Chapter 42
They were about to leave when suddenly, the Comedy Central helicopter landed near them and tons of workmen rushed out with the sets of 2 shows. Late Night With Conan OBrien and The Daily Show With Jon Stewart! Then, out steps Jon Stewart himself.
"Hello, Jon Stewart here live from paradise. Hawaii? What are you talking about? No... not South America. Japan. Why Japan?" The camera zoomed out revealing the giant Sailor Scouts. "That's why Japan is paradise." The sound affects guy then cued the whistling cheering crowd noise.
"Jon Stewart, live from Japan where earlier today there was a mafia shoot out... ironically these mobsters were from America. What the hell were they doing here?" His eyes looked in the general direction of the Sailor Scouts. "Ah... that's what."
Conan O'Brien then stepped out of the chopper and stood in front of the Sailor Scout's feet to do his opening monologue.
"Authorities are unsure whether or not the growth of women is contagious, or whether it was bought on by an experiment." Conan began in his newscaster voice. "In a related story, Sandy Allen, who holds the Guinness world record for being the tallest woman on earth, has been quarantined."
It didn't take long for other reporters to show up so the scouts split up. Rei and Serena would be with Conan OBrien and Jon Stewart, while Mina Amy and Lita would be with Oprah, Regis Philmore and Barbara Walters.
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"Sailor Mars," Jon began. "I'm assuming you get news from America every now and then, so tell me: What do YOU think of George Bush's presidency?"
"It's the biggest threat to world peace and security since the Nazis." Rei said firmly. The sound affects guy made crowd laughter come up.
"Couldn't have said it better myself. Ladies and gentlemen, Sailor Mars!"
Meanwhile, Serena was lounging it up with Conan OBrien.
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"Ok, to the few people out there who actually watch my horrible show, we have a very special guest tonight. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Sailor Moon. Give her a round of applause everybody." The cameras zoomed out revealing that Conan had his desk in the palm of Serena's hand. A BIG round of applause was followed.
"Hey, I don't remember MY round of applause being that big... what happened to my round of applause? Never mind, never mind. So, Sailor Moon... 115ft tall huh? You don't seem very tall at all?"
The sound affect guy once again played the canned laughter. Serena smiled at Conan's bad comedy.
"Sailor Moon, put my desk out for a second, we're going to see just how much taller than me you are." Serena put Conan's desk down. Conan got up then walked up to Serena's foot. He stood on his tip-toes to try and seem tall. It wasn't working. "Hold on. Max, come here and give me a boost." Once again, more canned laughter.
"Sorry, Conan, you're on your own."
"You're a true friend Max..."
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"Sailor Mercury... what's with the school girl outfit? Mini skirt? Come on now, you're super heroines not prostitutes." Oprah began. Amy, despite how offended she was, kept her cool.
"Being a super hero doesn't get you into the Fortune 500, Oprah, so we wear what comes cheap and school uniform type clothing is something we already had." Amy answered resisting the urge to do the world a favor and crush Oprah. Damn... and we were sooooo close! Meanwhile, Regis was interviewing Mina.
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"So, Sailor Venus, let's cut to the chase. First and foremost, the one thing I've always wanted to ask you; Do you watch my show?"
"I would if we weren't so swamped with homework." Mina replied.
"Superheroes have to pass school too I guess. So, anyway, hows it feel being so big? You could sit on a building like it was a chair. Wouldn't recommend you try that though." he said, causing Mina to giggle.
"It doesn't feel any different really. Sure, it's harder to hear people but other than that no difference." Mina replied.
"Wow, I would have thought that you felt like Godzilla or something. But I guess you don't since everyone runs away from Godzilla... while with you, everyone runs towards a view up your skirt." Regis said. Mina laughed again. Lita on the other hand, did not have a very courteous interviewer.
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"Sailor Jupiter, let's be blunt. Is it true that you and Sailor Venus are a lesbian couple and that the Sailor Scouts are actually a lesbian activist group playing hero to gain acceptance from a sexist world?" asked Barbara Walters. Why is it that women named Barbara are all bitches? Oh well, anyway.
"NO!! That is NOT true!!" Lita shouted.
"Denial, we've seen it before. Just come on and admit it."
"I have a boyfriend!!" Lita shouted.
"Sure you do hun." Ms. Walters replied rolling her eyes. Lita was quickly finding out the difference between bloodthirsty monsters and professional reporters. Reporters are a lot more determined.
"I am not a lesbian! I can prove it!" she shouted at Barbra Walters.
"Well, do it!"
Luckily for Lita and Mina, the two saw the group of boyfriends running up to the Senshi, with Darien screaming. More preoccupied with the current situation, Lita and Mina picked their boyfriends up and held him in front of Walters.
"See? This is my boyfriend!" proudly declared Lita as she huggled him to her cheek. "He's definitely cuter than Peter Jennings!"
"Young man is this true?" responded Barbra Walters.
"Yeah, it's true. My name is--" a truck honked it's horn, blocking out Somedude's voice, "but people call me Somedude."
"And the blonde's boyfriend is real too?"
"Yeah, dumb-ass," responded the Hispanic boy in Mina's hands. "Name's--" once again, some inane sound affect from the city life blocked out the name, "but Im better known as Freak Boy."
Barbra Walters shook her head in belief. "Oh, so you're not les, well, I feel stupid." She muttered.
Giantess World
