I went to see my mother that day. It was the school holidays, so I had a full day with her. It had been a while since my last visit, and my heart beat excitedly in my chest as we drove in silence to the prison. My foster mum, Julie, took me to see her. She's been my legal guardian ever since the sentence, along with her husband, Mark. They're good people. Good parents. They're just not mine.

I told Julie that she could wait outside the prison when we arrived and she nodded. “I’ll be here all day, Jule. You can go home if you want.” Of course, I tried to sound reassuring, but failed. I always had too much on my mind. Today it was that strange black welt on my chest. It wasn’t pus, but a weird mass of snaking tendrils, too big for a bruise. Whatever it was though, I didn’t really care. Nothing at this point could deter me from seeing my mother as I entered the prison doors after waving goodbye to Julie. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jumper and whistled to myself under my breath. Rick, the prison manager, grunted at my presence and waved.

“She’s having lunch now, mate. Go on in to visit.” He grumbled.

“Thanks.” I said, without looking up. All the prison guards know me, and since I’ve been coming for three years now, so it’s not hard. I don’t hate them, seeing as they’re only doing their job. I try to blame most of my mum’s life sentence on the shrunken, and after a few speed bumps of sympathy, the method works. It makes me feel better. It makes me able to tackle school and get through the day easy. It's cruel, but it keeps me sane, having someone to blame for everything.

 I wondered through the prison hall soundlessly, my shoes squeaking a little on the shiny concrete floor. The place was huge; a tangle of wide hallways and cell doors with numbers scribbled on the slabs of metal. Each ward was guarded by a few security guards, most with scraggly beards and stout builds. Cameras were mounted here and there, although I never even spared a glance anymore.

The Prison was way out, in Brisbane, capital city of Queensland. It had taken, what, three hours to get there from Kingaroy. But it was worth it. I would get to see my mother, after almost a month of counting down the days. My visits are short, and I know that. There are lockdowns, drills and set schedules to follow, and just not enough time to compensate for visitors. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, though. These days I was just grateful to hug my mother, even if it was just for a second.

 She greeted me when I entered the food court and visiting area. The room was large, covered with incognito security cameras and guards clad in black. The food was served in the far side of the room and rows of tables lined the floor. Mum, wearing the usual orange prison suit skulled her coffee and rushed over to me. She’d been sitting with a mob of rough looking prisoners, both male and female. There were about 100 in total in the food court, some with visitors nervously looking around and making small talk with their relatives. Perfectly normal.

 Mum’s hair had grown longer and her skin pastier but otherwise, she was the same person I saw every month. I yanked my hands from my pockets and gave her a hug, burying my face into her chest. It was good to see her, as always. Sally Ryan looked exactly like me; blue eyes, tanned and sandy haired. Dad had looked different from memory, but we'd loved him all the same. Watching him disappear from our lives had been almost too much.

Mum and I sat down next to Hugo, one of the cellmates. He was tall and lank, with grizzly brown hair and a chin long overdue for a shave. His grey eyes flickered over me, before returning to his lap.

“Hey Hugo.” I smiled and mum hugged me tighter. Hugo nodded a hello and pushed his fork lazily through his soup.

 “So,” Said mum. “How’s school?”

“Good.” I replied hastily. “I miss you so much, though.” Mum sighed and looked down at her hands, which lay motionless in her lap.

“Me too, honey.” She said quietly. I leant over to kiss her cheek.

“Are they treating you well?” I asked. Mum nodded.

 “Yes, I’m ok. Melinda’s nice.” Melinda was mum’s roommate. Their cell was somewhere in the middle of the prison. I needed a guard to show me where it was every time I visited.

 “What about food? They do know you’re vegetarian…”

 “I’m good.” She said. “Don't worry about me, sweetie. What about you? Are Julie and Mark ok?”

 “Yeah, they’re good.” I said.

