Like every highschooler, I hated summer reading. One July, just before my senior year, I was supposed to read Goethe’s Faust. I never imagined how much I’d come to appreciate it. At the time it was just another dull, laborious endeavour. Now, things were different. Well, I guess things have been different in almost every respect, but this especially brought that dusty old book to mind. At one point, whilst talking to Mephistopheles, Faust asks who he is, to which the devil replies:

“I am part of that power which eternally wills evil and eternally works good.”

That was always a curious quote. How can one will evil but do good? How can someone who is consumed by malice and sinister intention be the driving force behind the just deeds of the world? Back then I thought about it a lot. It wasn’t until recently I decided that the answer was in the question itself. To will evil against those who do not share in such beliefs conjure good deeds from them. At least that’s how things seemed. Some of the greatest acts kindness in human history come amidst the cruelest.

That brought another question to mind however. One that, I regret to say, I have not yet found an answer to. Can someone be unconscious of evil action, or is it purposeful intention that makes it evil? Can these giants be truly considered evil if they do not think they are committing acts of evil? Some seem to think themselves completely justified in their pursuit of domination. Same goes for humans it would seem. Justice is a growing rarity in this world, but it's not dead yet.

That was all that sat on my mind as I piled my belonging into the back of the transport. Each bag crashed against the metal floor with a harrowing thud. Behind me a line of blue clad men waited with their own duffel bags. I heard a few coarse snickers as I tried to heave the last of my belongings on board. It wasn’t my fault my arms had basically given up on me. After narrowly avoiding my death in the chamber I thought I would be entitled to a little relaxation. Unfortunately the broadcast came in pretty soon after I reemerged. We had to ‘adjust’ our schedules. Apparently the two males they spotted near Echo were hell bent on reaching the camp and Cinna, along with the rest of his twisted little band, were nowhere to be found. Everyone assumed they fled. It was only a matter of time until the entire encampment was completely wiped out. What they expected me to do...well I had no clue at the time. The plan was to leave the next morning but Constable Grim demanded we pack everything in the vehicles as soon as possible. Apparently they couldn't spare any of the usual vans so I’d have to tag along with rest of infantry. It was going to be rough trip.

Another round of snide laughter made its way around me. I was in no mood to deal with these meat heads but starting something now would only cause problems for me tomorrow. After I finally managed to pack away what I could, I felt a row of rock-hard knuckles slam in between my shoulder blades. The force caused me to collide with the bed of the truck, practically knocking the wind out of me. I managed to steady myself with my sprained limbs. An obnoxious chorus of hateful jeers and laughter kicked up. I spun around and met a familiar, square faced thug.

“Come on Deck, you can’t be too rough on the boy, how else we gonna make friends with the titanic cunts?” one soldier chided. The others whipped up into an approving roar. Deck smiled wickedly as he delivered another heavy blow to the stomach. I doubled over with both arms clutching my abdomen. There were no officers here to save me this time. My mouth tasted like iron and mud. Spitting out what filth I could I tried to get back to my feet. As I lifted my head I saw deck wheeling his leg back to deliver a brutal kick to my ribs. I winced and waited for the vicious blow. Luckily though, it didn’t come. Instead there was another familiar voice.

“Hey now, all of you cut that shit out!”

Whoever it was they had a strange drawl. I reopened my eyes and saw a pair of greasy leggings speed down through the crowd. Looking up further I saw an angry, oil stained face scowling at my attacker. Zinc held a tire iron in his right hand, poised to crush Deck’s skull. The jarhead’s malicious joy quickly turned to focused anger. His meaty hands rolled into clenched fists that I was almost certain would lash out at my would be savior. Yet, much to my surprise, he remained motionless.

“This is my depot now, if you motherfuckers start shit I’ll report every one of you to the Constables...that is after I’ve given you what ya deserve!”

