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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


A crack of moonlight slid across the floor of the smelting plant office as the dirty sky-light was opened from the outside, the slender figure of the intruder peering down to check for guards. Predictably, there weren’t any goons this far inside the building – most of them were out patrolling the perimeter, or stationed somewhere else.

It didn’t surprise Selina that the headquarters of the Joker would be devoid of anyone but him and that insufferable ditz who followed him around like a fawning puppy, but it did surprise her that neither of them was to be seen.
Considering the state the Joker was in, she wouldn’t have imagined he’d be fit for much travelling – but she wasn’t about to complain. Dropping soundlessly into the room, Catwoman peered through her light-enhancing goggles at the various crates and boxes scattered around the room.

Most of it was just leftover office supplies from when the plant had originally shut down, but a quick survey of the room revealed the object that had so intrigued her when she’d heard the thugs outside discussing it. Sauntering over to the locked box on the main desk beside the central microphone, she plucked a lock pick from inside her cat-suit and set to work.

It wasn’t long before the flimsy padlock fell away, and with a smirk of satisfaction she flipped open the lid of the-

Before she had time to react, a blast of noxious green gas blasted out of the pressurized container straight into Selina’s face. Swearing in shock, she quickly slid back out of the cloud as it dissipated, but not before unintentionally inhaling some of it. A moment later, the lights of the office suddenly flicked on – and a long chortling laugh was heard coming through the speaker on the desk.

“Oh hohoho! I was wondering if you were going to get my invitation kitty cat,” The unmistakable sound of the Joker’s voice seemed to be slightly muffled as Selina clutched her head, a throbbing sensation filling her senses. “I do apologize for being unable to come greet you in person, this evening is really killing me if you know what I mean… But don’t worry, I’ve sent down Harley to say hello for me-“ Collapsing with dizziness onto the hard-wood floor, Selina barely heard the Joker’s final words before blacking out, “I hope your visit isn’t too… short. HAHAHAHAHAhahahaha……..”

“Hey wow, I didn’t think this shrink-dink stuff was really gonna work… look at you down there.” Catwoman’s eyes snapped open at the sound, adrenaline pumping through her as she rapidly came back to her senses. Leaping to her feet, she barely had time to get her bearings before something collided with her with the force of a freight train.

Flying across the room and slamming hard into a wall, Selina sucked up the pain and gasped as she hit the floor. The blow would have killed anyone else, but Catwoman was notoriously hard to kill… staggering to her feet and finally managing to see what had hit her. At first she thought she was still dazed from the gas and seeing things… But her heightened reflexes and thought processing told her there was nothing wrong with her vision; what she was seeing was quite real.
There, looking down at her with a huge grin spread over her face, was Harley Quin… Only she looked to be the size of a small building. Were she to look straight ahead, Selina would be staring directly at Harley’s ankle – but her eyes were locked on Harley’s, so far above.

“Ow! I bet that hurt didn’t it little kitty? You look even smaller than you did a few seconds ago…” With thuds that made the ground under Selina tremble, Harley walked briskly over to the tiny thief, but before she’d gone more than a few paces, Catwoman had already darted towards the stack of boxes to her right.

“Oh no you don’t!” Swinging her hammer over her head, Harley brought the heavy head slamming down in front of Selina, splintering the ground with a (comparatively) deafening ‘SMASH’ that sent the shrunken Catwoman rolling backwards onto the floor.

“Hold still kitty!” Harley crouched down and reached out with surprising speed towards the still reeling cat burglar; but Selina still had some of her wits about her. At the last second, she jumped into the air and landed on the back of Harley’s outstretched palm, sprinting up her wrist and leaping forward. Whip in hand, she flicked it out and wrapped it around one of the towering harlequin’s blonde pigtails.
Jerking her head down to look where the little lady had gone, Harley unwittingly propelled Catwoman over her shoulder – just as she had planned. However, Catwoman’s whip wasn’t designed for use on hair, and the barbed ends had become stuck in the long strands, forcing Selina to abandon the object as she landed with a roll on the floor and ran as fast as she could for the door outside.

