I had just turned twenty two when this all began. About a year later, on my twenty third birthday, I had enlisted in the Psyn Corps. But, when I showed up at the camp, they took one look at me and sent me back. I didn’t stop trying though. I joined a militia group...the blue shirts. The same division that controlled Camp Juliet. Unfortunately, no sooner had they put a rifle in my hands that I realized that I did not have the penchant for violence necessary to be a soldier. In short, I was terrible. Of course I knew I had more to offer academically, so I thought maybe I should focus on continuing my Psych studies. One thing let to another, I met important people, learned important things, and, eventually, I became the go to consultant on giant behavior this side of the Rockies.

Now, I know that sounds exciting but trust me, it was far from glorious. It mostly consisted of me travelling around in ramshackle vehicles to different colonies to watch shaky recordings. This went on for about a year. Not much else was going for me, until I was approached about the prisoner. Naturally I was thrilled! This was going to be my shining moment. The point at which people would start appreciating my efforts. The point at which I may actually start to contribute. I guess I was so blindly consumed with my own aims that I had not considered the...occupational hazards that would accompany it.

Wait! Why am I sorting through all of this now? Is this what they meant when they say your life flashes before your eyes? What did that say? Was I about to die?

No. Vera was just toying with me again. Typical, I know, but there was something different about it this time. Gradually I started to notice the usual physical cues of her perverse satisfaction were disappearing. It was as if frightening me was becoming less fulfilling.

Then, she let out a sigh, finally breaking my tangent train of thought.

“So are you  just going to sit there and stare at me the rest of the day?”

“No, I was just...thinking again. That’s all!”

Another sigh. Again she pitched forward, although this time it wasn’t to glare at me.

“You’ve been thinking so much...don’t you ever get sick of it?”

“Well, I...I can’t help it. Besides its my job to think”

“Ugh, ‘its my job’” she repeated in a mocking voice. “Don’t you get sick of working with these other...whatever they are.”

“People...they’re people”

“Whatever…”

“Yeah, I suppose sometimes. But I need to contribute...I don’t want to just roll over and die.”

“Hmm, Some might say that’s the wiser choice. Besides, from what you’ve told me they don’t even seem to want your help all that much”

“Well its...just a different world now. People want...results. Well I guess they always have.”

Vera stared back at me. Her face was serious but I could tell she didn’t quite understand what I meant. There was no point in trying to explain it to her.

“Tell me then. What was it like before?”

Wow, that was...an unexpected question. Not only that but the more I thought about it the more I came to realize just how difficult it was to answer. What was the world like? It wasn’t great, but it sure as hell was better than it is now.

“Its...tough to describe.”

Vera lifted her hand up in front of me and gave me an encouraging nod. I supposed I was to climb aboard, so I did. As much I hated heights, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was making some ground here. I had to keep pushing.

“I’ve got time. Tell me.”

Now how was I going to do that? There was a point, back in college before all this began, that I was asked a very similar question by a professor. He’d say:

“Now imagine an alien coming to earth. This being has no concept of what our world is like outside its physical appearance, no concept of what it means to be human. This alien approaches you and asks: ‘What is this planet like’, What do you say? Do you describe its history? Its people? The current state of things? What constitutes the greatest essence of planet earth and humankind?”

Did I come up with an answer back then? Probably said something cynical and generic. I never would have thought I’d find myself in that exact situation. What was even more troubling was that Vera seemed eager to know. Why? That, for me at least, was one of the biggest mysteries.

“Well…” I eventually began. “It was, like any world I guess. There were good and bad people. Rich and poor. Advanced and...well not advanced. Large, defined countries. Families. Politics. War. Discovery.”

“We ruined that for you?”

“Well, kind of.”

“Did you think that would last forever?”

“I don’t know...I thought it would last through my lifetime.”

Vera paused for a second and averted her gaze. Something new was pecking at her mind. With her other hand she smoothed out her hair.

“I mean...it was a complicated world. I suppose it still is but for different reasons. I can’t imagine it was much different from wherever you are from.”

In almost a whispered she replied: “Oh it most certainly is.”

“What?”

“Yeah this is very different”

“Really?”

“Yes really…”

Thinking back, I suppose at some point I made that conclusion. I was never sure how it was different, but I knew that there must have been some environmental factor that made them so malicious. What it was...well I couldn’t have been certain. A few ideas came to mind, none stuck though.

“So, why do you hate us so much?”

Another sigh. This time it was filled with far more frustration. Vera let her head flop back onto the wall, exposing her neck and jaw. Patiently, I waited for a response.

