Rolling Out the Blood-Red Carpet

They felt her coming before they saw her. Each of her steps was like an earthquake, sending shockwaves through the ground. *Boom.* Her foot hit the ground: birds flew away hastily. *Boom.* Car alarms went off half a mile away. *Boom.* Buildings shook, as if they might topple over any moment. Boom. The very firmament of the city seemed unable to support the sheer immensity of her mass, the force of each step striking like a meteor. *Boom.* *Boom.* The very concrete cracked and collapsed below her feet. *Boom.* Pipes, buried deep underground, snapped under her weight. *Boom.* The ground shifted and turned below her, alternately rising and caving in.

Elizabeth walked through the streets of downtown Los Angeles like a hurricane in a tight black dress, a cataclysm in high heels. Destruction followed in her wake. She was like an ancient colossus, her statuesque body towering over the tiny buildings below her. Panicked drivers swerved wildly to avoid her, causing crashes and pileups, dotting the roads with broken cars. Civilians tried to flee to the relative safety of nearby buildings, though many weren’t so lucky. Almost every step she’d crush one or two empty cars under her feet. 

The streets ruptured around her. A trail of deep footprints marked her path in the cement. All along her path streetlights were overturned, fire hydrants sprayed into the air, and traffic lights now lied against the ground. She was a force of nature, an earthquake in human form. A walking disaster in the most literal sense. And this was her big night.

She looked down between her breasts. Her manager, Ted, was nestled tightly between her cleavage, his right arm draped over the top of her blouse. Nestled between her huge breasts, he looked as small as a mouse. Liz’s breasts shook and she walked. The undulating motion rocked Ted back and forth harshly, like powerful ocean waves. 

“Hey,” said Ted, bobbing around, “here we are. There’s the red carpet! Just watch out for that stretch limo--”

But of course it was too late. Just as a goateed man stepped out of the stretch limo below them, Elizabeth’s huge foot came down upon the car. The front of her heel crushed the back half of the stretch limo, crunching it into the pavement. The goateed man managed to half-escape, but only half: his legs and lower torso were crushed under the edge of the unyielding heel. 

“Oh. My. God,” said a nearby voice, “you just crushed the cast of two and a half men. Oh god, look at poor Ashton!”

“Oh. My. God,” Elizabeth said loudly; even speaking normally, she could be heard far away. “Two and a half men is my favorite show! I remember that one time, when Charlie slept with that drunk girl, and it was kind of rapey, but the show just played it up for laughs... so funny! Oh my god, is that little Ashton Kutcher down there?” She stepped up off the limo. The back half of Ashton’s body stuck to the bottom of her heel like a piece of gum. 

“Too... much... pain,” said the front half of Ashton Kutcher.

“Ashton! I’m like your biggest fan!” said the towering behemoth of a woman.

“Kill… Me…”

“Oh my God, will you stop whining?”

She stepped over what was left of Ashton, as her assistant made a joke about how “the name 2 ½ men makes a lot more sense now.” She continued on towards the red carpet, though the red carpet was not nearly wide enough for her. Even if she walked toe to toe, her feet were wider than the narrow carpet. To either side of the carpet were dozens upon dozens of paparazzi, crammed tightly together, taking one photograph after another of the goddess above them. Liz pay them little heed. What are the lives of a few dozen paparazzi, after all, to a Princess?

She walked on, her immense feet stepping on either side of the red carpet. Some of the paparazzi tried to get away, but they were blocked in by the walls to either side of the red carpet, as well as the dozens of people surrounding them. With one step, Liz crushed a few dozen paparazzi, their blood sprayed up into the sides, staining her black heels. She continued on, thing the people below her no heed, crushing one group of paparazzi, then another, then another. Dozens of flashbulbs fired for the last time, before being grounded into dust. Dozens of superficial minds thought their last thoughts, neurons firing messages of fear, before their gray matter was reduced to think puddles of pink goo in the sidewalk. And after only a few steps, for she had an extraordinarily long stride, she was standing immediately before the concert hall where the innings were about to take place. Behind her on either side were her huge footprints, evenly spaced, each long and wide as a schoolbus. The borders of each footprint were demarcated by same grisly markers, bloodstain fabric and indiscernible bits of people to insignificant to concern the Princess.