The laughter had long since departed. Everyone tried their best to look innocent, though I could tell deep down inside they were just a few words away from tearing into the poor mechanic. It was a nerve wracking moment. Nothing I could do would help at this point, so I just waited. Deck gave an uneasy smile, as if to blow the whole threat off. With a nod of his head the other men started loading their stuff into the truck. Zinc stepped back and knelt down beside me.

“Alright there kid?” he muttered, his eyes still locked onto Deck. I gave a quick nod before attempting to wheeze out a response.

“Yeah I’ll...be...fine”

Zinc and an unknown figure to my right helped me to my feet. As I turned to face the stranger I found he too was a militiamen. He had a young face painted with a hidden terror.

“Thanks,” was I all I said. The soldier gave me a silent nod and filed back into line. Then I turned to Zinc who gave me a reassuring slap on the back. I returned the gesture and dusted myself off.

“This will become a regular occurrence, you know that right?”

In a way it already had. I didn’t want to make him worry though so I gave a slight shrug. My voice hadn’t completely returned  yet, so talking was not something I aimed to do.

“You sure you’re going to be ok out there?” he asked me.

“Well..I...I’ll be fine.”

“What do they even want from you anyway? You’re no soldier.”

At first I gave him a feigning smile. It was mostly just to hide the fact that I had no idea. Ok, that’s not completely true, but it just seemed foolish. If what everyone said was going to happen actually happened, I’d just be another body for them to find later. Even that wasn’t certain.

“I just have to see what I can wrench out of Amora.”

“Who?”

“The- other one.”

“Ah”

“So, we’ll see, Vera won’t take it well.”

“That’s the one here right?”

“Yeah that’s right”

“Well, I’m no psychotherapist but if I’ve learned anything over the years its that women, no matter what size, are impossible to please.”

“You’re tellin’ me”

The next morning I awoke earlier than usual. My body was manifesting my stress physically. It had kept me up most of the night and left my mind restless enough that I woke at five in the morning. Try as I might, I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. So, with the sun still hidden by the skyline, I stumbled out of the small room that I had stayed in. Since my usual quarters had been torn to bits, I was assigned a small, lumpy cot in one of the barrack tents. I remember it stunk of sweat and mildew. It was so bad that when I finally was free of its pervading stench I instinctively let out a sigh of relief. The roads were empty and the air was cold. Aside from the roving lights attached to the guard towers dotting the encampment, it was mostly dark.

At some point I felt I had to tell Vera that I was leaving early. I mean, she was expecting me to visit her today at some point. Unfortunately I knew the convoy was scheduled to head out at eight, so I didn’t have very much time. Whilst pacing down the lonely paths, kicking up the gravel and dust as I went, I started thinking about what I was going to do when this was all over. Vera and Amora wouldn’t last forever. Either they’d somehow get free or they’d be executed. That was, if Psyn Corps found no further use for them.

“Fuck it,” I said rather loudly. I had made the decision to go to main facility and see Vera. I had nothing better to do and I had a feeling if I didn’t tell her I was leaving her anger would be unsurmountable.

Along the way I started to think about all the bullshit that I’d have to deal with in Echo. It was almost like having a premonition. I could see every little detail and here every biting word. It was a rather sickening series of visions. Then I started to shiver. I wasn’t sure if the drugs were wearing off or if it was just from the cold morning air. Either way I’d need more pills for the trip. I made a mental note to see Cyan before I left.

The facility waited idly in the gloom like some primeval monolith. The warping shadow of the night blurred the construct’s outline, making it seem both larger and smaller than it actually was. How is that possible? I don’t know, that’s just how I remember it. Its weird, yes, but the whole situation was weird. I felt like some Elizabethan character sneaking into the castle in which his lover dwelled. Only there was no castle and no lover.

When I saw the stairway leading to the main monitoring level I started to have second thoughts. Only a single sentry waited out front next to the stairs. He was a tall figure, who seemed to be leaning most of his weight along one of the posts. How did I even know that I could get in? Even if I did how was I gonna get in with Vera? Perhaps most importantly how would Vera react? She was probably sleeping after all.