We never had much to say anymore. I guess we just liked each other's company. It felt so good to hug her, to see her. It made her life in prison easier, and it made my own struggles disappear for an hour or so a month. I've always clung to that fact.

 I took her hand gently. “Let’s go outside, mum.”

Outside referred to the courtyard and prison oval. There wasn’t much- just an old basketball court and benches. Guards were positioned everywhere, and the perimeter was lined with a ten metre high electrified fence of barbed wire that curled over at the top.

 Mum and I sat down on a bench, and I put her frail hands in mine. “I’m going to get you out of here.” I whispered, as I do every time.

“Honey, we’ve been over this.” Her eyes were sad.

“I will. You don’t deserve to be here.”

“Thomas, it isn’t worth it.”

“No. I will get you out of this dump.” Mum hung her head.

“Baby…”

A loud wailing sound interrupted us. A siren blast. The nearest guard sprinted over to us and took my hand firmly. He yanked me to my feet.

“Lockdown. You’ll have to leave.” His gruff voice rang in my ears.

 “Robert, please… I haven’t seen him in months…” Mum begged, but the guard, Robert, only sighed.

“He’s not safe, Ryan.  He'll see you next month. I’m sorry.” The guard tugged me away roughly. I tried in vain to pull my arm free and give me mother another hug. Just one more touch. I wanted this to be real. I needed it.

“Not now Thomas! Visitors to the hallway!” Robert snapped, continuing to lug me towards the glass doors of the entrance. In the background, people roared: 'FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!', but I ignored it and reached out to mum for the last time. She grasped my free hand and we stood there like that for a long, long moment, lost in each other's sorrow.  

“I love you, Tom!” She called out over the yelling accumulating around us.

Before I could reply, though, a glass door slid across, separating me from her tear filled face.  

“Mum!” I screamed weakly, though I knew it wouldn't do much.

It’s not like I hadn’t seen a lockdown before. They happened about three times a year. I just wished it hadn't been today.

Robert’s grip on my wrist relaxed and I pulled away and pressed my palms against the glass. Sirens rang in my ears, morphing into white noise as they adjusted. I mouthed a goodbye to my mother as another guard proceeded to lead me away. She watched me through the glass, one hand on its surface. A tear slid down my cheek as she dropped her gaze and was swallowed by the crowd of orange suits.

I had to get her out.

She didn’t deserve this.

****

The rest of the holidays passed in a blur. Max and I exchanged wry comment after wry comment, to the point where we had to be separated in mum's fear of a civil war starting up within our house. Towards the end of the two week break, she began lecturing me about school and friends. I listened most of the time, but wasn’t too fussed about it. I could do this. I was ready for anything... right?

Unfortunately though, that all changed when I woke up on my first day of school to the sound of mum calling Gabby. My cousin in question was going to give me a lift to St Agatha’s with her mum every morning, as organised by the parents. I was even put in the same classes as her and, according to mum, the students were well aware of my size. That news improved my mood... a little. To be honest, most of my confidence rode on the fact that these kids knew about people like me, having been with Marcus three years ago. It was a long shot, but hey- who lives short, anyway?

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking.

I didn’t know what to wear, so in a haste I shrugged on a long sleeved shirt and jeans. My feet, as usual, were bare but I made an effort to slip on a pair of black socks to cover them. I tied my hair back tightly with a thick strand of wool and took a few deep breaths to contain the butterflies settling in the pit of my stomach. I could handle this… couldn’t I? Yeah. I could. I can handle anything. Even regular school. I'm going to be fine. It's all in my head. All in my head...

I leapt out of my bookshelf, feeling frazzled as ever. Questions were circling irritably in my head, like bees. As I braced my aching body to trek down the stairs, I barely even registered the giant shadow coming over my five inch tall frame, nor the tree trunk sized appendages that accompanied it. An involuntary yelp escaped me as I was scooped into a fleshy palm to land on my backside.

“Jesus you scared me!” I called as my brother lifted me up with ease.