Between the footprints were the lucky ones, 50 or so paparazzi, and fortunate enough to be standing in the right place at the right time. Many of them looked terrified at first, but as paparazzi, they knew better than to waste good opportunity. Within moments they had their cameras out again. Some of them stepped into the wide blood puddles, and onto their flattened comrades, to find the perfect angle for a shot.

Liz nested immediately in front of the concert house, a huge building which stood several stories tall, nearly tall enough to reach her waist.

“Ted, is there like a door, or something?”

“Doesn’t look like it, boss. Not very accessible is it? Probably a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I could sue on your behalf if you want the money. But for now, it looks like I’ll have to find your own way in. Or I guess you could wait outside…”

“God, why do they make them so tiny anyway? So I have to break the stupid thing myself, and get my brand-new dress all dirty? This. Is. So. Dumb. But whatever. I’ll break the stupid little building. ”

Without another word, she put her hands on top of concrete building. Even with her hands resting lightly on top of the building, the concrete started to crack under her weight. Then she pushed down, and with little effort the ceiling immediately collapsed. Heavy cement blocks rained down onto the screaming crowds below. She pushed her hands down a little further, and the concrete beneath her fingers crushed as if it was made of sand, tall pillars of concrete toppling into the people down below. She widened the gap the further, until it was wide enough for her to fit through. Then she pushed forward, her hands collapsing through the metal catwalks and support structures that hung from the ceiling. Powerful metal bars twisted, snapped and fell to the ground, crushing untold dozens of the crowd. Soon the whole auditorium was filled with thick, smoky layer of dust, making it all but impossible to see. Below, if you listen closely, you could hear coughing among the far louder screams. 

“Oh. My. God. You little people are so annoying! Always screaming, or crying, or begging for your life… Were you please just shut up! Seriously, everyone to shut up and stop complaining right now, or I’ll step on all you stupid little people!” Suddenly, they got a lot quieter.

When the dust settled a few minutes later, it became clear what a mess the arena was. Those in the front half of the arena had been lucky, and some of those on the sides as well. Of those near the back of the arena, few had survived; At least, that is, if the bodies were any indication, or the blood they coated that now nigh unrecognizable, crushed Stadium seats that lined the auditorium.

People were still running, panicking, screaming, looking up at the giantess with a mix of fear and amazement. That is, until a shrill, nervous voice rang out over the somehow still functioning loudspeakers.

“Audience, the wonderful Princess Liz has joined us tonight! What an honor! It’s not every night we get a Princess in the house is it? No please don’t be rude and risk upsetting her highness. It’s not polite to run and scream from a Princess, now is it? Now please, everyone show her the utmost hospitality, and politely quietly returned your seats. Where you shall politely remain for the rest of the show. We wouldn’t want to… Upset such a… wonderful young woman, would we? ”

Slowly and reluctantly, the guests returned to their seats, casting fearful glances up at the Princess. Meanwhile, Princess Liz started to sit down in the ruined auditorium. The building only came up to her waist, yet with the back half of the building now missing much of its roof, she could fit in without much trouble. 

Liz looked down on the floor in front of her, a mess of twisted metal, chunks of concrete and bodies of the dead and dying, all nigh unrecognizable Stadium seats. “Oh. My. God. I’m, like supposed to sit here? On this gross floor? With these gross dying people moaning and whining under me? Ugh, whatever…”

Liz picked up the tangled mess of catwalks as best she could, carelessly tossing them onto a crowd of people beside her, to the sound of fearful screams which were quickly cut short. She walked further into the auditorium, each step leaving a large crater in the ground below her. Then she started to sit down. In the shadow of her wide ass were handful of scattered survivors, barely clinging to life – – an affliction which Elizabeth promptly cured. In an instant, their bodies were squished flat, reduced to a bit of red stain and some gunk on the back of her dress. Her ass cheeks left when indentations the ground, two perfect ovals to forever mark the occasion.

“The nervous female voice rang out on loudspeakers again. And, hey look at the… Wonderful changes that the Princess has decided to make to the theater! How great! She made it an open-air auditorium! What a wonderful idea! Let’s have a round of applause for how great the Princess is, everybody!” The crowd halfheartedly clapped.

