I hate flying.  Is that too much of a modern, first world problem?  I mean, when you really think about it, it’s a technological marvel: soaring through the air, several miles off the ground, traveling at hundreds of miles per hour.  Our ancestors would be flabbergasted if they discovered anyone complaining about such a miracle.

Of course, my ancestors were still running for their lives, hiding under foliage, trying to not get hunted down by beasts one hundred times their size.  The greater shock for them would be that we would willingly place ourselves in the same flying metal tube as the very beasts we were engaged in war with for centuries!  Now, we don’t really think of them as beasts or monsters anymore.  (That’s not politically correct.)  After all, they’re physiologically the same as us apart from the size differential.  Still, when someone towers over you by hundreds of feet, it’s hard not to think of them as anything but behemoth creatures.

It’s the 21st century.  Times have changed!  The war is over and now we all live together in peace and harmony.  It has taken some time for the feelings to cool, but we have found a way to coexist and I think we can all agree that it’s for the better.  Now, we Parvians can commiserate and complain alongside the Magnians about the traffic on the way to the office, the weather, and the absence of quality movies on Netflix.

Oh, and air travel.  It doesn’t matter what size you are.  That’s something we can agree on: flying sucks.  This is especially true of airport security.  There’s no way a Magnian can give a Parvian a pat-down that doesn’t feel like their finger is an NFL linebacker.  And I’m not sure who has it worse: the Magnian who has to lay down right in the middle of the airport to have a Parvian inspect them, or the Parvian security agent crawling all over a giant stranger’s body looking for contraband.

Fortunately, I was able to move right through security this morning.  I waited at the gate, charging my phone and pretending to work on my laptop while actually people watching.  It's fascinating to see the menagerie of people that are brought together by the common goal of getting from point A to point B as quickly as possible.  I had a good view of the terminal from my seat there at the Parvian stand at gate B16.  Boarding wasn't for half an hour, but it already looked like it would be a full flight.  Joining me were fellow Parvos, including a mother with a crying baby that I prayed would not sit next to me, a Parvian soldier on his way home, and a few college students wearing pajama pants and hooded sweatshirts with their educational institution’s branding.  The Mags were a similar selection, though very thankfully there were no Magnian babies.  I would rather walk barefoot backwards to my destination than fly with a toddler screaming because a tooth the size of my right leg was erupting in its gums.

As I browsed through a series of inane tweets and Facebook statuses, I heard the voice over the PA call my name:

“Passenger Benjamin Jackson, please come to desk B16 immediately.”

Great, I muttered under my breath.  Maybe I was getting a free upgrade to first class?  I somehow doubted it.  Gathering my belongings, I made my way to the Parvian gate agent.

“This is Ben Jackson.  What's up?”

“I'm sorry, sir.  There's been a little mix up in our system.”

My eyes furrowed.  “Excuse me?  What kind of mix up?”

“There was a problem with our seat assignment software.  You are not in seat 24A...”

Awesome!  I thought.  Maybe I am getting an upgrade!

The woman continued.  “...in the Parvian section.”

I stared at her perplexed, until I realize what the “mix up” really was.  “You mean…”

The gate agent avoided eye contact, staring instead at her computer screen.  “Unfortunately, the system thought you were a Magnian, so you were assigned seat 24A in the Magnian section.”

“Well, can’t you fix it?!”

“Unfortunately, the whole Parvian section is booked full.  You can fly standby, but you would be number 15 on the list…”

“Fifteen?!  No, I’ll keep the damn seat!”  I huffed in frustration.  I needed to be on this flight.  There was no way I was waiting any longer.  I needed to be home.

“One of our Magnian flight attendants will be assisting you today.  Thank you for flying Gamma Airlines!” she said with a faux cheerful smile.

The Parvian gate agent said something into her radio and a few moments later, a Magnian woman wearing a flight attendant’s uniform made her way to the Parvian box.  Per the occupational requirements, she was relatively tall.  Our platform only came up to her chest, allowing her head to easily peer down at us.

“Mr. Jackson?  My name is Melanie!  I’m so sorry about that little mishap, but I’ll make sure you get to your seat just fine.  Please climb aboard!” she said cheerily, holding the palm of her hand out.

I sighed and complied, not even saying goodbye to the gate agent.  I picked up my carry-on and walked onto the outstretched hand.  It smelled and felt like she had recently applied lotion.  Her skin was soft, but a little oily.  I chose not to use my luggage’s wheels.  It would be better for both of us.

“You should know that all of the Magnian seats are also equipped with Parvian seatbelts, in the event that a Parvian is traveling with a Magnian.  So don’t worry: you won’t be flying around the cabin when there’s turbulence!  And also, we’re upgrading you to priority boarding.  If you’re ready, I’ll take you aboard right now!”

There was a noticeable temperature difference as the flight attendant made her way down the jet bridge towards the plane.  It was a good thing that I had brought my jacket.  Melanie continued walking with her face unchanging, a professional smile never leaving.  I knew that the cheerfulness was all a part of her job, but at least she was good at it.  Even if it was half-hearted, other flight attendants don’t even bother and make it very clear that they really just don’t care.  

It had been a couple of years since I had flown.  I was taken aback at how cavernous the interior of the airplane was.  From a Parvian perspective, it was the size of not just one, but multiple hangars.  Of course, the Magnians still complain about being cramped.  Parvians could still relate.  Melanie and I passed the small section near the front of the aircraft where the Parvian passengers are seated.  From their perspective, we only took up a couple of tray tables.  Still, the airlines still manage to pack us in like sardines.  I was a little thankful that I would actually have room to not only stretch my legs, but run laps if I chose to do so!

When we did arrive at seat 24A (of the Magnian section), I was gently plopped from Melanie’s hand onto the fabric-covered aluminum frame that was to be my home for the next four hours.  At least it was a window seat--not that I could see out of it.  I decided to keep my luggage with me, fearing that if it were placed in the overhead storage, it would never be found again.  Besides, the seat was more spacious than my apartment’s living room.  I found the Parvian seatbelt at the base of the seat in between its Magnian-sized counterpart.  Melanie was true to her word.

Melanie, as it were, had completely disappeared.  As soon as she was done with her assignment, she had moved on to her next appointed task.  I could see her off in the distance quickly helping other passengers with their luggage and directing people to their seats.  I didn’t need her help anyway and I certainly didn’t want her hovering over me as if I were a child traveling alone.  

