I hated the wait. Per her orders I was to stay off my feet as much as possible and she would spend the day prepairing. Mom didn't even question her request. Of course Jamie deserved a couple of days off, even though she couldn't really understand why we were going to such a sad place.
- "I just want to see it mom." She shook her head.
- "I guess I can't understand, but if it's something you have to do you should go." She asked us why we didn't take the bikes as well. We just said we wanted the full nature experience. Luckily my leg was a bit better so mom couldn't tell I was injured. I could walk normally if I concentrated, but it still hurt. If mom had seen the leg she probably would have stopped us.

I felt a bit guilty for not doing anything. Staying in moms house all day. I decided to at least make dinner for them. I figured I could do that without putting too much stress on the leg. As I was trying to find something to cook I went out in the garage to look in the extra freezer my mom had out there, and then I saw Jamies bike parked next to mine. I didn't think too much of it in the evening, but she did park my rental in the garage and then she left without any bike or car... And obviously she had time to collect her ride from the lake. Maybe someone else had driven her, or perhaps she just went and got it. She was obviously strong enough to walk there... But her talk of speed yesterday had me thinking. Strength, speed and infinite breath... What was she? I hoped cooking would take my mind of it for a while, but no. I ended up cooking a lot more than I had intended, so when mom and Jamie came back there was enough food to serve ten people.
- "Don't worry about it dear. I'll just put it into boxes in the freezer and have them for lunch." mom said reasuringly. I had made a Bolognese so it was easy enough to freeze and use again. And mom and I finally had a conversation about me not being a full time vegetarian anymore. Jamie sat quietly most of the time during the meal, which was kind of good for me. It made it easier to take my mind of her for a while.

Suddenly Jamie excused herself and went out to finish up some chores and prepare as much as she could for her time away so mom wouldn't have to do too much by herself.
- "She has been very focused today. What little she talks about it's all about your trip. She wasn't even this excited for her birthday."
- "Oh?" I felt so stupid for not having anything better to say. Mom just shot me a smile and finished her plate as well.
- "I've been thinking about it, and it seems like a good idea... You going to that horrible place." she said as she started to do the dishes.
- "Mom, I'm sure the place itself isn't all that horrible."
- "I'm sure that's true, but you know what I mean. It holds some horrible memories... but I think I'm starting to get it. Even if I don't fully understand, I'm starting to get it... If I might be as bold as to make a request." Mom was not really one for making requests usually.
- "I'm listening."
- "I really wish you'd visit his grave as well... If this is some soul searching quest, you could take the time to go there."
- "We could go together..." I suggested after some consideration. The thought of visiting dads grave had totally slipped my mind, and my first reaction when mom spoke of it was feeling defensive.
- "I would very much like that. Would you mind if we go after you come back from the hike though? Jamie and I will need most of the evening to prepare if I am to last these days without her."
- "I won't mind. If you are that busy, perhaps I should do the dishes then?" Mom gave me a hug and a kiss and left me alone with my thoughts again. I had no idea Jamie was excited. It was really hard to tell for me, but if mom said she was, who was I to doubt her?

With the dishes done and the kitchen clean, I decided to try and get some rest. Jamie had after all ordered me to stay off my feet. It was getting dark outside already so with any luck I hoped to fall asleep and have this day over with. The suspense was killing me. Sleep did however not come. It didn't feel right to lie there doing nothing while Jamie and my mother was out working. But I had nothing else to do. Jamie even said she would pack everything we needed. But I could not expect her to do all the work, could I? I at least had to pack clothes for myself. For some reason I started to rummage around in my old closet. Surley I wouldn't find anything that would fit me since it's been so long since I lived here, but at least it kept me occupied. There were a lot of memories connected to all the clothes, and most of them made me not think of her. It's not all good to second guess one self too much, but looking at all the clothes and happy memories they unlocked made it hard to remember why I felt the urge to leave town so much. Growing up in a small town had given me so much, but I guess I couldn't see that until I left and came back a different person. Suddenly I found a couple of dungarees that I had no memory of at first. They looked big enough to fit me so I tried them on. They were too big even, and that's when it hit me. The one time dad tried to buy me clothes. A bit of a stereotype, I know, but dad let mom handle all the shopping that did not include any machinery, and when I was 8 I questioned it.
- "Why don't you buy me clothes daddy?"
- "Because I don't know anything about clothes. Your mom does, so she gets to buy them. She even buys my clothes."
- "But I want you to buy me something..."
- "Oh? I guess I could try." he said, and a day later he came home with a pair of dungarees, exactly like his own. The same size even. Mom couldn't stop laughing when I tried them on.
- "You must have realized they would be way to big for her..." she said finally. I remember my dads uncomfortable look.
- "Well, I knew that, but I didn't think they would be That big... I figured I give her something to grow into since I don't shop for clothes that often... and I really thought she was a bit bigger already."
- "She's eight years old dear..."
- "Yeah, and it feels like yesterday she was five." he said and slammed his hand in the table and pomposly declared in a funny voice "You mark my words, they will fit her one day!" and I felt like I couldn't disappoint my father. I remembered I used to have a sewing kit somewhere in my room, so I could modify the overalls to fit perfectly and make my dads declaration true. Then I fell asleep, looking for the needle and thread.

- "What are you wearing?" mom asked in an almost barking voice. The sun was up so I must have slept through the night.
- "The dungarees that dad gave me. What time is it?" I said yawning and stretching.
- "Late enough. Jamie is already here, ready to leave. Are you wearing those to the hike?"
- "I planned on it, but they are a bit too long."
- "Give them here, I'll fix it while you eat breakfast. I won't let you go hiking on an empty stomach."

