Enough

It had been the last in a series of hard weekends at work. That spiralled into weeks, months going years, that just ended up summarising his life. He just couldn't handle it anymore. His mums voice rang in his ears, "Working in retail is horrible don't, do it!" 

But what was he to do now? He had no job prospects little to no education and customers along with managers who would belittle and bully him at any given moment.  

That was today, tomorrow would be different. Yes he had work but he didn't have to go in. The wage wasn't worth the turmoil. Especially when just by chance he should get his hands on a fabled wonder drug. 
Simon was sitting at his computer desk just blankly starring into the plain vile of what looked like plain water. Inconspicuous to the naked eye and completely plain in every way. 

Opening a web page there where bulletins all over the place, adverts on blogs, posted all over major news outlets that these viles of inconspicuous liquid where toxic and dangerous. 

Though if you where to scratch the surface it really was something a bit more unique. Simon had learned about this syrum down the grapevine. A story of a friend from a friend type thing, only this time multiplied a hundred times. If you spent the time reading a vast majority of it the consensus was that the drug had one of ten effects, in no particular order it ranged from, paralysis, organ failure, several things related to vision and sensory functions. To a very unique end note, metamorphosis. 

Simon didn't care for the world he lived in but if he could fundamentally change himself physically. He would no longer exist as the same person. Given the risks where certain death didn't matter to him at all. He didn't have a future to risk as it stood now. So why hesitate? 

"No..." He quietly voiced to himself. If he was going to do this then he didn't want to do it in this shared apartment. He doubted anyone would raise the alarm till they found his dead rotting corpse, given how he felt invisible in the home and life in general. 

Looking at the time he noted it was getting late close to eleven PM. Letting the pc run through shut down, he went into a closet he kept many odd bits and pieces in, till he found a little red bag. Opening it up to reveal it contained gauze and other related medical equipment including syringes with needles. He honestly forgot why he bought a advanced medical kit but still didn't change the fact it was coming in use today. Taking the items he felt he needed out. Scissors, gauze, needle and syringe. He put the rest into a backpack he had lying around. 

Looking back to his now silent PC he took out the bolts in the back revealing it's two hard drives. Removing both the drives he put them in his rucksack as well. He then began going through every piece of electronic equipment removing batteries and memory cards sticking everything in his bag. It all ended with him holding his phone, hesitating for a moment thinking about what he was doing. It didn't matter anymore nothing mattered, not really. Simon logically saw no point in his current existence. Taking the back off he removed the sim and then took out its memory card.

When he was finished his room was a chaotic mess. Anything tied to him was all electronic; no physical documents existed about his person. None that truly mattered, his life and everything he lived for was all dismantled or in an SD card in his bag. Any person coming snooping wouldn't be able to learn anything about him or what could possibly drive a person to vanish. 
Still it felt right, this life wasn't a life. Being bullied all the time, scared that offending someone while trying to do a pathetic job would cost him his lively hood. The stress and pointlessness was just to much. Disappearing just felt only natural, as if it was the only door he had to open. Even if disappearing meant dying figuratively and realistically. It was all he had left that was an option to take. 

Finding he had slumped down on the end of his bed clutching onto that same syrum that leapfrogged this whole thing. He wondered why he hadn't done this sooner, was this just an excuse or inevitability? Given how he could feel his mind just tugging deeper into a cold place maybe it was just that, inevitable. After all, death was the end of everything living has to face at some point, all he was doing was just ramping up the natural process. No one would notice if some guy just vanished or died. He had seen it for himself in his peers as unfortunate colleagues died from heart attacks brought on through stress and an abuse of energy drinks. There names would forever go unmarked in history and there sacrifice to a pointless cause that no sane person would truly understand. 
"Yes..." Simon said this time hoisting the bag on his back. This was only natural. 

Simon had began walking towards the central city district. It was dark and so quiet. It was eerily beautiful in many ways. No cars, no noise and no people. Seeing everything under a handful of stars string enough to break through the light pollution of his city streets. Walking slowly into the empty bus service station with parked busses filling every square inch. He decided it a good idea to head down to the river that ran through its centre. 
Simon saw people living it rough sleeping in the doorways to the shops that still clung to a living in the city centre despite the best efforts of local supermarkets. Simon wondered if he would have been like those sleeping in the doorways to shops like that. Maybe in a year that's what could have happened. He couldn't help but sympathise with there plight. But then again they chose that life like he chose his own, they where as free as him after all. But maybe even more free, they led a simpler life one in which made sense to them in some way. 

Simon kept wondering about everything, small decisions big decisions. How little weight they seemed to have, or how insignificant it looked if you changed your way of viewing it. Then it was the same for all people. So why was he so alone? He never understood it, was he truly alone in a world of seven billion. Was he just mad that he saw the world at a skewed angle or something? Romantic ideas of being a silent revolutionise of some sort. A man born without bravery to stand by what they feel as injustice in society. 
Now atop a bridge Simon was brought back from the depths of his own psyche to his present reality again. Taking a look around at the street lamps he saw big brother watching him, he guessed he would have to go further down river to go unseen. Determined to finish his task within  the next hour and get this burden lifted from his shoulders he carried on down river. Past the train station a hub to a world outside his city that he never did get a sense of any real connection to his own. Passed moored holiday makers, camping in small river boats. They just sat there, like little islands there occupants wealthy enough to buy there own boat only to use it to vacation on there own doorsteps. How odd people can be, Simon remarked to himself walking into an area where nature hadn't been destroyed for development just yet. 