“Ellis, I’ve always said you seem smart. Maybe naive...but smart. I would have thought by now you would have realized something…”

Interesting. A sudden surge of endorphins flooded my skull. I adjusted my position and braced myself for the rest of her statement. But, instead of continuing, she just sat there.

“Realized what?” I said, my voice welling up emphatically.

“Ellis, I don’t hate humans. Ok...maybe I didn’t. I can’t say for sure how I feel about you all now. But overall I’d say most of my kind feels the same way.”

I won’t lie, I was kind of shocked. It was evident too, because as soon as Vera’s eyes met mine again she raised an eyebrow in her perplextion.

“What?” she asked

“Nothing its just...Well now I’m confused. Why do you...why do all of you want to...well kill us then?”

Vera’s trademark smirk reappeared. She lifted her index finger up to her face and let it rest on her cheek whilst the others curled up beneath her chin.

“I think that’s a question you can answer on your own.”

“I-I-I”

“Come on...use that little brain of yours.”

Of course I was trying. Vera continued to regard me quizzically. It was the most encouraging look I’d gotten in months.

“Help me out…”

Another groan was her first response. Then, after some more time staring at each other she began to speak. “Come on, what is hate?”

“Hate? Well if I had to say-”

She held up her other hand and shook her head. “No, rhetorical question...You see, hate is...well I don’t mean to be cliche but hate is like fire, right? Its consuming, burning, raging. Not only that but it only consumes, burns, and rages certain things right?”

Warily, I nodded. So far I didn’t quite know where she was going with this metaphor.

“Anyway, hate is the same way. Not only that but hate is personal. You can’t just hate a whole race.”

Initially, I hesitated to comment. Sure, I understood what she meant but I wasn’t quite certain if I believed her. As a human I understood that there have been many humans who hated entire races. She wasn’t aware of that though. So I just continued to stare.

“Ok maybe you can...but we don’t. We get angry with you sure but, lets face it, most of my kind are here for one thing…”

“Control.” I interjected. My head dropped. I wanted to avoid eye contact but I couldn’t pull myself away from her face. She looked back with the same carnivorous glimmer in her eyes accompanied by a wicked half-smile.

“More or less” she muttered.

“And you too? You looking for control?”

“I thought we already established this...I just want to be left alone.”

“But...you still like it.”
“Well who doesn’t?”

Another fit of shuddering came over me. Vera noticed immediately and brought me a bit closer. In response I leaned back and did my best to keep my limbs still.

“So are we personal enough yet?”

Yet another wash of her breath.

“Getting there” I timidly responded.

“Still nervous?”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

There was a split second in which her face fell. Call it wishful thinking, but I thought there was a twinge of regret hidden in it. Perhaps I should try to dig deeper. I was starting to think that she was trying to hide her empathy.

“Tell me something Vera…”

Carefully, I picked through the phrasing of my next question. Each wave of her calm breath kept my mind spinning. The humid maelstrom was a peculiar mixture of comfort and calamity. Whenever she inhaled I found myself tapping my legs nervously with the tips of my fingers.

“...if we were to meet, right now, on the outside. Away from all of this, what would you do?”

Immediately she bit her lower lip and tilted her head. Staring off into some far corner, she sat in silence for a good while. You could almost hear the gears grinding inside her head. But, I knew better. I had a feeling that this was just a show. That she was only trying to make it look like a hard decision. Deep down, I sensed she had already thought about this and made her decision. All that was left to be seen now was whether or not that final decision would be the answer she gave.

“Its hard to say…” Vera finally blurted out. Her attention turned back to me. “Nothing bad, I can assure you of that.”

“So you wouldn’t do any-”

“Look, you can be a pest, true. But I stand by my original statement, I do like you.”

“Why?”

“Why? Why, ask? Why not just accept it?”

“I’m curious. You should know me well enough by now, I’m typically curious. I want to know why.”

As I waited for an answer the surface of Vera’s hand started to plummet, and I with it. The drop was steady but sudden, nearly causing me to lose myself again. When her hand finally stopped it lay at rest in her lap. I, though still recovering from the abrupt descent, managed to arch my neck back to catch a glimpse of her thought riddled face hundreds of feet above. Moments later she glanced back down.

“I’ve been here a long time. Its awful. Nothing to do. Trapped. Then you come along and, to be perfectly honest, you’re the only interesting thing to happen to me in weeks. So, naturally I’ll take a liking to you.”

I sensed that wasn’t all.

“Besides, you’re fun. Well sometimes… other times you can be a real boor. But you’re better than nothing. Plus, you don’t hate me like the others, do you?”