Strangely enough I wasn’t really registering the fact that I was still moving forward. All the doubts in my head would normally have left me frozen in place, but this time something carried me onward. It was strange to consider it, even as it was happening.

The guard didn’t notice me at first. In fact it wasn’t until I was within arms reach that he finally perked up. The bleary sleepiness in his eyes was enough to make my own eyelids droop a bit.

“Wha- what is it?” he muttered between long draws of breath.

“Soldier, there’s an incident down by the well…”

“What well?”

“The one, down the road there, I- I don’t remember what its tag is…”

“Its not my….” but the poor man nodded off again. Had it not been for his incurable fatigue my bluff would never have gotten through. I gave him a quick slap on the shoulder and he perked up once more.

“Whu-”

“Soldier, a Captain just asked me to come get you, I think you better go!”

The slight raise in volume must’ve convinced him I was telling the truth. He raised both eyebrows and hoisted his rifle up against his shoulder.

“Alright I a..a….” he started to mutter something else but it was lost amidst his shuffling footsteps as he wandered out into the darkness. Poor sod, he’d probably get in a heap of trouble for that but...fuck it, I needed to do this.

When I was inside the halls were mostly empty. Mostly. Naturally there were night monitors, keeping tabs on Vera whilst she slept. However, the number of staffers was drastically smaller. As I paced nervously down the hallways I only recall passing two souls, both of whom seem wracked with their own sleep deprivation. I gave them slight nods as I passed, though I don’t think either noticed me. The main monitoring deck was being manned by two pale men who looked almost like twins. I didn’t want to intrude, lest they realize that I was not supposed to there. But, after poking my head in the door I was able to catch a few glimpses of Vera’s resting body on the various screens. She lay on her side with her limbs curled up and a splash of hair blanketing most the area around her cranium.

Now, I didn’t suspect getting into the room to be a challenge, I mean I was able to just walk in during the day, what kind of security could they have at this hour? Well I soon learned that it wasn’t even necessary. You see, after making the journey down the zig-zagging stairs and entering into the transitionary atrium I found that all power had been shut in this sector. At first I couldn’t believe it. I tried every lever I could but nothing happened. Hmmm, damn. There had to be another way in. That’s when I had what some might call a terribly “risky” idea. I immediately bounded back up the stairs, passing the main floor, and continuing up until I reached the top level of the building.

The fifth story was even more abandoned than the others. In fact it looked like no one had been there in months. This must have been mostly for storage or something. It was packed with filing cabinets, crates, boxes, I mean you name it. I pushed past a stack of two-by-fours and ran through the main hallway toward the primary access shaft. You see, when I arrived I was given the blueprints on the facility to review for any “potentially psychologically harmful designs”. I know, it sounds ridiculous and I hated looking it over at the time but damn was I happy that I had. You see, the main chamber has a sort of sliding door which was locked in place by four metal joints. Aside from the main entrance, the drain, and the dispensary, the maintenance shaft in which these joints were found was the only way in. When closed, the shaft is just another narrow chute, but when the joints are opened there is just enough room for someone my size to slip through.

When I did finally reach it I found a large white door waiting for me next to a gigantic fuse box. The door had all kinds of warnings plastered on it, but I was far past warnings at this point. I opened the control door and looked over the hundreds of switches. In the dim light I could barely make out the faded tags, but with some added scrutiny I finally saw the one that said “door locks”. I reached up to flip it to the off position. Then I stopped. I think it was that point that I realized the severity of precisely what I was about to do. If anyone found out...well, incarceration would be a best case scenario. Damn it, it was too late now. I shut my eyes and flipped the switch.

