My one year tour of Africa had really taken a toll on me. I was finally back home on Elkwood Drive to stay with my old friend Julia. We had a trip scheduled for the next day to a pool resort as a welcome home trip. She was 23 years old with brown almond hair tied back in a ponytail. I stood in front of 135 Elkwood Drive and rang the doorbell. The door opened and there was Julia. 

"Ed! "I'm so glad to see you!" 

We hugged quickly and she led me inside. 

"Let me get you a drink Ed then we can catch up"

"Not too long Julia we have an early trip tommorrow!" I responded

I sat on her navy blue couch and looked around the room. She lived in a two story house that was very well decorated. The carpet was a purple fuzzy thing and it matched just about everything else in the room. As I stared at her furniture I felt myself getting into a daze. My survival instinct kicked in and stood up quickly to avoid passing out. My efforts were fruitless as my vision started swimming and everything went dark.

I woke up in a blind fury. I swiped and punched everything around me. I calmed down and assesed the situation. The ground was bouncy and soft. It had what seemed to be long blue thin plants that reached my knees. I turned around and what I saw took my breath despite 5 years of wilderness survival. Everything was enormous. The mile long table legs reached down to the purple carpet forest. The couch I was on streached on for what seemed like forever. The blue plants I realized were just fuzz. Then I heard an explosion. Then another. The ground shook every five seconds and I was trying not to fall down from the quakes. I looked across the room and there stood Julia. She seemed so far away but my survival experiance told me large things are not as far away as you think. As she approached the couch the quakes got stronger. Then the mighty Julia stopped in her tracks it was like watching a mountain wander then stop. Execpt she was much larger than a mountain. Her blue eyes looked exactly at where I was standing. Maybe she had seen me? Wrong, she let out a disgruntled sigh which sounded miles away but still loud.

"Guess I have to go alone tommorrow...dammnit Ed.."

She must have thought I left. This was bad very very bad. The thunderous booms of her feet started up again and Julia made her way to the couch. Then everything got dark. It seemed like the sun had suddenly switched off. I turned around to see that Julia had down the same. She was about to sit down. I ran as fast as I could to whatever shelter I could find. There wasn't any. The darkness started to recede as her city sized butt got closer to the couch. Luckily for me she didn't sit on the cushion I was on, but the one next to it. I jumped to the ground and covered my head with my hands. I looked back to see one giant blue wall that was just Julia's buttcheek clad in jeans. It streched upward and upwards until it met with Julia's purple shirt. Her butt touched the cushion and the air became a whirlwind pratically blowing me away from the impact. I held on the cushion with my tree climing grip and prayed. After a few seconds the wind stopped and all that was left was the echo of the couch springs. To me it seemed like this girl had just leveled and entire feild with just her butt. To her all she did was sit down. I crawled back and looked up high up trying to catch a glimpse of Julia's face. I saw somthing a huge move high above. Julia had whipped her ponytail. A giant thread of hair fell near me. I tied to around my waist, it might come in handy.  I looked up at the blue wall of buttcheek infront of me. The base looked to be about some city blocks ahead. I should use her hair to climb up and get her attention. I ran up to her butt breathing heavily and looked straight up. The butt seemed to bulge outward. This would be more difficult than the time I climbed Mt. Fuji.

I started my ascent but digging my hands into the jean fabric. One hand after the other I slowly started up Julia. I heard the tv flick on and heard the booming voice of some talkshow host. This was good news for if Julia was entertained the show would give me a half hour at most to reach her pocket as a rest point. One hand after the other I climbed slowly and steadily as I had many times when hiking. Right hand...left hand...right hand...left hand...over and over. About fifteen minutes had passed and the same tv show was on. This means i have the full half hour hopefully. I stopped to catch my breathe and to see how far up I had gone. I looked downward, I was miles off the ground. This was good. I looked up to see a long gold laced band stretching to my right and disappearing behind Julias round cheek. I was closer then I thought. I climbed alittle higher and grabbed hold of the band. But there wasn't a pocket. I looked up and realized I was only a the bottom of the butt pocket. I was less than halfway there. I had to move fast incase Julia decided to get up. My only hope was her back pocket. I climbed faster than I ever had before. After a awhile I was closing in on the opening when I heard four words that made my heart stop. "Thats all for today". I prayed that Julia would keep watching tv but I knew I was wrong. Julia doesn't like to stay still for long...I climbed even faster sometimes jumping up to grab hold of the blue jean clad butt. I heard a loud moaning sound that I took to be a yawn. Suddenly everything went quiet. The tv had been turned off. I dug in my feet and legs and hugged Julia's moutain cheek. I knew what was coming next. The ground suddenly shot what seemed to be a million miles away as Julia started to get up. The air trappped under Julia escaped and tried to pull me down with it's hurricane force. I held on for dear life as I departed from the navy blue couch. I was higher than I have ever been before in my life. I had traveled by plane tons of time but this was somthing else. I was smack in the middle of Julias butt. I could look straight down at the purple fuzzy carpet and see it as it was...a purple fuzzy carpet. It was no longer a landscape. The booming fottsteps of Julias reached my ears once more as she started to move. I felt like I was on the worlds tallest ferris wheel. Her butt went upwards when she moved her left foot and downward when she moved the right. I could hear the fabric streching around Julias buttcheeks and grinding inbetwwen her ass as she walked. I have held on to a cliffsides during monsoons before but not cliffsides that moved.It was actually quite awing. It felt like I was holding on to the sky as it moved. Suddenly the booming footsteps stopped. This was my chance. I used the hair I got from Julia and tied a lasso with one hand. I let go with my right side holding on with only my left. I threw the hair lasso upward and managed to get it into the opening of the butt pocket despite it being pressed shut by Julia's butt. I tugged to make sure the hair was secure and eased my weight onto it until I was practically hanging. I started upwards again but soon after everything started moving again. I heard the fridge door close with a massive clap. Julia started moving again. I didn't have time to grab hold and was left hanging. I swung left and right. I was sure I was going to die. I swung infront of a deep canyon. It went so deep I couldn't see the bottom. It was Julias buttcrack. I swung infront of it at leat five times but I could never swing the whole way across. Then everything shifted and I was suddenly hanging lower on Julias butt. I looked down and saw giant wooden ledges. Julia was going upstairs. In the constant swinging and spinning I managed to get a look at my watch. It was already 10:00. Bedtime.