Max ignored me, and instead chuckled to himself, practically jogging towards the staircase. I gripped the living daylights out of his thumb to avoid being whipped off his upturned palm.

“First day at high-school, Ames! You excited?" he asked, taking the stairs two at a time. I grumbled as I was dropped off at the kitchen bench in my usual spot next to the fruit bowl. Hands on my hips, I turned around quickly to survey the giant I called a brother.

"I've told you, like, a hundred times not to pick me up like that! I have to avoid getting a fricking heart attack every time!"

Max smiled evilly and winked. "I know, I know. Just couldn't resist."

"Well, resist next time!" I grumbled back.

"We'll see, big sis." He smirked, turning on his heels towards the front door. With another wink, he gave me the thumbs up, before departing for the bus.

 I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the bench, back against the rim of the fruit bowl. Mum mouthed good morning from across the hall. She was on the phone; probably with Gabby’s mum about my getting to school dilemma. Seeing as Max went to the town's public school, there wasn't really a possibility of him taking me, but after learning of Gabby's previous enrolment to St Agatha's, mum saw the convenience in the situation and was instantly begging her sister to drive me there each morning. She worked full time, after all. It was hard for her to afford to take care of two children (although I'm a hell of a lot cheaper to feed than Max) without Dad to support us.

Meanwhile, I grinned at the sight of fresh pancakes on the table. Mum used a syringe to make my pancakes and an eye dropper to squirt on the syrup. I chewed on the sweet cakes as mum got off the phone.

“Gabby’ll be here in ten. You ready?” she asked. I nodded and licked the syrup off my lips, relishing the sweet taste on my tongue. Mum only looked at me, a concerned expression on her face. Her lips pursed, the way they always do when she's unsure. “If school doesn’t work then it’s ok to come home early. Just relax a little about it. You’ll be ok.” She said.

“Yeah, I know.” I assured her quickly as I polished off my last pancake. Only when Gabby arrived did I leave my relaxed position on the bench  let mum scoop me up in her hand so I could say hi. She stood in the doorway, looking almost as frazzled as I did and was wearing a pink tank top and jeans. Her short blond hair spilled neatly around her face. It made me regret my own choice in clothing completely. Hey! After being cooped up inside all their life, it's hard to develop a fashion sense!

“Hi Amy.” Gabby smiled, and I returned it, the butterflies back and reproducing at an alarming rate in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed back the sudden influx of nerves and held my hand up in a dorky  wave.

“How were your holidays?” I asked.

“Good, actually.” Gabby said. “I caught up with a few of my friends- they’re excited to meet you!”

 I grumbled. "Once they realise how retarded I am, they'll seriously regret it!"

“Nah, Amy. You're not even half as bad as those girls!”

"I beg to differ." I smirked, already envisioning myself going to school and meeting Gabby's long list of friends. From memory there was Nina, Kaitlin, Emily, Ella, Sharon... I couldn't even remember half of those names.

“Nah, they’re really nice. You’ll like ‘em.” She said with one of her famous warm smiles. “Well, we'd better get going then. School starts in like, ten minutes.”

"Oh. Okay then." I barely stifled a gulp of anxiety as I was transported onto my cousin's shoulder. Mum took a step backwards and forced a smile. From a glance, I could tell that she was almost as nervous about the whole ordeal as I was.

But then Gabby closed the door and she was gone. There was a car waiting for us outside. My aunt, who I'd never even met before. Suddenly, everything was becoming more and more real. The big day I'd been waiting for the past two weeks had finally arrived...

And I felt like pissing my pants then and there.  God. I'm a wuss.

Gabby’s mum smiled at me hesitantly from the driver’s seat as she slid into the back of the four wheel drive. I was jostled around a bit on her giant shoulder, but was able to steady myself just in time to meet the curious stares from my aunt.

“Hello Amanda.” She said, flicking on the ignition. "It's been years."

