Report 2: The Edwards Family, Interview 1: Kitty Edwards

  I began the process of acquiring primary sources today.  My first stop was in a suburb a few miles out of the main city limits, in a home previously owned by Mr. Dale Edwards and Mrs. Kitty Edwards, though in effect the residence is maintained only by Mrs. Edwards, who insisted on being referred to as Kitty rather than be connected to her husband’s name.

            A little background on the case is in order before presentation of the interview content.  Dale Edwards was an alcoholic and addict with a number of petty theft charges to his name.  Three years ago he took most of the savings he and his wife had built up by over eleven years of marriage working three jobs between them and left the state without a trace.  He was caught six months ago trying to steal from a convenience store cash register, cleaned out of most of the money he took, and was returned to his home state.  Shortly after a similar Shrink Act was passed here, the court rendered Dale Edwards down to a height ranging between one and eight inches tall and put him back in the services of his former home, with the willing cooperation of Kitty and her daughter, so that he may in part begin to pay back the debt he owes his family and society.

            Today, I delivered the first of hopefully multiple interviews with Kitty about her domestic experience operating under The Shrink Act, as well as Mr. Edwards himself and their thirteen-year-old daughter Gemma.

            This was not a case that garnered much media attention, given that it was begun shortly after the practice of MRD prosecution was popularized.  In fact, readers of this report may be mostly unfamiliar with the case without a cursory Google search.  This is intentional on my part.  For the purpose of authenticating this report as documenting average Americans affected by The Shrink Act, I intend to primarily rely on events representing the lesser known general populace, rather than just the infamous ones such as the Scott Stevens case.  Having said this, readers would most likely be familiar with Kitty through her YouTube channel, which will be elaborated on later.

            As I pulled into the driveway, I was struck by something odd.  Most of the houses in the surrounding area appeared to have been built over sixty years ago if not longer, with obvious signs of degradation.

            The Edwards house showed no such damage, and in fact looked almost brand-new, with almost every possible exterior refurbishing visible.  This surprised me, given the obvious fiscal blow Dale Edwards dealt his family three years ago, and was a point I followed up on in the interview.

            Although I had originally planned to use only particularly relevant quotations from my interviews with members of the household, having completed my first visit with them at time of writing, I have decided a more effective and informative impact will be made by leaving the interviews in their unedited format.  As a representative of the Techilogic Corporation and for ease of reading, my identity in the transcript will be labeled as “TC.”

            My first interview with Kitty took place in her living room.  It was small but the furniture, like the exterior, looked brand new and included several leather chairs and mahogany tables.  Kitty herself seemed to be in high spirits.  Based on my records, she is 45 years of age and has worked as a secretary for over two decades, and occasionally as a waitress.  Her hair was dark and let down around her shoulders, and from the observations I could make, her attire was apparently purchased from a more well-to-do clothing line.

TC: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Mrs. Edwards.

Kitty: You’re welcome.  And it’s Kitty.  Please call me Kitty.

TC: Fair enough, Kitty.

Kitty: And what do I call you?

TC: Just Howard is fine.  Now, if you’re ready, we can get started.

Kitty: Fire away, Howard.

TC: How would you describe your experience being among the first families to be impacted by The Shrink Act?

Kitty: (laughs) It’s wonderful.  We’ve been getting on so much better ever since Dale came back to us.

TC: I’m glad to hear that.  Could you maybe describe for me the ways in which your living situation has changed since then?

Kitty: It is a lot different.  My daughter and I have to keep a closer watch on the ground to make sure we don’t kick Dale around too much.  Normally I leave him at eight inches so it’s not as risky.  It’s also the best way to make sure he can be productive while he’s working here for us.

TC: Productive?

Kitty: Yes.  I told him this and I’ll tell you too.  He may still be married to me, but he’s no husband of mine, and as far as I’m concerned, he’s no father to Gemma, though I leave it to her to decide that.  So, I keep him busy all day.  He gets to eat, sleep, and have a roof over his head, so he’s got to work for it.  Nothing too complicated; it’s easy enough for even him to figure out.  Dusting, scrubbing, cleaning up trash.  That kind of thing.

TC: Interesting.  How does he take to that?

Kitty: (laughs) Well, he didn’t take to it at all when we first brought him home.  He sat in the middle of the floor with his little arms crossed and told me if I thought he was going to be some slave to a bitch like me then I had another think coming.

TC: I see.  And how was that matter resolved?

Kitty: I’ll tell you how.  I kicked off my shoes, walked right up to him, and squeezed his little pencil neck between a couple of my pretty lil’ toes.  And I told him to get it through his head as fast as possible that he didn’t have to like it, because I don’t much care for him either, but he was working for me now, and if he didn’t shape up I could make things much more interesting for us both.

TC: How did he respond?

Kitty: He didn’t at first, because I put the rest of my foot on him and pinned him to the carpet just to make sure the message sunk all the way in.  Dale was never one to comprehend things quickly enough for my tastes.

