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Author's Chapter Notes:

Whew! Sorry about that folks. I was away this past weekend so writing sort of fell on the back burner. Anyway here it is finally. I'll try and be more consistent though I fear interest in this story is starting to plateau. Ah well! I already know how I want it to end and its a fair ways off so no need to panic!

              Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen green fields in months. Not since I was last in Tennessee. I remember a small patch of land just outside of what was Nashville where the retreating caravans used to hide out at night. The September moon cast the leaves and grass in a pale greyscale. It wasn’t until morning that I saw the beautiful dew-covered groves for what they were. To be honest I don’t think I thought much of it at the time. I didn’t know just how bad it was going to be. None of us did.

        By the end of that particular trek all I could smell was cheap leather seats and cough syrup. All I could feel was the flecks of hair sticking to the back of my neck and arms after a shoddy haircut. I would never have thought I’d end up there. In a camp hundreds of miles from my home. Enemy of a few and friend to none. Sitting there, in that vast incomprehensible chamber with a murderer who apparently had enough respect for me that I didn’t need to fear for my life.

        Funny how those sorts of things turn out, isn’t it? Vera and I exchanged wave after wave of probing glances. Physically my perception of her was distorted. As if her proportions were magnified even further, cloaking her in a greater primordial girth. Like an old god come to rest on this mortal realm. Personally, however, she was smaller. Her size wasn’t always a singular dimension. Socially I felt more attuned to her just as, I hoped, she was to me. I wasn’t dead, that was something. Progress? Sure lets call it that. That’s what I would tell Treble and the others at least. It was about this time that I made another conclusion about Vera.

        You see, Vera, for all her apparent sadism and inhuman thirst for control, was not by any means as bad as some of the others. It made my job a lot easier. . She had no desire to end my life. Though I doubted it at times, I could almost sense it the first moments we looked at each other. Could I say the same for the others? Not likely. Just as I mentioned before, we shared an odd kinship based on…well…nothing. Nothing I could immediately understand at least.

        “You’re doing it again.”

        Vera’s words hit me like a freight train. I didn’t even process their meaning in my head, I simply looked back up and waited for her to continue. But, just as always, Vera grew annoyed with my prolonged silence.

        “Ellis? Have you gone mute or you just not paying attention to me?”

        Still I said nothing. Everything she said swept through my brain like a gas, passing over in a quick puff of smoke. Normally she would’ve gotten angry, but I guess she’d gotten tired of being angry. Vera just wanted to be happy again and I wasn’t helping.

        “Hmph, and here I was thinking I was hard to ignore.”

        The impish fire in her eyes returned. The movement of her legs that followed reminded me of a serpent. She twisted around, keeping her torso facing me. In one smooth movement she went from sitting against the wall to laying on her side parallel to it.

        “Maybe I need to try harder.” She said with a laugh. Still I sat frozen. I just watched her, that was it. Maybe those goons knocked my head around a bit harder than I thought. Nothing could process! It was like I had lost all mental faculties. The endless silence began to wear on Vera’s nerves. The whimsical glimmer that she tried ever so hard to keep burning was fading back into her usual impatient frustration.

        With one finger she reached out and simply poked me. It had the same force as a haymaker from a world-class boxer. Although it sent me sprawling back into another puddle it was just what I needed to snap out of my waking catatonia.

        When I picked myself back up I felt the force of Vera’s breath as she let out a long, bored sigh. Eyelashes fluttered and massive fingers drummed along the floor.

        “Sorry, I was…”

        “Thinking?” she quickly said.

        “No, I- I don’t know what I was doing.”

        One of Vera’s dark eyebrows arched up. Again I wanted to say more but she quickly changed the subject. Apparently it didn’t need any further explanation and that was fine by me.

        “Well anyway, Ellis, I’m curious…why can’t they kill me? Oh and why would they send you in here if they knew they wouldn’t be able to…what do they call it? Protect you?” Vera concluded with a slight laugh. It had the same tone of some evil arch-villain from a cheap Hollywood movie.

        “I…Look Vera, I never said they didn’t have the stuff. Ok, you’re taking everything out of-“

        “Don’t have the stuff? What stuff? The gas? Whatever its called…Hmm interesting.”

        “I never said anything about that.”

        “Sure you did, just now!”

There was such glee in her voice. She thought she was so smart. I had to hand it to her though, she was pretty good at manipulating me. It made me almost sick. I was beginning to wonder who exactly was being tested. Had I become the subject? Was this all some sick and twisted dream. No, I felt too calm for this to be a nightmare.