I felt my face going scarlet. “Erm, hi. You can call me Amy though, if you’d like.” I replied in a haste. As the car began a quick ascent down my street, Gabby clipped on her seatbelt and sighed.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Amy.” She said. “But I swear to god you’ve gotten taller.”

“Yep. Grew half a millimetre over the hols.” I said smugly, puffing out my chest. The faux confidence disintegrated instantly though, as Gabby's mum made the first swerve of the steering wheel. The shoulder beneath my tilted sideways a bit, and I clenched my hands around my cousin's shirt strap to avoid flying in pursuit of the windscreen. “I forgot why I haven’t been in cars many times. I hate them.” I swallowed nervously.

The rest of the journey continued in a similar manner. I was jostled around from my position to the point where I had to focus my attention wholeheartedly on keeping balance. So basically, it was almost poetic when we arrived. It was heaven for the first few seconds of Gabby leaving the scary-as-hell car. And at that point in my life, I received my first view of where my life would take a dramatic turn for the worst. I blinked the sunlight out of my eyes instantly, to take it all in.

School, let’s just say, was three times as big as my house from first glance. Teenagers swarmed around the front gate like flies and patted each other on the back as they met for the first time since the holidays. Tall trees grew haphazardly around the front so the main building was showered with leaves. People played games of handball on the concrete courtyard at the front. I almost jumped every time they whacked the tiny ball to send it flying across the court, to the point where Gabby had to  touch my slumped back with the tip of her pinkie finger in reassurance. Suddenly, it felt so strange to do this now. It made me really feel tiny. I've never truly had the space for those kind of thoughts, seeing as I know no different than being five inches tall. But now, watching teens my age running around and chatting made reality hit me like a brick. And for someone as small as me, that brick would do more damage than just a sore head and a concussion.

 For that reason, I tried to hide my face as Gabby walked through the grounds. I sensed people staring and pointing and a blush crept up my cheeks. Some muttered words like 'she's like Marcus' behind my back, and others who had never met Marcus were simply ogling me over. Gabby took me around the side of the building and through a hallway filled with chattering boys. One of them caught sight of me and yelled after Gabby:

“Is that the new girl the teacher told us about?”

His words send shivers down my spine, and I squeezed my legs against my chest and took a few deep breaths. My head throbbed with embarrassment from the constant scrutinising. It made me feel sick.

We rounded a corner and Gabby stopped. Big mistake. Automatically, we were surrounded. People I didn’t recognise shoved their huge heads in my face, their mouths forming slurred words I couldn't pinpoint individually in the crowd. Their voices were so loud that my ears started ringing dully. I held my hands to my ears and prodded at my temples. I was slowly getting a migraine.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep on yelling about shit, while my eardrums burst. You know, the usual Monday morning routine." I snapped more to myself than anything, but it seemed like most of my new fans got the message.

"Crap, sorry." A gangly boy with acne said, backing away. Most were boys that surrounded us, with prickly chins and long, un-kept hair. They breathed in my face like a hot wind.

"Yep. I get it." I called out over the crowd, folding my arms. This was definitely not how I'd envisioned high school as. It was seriously starting to tick me off. "The whole staring at the tiny girl thing. Keep it up, for all I care!"

"Y-You're her!" One of the giants breathed, almost in awe, which caused Gabby to snort. "I've seen you on TV! You're the one who was born with that cancer..."

"Yeah, that's me." I rolled my eyes. "I'm that chick who's grown up like this. Sucks."

That caused a few of my newly acquired fans to giggle. Man, my sarcasm was good.

"What's your name?" A girl called out over the crowd, and I stood up on Gabby's shoulder to get a better look at her face.

"Amy. Amy Leebeck."

"Nice to meet you, Amy." A few guys smiled, and I waved in their general direction.

"You too."

Someone new came into view from just above the sea of heads. She was a young woman, maybe about thirty, with short black hair. She wore a light blue dress and soft shoes, and just under her shoulder was the faded tattoo of a bluebird. I'd seen this woman before, yet only on paper.

My teacher.