Here’s something both Parvians and Magnians can agree on: the rent is too damn high.  

Rent is one of the biggest downsides of living in the city.  How can you expect to get by in life when a third of your paycheck goes to your landlord?  And that doesn’t even include utilities!  Most Parvians live out in the suburbs and commute every day.  You would think that taking up a fraction of the space would mean cheap housing for us, right?  Well, “cheap” is one way to put it.  The Parvian apartments in the city are ghettos run by slumlords.  A lot of them were hastily built after the Great Integration in formerly abandoned lots.  They aren’t even that cheap!  To have the great honor of living in one of those ramshackle tenements, you’d be paying about as much rent as the average Magnian.

I decided that I wasn’t having any of that.  I tried the commuting thing but the hour long train ride got really old really fast.  While I made pretty good money as a nurse, I definitely didn't make enough to afford a Magnian apartment all to myself.  And besides, all the extra living space would be extremely excessive.  I would need an hour long commute just to get from one end to the other!  If I was to do that, I was going to need roommates…

I’m sure I’m not the only one who had come up with this idea, but then again, I had never heard of it before.  It made sense, really.  And so I post an ad online: “Looking for female roommates.”  I didn’t mention in the listing that I was a Parvian.  I’d tell them during my first phone call after I’d screened their application.  It wasn’t an easy process and some genuinely nice people ultimately said, “Thanks, but no thanks.”  I don’t blame it on discrimination--I can understand wanting to be at home and not worry about a tiny roommate underfoot.  Still, I was pretty relieved when I was able to fill the last room.

I do think it works out in their favor, actually.  Despite the fact that I was paying as much rent as they were, I didn’t actually require a room.  I think this was pretty ingenious actually: I bought an old RV and had it set up near the large bay window.  It wasn’t fancy, but it provided my with my own space, as well my Parvian-sized kitchen and bathroom.  If I kept to myself, my roommates would hardly notice that I even lived there.

As it is, though, we all really get along.

“‘Sup ladies!” I shouted as I walked under the door and into the apartment.  (Technically, I guess any Parvian could easily get in...but we weren’t that worried about burglary.  What were they going to steal?)

“Daisy’s in the house!  Heads up!  Or down, actually...” called Katie from the kitchen.  Whatever she was making smelled delicious.

“Mmmm,” I replied as I climbed up to my window perch.  “I don’t know what that is, but let me know if you have leftovers.  You know I don’t need much!”

“It’s just salmon with a little balsamic glaze.  These filets were a good deal at the store today, so I was inspired.  But yeah, I might be able to scrape a tiny piece off for you...if you’re lucky.”

I tossed my bag inside the door of my RV, then made my way to the kitchen counter to have some conversation.  An assortment of bowls, pans, and measuring cups dwarfed me like a small town cityscape, but not nearly as much as did the titanic chef.  

“Nah, don’t worry about it.  I already ate.  I just got off a 12-hour shift and was starving.”

“I don't blame you...but your loss,” she said, tasting a bit of the glaze.  “I'll offer some to Jessica after she gets out of the shower. Might not be even a nibble left afterwards.”

Katie took a sip from her glass of white wine.  She offered me some, but I politely declined.  I had a lot of work to do that night and needed a level head.  I had my RN, but the hospital really wanted me to get my BSN degree.  I’m fine with getting it, because it’ll mean more money for me in the end, but for me right now it means following up work with more work.

A few minutes later, the door opened and in came the fourth of us: Lizzie.  She took a step inside, closed the door, and uttered a huge, dramatic sigh.  She then quickly shuffled to the couch, collapsing in a pile face first.  

“Long day?”

“Mm hmmm,” came the muffled response from the couch pillow.

“Sorry honey.  Let us know if you want to vent.”

No response from Liz.

A freshly showered Jessica walked by in her towel and slippers, stopping in front of the couch. “Asshole boss problems?”

“Ughh, she is such a bitch!” said an exasperated Lizzie.

Jess paused in a moment of sympathy.  “Tell you what. Have the rest of the Ben & Jerry's. Sounds like you deserve it.”

“After you eat some fish!  This salmon will be out of the oven in ten minutes if you girls want any,” Katie offered.  “Daisy already said no. Don't break my heart, too.”

“Enjoy!” I said, making my way to my room.  “I’ve got some kinesiology homework to do.  If I'm not out by tomorrow, just take my whole RV and bury it in the backyard, because I'll be dead.”

~+~+~

Half an hour later and I was struggling to stay awake.  I looked at the alarm clock by my bed.  It was only 7:45, but I had been awake since 4 am.  Instead of reading textbooks, I would much rather be watching Netflix on Jessie's massive plasma TV.  It was a good size for a Magnian, but for a Parvian it was like having your own personal IMAX theater in your living room.