        “Vera, I-I don’t know what to say. I understand that you’re scared but…this is just the first stage of loss. You are in denial Vera!”

        Her eyes shut. The smile did not leave.

        “I’m not stupid Ellis. Don’t treat me like it. Besides, if I were you I wouldn’t try pulling my strings just yet. Not without your insurance.”

        “Vera-“

        “No! Don’t ‘Vera’ me. I want to know am I just stuck here for the rest of my short life then?”

        “NO! They will kill you and me if they see fit.”

        Vera’s lids fluttered open again. Her pupils dilated as she focused back down on my minuscule form.

        “So I guess we’re in this together then. What do you say to that little friend?”

        Wow. I just…wow. The soft delivery of her words completely fucked my mind up. That’s the best way I could put it. I was scared, and angry, and happy, and distraught all at once. It was a myriad of cathartic emotions the likes of which I had never experienced so closely before.

        “No…” was all I could say at first. “Not together. No matter what you call us Vera we are not on the same side and we will not be dealt with in the same way.”

        So long as I’m being forward with you I’ll go ahead and say I didn’t believe a word that came out of my mouth. I thought that maybe she’d buy it, or that it’d at least give her some doubts but she was far past that stage.

        “Hmmm, I’d say they already are.” Vera quipped. My head dropped. “You’re cute when you’re trying to be tough. But, like I said before…not that cute.”

        “Vera, I can only protect you for so long…”

        “Is that what you’ve been doing? Protecting me? Well I’ve got a secret to tell you.”

        She motioned for me to draw closer. When she saw I wasn’t moving she leaned in so close that my entire field of vision was taken up by her looming lips.

        “I don’t need you’re damn protection…” she whispered. Her accent was especially thick this time. It was as though she was slowly reverting back to her old self. The moment she first set foot on this good earth. The moment she first saw the works of the things she called insects and thought: ‘this will be fun’.

        When she did withdraw however, I did not see hate or fury in her expression. She just looked bored. There were so many things I should’ve said then, but for the life of me I could not remember what they were. Even now, after countless times reliving that moment in my head I can’t think of anything that would have been worth saying.

“You look so grim…” Vera went on.

“I am grim. Things have been...stressful.”

“So stressful that you can’t speak?”

“I can speak.” I retorted sharply. Vera was a bit taken aback by my asperity. Something that I kept bottled up inside suddenly lept from my tongue.

“Lets us talk then! Let us talk of worms and epitaphs!. For god’s sake let’s sit on the floor and tell sad stories about the deaths of kings!”

Vera regarded me with another curious glance. It would seem my words carried little weight with her.

“Don’t be like that. I don’t want to talk about such grim things.”

“What should we talk about then?”

“I don’t know...I don’t- Hmmm. I feel like everything this past month has been so grim. So much drama”

I waited for some time. It seemed necessary to test the air for lingering tension. Yet, in spite of my efforts, there was none to be found. A wide sweep of open ground was left between us.

“I thought you liked drama…”

“I like the right kind of drama.”

Again she spoke in riddles. It left me questioning my own abilities as always. Apparently it wasn’t enough that she should strip me of any physical sense of security she also had to make me feel dumb. Chances were, however, that all of this was nothing more than red herring. I was plunging down the rabbit hole further and further, lead by the hooks she snagged inside my brain.

“What should we talk about then?” I repeated. Vera shifted onto her back. The strange contortion of her body made it look terribly uncomfortable, but she seemed to be getting along just fine. Meanwhile her eyes swam along the ceiling in a faux rhythm of alacrity.

“Tell me about your personal life…” she finally said. At first I wasn’t sure if she was serious, but after a half-tilted glance in my direction I could see just how genuine her question was.

“That’s pretty open-ended. Is there anything specific you want to know?”

“I want hear it all…”

Another pause. Secretly I hoped she would continue on. Give me a few more moments to contemplate the gravity of her request and prepare a feasible answer. Unfortunately Vera’s follow up was brief and blunt.

“I want to know about your home. Your friends. How you got here…”

“Alright...well. Its not very interesting I can assure you of that…”

“I don’t care”

“I’d much rather hear about your-”

“Ellis” she said a bit louder, causing the walls to vibrate.