Normally, I would pretend to be interested in the reading material in the seat pocket in front of me, but considering that it was across the vast chasm in front of me and the letters would have been in size 1,200 font, I decided not to bother.  I chose to pass the time on my phone, taking advantage of my data plan before I had to enable airplane mode.

It appeared that I had the whole two seats on that row to myself.  I was near the very back of the aircraft and most of the Magnians were stopping in the rows ahead of me.  I certainly wouldn’t mind not having anyone sitting next to me.  My odds of success were that I would get a fat old man who snored loudly as a neighbor.  However, just as I was anticipating the final boarding to finish and for the plane to start taxiing to the runway, one last Magnian passenger rushed on board.

“You almost didn’t make it!” I heard one of the flight attendants say.  “We were just about to close the doors.”

The young woman’s long curly hair was in disarray and she was breathing heavily.  “I know!  I had to rush here from Terminal D!  I’m so, so glad you were still here!”

Soon, she had made her way to the back of the plane to row 24.  It didn’t appear that she had much with her apart from her small backpack.  She didn’t even have a jacket or coat, just a light sweatshirt and yoga pants.  She glanced down at her boarding pass and rechecked her seat assignment.

“Let’s see here...24B.”

The odds had been in my favor!  She was far prettier than any other person I have had to sit next to.  I had always figured that most women like her would only be found in first class.  Even if I couldn’t see out the window, at least I would have some pretty scenery to look at during the flight…

Catching her breath, she looked around the cabin.  She was the only one left standing.  For her, this was fortuitous.  For me, it was not so much.

“Oooh, an open window seat!  Well, I might as well…”

“Uh, excuse me--” I tried to shout, but it was too late.

She shimmied down the row until she was right in front of seat 24A.  My seat.  The seat that I was presently occupying!

And she sat down.

My mouth gaped in silence.  I knew that there was nothing that I could do, so I might as well just watch the fates unfold.  Fate, in this particular circumstance, looked a lot like a young woman’s yoga-pant-clad posterior enveloping my entire range of vision as it came crashing down upon me.  I couldn’t even escape if I tried, since I had already fastened my seatbelt and didn’t have the mental awareness needed to unbuckle it quickly.  I just sat and watched as I became acquainted with one gigantic Magnian ass.

This was going to be a long flight.  

My life was saved by my position on the seat, which placed me near the small of her back rather than directly below her.  As such, I was spared the full brunt of her weight, which surely would have turned me into Parvian jelly.  (We are a quite hardy and durable race, but even we have our limits.)  Still, as she wiggled and worked to get comfortable and buckled her seatbelt, her buttocks pressed against my whole body, sandwiching me between her ample flesh and the polyurethane padding of the chair.  She was stiflingly warm, like due to her elevated heart rate from her recent sprint.  I craned my neck to the heavens, desperate to get air into my lungs.

At any moment, I prayed that Melanie or one of the other flight attendants would come back here, remember me and my situation, and rescue me from my predicament.  Those hopes were dashed when I heard the voice on the intercom giving the same safety speech I had heard numerous times.  What I would give for one of those oxygen masks right now!  That was soon followed by the rumbling of the jet engines.  I could feel the inertia in my gut.  We were taking off.  I was on my own.

The plane jostled about as it rose through layers of clouds and turbulent air.  The one flip side was that I was pretty secure and wasn't going anywhere.  I could barely feel the shakes and quakes of the cabin.  I could also barely feel my legs….  Hopefully, we would reach cruising altitude soon.  Maybe my co-passenger would need to get up to stretch her legs, go to the bathroom, or something!

Finally, a ding sounded, indicating that the “fasten seatbelts” light was now off and that we were now free to roam about the cabin.  What I would give for that freedom!  I thrashed around, but it was useless.  This young woman, probably no older than twenty years old, had left me helplessly pinned and wasn't even aware of my existence.  

I gave up.  As strange as it was, at least I was a little comfortable.  My legs were trapped under her body, but my upper torso and head were up against her lower back, cushioned by the elastic band of her yoga pants.  If this were how I was to spend the next four hours, then so be it.  It could be far worse.  The warmth, the sounds of the plane, and even the sounds coming from deep within her body lulled me into a sense of ease.  I had considered getting my MP3 player out, but I soon realized that it was in my carry-on, which was nowhere to be seen.  I feared the worst.  At least it was mostly clothes.  Nothing too fragile or valuable.  Good thing I left my decorative egg set at home.

After a few minutes, the girl started shuffling again, but this time, I was given some unexpected elbow room!  She leaned forward to reach below the seat in front of us and rummaged through her bag.  This action lifted her ass off of me enough that I could very quickly undo my seatbelt and stand up.  My own bag, as I had predicted, had been crushed and crumpled underneath her.  I did not dare to run over to it, lest I run out of time and be permanently joined with my suitcase.  Instead, I dashed over the other adjoining seat as quickly as I could.  She could have the window seat!  I didn’t care!  It certainly wasn’t something that I would risk my life over.  I could just as easily fasten myself into the Parvian seatbelt of 24B.

Yet another plan was foiled by fate.  I had escaped just in time to avoid her leaning back again, but it turned out that the Magnian girl had extracted her backpack from down below and had every intentions of placing it in the seat right next to her.  My seat.  Seat 24B.  I could understand why she was doing what she was doing.  It would be much more convenient for her to access her things.  And to her knowledge, no one else would mind.  No one...apart from the Parvian desperately trying to predict her movements and evade having a backpack the size of a small house land on top of him like the Wicked Witch of the East.  I zigged and zagged around the seat, the shadow of her Camelbak® looming above me.  It came to its final resting place square in the middle of seat 24B, leaning against the back of the chair and completely blocking me from my seat belt.  Shortly thereafter, a light blue parachute-sized garment fell out of the sky and draped itself over the bag.  She had removed her sweatshirt, revealing a dark black tank top underneath.

I thought that perhaps I could forgo the restraints altogether.  What’s the worst that could happen?  I imagined that scenario.  Things would go just fine...for a while.  Then we would hit a patch of turbulence.  It would only be enough to maybe knock me down or to the side.  But what if it was something more?  The airplane would shake like San Francisco in 1906.  Everyone would brace themselves as we went through a cumulonimbus cloud.  They would be too busy securing themselves to notice a small little Parvian man flying around the cabin, bouncing between the overhead bins and the floor like a pinball.