Just as I was about to buckle down and hit the books once more, I heard a knock at my door. By that, I mean that the whole RV rocked back and forth after one of my roommates’ Magnian finger rammed the door two or three times.  At least they were getting better and gentler at it. The first time Katie wanted me, half of my plates ended up broken.

“What do you want?” I shouted in an annoyed voice.

“Um, Daisy...we need you.”

“Yeah, we need your... expertise.”

“And just a heads up: you're not going to like this.”

I didn't know what to expect and honestly didn't want to know.  If this was something urgent, then whoever is hurt should just go to the ER!  I was off duty.

I took a deep breath and walked out my door.  “What's up?”

“So, that salmon was delectable,” said Katie, speaking slowly and carefully.  “I really think I baked it at the perfect temperature.  And the glaze was a good consistency…”

“Yeah, but she forgot to check for bones!” Liz interrupted.

“I...I might have swallowed a fishbone,” Katie sheepishly confessed, a hand held to her throat.  “I've been coughing and coughing, but it's really lodged in my throat.”

“Like, really in there,” said Jessica. She turned on her phone's flash and held it up to Katie's mouth.  Katie opened as wide as she could.  The bright white LED light washed out a lot of reds and pinks as it illuminated the moist chamber, but the details of her tongue, teeth, and tonsils were all very clear.  Jessica depressed Katie's tongue with a pen, allowing us to see just beyond the dangling uvula and into the throat.  

“I...I don't really see anything,” I said, though I wasn't too keen on getting a closer look.

“Ahhhhh,” said Katie, trying to open her throat even wider.

“Look,” Jessica said, “it's lodged down next to her vocal cords.  What's that flap thing called?”

“The epiglottis,” I informed.  Sure enough, I could see the sliver of salmon bone in the lining of Katie's throat, deep in her pharynx.  “Yeah, you're right.  It's really in there.  You're not going to be coughing that one up anytime soon.”

Katie closed her mouth and gulped.  “It really hurts,” she said, a small tear forming in her eye.  

“I understand, Katie. But…”

I wasn't dumb.  I knew exactly why they called me.  But I was going to do everything I could to avoid or at least delay the inevitable.

“Daisy, Liz and I have been trying to get it out ourselves with tweezers for twenty minutes.  It's just in too deep.  And yeah, we could take the train down to the hospital, sit in the ER for a few hours, and then pay a medical bill afterwards.  Or…”

“...or you could ask your conveniently miniature roommate.”

“Please Daisy,” Katie begged, speaking through raspy coughs, “I'll do anything. I'll pay your part of the electric bill.  I'll do your laundry!”

“Ha!  It would actually like to see you try to fold my clothes.  You'd need a magnifying glass.”

Katie's only response was in her pleading, watery blue eyes and quivering lip.

I sighed.  All three of them were staring at me.  I felt like I really didn't have a choice in the matter, which annoyed me a little, but at the same time, I'd be a really bad friend to not help when I could.  “Fine, Katie.  I'll do it.  I'll get the damn thing out of you!”

“Yay!” Lizzie and Jessica clapped while Katie just looked relieved.  

“Good thing I've still got my scrubs on...”

~+~+~

We all gathered in the bathroom where the overhead light was brightest.  Katie sat on the toilet seat and leaned her head back.  Jessica had her phone out, again using the flash, but also filming the whole escapade.  (I really hoped that she wasn't planning to put this on YouTube.) Meanwhile, Lizzie was helping me secure a harness made out of floss.  

“Pay me a little extra and I can work on flossing your back molars while I'm in there!” I joked.

“Oh, could you do me, too?” Jessica said, flashing me with a wide open mouth. “Ahhhh!  I have a hard time reaching back there.”

“Uhhh, actually I have a weekly limit on how many Magnian mouths I venture into...and it's one.  Preferably none.”

“That’s cool.  I’ll contact you on Monday, then!”

“Sure. Yeah. Let's just get this over with first.”

I tugged on the floss, giving it a good yank or two.  It seemed secure enough and Lizzie had a good hold on the other end.  The last thing any of us wanted to deal with tonight was retrieving me from Katie's inner depths.  When Lizzie lifted me off the counter, I swayed liked a pendulum for a few seconds before stabilizing.  I looked like a rescue worker dangling from a helicopter.  With a steady hand, Lizzie carried me up and over until I was hovering above Katie’s open mouth.  