To be blunt, I hadn’t considered my personal opinion of her. Normally such things don’t matter, its all about being objective in my line of work. I most definitely didn’t hate her, but I’m not sure I could say I liked her either. No, instead there was some sense of kinship I felt. Not sure what it was, or why I felt that way but it was there. Perhaps we shared a sense of mutual suffering. Both of us prisoners in our own way. Both subject to the temperament of the high command. Both more sinned against than sinning, as Shakespeare would’ve put it.

“No of course I don’t hate you…”

“Hmm, but you don’t think of us as friends?”

“No, I...I guess not”

“Me either”

“I’d still like to be if that’s ok with you. We’re just...just not there yet!”

“It may take some time, especially for you.”

Now what was she getting at? Was it worth asking about?

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on...like I said, you need to trust me. I don’t see that happening for some time.”

“I let you pick me up didn’t I?”

“Ughh, I suppose but lets face it. If I told you right now that if you let me out I’d just leave peacefully and never bother anyone again you wouldn’t let me go would you?”

“Well, probably not but-”

“But nothing! I don’t blame you, especially after what I’ve told you...and while we’re being honest I don’t know if I CAN say for sure I would leave peacefully. My actions are a mystery to me sometimes.”

“Well I appreciate the truthfulness. It doesn’t help your case much...but thank you”

Vera leaned in above a little closer. At the same time she raised her hand. My eyes were locked ahead, tracing the surface of her stomach as she brought me closer.

“Is there really any hope for me anyway? Was there ever any in the first place?”

Again the whimsy was absent from her voice. She tried to fake a relaxed tone but it was easily dismissable. For a moment I thought there was a faint shimmer in her eyes but now I think it was just my imagination. A mirage conjured by my empathetic mind.

“I wish I could say yes, but...well they’re stubborn.”

Then, her voice quivered. Vera’s strength was faltering. The angry outburst, her wicked games, and now this...it was all stress induced. It was the result of weeks of confinement, fruitless interrogation, and humiliation. I understand that she is the first they’ve managed to hold but this is not how it should be done. Finally, with even more despair in her voice she managed to whimper out:

“Ellis, am I going to die?”

Of course I didn’t know what to say. Teary women were, are, and always will be the bane of all men, no matter their size. There is no greater weight to be placed on a soul then condemning a life with one word. So I lied.

“I don’t know”

She nodded. I must say she was managing to hold back the tears pretty well. Yet, even with her resolve, I could see them struggling to scratch the surface of her sclera.

“How long do I have now?”

“They said I had three days. Not including my first visit.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Friday more likely”

A long, arduous silence followed. Nothing I had ever experienced could have prepared me for a moment like that. A tortured trembling took a hold of her for a few seconds but then passed. All I wanted now was to be set down, she was getting far too emotional.

“I’ve realized it would come to this a long time ago...it never made it any easier.” Vera went on in an almost sobbing voice. With her other hand she covered her mouth. Waves of her hair fell down around her head, casting shadows over her melting features. She said something quick and muffled.

“What?” I asked. I know it was stupid. Of all the things I should’ve saod at that moment that was certainly not one of them. Vera let her hand drop and repeated herself.

“I need to set you down for a second.”

Before I could oblige, she let her fingers fall in around me to form a dark prison. There was movement, some chaotic tumbling on my part, and finally: light. With a skip, roll, and thud I landed back on the outer edge of the chamber’s floor. Once I picked myself up I saw Vera’s hand retreating.

She shriveled into a menaced sphere. Muscles in her legs and arms jerked. Both hands clapped down over her mouth. Then, for a little while there was a peaceful silence. I could not enjoy it. I knew what was coming. Some might compare it to the calm before the storm, but I...I think it was more like the prelude of a great symphony. A crescendo of emotion that was to be both beautiful and terrifying at the same time, and it was.

After a lengthy inhale, Vera released a bone shattering, mind killing, earth fracturing scream. It was, as I had always suspected it to be, pure agony. No sooner had it emerged that it was over. When I regained my hearing I found that I had been knocked to the floor. Looking back over to her I saw that she continued to shake. Tears streamed down her face now and her hands had returned to their position over her mouth. As I got up, she let out another shriek.

It seemed that she was no longer going to hold back. She wailed and screamed. First it was anger, then fear, then disdain. Gloom, regret, frustration, and something purely animalistic followed shortly. Both legs shot out and collided with the wall opposite her. The impact shook the whole chamber. Vera’s head ducked down so that her chin lay on her chest. Her hands gripped the back of her neck as she continued to shriek. The dismal trembles now had turned to enormous, uncontrollable convulsions.