“Hey,” said Ted, looking up at the Princess from between her breasts, “not a bad seat. Of course, I’ve got the best seat in the house… Although,” he said, looking over at her mountainous breasts, “I hope my wife doesn’t watch this one. Well, looks like the show’s about to start.” Indeed, the lights were starting to dim, and what remained of the crowd (a bit more than half of the original crowd was still alive) seem like they were as ready as they were going to be for the show. The area around the Princess was completely destroyed, but to her sides and in front of her, much of the auditorium was still in good shape. To her left was Christina Hendricks, who towered over the dozens of tiny people around her, yet was dwarfed by the immensity of the young Princess. Christina looked up and shot the Princess a knowing glance, but just as Liz could look down to return her glance, the light dimmed.

“Welcome, everyone,” said the nurse woman again over the loudspeaker, “to the 63rd Emmy awards! Now unfortunately, one of our beloved actresses seems to have eaten the announcer, so I’ll be your host tonight. Now we have a great show tonight. Now… Hold on… I don’t really have much in the way of experience monologue or anything… Usually there’d be a joke… Some kind of… Humor? But, hey! Let’s just get started! So first, for best camerawork in a multi-– camera sitcom, the nominees are…”

“God, this is so boring!” The Princess loudly interrupted. “I want to find out if I won best reality show!”

“Oh,” said the woman again over the loudspeaker,” it looks like our very special guest Princess Liz wants to skip straight to the best reality show award! What a great idea! Let’s do that right away! Kanye! Kanye! Get up here now! And here to present the winner of best new reality show is… rapper Kanye West!”

Kanye walked onto the stage, wearing black sunglasses and a black leather jacket. He started his speech. “Some say that reality shows are the lowest form of an already low art, but I say screw those people. My girl Kim better when this one though, Keeping Up with the Kardashians is one of the best reality shows all time. Ain’t no little sparkle Princess gonna win this one. All right, let me open this envelope and see who won. And the winner of best reality show is… Kim Kardashian!”

“Um, what? You did not just give my award to that bitch!” She started to get up, shaking the ground and the building and she did.

“Well,” said Kanye, “I think it’s great that someone really talented, like Kim, one this award, and not some no talent Princess like Liz. Your girl, you ain’t Godzilla. Stepping on some cars ain’t talent.”

Liz stood up, her huge body towering not only over the hundreds of tiny people in the front of the building, but over the huge amphitheater itself. The ground shook with her smallest movement. And she looked angry. Very angry.

In the back of the auditorium, Christina Hendricks stood up. “Well,” she said, “I should probably be on my way out. Why do the Emmys always end this way?” Without another word, Christina turned, and walked through the huge gap the wall that Liz had made, stepping over the rubble in the way. She walked down the red carpet, making a point of stepping on the paparazzi who were scattered about.

“Okay,” said the woman over the loudspeaker again, “we just decided to change who were giving the award to. Since Princess Liz is so beautiful and talented smart and stuff, we’re going to give her the award for best reality show!” The Princess took a single step, stopping hard into the ground. Her foot easily fell through the floor, collapsing the very cement and crushing two dozen people into the ground, along with their fold up chairs. “Did I say were only giving her that one award? The reality show one? I meant were actually giving her a bunch of awards! How about… Best actress!” Kim took another step towards the front of the auditorium, crushing another few dozen people. The crowd went into a panic. “Okay, how about… Best actor? You win best actor! And also… Best… Best opening credits! And best documentary!” Liz stomped forward towards front of the auditorium once more, her forceful step sitting up dust and debris. “And… You know, I’m just going to start making up some new awards. Best person? You just won best person! We’ve never even given out that award before! Great job!” Liz took another step. “And… Person of the year! And… Best bikini body! And, although it technically have the authority to grant this… On behalf of the Emmy awards, I'm giving you, Princess Liz, the Nobel Peace Prize! ”

With her next step, Liz was upon the stage. Kanye was still standing there, in the middle of the stage, with his black sunglasses on. She bent down and picked him up, though not without some difficulty. He was as small as insect, and is squirmy as one. After a moment, though, she had him squarely in her hand. She looked down at the tiny thing in her hand, in much the same way someone might look at a bug they had caught, and intended to squish.

“You. Are. Such. A little dick,” she said with a furious look on her face. Then, after a moment, the expression on her face changed what would normally be seen as a cute, slightly mischievous smile. But the same expression that would be merely cute on a girl who stood 5’ 3’’ could sometimes be deeply menacing on a girl who stood 300’ 5’’.

“A little dick… You know, that gives me an idea…”