I looked down at the red, wet pit below.  The light shimmered on every surface and I could almost see my reflection in the pools of saliva gathering at the base of the tongue.  A hot breath of humidity escaped up from my roommate's throat.  I had forced her to use mouthwash, but there was still a hint of fish mingling with the scent of mint.  The mere act of exhaling agitated the obstruction in her throat, triggering a cough.  A violent quake shook throughout her oral cavity and her tongue and uvula flailed about.

“Sorry…” Katie apologized in a hoarse whisper.

“You're fine,” I said.  She had coughed a plume of spittle in my direction, but I was about to be drenched in the stuff anyway.  “Alright, take me down, Liz.”

As Lizzie lowered me, Jessica attempted to lighten the mood as she recorded all of this.  “And here our courageous hero descends into the abyss.  All eyes are on her now.  Will she be able to retrieve the artifact from its precarious position within the Great Katie Caverns?  Or will the Mystical Fishbone of Power be forever lost?  Will the intrepid Daisy make it out or will she plummet to her own certain doom?!”

I looked up at Jessica in disbelief and extended my middle finger in her direction.  I looked down again in time to see my feet colliding with Katie’s tongue.  It was slick and wet, but rough and sticky enough that my clothes immediately clung to it.  I could tell that it was very difficult for Katie to keep her tongue still and motionless, as it continue to twitch and roll.  I started to drag along its length, surely giving Katie a good taste of Parvian roommate.  Before long, I was completely within her mouth and would soon be well into her throat.

“Hold on a second, Liz,” I shouted.  “Pull me back up.”

My descent stopped, then was reversed.  In a short second, I was lifted out of the mouth and hanging in front of three inquiring faces.

“Are you having second thoughts?” asked Katie anxiously.

“No.  But we’re going about this all wrong.  If I keep being lowered this way, I'm going to trigger one your reflexes, either swallowing or gagging.  Neither would be pleasant for you or for me.  So, new plan.  Keep your head level this time.  I'm going to crawl towards the back of your throat on my belly and try to reach the bone from your tongue.  Got it?”

Katie nodded in response.

“Lizzie, you need to keep a hold on the rope just in case I slip too far, but give me plenty of slack as well.  And Jess...turn off the damned camera!”

Soon I was acquainted with Katie’s tongue once more, though this time it was my red carpet.  Crawling on all fours wasn’t easy.  My hands and knees sunk into the warm, wet flesh with every move, then it took some effort to pull them back up out of the saliva.  Just as before, her tongue continued to quiver and tremble.  It was like trying to clamber across a waterbed.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to go very far before I reached the edge of the “cliff.”

I was at the intersection of Katie’s mouth and throat: her pharynx.  The back of her tongue sloped steeply downwards from here.  If I crawled any further, I would be making a one way trip.  That’s what the floss rope around my torso was for, but her tongue also had a good friction grip on me, as well.  Katie was breathing through her mouth, which was actually for the best as it opened up the chamber for me.  Her uvula was too busy getting sucked back into her nasal cavity to bother me.  The only downside was the gale force winds rushing in and out and above and around me at all times.  There was enough light coming in that I could see down into her trachea, or windpipe.  If she had spoken anything, I would have seen her vocal cords in action (but I’m glad that she didn’t, as even a whisper would have been deafening this close.)

Right in front of me was the curved piece of cartilage called the epiglottis.  If the pharynx was an intersection, the epiglottis was the traffic cop directing air down the trachea and food into the esophagus.  When Katie swallowed, the flap would close to make sure the food didn’t “go down the wrong pipe.”  Should it fail to do that and food blocks the airway, then she would start choking.  Since this fishbone wasn’t that large, fortunately she didn’t choke on it and she’s very lucky it didn’t go down into her lungs.  Instead, it got lodged somewhere around here and for some reason, it was my job to find it!

I had to be very careful with where I put my hands.  I didn’t know how sensitive Katie’s gag reflex was and I didn’t really want to test it to find out.  I was probably pushing the poor girl’s limits as it were.  Still, if I could just reach the fishbone from my position, I could extract it rather painlessly.  I had a general idea of where it was, but the light from Jessica’s phone quite wasn’t enough to illuminate its position.  

I extended my arm as far I could and very delicately felt around.  The walls were rough and slick and warm.  I could feel Katie’s pulse beating quickly and the blood rushing back and forth.  But I couldn’t feel the bone or anything like it.  I squinted my eyes to try to make anything out of the darkness.  There wasn’t a whole lot of room for it to be hiding.  It had to be near me, just out of reach.  Edging myself just a little further down, I felt around again.  This time, something sharp pricked my palm.

“I found it!” I shouted up at the girls outside.  “Just like we thought, it’s lodged in deep.  I’m glad that Katie’s not bleeding, though.  I can feel the end of it, but I can’t quite get enough of a grip to pull it out.  I need more leverage.  Keep a hold on me, Liz!  I’m going a little further in.”