With the deed done I turned my attention to the white door. Without hesitation I swung the door aside and peered down the long maintenance shaft leading into a blackness below. There was a ladder to the side. It looked….unstable. Let’s leave it at that. I won’t bore you with the details of my descent but it was rather harrowing. Each step felt like another chance to fall to my death. The little light that seeped in from the main chamber gave some necessary guidance but beyond that it was an immensely dangerous endeavour. Five stories later I stepped down onto solid earth. The bottommost  lock lay shifted back. The enormous metal hook that served as its anchor allowed the dim illumination from the main chamber to swarm over me. I blinked meekly before climbing through.

I ended up in the same hall that I always walked through, only this time the enormous vault door was off to my right, closed. For some reason I started to count my steps as I walked out into the main chamber. It was something I hadn’t done since my first visit. Somehow it just felt appropriate.

And then there she was. Vera, slumped over on her side in the middle of room. Only two orange spotlight painted their warm glow over the room. The two beams struck Vera’s body directly. One cast down over her knees, while the other landed directly on her shoulder.

I know I’ve said it before but the sheer grandeur of the giants is unmatched in this world. Most people only knew terror when they saw their hulking forms contrasted against the pale blue sky. Up close however, there was something even more imposing about their immensity. Having to stretch your neck in each direction just to see them from end to end...it's an indescribable experience. Vera slept soundly. Her breaths were measured and long, her body rose and fell in a steady pattern.  The hushed light only added to the dream-like nature of the scene.

I started to pace around the edge toward her head which lay beneath a mess of her hair. In the shadow her face seemed to be carved from the wood of an ancient tree. With ebony eyebrows tracing around the edges of her twitching lids. Each step sent my attention somewhere elsewhere. What was most captivating? The traceable movement of her shoulder blades in the orange glow? The uncomfortable shuffle of her shins against one another? No, it was definitely the utter stillness of her fingers pressed flat against the pasty ground.

Then I was very close. So close that I could catch Vera’s distinct scent wafting off her hair. It was quick to surround me. I stopped around twenty feet from her head and just stared at her for a couple minutes. It hadn’t really occurred to me that waking her up would be sort...well you know...impossible. What could I do? Should I yell? I couldn’t come up with anything better so I did.

“VERA!” I screamed. I remember I was really nervous that I had been too loud and that she’d get pissed at me. Then I realized I wasn’t nearly loud enough as she didn’t even seem to notice. So I tried again.

“VERAAA!” I shouted almost twice as loud as before. Still nothing. If she was in REM sleep there wouldn’t be much I could do. Even I did succeed I knew she’d be pretty cranky too. It was a risk I was willing to take. I’d rather take the brunt of her anger now as opposed to even more fury when I returned. If I returned that is…

Hmm, this was troubling. I’d need to get closer. That would be difficult though, as most everything in my immediate vicinity was covered by Vera’s hair and I was not about to attempt wading through that again. A little ways off was Vera’s forearm, upon which she rested her head. With a little mental gauging I came to the conclusion that I could probably make the jump over to it...probably.

I won’t bother you with the suspense this time. I’ve found that my narration has gotten so reliant on it. Maybe i’m just afraid to say the things I need to say. None of it is particularly shocking or shameful. Its just...hard. I guess you’ll see for yourself in time. But, as I was saying, I squared myself up, got a running start and jumped as far as physically possible. There was a passing yelp that I let fly before finally crashing down onto Vera’s wrist. All the bruises and injuries I had retained over the last few days flared up. The impact wasn’t graceful but the hurdle was a success. Sure, I needed to lay down for a few seconds until my pounding migraine subsided but when it was gone I was able to sit back up with relative ease.

Vera’s sleeping face lay directly in front of me, partially obscured by a few stray locks. Normally I would have been hesitant, but after the adrenaline rush I received from my harrowing leap, I couldn’t help but push on. I meticulously approached her face. Each corner of it was another infinity away. Being so close...it was both reassuring and frightening. I think that’s how I could best characterize Vera, terrifying and reassuring. Yeah, that sounds right. So, with my endorphin addled mind hotwired to go I cried out again:

“VERAAA!” My exclamation was joined with a hard tap on the skin just above the brow.