No, thanks.  I believe in safety first.  I was going to get my seat back.  Either the window or the aisle—I didn't care.  This Magnian girl was going to have to give one up.  But first, I would have to get her attention.  Normally, this would be as easy as shouting, “Hey you!”  We Parvians can be pretty loud.  (Ain't no party like a Parvian party, ‘cause a Parvian party...wakes up all the neighbors.)  Still, even if I had access to my phone’s voice amplifier, she still wouldn't hear me: she was wearing headphones.

A swift kick to her thigh.  No reaction.  An attempted pinch.  Her skin was too tight.  A tickle would have been suicidal.  The only response to my efforts was her reclining her seat and shutting her eyes.  Was she mocking me?  It seemed that I would need to roll my sleeves up and get to work.

I scanned my neighbor up and down, analyzing possible paths of ascent.  This wasn't my first rodeo, or first Magnian to climb.  Parvians are naturally skilled climbers and by the time we reach adulthood, we are all veteran Magnian mountaineers.  (I remember my first time when I made it to Suzie Hutchins’ pigtails.  I managed to tie them together in the middle of a math class before she even noticed I was on her.  It cost me three days of detention, but it was worth it.)  It was too risky to climb straight up the front.  There are too many obstacles, especially on the more “endowed” women, of which this young lady certainly would qualify.  That little tank top wasn't concealing too many secrets. Though that route was sorely tempting, I wanted to gain her attention, not her anger.

Looks like it was going to be the headphones.  Dangling from each ear, they joined below the Magnian’s head to form one cable leading down to the iPod resting in her backpack.  It was perfect: a direct line from where I was to where I needed to go.  All I needed to do was to start climbing.  Grabbing the cord in each hand, I started my ascent.  

“Alright, Miss Magna seat stealer,” I said under my breath.  “I'm coming for you!”

I wish I were heavier.  My mother always told me I needed to eat more.  I just was never that hungry.  While it made climbing easier, I imagined that if I weighed more than three paperclips, I could have just yanked the earbud out of the Magnian girl's ear.  C’est la vie.

I wrapped my legs around the headphone cord and shimmied upwards head first.  The world of the airplane cabin looked stranger upside down, especially the view outside the window with blue skies below the wing and clouds above.  Soon, I had made it to the junction where the cord became two.  I took a break to just hang there, breathe, and get my bearings.  The rest of the climb would be vertical as I ascended past the girl's face and to her right ear.

At this point, I was now dangling above her body.  I had been concerned that if I were to fall earlier, I would land in the gap between the seats, hit the hard surface of the arm rest, or even worse, crash to the distant floor.  Now, my fall would be broken by her body...which, of course, would lead to other, more “interpersonal” problems.  Not to mention, I'd have a lot more climbing to do.  I was determined to just not fall at all.

As I've mentioned, I'm a veteran climber.  You have to be as a Parvian if you want to get anywhere.  Such as life in a giant world.  There aren't always Magnians to carry us around and we don't always like relying on them for transportation.  We've grown so adept at scaling things, some Magnians have thought that we have adhesive hands like an insect.  That’s preposterous, though.  I’m no Spider-Man.  It's all about finding the right handholds and using both upper and lower body strength.

Despite my experience, there wasn't much I could do to prevent what happened next.  As I was about to continue my journey, I heard that familiar ding resound.  The “fasten seatbelts” light came on.  We were entering turbulence.  Before I knew it, the cabin started shaking.  It wasn't violent enough to disrupt most of my fellow passengers or even to wake my neighbor—she didn't even flutter her eyelids.  What it did manage to do was to send the headphone cord swaying to and fro.  My grip remained firm, even as I swung a few feet to the left and right.  I paused my ascent until the cord stabilized.  If I needed to, I could have lept out and grabbed the ledge formed by her chin, but I didn’t need to do anything that dramatic or drastic.  I just needed to be patient and wait to stop swinging.  In hindsight, perhaps jumping would be been the better decision.

In my defense, the failure was not in my own skills or abilities, but in the cord itself.  I hadn't considered that, which led to my downfall—literally.  The next bout of turbulence was just a little stronger than the last.  I was rocked back and forth once more, but what I did not realize is that this action was slowly dislodging the earbud from her ear.  If only it were one of those with the rubber insert that kept it firmly in the ear canal.  Instead, it was the default headphones that came with her iPod that just rested in the earlobe.  Goddamn you, Apple!

The sudden slack truly caught me off guard.  When I saw the earbud come out, I knew that I was utterly helpless.  I was going down like Hans Gruber.  With my back to the ground, I couldn't tell how far I had to drop.  Maybe that was a good thing.  It helped with the “oh shit” feeling.  While I had a good idea where I was headed, that wasn't confirmed until I found myself surrounded on both sides by twin Magnian breasts.

My ass collided with her sternum uncomfortably hard, but not enough to fear that anything was broken.  Just a little bruised.  Knowing my luck this day, it was inevitable that I missed the two perfect landing pads.  The earbud and the cord joined me shortly and together we skidded and slid deep into the depths of this young woman's cleavage to a soundtrack supplied by Taylor Swift.

On the one hand, there was no way that I didn't have her attention by now.  I could already see her fingers looming above.  On the other hand, I did not want to imagine her reaction when extracting a little Parvian pervert out of her boobs.  I had a lot of explaining to do and I wasn't sure if I had enough gift of gab to talk my way out of it.  I had a feeling the “You were in my seat” explanation would not pass at this point.  

The Magnian girl's slender fingers found the missing headphones…but they did not find me.  She pulled it out by the cord and placed it back in her ear.  Then her hand disappeared, uninterested in a continued search.  How could she not have noticed me?  My crash was not exactly subtle and I was in a very sensitive area.  I can only assume that she thought that I was her earbud and that was all.  Whether this was good or bad fortune is up to debate.  But at the very least, the blaring sounds of T-Swift had been taken away.

Assuming that the fates were finally on my side, I still needed to be very still.  Even the slightest motion would rush me into that awkward conversation that I did not want to have.  I just laid there and observed while contemplating my next move.  I’m keeping the stories to myself right now, but this wasn't my first time exploring the Magnian female anatomy. All previous encounters have been mutually consensual, though.