But something was wrong… It felt like the further she ran, the further the door seemed to be – almost as if she was running backwards. All of a sudden, the ground beneath her shuddered with a boom unlike before, the vibrations causing her to lose her footing and hit the ground hard. Rolling onto her back to check behind her, the normally unflappable Catwoman found herself stunned by the sight before her.
Hands on hips, Harley Quinn was standing over her once again – only this time, she was even larger than before… If she had seemed the height of a small house before, now she was stretching away to a degree that would put Wayne Tower to shame.

“Silly kitty cat, you shoulda played nice and not tried to run… That gas is still in your system, the more you try to resist, the tinier you get… It suits you.” Crawling frantically backwards across the ground, barely moving more than a couple of millimeters at most, Selina Kyle’s heart was pounding harder than ever before – and she really wished it wasn’t. The more it beat, the smaller she was gradually becoming, much to the amusing of the giggling giantess.
“Oh boy… what should I do with you micro-cat? I suppose I could step on you.” Moving one shapely leg forward, she hovered her colossal heel over the miniscule Catwoman, completely enveloping her in the shadow of her boot.
“But that’s too easy, and no fun at all…”

Planting the boot beside her, Selina could only watch helplessly as Harley bent right down – her tight pants clinging to her titanic buttocks – and plucked her up off the floor between two tree-sized fingers. Squirming frantically, Selina felt her stomach drop out as she was hoisted up into the air and dangled in front of Harley Quinn’s wet lips, pulled back into a fiendish grin.
“Gosh, you do look awful tasty Catwoman…” Her pink tongue flicked out and circled her lips hungrily as Catwoman’s eyes widened in terror.
“NO!”
“No?” Harley tilted her head to the side and peered at the tiny morsel in her pinch.
“Yeah… you’re probably right; don’t wanna risk swallowing any of that nasty shrinking gas you’ve got left in you.”
“Come on Harley, we can work this out!” Selina fought to sound calm as she desperately tried to reason with the homicidal harlequin. “We’re both ladies right? Can’t we sit down and talk this over?”
There was a long pause as Harley pursed her lips, gazing down at Catwoman through narrowed eyes…



And gradually, a devilish smile crossed her face.

“Well first off kitty, I’m the only lady here… you’re just a little kitten. Not even a kitten, you’re a bug… And you’re really in no position to offer anything useful. But y’know what? Just for you, I will sit down and think it over. Only problem is…” She minced over to the hard, wooden office chair and dropped Catwoman none-too-gently onto its surface, “there’s only one chair… So we’re gonna have to share.”

Stunned from the fall and totally unable to move, Selina let out a long whine of fear as Harley Quinn’s curvaceous butt filled the sky above her. Of all the ways she had expected her life to end… this was not it. Dropping like a pair of fleshy leather-clad boulders, Harley’s buttocks fell on Catwoman… And only a final roll from the tiny thief stopped her exploding from the impact, winding up instead wedged in the tiny gap between her cheeks.

“Still alive down there? Wow, I guess you cats really do have nine lives… But don’t worry, I can take care of that.” Lifting her rump up off the tiny, broken woman, Harley giggled as she slammed her booty back down on her, hearing a tiny muffled scream of pain from beneath her.

“Two…” Leaning forward and raising her ass once again, she rolled back, grinding the little kitty helplessly underneath her. On and on it went… “Three… four… five…” Until finally…
As the word “Nine” escaped Harley’s lips, she knew it was over… From under her perfect behind, there came a muffled ‘crunch’, and a sensation that felt like a popped grape. Giggling uncontrollably, Harley continued to grind against the chair for a few more moments until she was certain Catwoman was smeared into an unrecognizable mess.

The speaker on the desk crackled to life.
“Harley? What’s taking so long, where’s our guest?”
“Oh I’m afraid she had to go Misah J… The pressure was a bit too much for her. But don’t worry; she learned what happens to people who keep butting in where they’re not welcome.”
Standing up perkily and wiggling her hips to get them snugly back into her pants, Harley cast Catwoman permanently from her mind and walked away, the tiny red smudge merging with the rest of the red fabric…

Chapter End Notes:

Looks like Catwoman was the butt of that joke. HO!

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