Suddenly he was aware of every single little step he took as his jeans and boots snapped through brambles along with an unending number of dead branches. Looking up through a gap in the foliage he could see more stars now then he thought he had possibly seen before. His mind raced back to little bits and pieces he remembered his grandfather telling him. He smiled basking in the knowledge that ancient deceased stars where raining down there starlight upon him. Reaching out his hand he selfishly wished he could grasp at the known and unknown out there. 

Simon rucksack dislodged by his standing position fell to the ground. He guessed here and now was as good a place as any to begin. Opening it up he pulled out a hard drive. Feeling it's weight and texture in his hand, before throwing it out into the river. All his secrets and even parts of his life bubbled briefly atop the river before it returned to normal. Picking his bag up once more he began walking the length of the river throwing his past into it. Trying his best to not disturb the ground he walked on to much. 

After awhile he began to enjoy it deeply. Everything that tied him to this life was all consumed in the river that once fed this industrious city. But now served as it's backdrop. Though, Simon was happy to being privy to one secret the river now held over him on some way, or at least until sediment and erosion took its toll on everything hidden from view or floating into the ocean. 

His bag now redundant he held onto it. He carried on forward looking for a return to concrete. By the time he made it back to a road it was breaking into two thirty in the morning. In the cover of the bushes he layed out a spot for his last task as Simon the bullied slave to society. Taking his jacket off and then rolling up his top to reveal his right arm he looked for a large vein to use. Finding it fairly easily, he attached the needle atop the syringe and then burst the seal on the drug. Immitating everything he had seen done in films and by other real doctors, Simon had finished preparing the syrum ready to be injected. As far as he could see and tell there was no air in the syringe and all that was left was to inject it. Breathing as calmly as he could he poked the needle into his skin realising instantly that he had missed. Pulling the tip out he done his best to calm his shaking hands. He took a few minutes just sitting on the damp cold earth as he readied for one more attempt. A cold sweat had enveloped his body causing him to shiver from the cold, adding to his already mountain of anxiety. 

Pressing the syringe in a second time he felt the tip slide into an open space. He guessed he had done it this time. Slowly and carefully he squeezed the trigger forcing the clear liquid into himself. After it was all gone he pulled the needle out and snapped its end off. Getting onto two shaky legs he threw it into the river along with the empty bottle and needle he left embedded in some gauze think gauze strip. 

Shivering while standing he wondered what was next. He didn't feel an different what else could he throw into the river. Lifting his jacket about to fling it into the river he felt it lean to one side. Putting his hand in its pocket he pulled out his old phone. Strange he didn't remember putting it there, habit maybe. Something he conditioned himself to do. Throwing the piece of scrap into the river he saw it sail down the river for a while before the bridge ahead of it obscured it entirely from view. Placing the jacket on the ground he lied down atop it starring into the heavens once more. He could no longer see as many stars as there was moments ago still it was comforting to know they where there. 

The sensation of falling suddenly consumed Simons consciousness. He just lied there in perpetual unending free fall. His vision went dark and his sense of touch and taste followed, soon he couldn't hear anything either. Falling was replaced with a sensation of being compressed. A tightness around his chest and body. He tried moving his fingers or anything but he had no sense of touch to know what was happening. Nor could he see anything. The sensory deprivation was something he had never experienced before. Simon was beginning to become aware of vibrations and odd things happening within his body. All sense of time melted away, leaving only the moment. He had no idea what was going on or how long it endured. 

He felt different though, lighter his mind was calm. Like he was doing something as natural as drinking water. There was nothing to fear. Not now not ever, this darkness was his, this body was his. The compressing feeling passed and he breathed clean cool air. He could see light again and it was beautiful. A deep orange that shone onto his new face. Hearing returned soon after. All he could hear was birdsong, as the rituals of animals continued even this close to concrete. Then smell along with touch returned to him. 

He felt light, in body and mind his eyes learning to focus as if for the first time refused to yield anything of his surroundings except for blurry images. Getting up onto his knees he looked to his right to see two somethings large and black came into view, he found it curious, to see a pair of giant black leather pumps. 

Getting onto his feet and starring to his right then left to properly orientate himself. Only to look forward again to see them once more. This time he saw two feet in them with long slender tanned legs branching up into the sky. His eyes sat level with the tips of her ankle, following the curve of her ankle up to her face. Simon saw a rather beautiful but confused young asian lady starring down at him. She looked as though she had seen a ghost, her face was pale. She had long black flowing hair that was swept down either shoulder and auburn eyes starring at him. 

Some faint voice in the back of Simons mind said panic, fear and many other things relating to peril yet he felt no need to be fearful in any way. Taking a moment to look at himself he could see he was intact he had everything he used to have except his figure was much more streamlined. Like his body had been carved by the gods. Though he was completely naked, yet he felt very warm especially since his senses told him it was very cold morning. He saw the Asian girl kneel down before him. Her hand coming out to meet his diminished body. Her finger cautiously coming close to touching him. 
He let her well manicured hand come into contact with him. It didn't bother him having a girl randomly poke him for curiosity sake. Even if she did end up pushing him slightly in the process. He remained perfectly calm and unfazed by everything that was transpiring, right now. 

She then opened her hand cupping it around Simon picking him up and bringing him to eye level for her to more closely examine him. As he went up into the air he felt a sense of satisfaction in being chosen by this asian goddess. He felt his reincarnation was now complete and whatever happened now was what he was ultimately destined for.