Directly in front of me was the black fabric of her tank top, which at least partially covered her breasts and left me somewhat in the darkness.  I really hoped that she wasn't getting cold and that she would keep that sweatshirt off.  At least now, I could still see what was happening.  Her breasts enveloped me on both sides, extending far beyond me.  Verily, they made quite an impressive bosom, but at the moment, they were also a prison.  A nice prison, but a prison nonetheless.  Behind me, I could feel her heart beating rhythmically in her chest.  Her pulse, along with the warmth of her body, once more were quite lulling to me.  I figure that I might as well settle in and enjoy the moment.  Eventually, it was going to have to end.

“Hey,” I thought to myself, “at least I'm in seat 24A!”

The Magnian young woman in seat 24A was still blissfully sleeping through the flight, still unaware of the hapless Parvian stuck between her boobs.  I had given up trying to get her attention.  At least this way, I wasn't going anywhere.  I was probably more secure there in her cleavage than in that gigantic Magnian airline seat.  I had no idea what I was going to do upon landing, though.

As I was contemplating this, along with the greater concepts of life, destiny, karma, and whether or not there would be an in-flight movie, I saw a familiar face slowly and methodically making its way down the aisle.  

“Care for a beverage?” Melanie, the cheerful Magnian flight attendant, asked a man in row 22.

Melanie!  Melanie would come to my rescue!  In just a couple of rows, she would surely remember the poor Parvian passenger.  

I wasn't wrong.  When she came around with her beverage cart, her eyes grew wide and her face grew pale as she saw the girl sitting in 24A, with me nowhere to be found.  “Mr. Jackson!  Where's Mr. Jackson?!” she asked the young woman frantically.

The girl woke from her nap with confusion.  “Oh, no thank you.  I'm fine.”

“There's supposed to be a Parvian passenger in that seat.  I dropped him off here personally at the gate.  Have you seen him?”

“No...no, I don't think so.  I was assigned 24B, but no one was in the window seat, so…”

“Are you sure?”

The young woman was quickly gaining clarity as she understood the gravity of the situation.  Unbuckling her seatbelt, she stood up and looked at her seat.  To her and Melanie’s horror (and to my annoyance at the reminder), they discovered my crushed carry-on suitcase in the middle of the seat.  I could immediately feel the girl's elevated heart rate thump-thumping through her chest.

“Turn around.  Now.” Melanie softly commanded, fearful of what she might find when she examined the girl’s buttocks, that there might be evidence of an ex-passenger and the genesis of a massive lawsuit against her and the airline.  “There...there's nothing there.  Where could he be?”

It was at this point that I decided to make myself known, the consequences be damned.

“Hi Melanie,” came the voice within the cleavage.  “I'll have a Jack Daniels, please.”

I've made women blush before, but I had never seen a girl turn so beet red in embarrassment than when I relayed the story of my circumstances to my Magnian co-passenger, whose name I learned was Desi.  Desi was on the verge of tears and could not stop apologizing profusely.  Melanie, too, was overwhelmed, but I assured both of them that I was not angry.  This was just part of being Parvian.  We've come to terms with it long ago.  I just didn't want to make more of a scene and draw more attention than necessary.  As far as I was concerned, it was all a series of accidents and personal misfortune.  (Although even then I dared not to mention, “And hey, not even first class includes riding in a hot chick’s boobs!”)  

There was still a couple hours left in the flight.  She tried to object, but I let Desi continue to sit in the window seat.  After all, I couldn't even see out of it.  And despite all that I went through, I did feel a little bad for her.  This was her first time flying.  She probably had never been far from home before.  She was young and apparently wasn't used to Parvians back home.  Finding one in her cleavage was embarrassing, but also made her feel a little vulnerable.  Not violated; just a little vulnerable.  She wouldn't admit it to me, but I could tell by the way she put her sweatshirt back on.

I buckled myself into seat 24B and enjoyed the complimentary bottle of whiskey that Melanie gave me.  It was Magnian-sized, so even though it was miniature for them, it was almost twice as tall as I was.  She winked when she placed it on my seat.  I can hold my liquor, but I wasn't about to drink it all myself without being found dancing butt-naked in the lavatory.  I offered some to Desi.  She had never had whiskey before.  Watching her struggling to swallow her first sip was amusing.

“Ugh!” she wretched. “Is it supposed to burn?”

I chuckled and smiled, then took another sip from my plastic cup.  “That's how you know it's good.”  

I offered her more.  She hesitated and was about to politely decline, but after a slight pause and a face that said “Why not?”, she took me up on the offer.  She lifted the bottle to her lips and took in a whole Magnian mouthful.  Nearly a third of the whiskey chugged out of the bottle before she tilted it away.  She swallowed the gulp down in one go, her nose wrinkling as she tried not to make a face.

“Wow,” she said a moment later with a relaxed sigh and a smile.  “That makes my fingers tingle.”

“Have as much as you want.  I obviously can’t drink the whole thing.”

The two of us together finished the bottle in a matter of minutes and I’m thankful that we did.  With the last drop went any of the awkward tension that might have been lingering between us, as well as any of the stress that comes from traveling.  Our conversation never made it beyond the small talk of airplane co-passengers, but it helped to pass the time and the boredom.  

We landed safely and soon I was on the last leg of my journey home.  I was extraordinarily thankful to be back on solid ground.  I still hate flying.

“Just imagine it, Randy!  The screen is going to make a Jumbotron look like your smartphone!”

“Sounds little overwhelming,” I said, still unsure of the whole idea.

“Of course it’ll be overwhelming!  That’s the beauty of it!” Bryan said, his arms in the air.  “If you don’t get blown away by seeing Star Wars on a 1000-foot screen, then that’s your problem, buddy.”

“And you’re sure that they’ll let us in?”

“Yeah, it’s accommodating.  Parvians have our own special balcony!”

“Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me,” I conceded.  “But it’s going to take us two hours to get to the theater.  We’re going to have to head out pretty soon.”

Ever since Bryan and I became friends, there certainly hasn’t been a shortage of excitement.  He always has these grand schemes and shenanigans.  While I was fairly content staying in the suburbs and playing video games at home, that didn’t satisfy Bryan’s sense of adventure.  He was obsessed with the city and it seems like most of our exploits were set there.  Fortunately there was cheap and easy public transportation between here and there.  The bus wasn’t fast, but it sure beat driving and navigating the streets ourselves.  Even though Parvians had their own road system, they are right next to the Magnian streets.  Driving right next to their massive cars still made me feel uneasy.