For a moment, she actually stirred. Her arms shifted and her head bobbed. Then she opened her mouth to yawn. I could see the rows of faded teeth off to my left. Whatever confidence I felt started to dwindle. So, I tried again before it was too late.

“VERA, WAKE UP!” This time I punched her as hard as I could, which you know….was a pretty bad idea. In fact I was pretty sure I cracked a few carpal bones. However, I did manage to elicit another response. Vera let out a deep, monstrous groan. It was the type of sound I expected some ancient sea creature to make as it rose from the depths of an ancient trench.

She said something distant and incomprehensible. I was wearing her down.

“VERA, ITS ME!”

I guess that was the last great push. Vera’s eyes snapped open in a startled state of bewilderment. Her head rocketed away as she sat up. Her arm rotated abruptly and I, poor fool that I was, began to tumble off toward the ground. I knew at some point as I was flying in mid air that if I landed I would likely break something, or you know, die. So at the last second I twisted my body around and caught ahold of Vera’s arm. My grip was tighter at that point than it had ever been before. But my muscles were weak. Before I could even call out for help my strength gave out and I started sliding toward an inevitable maiming. But, just when I thought I could hear the bones in my ankles snap a tremendous pressure exerted itself on my entire body. In the shadow I could feel my torso being twisted this way and that. I’m pretty sure some of my vertebrae got misaligned but it was better than the alternative.

“What the fuck?” the deep, weary voice of Vera whispered harshly overhead.

“Vera?” I cried out in an equally harsh whisper. I assumed she had grabbed ahold of me but it was too dark to tell what the hell was going on. Then, my stomach lurched down into my intestines as I suddenly shot upward. The light seeped back into my field of view. I could see the outline of Vera’s massive head eclipsing the stream of light. But it was upside down. No, I was upside down. I reached out with both hands in search of some kind of surface I could use to readjust myself. Finally, I grasped the skin of what I assumed to be Vera’s fingers and twisted myself back around. I looked to my left and saw the expanse of her palm. To my right were the rest of Vera’s fingers. Somehow I was just barely propped up between her pinky and her ring finger.

“What the- Ellis?”

“Yeah its uhh...its me”

Then silence. I couldn’t see Vera’s face in the shadow. That was especially troubling as I would not be able to gauge her expressions. I shuffled around a bit more, trying to make sure that I was secure and she...well I don’t know what she was doing. Eventually after the long awkward pause she spoke up again:

“What is this? Are they doing another damn test or-”

“No, Vera I just, I came to talk to you.”

“Is it even-?’ she started but her words died out when she turned her gaze to the translucent wall. The darkness was all the information she needed. When her silhouette turned back to me I could sense the anger on her face.

“What the fuck Ellis?”

“I’m sorry, I know it's early but I, I’m leaving early and I didn’t get a chance to tell-”

“I could’ve killed you Ellis!” she interrupted. “Do you know how easy that is for me? Just now, I could’ve dropped you, could’ve crushed you, could’ve suffocated you. Are even aware how fragile you tiny little things are? Do you?”

“Vera, look I’m sorry but I thought you’d want to know-” I cried out in desperation.

“You’d die so easily Ellis. I’m tired as hell I can’t tell what I’m doing.”

“Vera I’m sorry.”

Then she paused again. Each of her exhalations seemed to grow in volume. Like steam crawling out of a kettle. It was the purest form of regret I had ever felt. Well, at least up to that point. Vera just waited in the darkness. If she was a god before now she seemed like an extension of the earth itself. Enormous beyond single comprehension. Powerful, like a hurricane. Passionate like the rage of a forest fire. She was a child of the earth itself, beneath a shroud of darkness. Was it to protect me from her, or her from me?

“Well just say what you came to say then…”

“Vera, I’m leaving for Echo again. I know I said I’d be here another day but something urgent came up.”