TC: Interesting.  Did he warm up much to his duties after that?

Kitty: Well, I can’t say it was immediate, but you can be darn sure he listened to what I told him to do after that, and quick-like.  He may be a dumb idiot, but he knows when he’s beaten.  Of course, I still do it here and there.  Just to make sure he remembers who’s the boss now.

TC: Would you mind sharing in what ways you accomplish that?

Kitty: Not a wit.  Sometimes I’ll give him a few little love taps with my toes while he’s walking around, just to let him know balance is a privilege.  Or I’ll just pick him up and give him a reminder what it feels like to have to rely on someone to keep safe.  Oh, and I just remembered!  I saw one of those little investigative thingies a while back.  You know, on the news.  Anyway, they were talking a little about that lady.  Oh, what was her name?  You know.  The one who started the Shrink Act up?

TC: Judy Stevens.

Kitty: Yeah, her.  Anyway, they were talking about her and her boy.  Her son, the one who… ran over that poor, poor woman and her baby, God rest its dear little soul.  And they talked about one way she’s been making up for him not going to jail is by… well, wearing him.  Under her feet.  In her shoes.

TC: I believe I’ve heard that statement before about her too.

Kitty: Yeah.  Anyway, that idea just tickled me so much.  It sounded so perfect for somebody who’s done what he’s done, and then I thought, hey, I’ve got Dale.  Why not try a little experiment myself?

TC: I see.  Go on.

Kitty: So I gave Dale a little surprise by putting him down to two inches.  He didn’t take kindly to that, but he took it even less kindly when I picked him up and dropped him into my favorite house slippers.  And then put ‘em on.

TC: Those slippers you’re wearing now?

            Here, Kitty lifted her leg up in the air and rotated her ankle to show off her house slippers.

Kitty: Yep, these.  He’s not in there right now, of course, he’s upstairs working.  But I’ll be damned if it wasn’t a hell of a lot of fun feeling him squirm around under my toes.  Sorry, can I say those words?  Don’t want to be rude for your interview and study-thingy.

TC: It’s fine, don’t worry about it.  Continue, please.

Kitty: Right-o.  So yeah.  That’s the main way.  I don’t do it all the time, but if he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed or got some lip on him, I’ll usually give him the morning off from chores and give him a ride in my slippers, or in my sneakers if I’ve gotta make a run to the supermarket.  I’ve put him in my socks a couple times, too, which is a real ball.  And usually that gentles him down enough to want to do his chores good and fast when we get back and I let him out.  Course, he’s usually dizzy enough after that it takes him a couple minutes to figure it out, but I’m a patient woman.  Mostly.

TC: Fascinating.  So you’ve found, then, that it’s an effective method of rehabilitation?

Kitty: You could say that.  Dale used to be something of a loudmouth.  And boy, did he have a temper.  He never hit me or anything, but he sometimes used to come back in a drunken rage and knock stuff over and leave me to clean it up.  Plus, his drugs, he’d just leave sittin’ around.  Like he didn’t even care we could see ‘em.

TC: But now?

Kitty: (laughs) Now, he’s a totally changed man.  Sure, we still have our hang-ups sometimes, but time away from the drink and dope has made him a much clearer thinker, and of course he can’t steal things anymore neither.  He’s helping around the house almost without complaint now, and it’s never looked better.  No more big rages either, just little tantrums, which I admit I kinda find cute sometimes, especially once I’ve got his neck between my toes and I’m sliding him inside a shoe.  Gotta love it.

TC: I was actually going to ask about the house next.  It looks great.  Very tastefully done.

Kitty: Thank you!

TC: I was wondering if you might elaborate on the house for me?  From an economic standpoint, you were…

Kitty: Ohhh right.  Yes, yes, yes.  I see where you’re going.  Yes, the house.  It used to a be a real pigsty like a lot of the places you see around here.  We’ve had almost everything redone in here now.  Furniture, floors, paints, lights, AC, and more.  And it’s almost all thanks to Dale being back.

TC: Interesting.  And I would guess that’s had something to do with your YouTube channel?

Kitty: (laughs) You’ve done your homework, Howard.  Yes, I run a YouTube channel called Kitty’s Corner for Bigs and Littles.  Dale, I guess you could say, runs it too, but he’s not quite big enough to be able to handle the keyboard.  Not that I think he’d want to, either.  Anyway, the channel’s been a huge, huge success.  Bigger than I’d have ever thought.  The ad revenue I’ve received has just blown me away.

TC: And I believe it just crossed the one million subscribers mark not long ago, unless I’m mistaken.

Kitty: Yep.  One million, fourteen thousand, three hundred, and sixteen as of an hour ago.  I’m over the moon.

TC: I’m sure you are.  Congratulations.  Could you elaborate a bit on what it’s all about?