The bus let us off right in front of the most gigantic movie megaplex I had ever seen.  Even for a Magnian, this place was enormous.  Bryan told me that it housed 25 screens!  And five of them were dedicated to Star Wars, with a different showing every 10 to 15 minutes.  Despite my initial skepticism, I was now pretty geeked out.  The tickets were not cheap, though not much more than the Parvian theater near home.  This was certainly going to be worth it.

“Can you believe they gave us free popcorn?” Bryan said excitedly as we walked from the concession stand.

“I mean, it’s Magnian sized...they only had to give us a couple of stray kernels,” I replied, taking a bite into the buttery popcorn puff that required both arms for me to carry.  

“Still!”

It was a long distance from the concession stand to Theater 14, but fortunately, this place was built with Parvians in mind.  There was a monorail than went from theater to theater!  Besides that, there were moving walkways to make the journey all that easier for us.  Before long, we had arrived.  Star Wars was waiting for us.

Bryan and I were speechless.  Walking into the theater, my entire field of vision was immediately filled by the silver screen.  It was a truly a marvel to behold and the projector hadn’t even started up yet.  We had arrived early to get good seats, which we were thankful for, as already the theater was filling up.  We couldn’t have been luckier: our seats were front and center!  In front of us, a guardrail separated the balcony from the rest of the hangar-sized theater.  Below us, a crowd of Magnians was filing in from both sides.  Several Parvians and Magnians alike were dressed in full costume.  As was predicted, this showing was sold out and not a seat was empty.  All of us were eager for the cinematic event of the year.

Soon, the projector fired up, the lights dimmed, and the first of the trailers started rolling.  Just when we thought Magnians were big, faces started filling up the gargantuan screen before us.  It was just a projection, of course, but if the actors and actresses were somehow able to come off the screen and into real life, they would tower over the tallest Magnian!  That, combined with the booming roar of the surround sound system, was going to be worth the cost of admission alone.

After nearly a minute of gaping in awe, I looked over at Bryan to give him a well-earned fistbump.  Surprisingly, though, he wasn’t even watching.  Sure, the movie hadn’t started yet, but I was a little annoyed to find him on his phone.

“Bryan, are you seriously kidding me?  Are you seeing what I’m seeing?  Get off your damn phone!”

He raised a finger, asking for one moment.  

“Dude, Facebook and Twitter can wait.”  

“I want people to know about this.  I want our friends to envy us.”

I sighed in disbelief.  “Whatever.  But if I see that anytime during the movie, I will literally chuck it down at the Magnians.”

Bryan paused, then shouted angrily, “Are you fucking serious?!”

I was taken aback by the severity of his response.  “I’m serious, man.  No phones!”

“No, not that.  Goddamn Kyle Wilson!”

“What?” I asked, perplexed.

“Kyle just posted a spoiler on Facebook!  And it’s huge!”

“Put it away,” I warned.  “Put it away right now, man.  I am fucking serious.  I do not want to see it.  I swear to you, if you ruin this for me…”

It was too late.  I don’t know what compelled him to do this--perhaps his own bitterness at having it ruined for him.  But Bryan decided to bring me down as well.  He shoved his phone in my face and forced me read what I did not want to read.  I attempted to avert my eyes.  I tried to not read it, but it was just one simple sentence--one that I will not even repeat here, lest I ruin it for anyone else.  In one split second, my evening was ruined.

My mind was a jumble of confusion.  My heart was a flurry of emotion.  Soon, only one feeling remained: rage.

“Geez, can you believe him?” Bryan huffed.  “Who does that?!”

I stared at my friend through squinted eyes.  “I’m going to kill you,” I said softly.

Bryan blinked, oblivious to my anger.

“Bryan,” I repeated, my voice quickly rising, “I am going to fucking murder you right now.”

My blood was boiling.  I lunged and throttled him.  Before he knew it, I started choking him with my bare hands.  Bryan’s eyes shot open as he quickly realized that I was not joking around.  

“Randy, stop!” he tried to garble out, unsuccessfully.

I wasn’t actually planning on murdering my friend in cold blood.  (Not in the presence of so many witnesses, at least.)  But I wanted to make him pay.  I wanted to make him afraid.

“Forget what I said about chucking your phone...I’m going to chuck you!”

I lifted Bryan up by the collar and shoved him towards the guardrail in front of us.  He struggled against me, but I was stronger and overpowered him.  We both looked down the long drop to the row of Magnians below us who were oblivious to the conflict above them.  I could see in Bryan’s eyes the look of pure panic.

“I didn’t mean it!  I’m sorry!”

Other Parvian theatergoers were starting to take notice.  I didn’t actually want to cause a scene.  Common sense was kicking in.  My anger was already diminishing, so I started to relent and ease up on him.

“Whatever,” I said, taking a deep breath, “It’s just a movie.”  Just for good measure, I shoved him one last time.

And with that, the guardrail keeping us on the balcony snapped.

I watched the world go by in slow motion.  Bryan flailed his arms and legs as he fell backwards through the air.  I followed closely after him.  He was just out of arm’s reach.  I tried to grab him, though I don’t know what I would have done even if I could.  Nothing was going to stop our fall now, except for whatever hard surface was directly below us.  

Adding to the drama of the moment was a very familiar, sudden blast of trumpets immediately preceding the scrolling of yellow text gliding up the screen.  “Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”  But despite how long I had waited to see those words, my mind was focused on what was happening right here and right now.

Bryan’s screams were inaudible over the movie’s soundtrack blaring in Dolby Digital Surround Sound.  He still continued wailing while I silently closed my eyes and awaited what was due me.  The room was dark, and perhaps this was for the best.  I didn’t want to see what was coming.

Suddenly, we stopped falling.  Bryan stopped screaming.

I opened my eyes.  It was even darker and I could no longer see the movie screen, though I could still clearly hear the music.  Everything smelled like...butter.  I knew where we were.  We were saved by popcorn!   

I whooped in elation and started to look for Bryan.  There were very few places we could have landed that could have given us better chances of survival.  I really hoped that he had landed safely, as well.  

“Bryan, where are you?” I said, still trying to shout over the sounds of John Williams’ orchestra.

“Over here, dickhead,” Bryan said from the other side of the tub.

