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Naturally, I continued reading.

"I spent the next twenty-four hours waiting to be arraigned, Jay. And, I've got to admit; I was a little worried about my chances. You see, in addition to coaching football at Knudop High, Victor Sargent also coached boys' and girls' basketball for the local Police Athletic League. So, according to one of my guards, he had made a lot of friends on the local police force."

" 'Friends who might be willing to do him certain under-the-table favors! If you know what I mean,' he had added with a conspiratorial wink. And, I was afraid I did. As a result, my sleep was anything but restful."

"I woke up around six the next morning. And, not willingly, either. One of the night janitors had turned on a wall-mounted TV set just outside the cell. And, wouldn't you know it? It was one of those crack-of-dawn exercise shows! In this case, one called 'Twirlercise,' as it evidently taught the rudiments of baton twirling in conjunction with conventional aerobics."

"The hostess was a young woman (Caucasian) with light brown hair in the style they now refer to as an 'up-do.' Although, I can still recall them being labeled as 'buns' and 'beehives!' Anyway, she wore a simple blue, sleeveless leotard, with tan moccasins that she kept pointed to eleven and one o'clock (like those co-eds in ballet class we used to date), while making her introductory spiel."

" 'Good morning, everyone! I'm Hannah Barber, for those of you might be newcomers to our home-viewing family. And, today, we have two special guests to assist us in our regimen. The feature twirlers for Illinois State University's Big Red Marching Machine...Betty and Veronica!' "

" 'You've got to be kidding,' I muttered to myself."

"There was some off-camera clapping, then, as a blonde and a raven-haired brunette came on stage to flank this woman. Both of them dolled up just like her (except for their sequined and mini-skirted red outfits). I closed my eyes and covered my ears in an attempt to block out their doubtlessly well-rehearsed, female-bonding drivel. But, it proved no use! So, I got out of bed and walked over to the bars of the holding cell."

" 'Excuse me. Janitor? Would you mind turning down the volume so I can finish getting some sleep? Janitor?' "

"It was useless, though. This guy's attention was totally fixed on those women. And, as I turned around, intending on staggering back to bed in defeat, I immediately saw that he wasn't the only one. My cellmates (a wanna-be Hell's Angel biker with too many unpaid parking tickets; and a young black kid who'd been arrested for selling marijuana in the men's room at the local McDonald's) were equally fixated."

"They literally did not blink--not even once--during that whole telecast!"

"Under normal circumstances, I might have found that un-nerving. But, at the time, I was just too tired to care. So, I got back on my army-surplus cot, rolled over on to my stomach, and pulled the blanket over my head."

"What seemed like only two seconds later, I was being awakened by one of the morning shift guards."

" 'Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. Time to put on your best face for the judge.' "

"We were allowed to use the men's room to freshen ourselves up, before we were escorted to the cafeteria for bread and coffee. After that, we boarded a bus and went to arraignment court. When we arrived, the first thing I noticed was that the judge...was a woman. A middle-aged African-American woman named Delilah Sampson."

"The biker went first. She sentenced him to thirty days of community service at the local television station. As a glorified grease monkey for their fleet of white cable TV installation vans."

"Then, came the pot pusher. She sentenced him to work at the very diner where I'd been arrested. Adding (quite sarcastically) that it might do him some good, handing out donuts and coffee to members of Knudop's Finest."

"Then, it was my turn. And, when the charges against me were read, I naturally pleaded 'Not guilty!' I also added that I was not a pervert."

" 'I merely went there to ask the girl some questions about a possible UFO sighting. That's what I do for a living! I research UFO's.' "

" 'Oh, really?' she'd replied (after quieting all the laughter down): 'Then, I'll assign you something more...down-to-Earth. Thirty days of community service. At the city junkyard!' "

tbc
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