Kitty: I’d love to.  It’s a channel where I can vlog with little ol’ Dale by my side.  Or under me. Whatever I’m in the mood for.  We get into all kinds of fun activities together, and then I post it for people to see and enjoy.

TC: And how do your viewers take that?  The use of him in the videos, I mean.

Kitty: They know all about Dale and the kinds of shit he’s pulled… sorry, more filthy words… but anyway, they know all about it, and I guess for them it’s a kind of… I don’t know, what’s the word?  Not a revenge fantasy.  It starts with a “c.”  Cat-tart, or… or…

TC: Catharsis.

Kitty: Yes! Exactly that.  I know it might sound a little mean to someone at first, but I also use the channel to bare my soul and let them know what Gemma and me have been through.  How we’re just trying to rebuild and make sure Dale knows he can’t hurt anyone else ever again.  I’m rough with him, sure, but people know why and I think they get a kick out of our shenanigans.

TC: What kinds of shenanigans would those be?

Kitty: You name it.  I tried a couple videos where I filmed Dale riding around in my shoes, and he had to try to wrestle his way out.  He almost made it when I wore my peep-toes, but I’m not quite one to let him win things, so that’s why it was an “almost.”  People loved that.

TC: I see.  What else?

Kitty: Let’s see… oh, I can think of one.  I was real pleased with this one, especially because I had my subscribers vote on it and they were all real enthused for it.  I played Chubby Bunny with him.  You know, where you have a bunch of marshmallows and have to stuff ‘em in your mouth one by one and keep saying “Chubby Bunny” without letting them all fall out or get swallowed.  Well, I did that, except Dale was… the first marshmallow I put in.

TC: Wow.

Kitty: Right?  Made him an inch and tucked him in nice and deep to my cheek so he wouldn’t fall down my throat, and then went to town on the marshmallows.  It was a real hilarious lookin’ time, I’m sure.  The viewers loved it and it was the one that went viral and made my channel what it is, so I’m guessing if you looked up my channel, you’ve heard of it?

TC: I have, yes.  I watched it.  Very representative of your channel’s content, I’d say.

Kitty: I’m not afraid to make fun of myself sometimes, and I think that helps people see I’m just a mother trying to make her way with her daughter and correct somebody’s crimes.  You know?

TC: I do, yes.  And your work with the channel paid for the house, you’re saying?

Kitty: Yep.  Of course, a lot of it goes to paying back Dale’s debts.  This is part of how he’s making peace with the world, not just us.

TC: All through ad revenue?

Kitty: That, and the donations.  I started a Paypal not expecting much, but people have really taken to it.  That’s actually where most of it came from, and was how I was able to set up all this nice stuff while still putting payments in for the money he owes.  Of course, I thanked them all in a video and got to model some of it with Dale.

TC: That was good of you.  One more thing I’m curious about with the YouTube channel.  I’m not totally familiar with the legal process of your particular case, but I would gather that including Dale in some more… compromising positions in your videos is totally protected by The Shrink Act?

Kitty: I wondered that at first too, and checked it out with the lawyer before I got the fun started on the channel.  She told me to not worry about it and just have us some fun.  She said it varies from case to case, but in ours, Dale can’t refuse publicity for himself.  He doesn’t have to say anything, but he has to be in the videos if I want.  So she said to go have a good time with him, and as long as he’s not real hurt by anything on the camera, it’s totally fine.  And he’s not.  Not on his body, anyway.

TC: Very interesting.  It’s good it’s worked out that way, then, for the success of your channel. 

Kitty: You have no idea, Howard.

TC: I’d say that about finishes up this part of my visit.  I don’t want to take up too much of your time.  I was hoping, also, I could ask you about a follow-up interview I’d like to do sometime down the road, possibly from within six months to a year?

Kitty: Oh, absolutely.  Just let me know when and I’ll be ready here.

TC: Excellent.  I appreciate it.  Now, I did want to ask your permission for one more thing.

Kitty: Of course.  What’s that?

TC: I wondered if I might have the chance to speak to your daughter Gemma, and to Dale?

Kitty: Both are fine with me personally.  No problem.  I leave it up to Gemma whether she wants to talk or not to you, but I’d bet my boots she’s perfectly willing.  She’s a talker, like me.  She sometimes helps out with a couple of the videos if I’m not doing anything too wild with Dale.

TC: Thank you very much.  Where could I find them both?

Kitty: Well, Gemma was up in her room last I checked, and Dale was doing some dusting on the upstairs railing.  If I know Gemma, though, she’s probably… interrupted her daddy’s progress.

TC: Interrupted, huh?

Kitty: You’ll see soon enough.  I don’t mind if she does, because he can always make up the chores later, and besides, like I said, I leave up to her if she wants to spend time with him.  And would you mind if I sat in for the talks with them?

TC: Not at all.  You’re welcome to join in too if you have anything to add to the comments.

Kitty: Well, fantastic.  C’mon, I’ll show you to Gemma’s room.

TC: Thanks, Kitty.