“Dude, I am so sorry.  I had no idea,” I said, apologizing profusely as I made my way to him.  Movement was difficult considering the size of each warm, buttery puffed kernel, but not impossible.

“Whatever, Randy.  Let’s just get out of here.”

“You mean out of this giant container filled with some Magnian’s delicious theater snacks?  Yeah, good idea.”

As the shock of the fall was wearing off, the continued precariousness and danger of our situation was very quickly being realized.  Parvians know better than to hang out with Magnian food, especially in dark places where people tend to indiscriminately shove food in their mouths without even looking at it.  We needed to make our exit immediately, but unfortunately it appeared that the Magnian had been busy during the previews, as nearly a third of the popcorn had already been consumed.  The rim was well out of our reach.

We shouted at the Magnian above us, trying to get their attention, but it was of no use.  She was a young woman with her dark, brown hair braided into the iconic Princess Leia buns.  Her wide-open eyes were transfixed upon the screen in front of her, already gripped in excitement by the dramatic tension of the opening scene.  While her mind was fully devoted to thinking about what she was seeing, her hands were on a mission of their own.

Long, slender fingers descended above us like a claw machine, grabbing a handful of popcorn, which for us was quite literally a truckload.  A dozen kernels were scooped up then slowly raised to Leia’s mouth.  Her lips parted as wide as they could, forming a perfect “O” while the wall of her hand shoved the offering inside.  Her jaws made quick work of the handful, easily crushing the puffs until they were ready to swallow.  

Bryan and I stared slack-jawed in awe at just how much food she had casually consumed, not realizing how quickly she was coming back for more.  Before we knew it, a wall of fingers surrounded us on all sides, glistening with salt and melted butter.  The very ground below us was lifted into the air...and we, along with it.

“Quick, Bryan!  We have to think quick!” I shouted, trying to keep my cool while under pressure.  

We had mere seconds to think of a plan.  Fortunately, we had some training on our side.  While it had been centuries since Parvians had been on the snack menu for Magnians, situations like this were not too uncommon.  It was never intentional, but when Parvians are perfectly morsel-sized for them, accidents happen.  When they do, we have to be ready to think on our feet.  I could tell already that Bryan had a plan.  

“Okay,” he said.  “Shoot the chute?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant, “Let’s do this.”

When our ascent ended, we were face-to-face with “Leia.”  Behind us, a desert scene was being projected on screen, brightly illuminating the entire theater and completely capturing Leia and the other theatergoers’ attentions.  She stopped her chewing and paused for a moment, too engrossed in the current action to continue.

“Get ready.”

Leia swallowed and the mouthful of popcorn went down in a momentary bulging of her neck.  Immediately, her mouth opened, ready to take in the contents of her hand--popcorn, Parvians, and all.  There was plenty of room in her cavernous mouth for all of us and more.  Rows of teeth formed twin ivory “U’s,” with small remnants of popcorn and kernels strewn about her tongue.  In the back of her mouth, streams of saliva framed the entrance to her throat, her uvula greeting us in the distance.

That was our target.  Bryan and I each grabbed the closest kernels of popcorn to us and raised them above our heads.  We each had one shot.  Like Luke Skywalker and the Red Squadron, Leia’s throat was our small exhaust port.  As soon as it came into full view, I hurled my piece of popcorn as hard as I could.  It flew directly into her mouth, over her lips and tongue, but bounced against her hard palate and landed by her back molars.  I missed!

Our fate was in Bryan’s hands.  If he missed, we were snack food.  We only had a split second before we were dumped into her awaiting mouth and seconds away from being crushed to death by her teeth.  

“Use the force, Bryan!”  

Without wasting any time, Bryan took a deep breath and hurled the kernel with all of his might.  It sailed through the air with all deliberate speed.  Like Luke’s proton torpedo, it was a direct shot and disappeared into the depths of her reactor core--er, esophagus.  

Fortunately, Leia did not explode in a spectacle of mass destruction.  But she did explode into a fit of coughing as she unexpectedly started choking on popcorn.  Her eyes shot open and her other hand covered her mouth as she hacked and hacked on the kernel lodged in her throat.  She reached for her soda and started gulping down torrents of Pepsi.  Tears were welling in her eyes until it appeared that she was finally able to swallow and force the popcorn down her throat.

“Kelsey, are you okay?” said her friend that was sitting next to her, vigorously patting her back.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I just...I dunno.  Wait a minute...” she said, finally examining at her palm.  “Oh my God!”  

In her hand on top of a pile of popcorn, two Parvians waved hello.

Outside the theater, we had an argument in front of the manager.  

“They could have killed me!  What if I had actually choked?!”

“Well, she could have killed us!  We were about to get munched!”

“Ugh, not like I would even want to,” she said with a shudder.  “And It wouldn’t have been my fault.  What the hell were you doing in my popcorn?!”

“That’s their fault!” I shouted, pointing at the manager.  “The stupid guardrail broke and we fell from the balcony!”

“Witnesses say that you two were roughhousing and broke the railing in a fight.  Is that correct?”

The heated conversation continued for several minutes before it was mutually decided that it would be best if we all moved on.  No one was going to press charges.  This was all just an series of events which fortunately ended up with no one majorly injured.  For that, we were all thankful.

Bryan and I did end up seeing the movie a few days later...in a Parvian theater.  Despite the negative associations I’ll always have in my memory, it was actually a damn good movie.  And there’s one thing that even to this day Bryan and I can agree upon: Kyle Wilson can go to hell.

Here’s something both Parvians and Magnians can agree on: the rent is too damn high.  

Rent is one of the biggest downsides of living in the city.  How can you expect to get by in life when a third of your paycheck goes to your landlord?  And that doesn’t even include utilities!  Most Parvians live out in the suburbs and commute every day.  You would think that taking up a fraction of the space would mean cheap housing for us, right?  Well, “cheap” is one way to put it.  The Parvian apartments in the city are ghettos run by slumlords.  A lot of them were hastily built after the Great Integration in formerly abandoned lots.  They aren’t even that cheap!  To have the great honor of living in one of those ramshackle tenements, you’d be paying about as much rent as the average Magnian.