“What?”

“Uhh I-Excuse me?”

“What came up?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“But you will…” she seethed. Then she leaned back, letting the single light from overhead wash over her features. Simultaneously she brought me closer. “Won’t you?”

Now she had the aspect of some terrible demon. The lighting saw to it. The interplay of shadow and fiery light mutated her once soft nose. The extensive, sharp lines of black traced the contours of her cheekbones. The gray overlap of shades around her mouth made it seem like a horrid gaping maw and not the tightly clenched pair of lips that it actually was. I had to hand it to her, she had used the environment well, I was scared shitless.

“They think that Echo may be attacked soon. They need help.”

“You’re going to help fight them off? You expect me to believe that.”

“No, I’m just going to-”

“Ahh wait I see. You’re supposed to babysit her aren’t you?”

It was a question I really didn’t want to answer. She knew already anyway. But I could tell in the glint of her drained eyes that I would need to anyway.

“Yes…”

“So, you thought that it’d be a good idea to come in here, in the middle of the night, wake me up. Interrupt a pretty good dream I might add! Just so you could tell me that you are going to spend a few days with that blonde haired bitch?”

“I...yes…”

“You thought, I’d want to hear all of this? At this hour?”

“I just didn’t want you thinking I abandoned you”

“How do I know you’re not?”

“I just- I’m sorry…” the words dropped out of my mouth like lead weights. Vera took notice and brought me a little closer. When I looked back up the ghastly  coat of light on her face had morphed into a far more bearable facade.

“I just thought I’d let you know...in case...you know. I don’t come back.”

Again we both sat and soaked up the silence. Was she at a loss for words? Was she still angry? Her next statement left it pretty ambiguous.

“Ok, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. I just thought I should let you know.”

“Well I...I do...now”

And again. Silence. Vera looked so far gone. Like all she wanted in the world was to curl up in the corner and sleep unto her death. Like she never wanted to wake up again. I could get behind that. The world looks better in the mind anyways. I just hope that, when I do die, there’s more than a dash between the two dates on my headstone. If I get a headstone at all.

“You don’t look well…” Vera said.

“I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with...some things.”

“Do you even eat? Sleep?”

“When I can…”

Vera rolled her eyes. Great, not only did Cyan pester me about such things now Vera would too. I guess I shouldn’t complain. She was just showing concern. For her that was a big deal.

“Well, just...don’t die. Please. Its so boring here when you are gone.”

I gave a slight chuckle. “I’ll try.”  I looked up at her again and watched her blink lazily in the twilight.

“What were you dreaming about?” I asked. I don’t know why I asked. To be honest dreams were beyond me wheelhouse. I knew general things but nothing that would really provide me any sort of aid in my understanding of her. She regarded me with suspsicion.

“Must we really do your little mind games at a time like this?”

“No, no games! Just curious.”

Vera sighed and looked away. At first I was certain she wasn’t going to answer but then ,through the gloom, she began to whisper:

“I was in a grotto. With two waterfalls, on either side. It was peaceful. Nothing but the sound of birds and the rushing of water. To my right, there was a great black cavern leading through the rockface. I would talk with the thing that lived down in it. I don’t know what it was or what we talked about, I only ever heard its voice. But I liked it. It reminded me of something. Something I hadn’t seen in a long time.”

I nodded along with her story. She looked back over to me and sighed.

“Its stupid.”

“No, its...its interesting.”

“Of course you’d say that.”

“No I mean it I-”

But my words were severed once more when her hand retreated. The rush of air against my mop of hair nearly made my neck snap, but, before I could even register what had happened, I found myself falling forward. I landed on my already strained hands and knees at the chambers edge. Vera spoke as her hand withdrew.

“Goodnight Ellis, I am tired. I am sure you are as well. You’ll need your energy if what you told me is true.”

“Vera-”

But it was too late. She was already laying back down; her eyes closed.