I purposefully pull back a little bit as Julia’s face nears me quickly.  I don’t want to look scared, but I do it enough to be noticeable, almost as if nervous.  Then I pull my limbs in a bit, reverting from my normal position of comfortable reclining to one of rigid awkwardness.

                I see her eyes squint, almost in surprise.  She’s used to me being the one most okay with just laying back in her hand, and suddenly I’m clamming up.  I see her lip curl up in surprise.

                “Jack?  Jack… is something… wrong?” she says.  “What are you doing?”

                “I’m not doing anything!” I say confidently, trying to sound just a bit defensive.

                She shakes her head.  “No… no, you’re pulling back.   What are you doing?  What’s the matter?”

                I shrug.  “Nothing’s wrong, Julia.  I’m just fine.”

                She shakes her head again, more insistent.  “No, I can tell.  Something’s wrong, and I’m not putting you down until you tell me what it is.  Come on, Jack…” she says, her voice going lower and more persuasive.  She raises me higher, so I’m closer to her mouth and can hear her whispers a little easier.  “You can talk to ME, Jack.”

                When she does this, I do it again, balling myself up a little more, pulling back, as if afraid of her.  And honestly, I am.  But not right now; I’m afraid of what will happen if this doesn’t work.

                She doesn’t say anything, but looks visibly disturbed, pulling me away from her mouth very quickly in reaction.  It’s amazing the effect I’m having on her with just a simple, wordless motion.  Brian was right.  The longer I look at her, I can tell she’s trying to make sure I’m happy.  Maybe, just maybe, I have a shot at this working out.  I’m betting she’s thinking I’m afraid of her mouth after what she threatened Brian with yesterday.  Of course, that’s normally what she does when trying to “comfort” all of us.  She pulls us closer to her mouth and whispers, letting the heat from her voice roll over us like steam.  It’s almost a little funny to me; she’s cut herself off from her best outlet of connection to us.  It really was an odd method, but it worked for her.

                She clearly doesn’t know how to react.  She’s starting to get upset.  “Jack… stop it!  Stop doing this!  I can tell something’s wrong, and I want to know what it is.  Please tell me, Jack!” she says, sounding more and more nervous.  Her fingers curl in ever so slightly to make sure I don’t fall, and she instead raises me up to eye level.  I can see the worry in her eyes.  If she were a regular person and not a psychopath, I honestly would probably have sympathy for her, because she sounds genuinely concerned.

                She’s flabbergasted.  She’d normally get this kind of reaction from the others, but not from me.  I’m the “comfortable” one, the one she probably thinks she’s actually managed to befriend.  The one she can just pick up and talk to.  The one she can toss around in her hands like you would a pen or something when you’re just sitting at your desk thinking.  And normally she’d probably do something to teach me a lesson, like grab me by a leg and dangle me in the air over her head.  But she doesn’t, of course, because it’s me.  Brian’s right again.  She doesn’t want harm to come to me.  She simply doesn’t know how to react.

                “Jack!” she says again, her voice getting worse and worse.  “Talk to me!  It’s going to be okay, I can make it better, just talk to me…” she says, and I suddenly feel her pointer finger on her other hand gently tapping my shoulder blades before tracing down my back and to my tailbone in a stroke.  She begins to do it rhythmically, gently.  In all honesty, it feels good, but I have to use it to my advantage.

                “Well, I guess…” I say slowly, pretending like she’s coaxed it out of me.

                “Yes?”  The stroking continues, slowly.

                “I guess, I’m just feeling a little… nervous today,” I say.

                She doesn’t know what to say.  “Bu-bu-but… you’re nervous?” she says, mildly shocked.  “Why are you nervous?”  Her other hand comes up, and she opens the side of the hand holding me so the other one can help cradle me, giving me more room to spread out but still keeping a safe wall of fingers around me; she now has a better view of me.  I see her eyes looking over me, trying to figure out what’s wrong.

                “It’s just… I don’t know…” I say, milking the words hard.

                “What?”

                “I’m not sure.”

                “Jack, please tell me.  Please.”

                “I guess, I mean, it’s not really anything, it’s just you…” I say, picking the tone of the last words perfectly, trying to sound unsure of myself.  I don’t want to sound insulting, because however much she likes me, if the scales are tipped too far, she’ll flip out on whoever she has needs to in order to make a point.  I could be halfway down her digestive tract before she realizes what she’s done. 

                I see her eyes widen.  For a moment, it seems she’s considering whether or not to be angry with me, but I must have said it correctly, because they revert to concern once again, and actually she looks even more worried.

                “M-m-me?” she says, shocked again.  She’s tripping over her words an awful lot at this point, since my newfound apparent fear of her is driving her a little crazy.  She’s probably descending into sadness more than anything resembling anger right now.  “But- what did I DO?” she says, a slight trace of guilt leaking in to her words.  I almost want to laugh.  I can’t believe how easily I’ve broken her down like this.  But now that I’ve got her FIGURATIVELY in my pocket, it’s time to try to rebuild her confidence a bit.

                “No, no!  It’s nothing you did…” I say, getting more and more bashful sounding.

                “Well, WHAT, then?”

                “It’s just… oh, it’s nothing.  I’m fine, really, I…” I say, pretending to brush it off.

                “No!  Jack!  I want you to tell me right now…” she says, and as she speaks, her voice gets lower.  I feel her weight shifting as she pulls herself up into a standing position and the ground falls away on my sides.  She must not want the others to hear.  “What’s the matter?  You can tell me anything, you know?” she says, and it’s honestly the gentlest voice I’ve ever heard come out of her mouth.  It’s terrifyingly disarming.  “ANYTHING.”

                “I know, I know…”

                “Well, then, just TALK to me.  I want you to trust me, Jack.  I want to help you if there’s something wrong.  I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.  I want you to be happy…” she says.  She’s seriously falling apart right here, and she’s making an appeal to me.  Finally, confident that I’ve broken her down sufficiently enough to get the next part off correctly, I put my chips on the table.

                “I’m just EMBARRASSED…” I begin.  “I mean, I don’t know, you’re just… you’re just, so pretty today, I guess I…” I start, letting the words flow off into nothing.