I decided that I wasn’t having any of that.  I tried the commuting thing but the hour long train ride got really old really fast.  While I made pretty good money as a nurse, I definitely didn't make enough to afford a Magnian apartment all to myself.  And besides, all the extra living space would be extremely excessive.  I would need an hour long commute just to get from one end to the other!  If I was to do that, I was going to need roommates…

I’m sure I’m not the only one who had come up with this idea, but then again, I had never heard of it before.  It made sense, really.  And so I post an ad online: “Looking for female roommates.”  I didn’t mention in the listing that I was a Parvian.  I’d tell them during my first phone call after I’d screened their application.  It wasn’t an easy process and some genuinely nice people ultimately said, “Thanks, but no thanks.”  I don’t blame it on discrimination--I can understand wanting to be at home and not worry about a tiny roommate underfoot.  Still, I was pretty relieved when I was able to fill the last room.

I do think it works out in their favor, actually.  Despite the fact that I was paying as much rent as they were, I didn’t actually require a room.  I think this was pretty ingenious actually: I bought an old RV and had it set up near the large bay window.  It wasn’t fancy, but it provided my with my own space, as well my Parvian-sized kitchen and bathroom.  If I kept to myself, my roommates would hardly notice that I even lived there.

As it is, though, we all really get along.

“‘Sup ladies!” I shouted as I walked under the door and into the apartment.  (Technically, I guess any Parvian could easily get in...but we weren’t that worried about burglary.  What were they going to steal?)

“Daisy’s in the house!  Heads up!  Or down, actually...” called Katie from the kitchen.  Whatever she was making smelled delicious.

“Mmmm,” I replied as I climbed up to my window perch.  “I don’t know what that is, but let me know if you have leftovers.  You know I don’t need much!”

“It’s just salmon with a little balsamic glaze.  These filets were a good deal at the store today, so I was inspired.  But yeah, I might be able to scrape a tiny piece off for you...if you’re lucky.”

I tossed my bag inside the door of my RV, then made my way to the kitchen counter to have some conversation.  An assortment of bowls, pans, and measuring cups dwarfed me like a small town cityscape, but not nearly as much as did the titanic chef.  

“Nah, don’t worry about it.  I already ate.  I just got off a 12-hour shift and was starving.”

“I don't blame you...but your loss,” she said, tasting a bit of the glaze.  “I'll offer some to Jessica after she gets out of the shower. Might not be even a nibble left afterwards.”

Katie took a sip from her glass of white wine.  She offered me some, but I politely declined.  I had a lot of work to do that night and needed a level head.  I had my RN, but the hospital really wanted me to get my BSN degree.  I’m fine with getting it, because it’ll mean more money for me in the end, but for me right now it means following up work with more work.

A few minutes later, the door opened and in came the fourth of us: Lizzie.  She took a step inside, closed the door, and uttered a huge, dramatic sigh.  She then quickly shuffled to the couch, collapsing in a pile face first.  

“Long day?”

“Mm hmmm,” came the muffled response from the couch pillow.

“Sorry honey.  Let us know if you want to vent.”

No response from Liz.

A freshly showered Jessica walked by in her towel and slippers, stopping in front of the couch. “Asshole boss problems?”

“Ughh, she is such a bitch!” said an exasperated Lizzie.

Jess paused in a moment of sympathy.  “Tell you what. Have the rest of the Ben & Jerry's. Sounds like you deserve it.”

“After you eat some fish!  This salmon will be out of the oven in ten minutes if you girls want any,” Katie offered.  “Daisy already said no. Don't break my heart, too.”

“Enjoy!” I said, making my way to my room.  “I’ve got some kinesiology homework to do.  If I'm not out by tomorrow, just take my whole RV and bury it in the backyard, because I'll be dead.”

~+~+~

Half an hour later and I was struggling to stay awake.  I looked at the alarm clock by my bed.  It was only 7:45, but I had been awake since 4 am.  Instead of reading textbooks, I would much rather be watching Netflix on Jessie's massive plasma TV.  It was a good size for a Magnian, but for a Parvian it was like having your own personal IMAX theater in your living room.

Just as I was about to buckle down and hit the books once more, I heard a knock at my door. By that, I mean that the whole RV rocked back and forth after one of my roommates’ Magnian finger rammed the door two or three times.  At least they were getting better and gentler at it. The first time Katie wanted me, half of my plates ended up broken.

“What do you want?” I shouted in an annoyed voice.

“Um, Daisy...we need you.”

“Yeah, we need your... expertise.”

“And just a heads up: you're not going to like this.”

I didn't know what to expect and honestly didn't want to know.  If this was something urgent, then whoever is hurt should just go to the ER!  I was off duty.

I took a deep breath and walked out my door.  “What's up?”

“So, that salmon was delectable,” said Katie, speaking slowly and carefully.  “I really think I baked it at the perfect temperature.  And the glaze was a good consistency…”

“Yeah, but she forgot to check for bones!” Liz interrupted.

“I...I might have swallowed a fishbone,” Katie sheepishly confessed, a hand held to her throat.  “I've been coughing and coughing, but it's really lodged in my throat.”

“Like, really in there,” said Jessica. She turned on her phone's flash and held it up to Katie's mouth.  Katie opened as wide as she could.  The bright white LED light washed out a lot of reds and pinks as it illuminated the moist chamber, but the details of her tongue, teeth, and tonsils were all very clear.  Jessica depressed Katie's tongue with a pen, allowing us to see just beyond the dangling uvula and into the throat.  

“I...I don't really see anything,” I said, though I wasn't too keen on getting a closer look.

“Ahhhhh,” said Katie, trying to open her throat even wider.

“Look,” Jessica said, “it's lodged down next to her vocal cords.  What's that flap thing called?”

“The epiglottis,” I informed.  Sure enough, I could see the sliver of salmon bone in the lining of Katie's throat, deep in her pharynx.  “Yeah, you're right.  It's really in there.  You're not going to be coughing that one up anytime soon.”

Katie closed her mouth and gulped.  “It really hurts,” she said, a small tear forming in her eye.  

“I understand, Katie. But…”

I wasn't dumb.  I knew exactly why they called me.  But I was going to do everything I could to avoid or at least delay the inevitable.

“Daisy, Liz and I have been trying to get it out ourselves with tweezers for twenty minutes.  It's just in too deep.  And yeah, we could take the train down to the hospital, sit in the ER for a few hours, and then pay a medical bill afterwards.  Or…”

“...or you could ask your conveniently miniature roommate.”

“Please Daisy,” Katie begged, speaking through raspy coughs, “I'll do anything. I'll pay your part of the electric bill.  I'll do your laundry!”

