What do I do next?” She handed him the pencil.

“Hmm.” He set to work on the calculation himself. She seemed to be on the right track with all of those lines, but she was missing something. He’d done this type of problem often enough. He didn’t really need paper, but it would be difficult to explain the answer to her if he didn’t show his work. Still, it was one of those where he just knew the answer, but not the best explanation.

He set the tip of the pencil under the line and hesitated. Eventually he wrote ‘29’.

“See, the two is smaller so you have to put it first, then you put the nine after it.” Something about it felt off, but again, some math things couldn’t be explained easily.

“Are you sure it’s not eleven?” she asked.

He typed the number ‘29’ into the screen and pressed submit.

Sorry, Incorrect…

The correct answer is 11.

“Oh...yeh," he said. "Eleven.”

She bit her lip again then smiled. “I think I like eighth grade math. Can we do more?”

“Uh, sure. Just don’t go too fast, or you’ll make a mistake.”

She proceeded to click through the ‘addition’ problems. She’d write the answer on paper, then proceed to show him how to solve it, once again using those tick marks. It started making sense after she’d gone through several questions, getting each one right.

“You’re doing all these in your head first?” he asked.

She beamed at him, nodding. Ally usually helped Winter with homework. Perhaps he’d never noticed how good she was in math.

They went through several more examples. This time, she let him solve each one, correcting him if he drew the wrong number of marks on the paper. She really had developed a cool technique for solving them. He still couldn’t do it in his head like her, but he’d stopped getting incorrect answers.

She cheered when he answered the final question of the unit, making him feel an odd sense of accomplishment. He should do his homework with her more often. She’d get ahead of others in her class and he’d probably learn something knew. She seemed to have a different way of approaching problems.

“You’re a really cool brother.” She gave him a quick peck on the forehead.

“Yuck.” He wiped it off. “What was that for?”

She giggled, then asked. “Wanna go do gymnastics now?”

“No. Why would I want to do gymnastics?”

She scrunched her face, then asked, “Wanna go watch Frozen?”

“What’s that?” It sounded familiar but he couldn’t place it.

“You’ve never seen Frozen?!”

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

“Ohmigosh, we’ve got to watch it right now.” She took his hand and dragged him into the living room. She turned on the TV and fiddled with the controls of the gaming system.

“What are you doing?” Ally looked up from her phone.

“We’re watching Frozen!” Winter opened Amazon streaming services.

“Again? Haven’t you seen it enough already.”

“Eli’s never watched it.”

“So,” Ally turned off her phone. “It’s a kids movie.”

“Is not! Don’t listen to her, Eli.”

“Eli, do you actually want to watch this?” Ally asked.

“Um.” He couldn’t think of anything better to be doing right now. The food hadn’t helped as much with his brain fog as he’d expected. “I guess.”

Ally rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’ll be in my room.”

***

Ally lay on the bed in her room. Her room. Finally, a place to call her own. She’d wanted a separate room for so long, ever since she’d outgrown toys and dolls and all the stuff Winter still enjoyed. She’d achieved her goal but, unfortunately, she couldn’t enjoy it properly.

She still felt terrible about spanking Eli. Each of his screams shredded her heart, and the image of his tear drenched face interrupted her thoughts. Worst of all, he didn’t seem to remember it, so even if she wanted to apologize, she couldn’t.

She blamed Parker. The girl had said spanking was sometimes necessary to discipline premies suffering from age dysphoria. Ally had spent the last hour researching it, and though Parker hadn’t lied, she’d neglected to mention other (non-corporeal) forms of punishment. Just as with real children, the internet was highly divided on the topic of spanking.

She got to her feet and paced. She’d been so distressed, she’d forgotten entirely about filming a new episode. She sat down at Eli’s desk (her desk now), and checked YouTube on his laptop. At least she could review the comments and —

Holy shit. He had over a thousand subscribers and nine thousand views. What the hell happened? She scrolled to the comment sections.

Definitely the same kid.

aww, look at the way they’re treating him. i just want to cuddle him.

does ne one know if he has a gf

There were also several mean or disgusting comments which spawned long threads of back and forth arguing. She deleted a few of the most sickening ones, then browsed over the positive ones. Almost everyone requested the same thing: they wanted him to sing.

Again.

She clicked on a link in a recent comment and it jumped her to a different channel: Old Skool Mayhem — Eli and Carter’s band name last year. She pressed play. It was the recording session from last Saturday!

She dialed Carter. While the phone rang, she and flipped through the other videos on the channel. They were just Carter by himself, each with only a few dozen views. The one with Eli, titled Come As You Are, had over forty thousand views and it was only two days old.

“Who’s this?” Carter asked.

“You fucking asshole! I can’t believe you posted my brother’s video!”

“Ally, is that you?”

“Delete it.” Her vision blurred. “Delete it right now!”

“Hold up. What are you  — holy crap, it already has forty-two thousand views.” He drew some quick, fast breaths. “Ok. Calm down. I promise whatever money this brings in will get donated to Eli’s fund. I’m not about to —”

“Listen to me you little prick.” She squeezed the edge of the desk so hard her tan fingers turned white. “If he finds out about this, he’ll kill both of us.”

“He’s a little small for that don’t you think? I mean I’m pretty sure we can defend —”

“This isn’t a joke! He’ll hate me for the rest of my life. He’ll hate you too.”

Carter sighed. “How about I just talk to him first. I’ll take the heat. I’ll tell him I stole it while you weren’t watching. It’s the truth.”

“He’ll still hate me for it. I can’t believe you did this to him, Carter. He said from day one he doesn’t want his music on the internet. You betrayed him. You're supposed to be his friend.”

“I am his friend!” It sounded like Carter punched something. “Friends don’t let friends feel sorry for themselves for the rest of their life. I did it to prove to him how talented he is. I mean, look at these comments. They fucking love him.”

“I’ll say this one last time.” She struggled to keep her voice under control. “Delete it.”

“I guaran-fucking-tee it’s already been downloaded a hundred times. If I delete it, it’ll just pop up on some other channel, and Eli won’t get any of the revenue. Is that what you want? If he’s going to become famous for a day, he might as well get paid.”

He did have a good point. It was a shitty situation, but she’d seen the same thing happen a million times on YouTube. Someone else would post content from an artist without permission and take credit. At least Carter would give Eli the money. She’d make sure of that.

“What if — what if he’s not just famous for a day?” she asked. “What if this puts him in danger?”

“Relax. It’s forty thousand, not forty million. Most of these comments are from gen X’ers, older folks in their thirties and forties. He’s not fucking Justin Bieber or Harry Styles. I doubt anyone at Landon Middle even knows who Nirvana is — a shame, really, but true.”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Some of the color returned to her hand. Maybe she’d overreacted a bit. Still, she didn’t want to let him off the hook.

“Fine. Leave it. But you’re breaking the news to him this weekend. And if you don’t send him the ad revenue — ”

“Hey, I’m a member of the band too. We should split it. But I’ll give him all of it if that’s what he wants. I’m not a complete douche bag.”

“Fine. Just...don’t ever do this again.”

“I won’t, unless he’s ok with it.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Tell it to Eli.” She hung up.