Chapter 2: Drug Epidemic

“So you're telling me that this woman and her husband were shrunk by the lady he was having an affair with, and then this lady who shrank them swallowed the woman alive. And then this woman unshrank while inside of her and burst right through her?”,  asked Captain Malik Johnson.

Sergeant Gabriela Rodriguez and Detectives Natalie Evans and Andre Clark responded in unison, “Yes!” 

Captain Johnson snorted. He said, “This is ludicrous! Do you realize how crazy that sounds?!”

Detective Clark replied, “Atleast, that is what they told us.”

Malik Johnson slammed his desk angrily. He thundered, “They are clearly lying! What’s the matter with you people? They probably killed that woman and cooked up that nonsense story. It's not even remotely believable!”

Sergeant Rodriguez stated, “With all due respect Captain, we believe that the evidence suggests that this could have been plausible.”

Captain Johnson squinted his eyes and asked coldly, “What evidence?”

Detective Evans blurted, “We all saw her husband unshrink. He went from being ant-sized to his original height in a matter of seconds. It was surreal! The Paramedic team saw it too.”

Johnson crossed his arms across his chest. He stated bluntly, “This, Detective, belongs to the world of fiction - not non-fiction. In the real world, such things are impossible because of the laws of physics.”

The Captain began to scratch his chin slowly as if he were in deep thought.

After a brief moment of silence, he spoke, “I’ll tell you what I think happened. I think you were tricked into believing that what you claim to have seen is actually what transpired. That’s the only rational explanation. I don’t know how it was done. That is something that we need to find out. If I were to guess, I would say that some hallucinogens or advanced holographic projection device could have been used against you. But really, it could have been anything.”

Detective Andre Clark said, “That may be true sir. But during the interrogation, the woman said that she had hard evidence. She claimed that the tea in this kettle was responsible for shrinking her.”

Captain Malik Johnson smiled slyly. He asked, “Detective Clark, are you telling me that… that ridiculously large kettle in your hands contains this magic tea?”

Detective Clark said candidly, “Yes sir.”

Captain Johnson proposed, “Very well Detective. Let’s conduct an experiment. I think I have some paper cups in my office.”

The elderly African-American Captain opened the lowest drawer in his office desk and separated a paper cup from a row of paper cups. He then said confidently, “I shall now proceed to drink this tea that you speak of. Let us see if it helps me defy the laws of physics.”

The policemen exchanged uneasy glances as their boss chugged one cup of tea after another - consuming a total of four cups. The pin-drop silence of the room was only broken when Captain Malik Johnson broke into a fit of laughter. 

 
He pointed at the kettle and said, “See, absolutely nothing happened to me, nada. Looks like this magic tea is just regular tea after all. Hypothesis confirmed.”

Sergeant Gabriela Rodriguez bit her lip. She said softly, “But sir- we know what we saw.”

Wiping a tear of joy from his eye, the elderly African-American man said with a smile, “Research has shown that eye-witness testimony is unreliable. And today, that fact has been proven true in my very office. Snap out of it. And that’s an order.”

The policemen saluted him and said in unison, “Yes sir.”

But then, just as they were about to leave the room, it happened. The Captain momentarily looked visibly queasy - and within a fraction of a second, he shrank instantaneously. The detectives panicked.

Detective Natalie Evans whispered, her lips quivering, “Oh no… what are we going to do?”

Sergeant Rodriguez stepped forward and said, “He is lost somewhere inside his clothes. I’ll retrieve him.”

“Careful, Ma’am… You might accidentally hurt him while sifting through his clothes... He is very vulnerable right now - even the slightest of movements could toss him far away and he could get injured.”, warned Detective Andre Clark.

Suddenly, there was a loud thumping on the office’s door and it swung wide open. The policemen, not expecting company, were spooked for a split-second.

A petite Asian woman breezed in and said hurriedly, “Captain Johnson, this is an emerg-”

She fixed her gaze on the pile of clothes and froze.

Andre greeted her, “Uh… Lieutenant Kobayashi.”

She said solemnly, “Don’t tell me - he shrank?”

Andre responded, “Yeah, he is somewhere here in this pile of clothes. But how did you know?”

She said grimly, “It's happening everywhere - all over the city, all over the country, and all over the world. The phones won’t stop ringing. The division is having an emergency meeting now.”

Gabriela replied, “Yes ma’am. Detective Clark and I will be right out with you. And Detective Evans, you can join us once you find our Captain.”

Lieutenant Kobayashi added, “And do bring him along. After all, seeing is believing.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Just as Anahit Baghdasarian was settling into her cubicle, the telephone on her desk greeted her enthusiastically. She took a deep breath before grabbing the receiver. The first call of her shift. 

She said calmly, “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

A female voice sobbed uncontrollably on the other side. In a panicked and emotional tone, the caller said, “My husband - he disappeared!”

Anahit responded calmly, “Please take a deep breath in for me, ma’am. I’m here to help you. What is your name?”