“Be careful, Daiz!” said Jessica.

The could touch the fishbone with my fingertips, but I was going to need to pull it out with both hands.  Just a few more inches would be enough.  I shimmied forward on my belly, keeping one arm outstretched toward the bone.  At this point, I was more determined and driven than ever.  It was going to get this out of my roommate’s throat and she would owe me a whole pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream--and I wasn’t sharing.

Perhaps it was my stubborn drive that caused a tactical error.  I was so focused on where my hands were, I didn’t even think about my head.  As I was urging forward, my head came in contact with the sensitive skin of Katie’s epiglottis.  Immediately, rushing air stopped moving.  Katie’s breathing stopped.  

“Katie, what’s going on?” asked Jessica alertly.  “Daisy, are you okay in there?  Katie’s clutching her throat like she’s choking!”

“Dammit!” I shouted.  “I bumped into her throat wrong and I think I triggered a reflex.  Don’t cough me up, Katie!  Don’t do it!”

The air started up again, but it was very labored.  Katie couldn’t help it and I knew it.  I needed to brace myself.  She was going to start coughing.

“Hold me tight, Liz!”

My eardrums almost burst from the explosive sound.  My whole world lurched and quaked and shook.  I braced myself with both hands, seeking something to cling to, but I didn’t want to make matters worse and make her cough even more.  Not only would it endanger me, it would endanger Katie by moving the fishbone even deeper.  To my relief, it seemed that after just two or three coughs, everything was stabilizing.

Then the swallowing motion began.  Katie couldn't help it.  The coughing combined with half a minute of accumulating saliva—I wasn't going to blame her, but I wasn't going to like it.  All light was shut out as her lips closed.  Behind me, I could feel her tongue pressing up against the roof of her mouth.  There was a sudden pressure change and my ears popped.  A wave of saliva rolled passed me, over her now closed epiglottis, and descended down her gullet.  If it weren't for my floss lifeline, I would have joined that one way journey to her stomach!

“Is everyone okay?”

“I'm good!” I shouted.  “Tell Katie that I'm fine and not to worry.”

“I will after she exits her state of shock.”

Once I regained my orientation, I went back to the task at hand.  From the girls’ perspective, all they would have seen was a pair of tiny legs sticking out of Katie's throat.  I was as far down as I could get without being swallowed.  The only thing keeping me from falling was my floss harness.  It wasn't the most comfortable, but I was able to reach out both my arms until I felt the fishbone again.

The bone was covered in a thin layer of saliva and mucus, making it fairly slippery in my hands.  I was going to need to ensure that I had a firm grip on it before pulling it out.  I started slowly, carefully easing it out of its resting place in the lining of Katie's throat.  This was not proving to be that difficult.  The only challenge was that at this upside down angle, I only had a little bit of leeway and leverage.  I was going to need some help.

“Hey Lizzie!  I've got the fishbone in my grip, but I can't pull it out on my own.  You're going to have it pull us both out at the same time.”

“Gotcha!  Going up!”

Momentarily, I would be emerging from within Katie, fishbone and all.  It was longer than I was tall!  Dangling in the air, I proudly brandished it like a greatsword, displaying it for all to see.  “Ta da!”

“Ohmygosh, you did it!”

“Woohoo!  Good job, Daisy!”

“Oh, Daisy, if you weren’t so small, I’d hug you right now!” Katie exclaimed, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Hey, no sweat.  Just saliva!” I said.  My scrubs were drenched and my hair was frazzled.  I was going to need a long, hot soak in the bathtub after this.

“Whatever favor or reward you want, I’ll do it.  I owe you big time.”

“Oh, I already know.  And it involves your friends Ben and Jerry…”

~+~+~

“Dear lord, Daisy,” Jessica said in astonishment.  “It’s going to take you a year to eat all of that.”

“Watch me,” I retorted, licking my lips.  One of the plus sides of being a Parvian: a pint of ice cream is very well a year’s supply.  I needed a stepladder just to get to the rim!  If I were to eat a Magnian-sized mouthful, I would likely immediately enter into a sugar-induced coma.  

“Well, if you feel like sharing, just let me know.  I love mint chocolate chunk.”

My only response was an audible mmmm as I slowly withdrew my spoon from my mouth.  The chocolate chips were the size of my fist.  It was glorious.

“Thanks Kate!  Excellent flavor choice.” I called out across the room.  Katie was seated at the desk with a pair of tweezers and squinting at a pile of itty bitty clothing.  

“Oh, and do be careful with my socks.  I’d hate to lose a pair!”