Jamie was already sitting by the kitchen table when I got downstairs.
- "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so late."
- "No worries, it's not that late. I just couldn't sleep. I really wanted to get going. It wasn't my intention to set your mom on you. I heard her not so gentle wake up call."
- "Well... It's just like old times when she yelled at me to get to school. I'm surprised I slept so good... Yesterday I was so nervous I couldn't sleep, and suddenly it was today." I said going through the cupboards looking for something to eat.
- "You mind getting some breakfast for me as well? I didn't eat before I came here." Jamie said looking a bit ashamed for some reason.
- "Sure, I guess mom won't mind... She forbade me to go without eating first and I would think the same rule applies to you." We ate in silence until mom came down and handed me the modified garment.
- "I didn't do much. I figured you'd want to be on your way soon so I just made sure you won't trip on the legs. It looked like they fitted alright, but I think you might want to use this belt to make them sit right over your hips, so the shoulder straps won't take all the weight. Might make for an uncomfortable hike..." Mom was right of course. The belt made the whole thing a bit more comfortable to wear, even though it didn't look very stylish, but who had time to think about style while going for a hike in the woods?

We said our goodbyes and headed out. Mother asked why we didn't bring anything and Jamie explained that she left the backpacks by the road. I guess mom was nervous because she offered to come with us to the backpacks at least, but I shoed her off.
- "I'm sure Jamie packed everything we need!"
- "I wasn't trying to snoop..." mom said in the voice of someone caught snooping, then we headed our different ways. Jamie kept a steady pace and it seemed like I could keep up fine with her. My leg was hardly bothering me at all. We weren't far from the house but I could feel the wilderness spread out around us. Unlike the town where everything was touched by human hands, this land was nothing like it. You could get a sense of it from the back of a bike, but it was much closer now.
- "I must have spent too much time in the city." I said after a while.
- "What makes you say that?" Jamie was still a bit ahead of me, but I was basically keeping up. Besides, walking behind her had the perk of beeing able to look at her without her knowing it... well... I guess it would be easy for her to figure out, but it still felt better for some reason.
- "Well... you know... there are so much trees here. I always knew there were, I'm not stupid... But I feel stupid, because we are here... in a real forest. Not a park or some garden..."
- "I think it's more the fact that you are a pilot that messes with your head here. You are used to move so much faster, way up there, but now you're really in it, walking slowly, no control, no instruments... just you... looking at my butt."
- "I wasn't looking at your butt..." A quickly modified truth "More like your hair."
- "You were looking at my hair?"
- "It has a very hypnotizing swing going on right now. By the way, where are those backpacks?"
- "It's one back pack actually, and I took the liberty of storing it a bit further ahead."
- "So you're going to carry everything?" She turned her head around and gave me a sly look.
- "I thought you said you knew I was strong..." she said and tossed her hair a bit extra as she looked ahead again.
- "I'm sorry, what did you say? Didn't hear, was too buzy looking at your butt." If she was messing with me I guess it was okay to mess right back. She just snickered and kept on walking.

Suddenly we went from tiny paths to an old road. It wasn't much better than the paths really in terms of vegitation. This road hadn't been used in a long time, but it was still visible because it was unnaturally straight.
- "This is the way you would have been on should you have come back the way you supposed to. At least that's what you told me back then... so I got here and then I started to walk to meet you." She walked over to a tree and grabbed something. A relatively huge backpack.
- "You really shouldn't have packed everything in one bag. I'll feel useless."
- "Don't worry about me. I have no trouble getting around, even with luggage. You are still hurt, even though it looks better. Give it an hour or so and you'll start feeling your leg resist. Tell me when you get tired and we'll rest."
- "You sound really cocky right now..." I said, trying to hide that I was a bit annoyed by her manners.
- "Oh? I'm sorry..." she said after some consideration. "I turned into my dad there for a moment. He is a total control freak when it comes to camping and hiking."
- "I remember that happening a lot when I turned twenty... Finding out how much like my parents I really was."
- "Goodness... I'm twenty already..."
- "I felt alot like that too, but don't worry. You'll soon realize that isn't much more than a number."
- "Well, that's easy for you to say, you've done things. I've spent twenty years here basically doing nothing."
- "Oh... saving me was kind of a big feat I think. Besides I was under the impression that you liked it here."
- "I do... I really do... but suddenly it felt like I didn't."
- "Believe it or not... that happened to me alot too. I was so sure when I left that I was doing what I was supposed to do. And then I wasn't, but I felt like I couldn't go back... I had invested all of it right where I was..."
- "How did you get over it?" I didn't realize at first but we had slowed to a halt and she was looking right at me.
- "I kind of never did... but I figured... home is where the heart is, you know?" She looked at me like she didn't understand at all. "I set my heart on leaving and I did, and that is what I needed to do right then... and now I felt like returning returning was the right thing to do... It might have been selfish of me to do what I wanted like that... but I was just so curious... Perhaps it doesn't make sense..."
- "I've been the oposite practically. I just wanted to stay here, where it's safe. I'm just so afraid of what will happen if people find out about me... It's going to sound like I'm banging my own drum here, but as fas as I know, I'm the only one of my kind..." I remembered my own struggles in youth when I had thoughts like hers, but with the information I had I already knew hers was another condition than a struggle with sexual orientation. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to get so gloomy" she said with a forced smile and started walking again.