It was time for me to leave.

Initially I thought I’d say something. However, after seeing her entire torso flex, expand, and contract with such raw dismay, I realized that it was best I leave as soon as possible.

Though the ground quaked and the wall rattled with Vera’s unfettered despondency, I somehow managed to get back to the door. It took a great deal of mental and physical effort, but I finally managed to push the heavy door closed.

Once the huge metal gate was shut and locked behind me I sprinted to the stairs. Every step I made was misplaced, mostly due to the constant violent vibrations. The flimsy stairs that led to main floor nearly collapsed under me as I sped up.

When I did reach the main floor I found it to be in a very real, very definitive state of chaos. What organization there was before was replaced with restrained panic. Militia, scientists, bureaucrats, officers, and clerks warped around each other like angry wasps.

Slipping through that frenzied crowd was difficult. No matter which way I turned I collided with another body eager to escape. Some of the soldiers tried to corral the mob but it was no use. Officers barked orders and, for the most part, the frightened people heeded their words. It was kind of nice to see that even amidst this staggering sea of fear there was some sense left in these people. In fact, it was almost like they had experienced something like this before. What am I saying, of course they have.

Whilst spinning about in the central maelstrom I felt a firm hand seize my left arm and drag me from the crowd. When the myriad of faces was behind me I saw Constable Mica leading me to the main monitor room. There was a certain ambivalence in his gait. One that I hoped was not an omen of our imminent doom.

“I’ve found him Constable.” Mica droned as we entered. Treble and few other officers stood around the wall of screens. The pale, bluish light illuminated their fronts and left their back in shadow, giving them a ghastly appearance.

“Sit down Ellis.”

I didn’t have to. As soon as Mica released me another tremor hit, sending me sprawling back into a rolling chair just behind me. Mica joined the others. The shaking didn’t seem to bother them at all. Then again, they probably have had their fair share of tantrums to deal with.

“Sir…” I began. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think she was going to…”

“Ellis please, its quite alright. We’ve dealt with such outbursts before…”

“She did something very similar her first few nights here, of course those were fueled by more rage.” Mica added.

“If we could weather those we will survive this.”

I didn’t know what to say. Of all the things that I had done they were ok with this?

“Sir, I...I don’t understand.”

“That’s quite alright. Are you well? You’re lucky you got out when you did.”

Treble’s stern scrutiny bore down on me like the rays of the sun. Something about the way he talked made it impossible to even consider lying. What was more unnerving was how, only an hour or so before, Treble seemed adamant about “getting results”. Now, having only managed to stir Vera into a wild frenzy, he was feeling more lenient. I felt like he was hiding something, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what it was.

“I’m ok...again I’m so sorry. Being cooped up in there for so long like that and...the conditions. She was bound to snap…But then again...your treatment of her didn’t help either.”

Mica motioned to speak but halted when Treble raised his hand. A convocation of muttering and whispering started up amongst the other officers. Treble took a few steps towards me.

“Ellis, these are times of war. You can’t honestly say you feel bad for her do you? Perhaps you’ve been in there far too long”

“Look my business is the mind. I can’t get much out of someone who is so shaken up. You do realize that whatever negative feelings she had towards humans before has now be amplified ten fold? She won’t tell us anything more, especially if she-”

My rant was interrupted by another enormous tremor. I stabilized myself on a nearby desk while the others stood by idly.

“I can understand your...disapproval but given our resources what else could we do? She is a drain on this camp, the only thing she is good for now is information and experimentation. So far the former has proved less than promising.”

“Sir its like I said, just give me more time! There’s no way she’ll talk if she knows she’ll be executed in less than two days!”

Treble’s hand shot up again and I, almost reflexively, shut up.

“That’s another thing…” Treble stated with less fervor. “Unfortunately the...substances...needed for our guest’s termination are...well not in plentiful supply.”

Wide eyed, I stared back. What did he mean?

Mica jumped in.  “We’ve ordered more, but, as you are well aware, shipping is not quite what it used to be!”

“So, now what? How long do I actually have?”

“Difficult to say at this point. But, given the blow you delivered today I’m sure it will prove more fruitful.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“She’s desperate now, she’ll-”

For once I worked up the nerve of interrupt the good Constable Treble. “No! She’s scared and ashamed of it! She won’t tell us a god damn thing...We have to bargain with her now. Its the only way!”

“We?” Treble quickly retorted. “Oh no my friend, we are not bargaining anything...YOU are. Good luck, we’ll keep you updated. As for now, I think it best we give Subject Aleph a little privacy don’t you?”