The voice responded, “It's Olivia! Please, I am scared.”

Anahit said, “Don’t worry, Ms. Olivia. I am here with you. Now, when did you last see your husband?”

Olivia said sobbingly, “Just seconds ago - he was sucking my breast when he just disappeared.” 

Anahit smiled awkwardly, and then she asked in a tone which was as polite as possible, “Are you sure that he’s not just hiding somewhere nearby?”

Olivia cried out, “No you don’t understand. He shrank to nothingness. He just disappeared somewhere on my nipple. I can’t even see him anymore. I think he has gone microscopic!”

Anahit frowned. This was unusual, very unusual.

She asked, “Ma’am, are you under the influence of any intoxicants at the moment?”

Olivia responded, “No, no, you have to believe me. I think he overdosed on Pumpkin Spice. I kept telling him that we should take baby steps. Try very little. Not a lot. But he took a lot. And now he shrank to nothingness.”

Anahit closed her eyes, and rubbed her eyelids repeatedly with her thumb and index fingers simultaneously. ‘Is this some kind of code?’, she asked herself.

She asked politely, “Could you tell me more about this Pumpkin Spice?”

The caller explained, “Pumpkin Spice is this new trending thing in the market. Surely you must have heard of it! It has a magical ability - it can shrink people for a short period of time!”

Anahit rolled her eyes. Now she was convinced that the caller was on drugs. But she maintained a calm demeanor, “So how long does it shrink a person for, and how small does it make them?”

Olivia replied, “I think it depends on the dosage. At least that’s what we were told.”

Anahit said calmly, “Ok Ms. Olivia, I need you to stay calm. Are you at home right now?”

Olivia answered, “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Anahit asked, “And your home is the same address that your phone number is linked to?”

Olivia said amidst sobs, “Yes it is.”

Anahit cooed reassuringly, “I need you to stay calm Ms. Olivia. I am dispatching an officer to come help you out. Will you be able to open the door for the officer?”

Olivia cried out, “But if I do - I might accidentally kill my husband!”

Anahit asked, “Right. Then would you give the officer permission to enter your house with a special key?”

Olivia responded enthusiastically, “Yes, I would. Just save him. I don’t want him to be killed by some kind of microorganism.”

Anahit’s keyboard cluttered loudly and rapidly as she typed the details of the case into the Computer-Aided Dispatch (CAD) system. Within seconds, a police unit on patrol received the dispatch information, and began heading their way to the address.

She said, “Alright ma’am. I am dispatching an officer to your address right now. Please stay calm. I will remain in touch.” And with that, she put her receiver down.

“I see you got your first pumpkin spice call.”, a familiar voice said.

Anahit swirled her chair around towards the source of the sound, and found two of her co-workers looking at her goofily. Both of them were trying very hard to hold back their laughter.

She asked quizzically, “Did you gals get a similar call?”

LaToya Thompson, an African-american woman, said smugly, “We all did.”

Anahit frowned and said, “Wait a minute… what do you mean by ‘we all did’? Like everybody in this center?”

LaToya chuckled. Twirling her braids with her fingers, she said, “Yes. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.”

Anahit’s jaw dropped. She asked, “Isn’t that odd? What does it mean exactly? You think its code for something?”

Her other co-worker, a young blond woman by the name of Elizabeth Wilson, retrieved the head of a bright crimson lollipop from her mouth. She then said with a goofy smile, “Pumpkin Spice is trending on X and every other social media platform. Thousands of videos about it have popped up on YouTube.”

LaToya pushed her phone on Anahit’s face and began scrolling upwards with her thumb. She smirked when she saw the look of amazement creep into her coworker’s expression. Anahit could see countless pictures of shrunken people of varying sizes - posing on objects, other people, and even animals. One particular picture caught her eye. In it, a young brunette woman stretched her jaws wide open to reveal a miniscule gummy-bear sized man meditating on her tongue, strands of saliva on either side of him. He himself seemed to be a bit wet from all the drool around him- but his eyes were closed and unbothered, and he wore a calm expression. The woman, on the other hand, seemed to be relishing the power that she had over him.

Anahit asked, “Photoshop?”

Elizabeth nodded and said, “Photoshop, Dall-E, Midjourney, you name it - with technology, these things can be created instantaneously with the click of a button.”

The Armenian-American asked with a puzzling look, “Then, what’s with all the calls?”

LaToya shrugged and said, “Prank calls probably. You know how this generation is.”

Elizabeth asked with a smirk before popping the lollipop back in her mouth, “So… what was your call about?”

Anahit said with a blank expression, “The lady said that her husband was sucking her breasts after taking too much pumpkin spice, and that he shrank to a microscopic size on her nipple. She couldn’t even see him anymore.”

Her coworkers chuckled.

“Can you imagine if it were true though?”, LaTonya asked mischievously. 

Anahit replied, “Oh God. She said he was nearly microscopic. He would be terrified if it were true.”