I couldn’t help but let out a protracted groan. My head dropped as I studied the stitching in my trousers. Strange shapes stained my legs after months of wear and tear. For some reason I got the urge to take off my shoes. As I began slipping them off I could feel Vera’s stark blue eyes boring into my skull. Eventually, when my feet were freed, I sat back and let out another long groan.

“I was born in Seneca County Ohio. When I was just five we moved to Ashland where I spent most of my life.”

Vera seemed to be feigning interest. Perhaps when I got to the more interesting bits of my life she’d perk up.

“I lived with my father and mother. I had two older siblings. Nathan, he was five years older, and Molly, she was two years older.”

“They here now?” Vera asked.

“No. My father died when a building collapsed on him.” It was surprisingly easy to say. But, even with some invisible hand guiding my speech I could not ignore the acidity in my throat. A burning sensation which felt psychosomatic in its origins. Long heaves of breath interrupted me, but I managed to effectively recover.

“Hmmm, our doing?”

“...Yes…”I hissed out between breaths. “It was after an initial attack. A second troop moved through. I-”

“Its fine” she said. When I looked back up at her she didn’t seem sympathetic, but she didn’t look satisfied either. That was something I guess. Being neutral.

“Mom died a few months later, from hypothermia”
“Hippo-what?”

“She...froze to death.” That came out like a rock. My knuckles turned white from gripping my shins too tightly. A nervous sweat ran down the back of my neck. What was I going to accomplish from all this? A thousand doubtful thoughts surrounded me. There was nothing I could do now but keeping going.

“Shame”

“Yeah”

“What about those other two. Whatever their names were.”
“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?”

“Nope, its been years now since I last saw them.”

“Hmmmm” Vera eyes flicked back to the ceiling.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, go on. I want to hear more.”

Sincerity. It was there, and it was real. But even with all the sincerity in all the world I would not be able to shake the feeling that I was playing into another of her little games. I was tired of being manipulated. So tired that I was growing paranoid.

“After that I just sort of wandered around for a while. Finished my studies. Wound up here…”

“That’s it?”

“Nothing else you’d be interested in.”

Vera rolled her eyes at me. With another twist she rolled back onto her side and let her head lay on the floor.

“How long ago was all this?”

“Three years?”

“A lot can happen in three years.”

She wanted more. She always wanted more. Nothing would stop her prying. She could be distracted, maybe put off for a few days, but she would continue to press me about everything. I figured I might as well alleviate her perplexity.

“Tell you what.” I cried up at her. “We both seem pretty curious. So I’ll tell a story…”

“What kind of story?”

“Something that happened to me in the last three years. In exchange you have to tell one.”

“Any story?”

“We’ll keep to a theme.”

Vera furrowed her brow and waited for an explanation.

“Nevermind, why don’t you start?”

Her expression didn’t change this time. Finally, after a few more seconds of silence she brought her hand up toward me. The motion was striking. At first it made me uncomfortable but seeing such a titanic entity move with such organic fluidity, well...I can’t really express just how awe-inspiring it was.

The side of her hand made careful contact with the ground. The tremors didn’t stop there however. No sooner had it touched down that her palm and fingers began to curl around me. To my left, Vera’s bent pinky finger was sliding across the white stage. I didn’t know what the hell was going on but I knew that if I didn’t stand soon I was going to be steamrolled. I rolled up onto my feet and spun about to face her finger tip. In one swift motion I hurdled up over the wall of skin and clutched haphazardly onto her ring finger. Each digit was splayed out against each other make a sort of staircase. As her hand continued to close I found myself exerting more and more energy as I pulled myself up to her middle finger.

Finally the incline began to level out. What was once a steep ascent was now a curved, fleshy landing upon which I collapsed from exhaustion. The sway beneath told me that I was being moved. Where to was yet a mystery. There was some shuffling about on Vera’s part. A few times I was concerned that I was going to be flung back onto the solid ground, but Vera kept her hand steady. I stared at the lines in her palm as I waited. It was odd. As someone who knows about psychology it's easy to notice how different people are, especially when it came to personality. But, at some point in our evolutionary history there developed a trend in which the lines in our hands and feet became unique to each newborn. Why? Was there some selective pressure? It must have seemed trivial before but I couldn’t help wondering if anyone ever had a theory.