Her braided co-worker stated, “With his wife sprawled out all around him like a living, breathing landscape, I think he would be more aroused than terrified.”

Elizabeth added, “ Especially since he is on top of a nipple.” 

Anahit said, “Yes, but it is important to keep in mind that he would be microscopic. At that size, even the pores in her skin must be like deep pits for him. If he fell into one, he could get injured and potentially drown when she sweats.”     

LaTonya said, “Damn. That is an insane level of power to have over someone.” 

The blond woman added, “And to add to his problems, he would probably be actively hunted by microorganisms. And because these creatures would be so alien to him, he would have no idea as to how to interpret their behavior and defend himself against them. They would be his biggest problem at that point.”

LaTonya nodded and said, “That is true! I don’t think he would last longer than a minute. If your boyfriend shrank down to the size of a microscopic speck on your nipple, how would you save him?”

Elizabeth said jokingly, “Babe, I think I would just suck him off my nipple at that point and swallow him.” 

Anahit said jokingly, “What! That is horrifying!”

Elizabeth replied, “I mean think about it. There are microorganisms everywhere. All around me and over me. How am I supposed to protect him from them? Plus, even the slightest of my body movements could kill him. At that point swallowing him would perhaps be the most merciful thing to do. At least this way, he gets to become a part of the person he loves instead of being torn to pieces by microbes.”

LaTonya giggled and said, “Girl, you are WILD.”

Elizabeth continued, “When he dissolves into me, his essence would circulate through my bloodstream and flow into my heart.”

Anahit asked jokingly, “And you would feel absolutely no remorse at all?”

Elizabeth replied with a twinkle in her eye, “In my defense, swallowing him doesn’t necessarily mean that killing him. He can probably find a floating piece of fry or half-eaten pieces of burger to climb onto while I go find help. Maybe he can even use a grain of rice as a life vessel.” 

LaTonya said mischievously, “If my boyfriend shrank to the size of a microscopic speck, I think I would just stick him up my vagina and start masturbating.”

Elizabeth asked with a smile, “You’d drown him in your cum?”

LaTonya nodded and said, “That’s the best way to go to be honest. Drowning in a lake of your lover’s love.” 

Anahit said jokingly, “Girls, girls, girls… you know we can’t be having conversations like this in a work environment.”

Elizabeth said with a chuckle, “La, tell her about your first pumpkin spice call.”

LaTonya said, “So this chick called. And apparently somebody got stuck in the gap between her finger and fingernail. And she was like how do I get him out.”

Anahit asked with a giggle, “What? How is that even possible?”

LaTonya answered, “Apparently this chick was jogging in the park when she saw this guy rapidly shrinking in front of her. She tried to grab him. But as he shrank, he slid down her fingertip and into the space between her finger and her nail. She was having trouble dislodging him in a way that would be safe for him.”

Elizabeth commented, “You’ve got to give it to their creativity. 10 out of 10.”

Anahit asked, “What did you tell her?”

LaTonya said with a chuckle, “Well, I wanted to ask her if she had tried sticking her finger up her ass and farting on it. But of course I couldn’t say that.”

Both Anahit and Elizabeth let out a giggle.

LaTonya continued, “I simply reminded her that pranking 911 was an arrestable offense. And she ended the phone call.”

Elizabeth jumped in, “My turn.”

Anahit gave her approval, “By all means, spill the tea.”

Her blond coworker said, “The woman who called me said that her boyfriend was broken, battered, and not breathing after she used his doll-sized body as a dildo. She wanted to know how to conduct CPR on him.”

LaTonya commented, “Like I said, drowning in your lover’s cum is the best way to go.” 

Just then, their shift supervisor, a middle-aged Italian-American man by the name of Antonio Puccini, breezed towards them. 

“Ladies,” he greeted as he handed each of them a file.

A 3 inch tall fully-clothed woman, approximately double the size of a lego man, was perched on his shoulder. She waved at the trio enthusiastically, but all they could manage was a gasp of shock. Anahit couldn’t take her eyes off of her - even when shift supervisor Puccini began speaking to them.

He said, “This file contains all the latest information about how we are going to handle this pumpkin spice problem. I want you to study them very carefully. The center will have a meeting in half an hour.”

Elizabeth asked with an equal mix of awe and shock, “Can I hold her?”

Antonio let out a heavy sigh. He said, “Ms. Wilson, Rebecca here is a person and not an object to be toyed around with. She is also my niece and I want to keep her out of harm’s way. So no, Mrs. Wilson, you may not grab her.”

Rebecca said loudly, “You can examine me during the meeting as long as we all take efforts to be as safe and gentle as possible.”

Antonio interrupted, “That is- I still haven’t made up my mind about that yet. Now, if you’ll excuse us…”

As Antonio waltzed away, the trio exchanged glances. As this new reality dawned on their faces, all three of them said consecutively, “Shit.”