“There we are…” Vera’s voice boomed from above. More light crashed in as she pulled her fingers back. Gravity carried me forward. Before I could even blink I landed face first on her exposed skin. It was smooth enough. A bit slippery  from the water, but a reasonable perch. Rolling back over I saw that I had been placed on the front of Vera’s left shoulder. She now lay on her back in the center of the chamber with her knees jutting up in the air. The landscape of her body was immense and palatial. Horrified by my own helplessness and stupefied by the gesture’s subtle hints of tenderness, I couldn’t keep enough strength in my muscles to stop me from collapsing onto my back. The rush of water crashed down onto her stomach, soaking through her shirt and creating two rivers which rushed down to her flanks.

“You might want to pick your jaw up off the ground…” She whispered. Even at such a hushed tone the timbre reverberated through my skeleton.

“Sorry I just.”

“Relax” she said. “That’s what I’m doing.”

My instincts told me to just oblige; that it was best to go ahead lay down and stare up at the ceiling with her. But, my various weaknesses tempted me otherwise. Twisting my neck around I stared over at her face, which lay half shrouded behind a mat of hair. What parts of her I could see, such as her chin, the tip of her nose, forehead, and the ends of her eyelashes, seemed sharp. No, perfect. Like they were sculpted by Phidias for some temple lost to the annals of history.

“So, story?” I repeated.

Vera swallowed. The movement rocked me gently and inspired some gruesome thoughts. I traced the ungulation of her throat down to her chest which rose and fell in steady meter. Then there was shame. What for? I don’t know, it was just there.

“Don’t get too pushy now. You’re stuck in here with me, remember?”

I made no response. Instead, I just watched the watery serpents slither down in my direction. I felt the distant but ever present rise and fall of her breath.

“What about your family?”

“Family.”

“Yes, family.”

“It wasn’t a question, I heard you the first time.”

Perhaps I should just let her speak for now. I plopped back down onto her shoulder and waited. This time I was prepared to absorb every word as it vibrated down her throat up into my skin.

“I don’t have a family…”

Strange. Not unexpected, but strange.

“Well you had to have parents!”

“My father left after I was conceived.”

The crash of the water mingled with her words in a surreal manner. The force and violence of each would’ve made for an alarming concerto of pandemonium. Yet, for now it was calming. It left me feeling like an old Watteau composition placed between two narrow slits of sunlight. To anyone else it would have been a raging storm at sea but for now...for now I was content.

“Your mother?”

“Yes… I remember her. For a while at least. She had black hair. She smelled like dust.”

“For a while?”

“She left when I was young. I don’t know how old.”

“How old are you anyway?”

Initially I thought she would be angry or take offense to such a question. I felt her shuffle a bit. The slight movements were catastrophic, throwing me up into the air for a brief second.

“I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I mean- I guess it feels like maybe...what? Thirty years? Twenty five to thirty.”

“I could’ve guessed that.”

In the corner of my eye I could see her head rotate a few sparse degrees toward me. A hot breeze washed over me. Again I wanted to look back over at her, but I managed to shut those feeling away. I was getting good at that at least.

“Do you have anyone else?” I quickly followed.

“There’s never been anyone else. For any of us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You won’t…”

“Not one other person?”

“Outside of a troop? Not really.”

Well that didn’t give me a lot to go off. My best chance now was to see if she was lying. How was I to do that?

“Is there anyone you...care about?”

Vera waited. Maybe she wanted me to just skip the question. Maybe she was actually thinking about it. I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t dare look back.

“Do you mean like love?”

“Sure, but it doesn’t have to be…”

“No…”

“Oh…So there’s no one at all?”

Vera shifted again. I noticed her breathing started to speed up. Each inhalation grew faster and faster.

“Nope.”

She was being terse and medial. I would have guessed that she was nervous but before I could follow up with another question she started to chuckle.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about that word.”

“What word?”

“Love.”

“What about it?”

“Its funny. When I got here I found out, slowly, how you little things have all these different words for stuff like love and sadness.”

“Oh...yeah?”

She laughed again. I cautiously turned myself toward her. It wasn’t a malicious laugh but an easy, indifferent laugh filled with abashment. It was a laugh that confused and startled me.

“Do you have so many words for fear?”

“I’d say so.”

That sort of talk got me thinking. I thought about all the words people made up over the centuries and how many must’ve meant the same thing at first but have gradually found a niche. Words, were living things. They evolved and adapted. Being loved was not the same as being adored. Being scared was not the same as being petrified. Being happy was not the same as being elated. The more I thought about it the more I wanted to get up onto my feet. I thought about expectations and disappointment. Most of all, though, I thought about awe, and how I wished I had a hundred words for it now. But, all could think of was the way Vera’s chest rose and fell with every breath...and there are no words for that.

 

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