“Ha!  It would actually like to see you try to fold my clothes.  You'd need a magnifying glass.”

Katie's only response was in her pleading, watery blue eyes and quivering lip.

I sighed.  All three of them were staring at me.  I felt like I really didn't have a choice in the matter, which annoyed me a little, but at the same time, I'd be a really bad friend to not help when I could.  “Fine, Katie.  I'll do it.  I'll get the damn thing out of you!”

“Yay!” Lizzie and Jessica clapped while Katie just looked relieved.  

“Good thing I've still got my scrubs on...”

~+~+~

We all gathered in the bathroom where the overhead light was brightest.  Katie sat on the toilet seat and leaned her head back.  Jessica had her phone out, again using the flash, but also filming the whole escapade.  (I really hoped that she wasn't planning to put this on YouTube.) Meanwhile, Lizzie was helping me secure a harness made out of floss.  

“Pay me a little extra and I can work on flossing your back molars while I'm in there!” I joked.

“Oh, could you do me, too?” Jessica said, flashing me with a wide open mouth. “Ahhhh!  I have a hard time reaching back there.”

“Uhhh, actually I have a weekly limit on how many Magnian mouths I venture into...and it's one.  Preferably none.”

“That’s cool.  I’ll contact you on Monday, then!”

“Sure. Yeah. Let's just get this over with first.”

I tugged on the floss, giving it a good yank or two.  It seemed secure enough and Lizzie had a good hold on the other end.  The last thing any of us wanted to deal with tonight was retrieving me from Katie's inner depths.  When Lizzie lifted me off the counter, I swayed liked a pendulum for a few seconds before stabilizing.  I looked like a rescue worker dangling from a helicopter.  With a steady hand, Lizzie carried me up and over until I was hovering above Katie’s open mouth.  

I looked down at the red, wet pit below.  The light shimmered on every surface and I could almost see my reflection in the pools of saliva gathering at the base of the tongue.  A hot breath of humidity escaped up from my roommate's throat.  I had forced her to use mouthwash, but there was still a hint of fish mingling with the scent of mint.  The mere act of exhaling agitated the obstruction in her throat, triggering a cough.  A violent quake shook throughout her oral cavity and her tongue and uvula flailed about.

“Sorry…” Katie apologized in a hoarse whisper.

“You're fine,” I said.  She had coughed a plume of spittle in my direction, but I was about to be drenched in the stuff anyway.  “Alright, take me down, Liz.”

As Lizzie lowered me, Jessica attempted to lighten the mood as she recorded all of this.  “And here our courageous hero descends into the abyss.  All eyes are on her now.  Will she be able to retrieve the artifact from its precarious position within the Great Katie Caverns?  Or will the Mystical Fishbone of Power be forever lost?  Will the intrepid Daisy make it out or will she plummet to her own certain doom?!”

I looked up at Jessica in disbelief and extended my middle finger in her direction.  I looked down again in time to see my feet colliding with Katie’s tongue.  It was slick and wet, but rough and sticky enough that my clothes immediately clung to it.  I could tell that it was very difficult for Katie to keep her tongue still and motionless, as it continue to twitch and roll.  I started to drag along its length, surely giving Katie a good taste of Parvian roommate.  Before long, I was completely within her mouth and would soon be well into her throat.

“Hold on a second, Liz,” I shouted.  “Pull me back up.”

My descent stopped, then was reversed.  In a short second, I was lifted out of the mouth and hanging in front of three inquiring faces.

“Are you having second thoughts?” asked Katie anxiously.

“No.  But we’re going about this all wrong.  If I keep being lowered this way, I'm going to trigger one your reflexes, either swallowing or gagging.  Neither would be pleasant for you or for me.  So, new plan.  Keep your head level this time.  I'm going to crawl towards the back of your throat on my belly and try to reach the bone from your tongue.  Got it?”

Katie nodded in response.

“Lizzie, you need to keep a hold on the rope just in case I slip too far, but give me plenty of slack as well.  And Jess...turn off the damned camera!”

Soon I was acquainted with Katie’s tongue once more, though this time it was my red carpet.  Crawling on all fours wasn’t easy.  My hands and knees sunk into the warm, wet flesh with every move, then it took some effort to pull them back up out of the saliva.  Just as before, her tongue continued to quiver and tremble.  It was like trying to clamber across a waterbed.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to go very far before I reached the edge of the “cliff.”

I was at the intersection of Katie’s mouth and throat: her pharynx.  The back of her tongue sloped steeply downwards from here.  If I crawled any further, I would be making a one way trip.  That’s what the floss rope around my torso was for, but her tongue also had a good friction grip on me, as well.  Katie was breathing through her mouth, which was actually for the best as it opened up the chamber for me.  Her uvula was too busy getting sucked back into her nasal cavity to bother me.  The only downside was the gale force winds rushing in and out and above and around me at all times.  There was enough light coming in that I could see down into her trachea, or windpipe.  If she had spoken anything, I would have seen her vocal cords in action (but I’m glad that she didn’t, as even a whisper would have been deafening this close.)

Right in front of me was the curved piece of cartilage called the epiglottis.  If the pharynx was an intersection, the epiglottis was the traffic cop directing air down the trachea and food into the esophagus.  When Katie swallowed, the flap would close to make sure the food didn’t “go down the wrong pipe.”  Should it fail to do that and food blocks the airway, then she would start choking.  Since this fishbone wasn’t that large, fortunately she didn’t choke on it and she’s very lucky it didn’t go down into her lungs.  Instead, it got lodged somewhere around here and for some reason, it was my job to find it!

I had to be very careful with where I put my hands.  I didn’t know how sensitive Katie’s gag reflex was and I didn’t really want to test it to find out.  I was probably pushing the poor girl’s limits as it were.  Still, if I could just reach the fishbone from my position, I could extract it rather painlessly.  I had a general idea of where it was, but the light from Jessica’s phone quite wasn’t enough to illuminate its position.  

I extended my arm as far I could and very delicately felt around.  The walls were rough and slick and warm.  I could feel Katie’s pulse beating quickly and the blood rushing back and forth.  But I couldn’t feel the bone or anything like it.  I squinted my eyes to try to make anything out of the darkness.  There wasn’t a whole lot of room for it to be hiding.  It had to be near me, just out of reach.  Edging myself just a little further down, I felt around again.  This time, something sharp pricked my palm.

“I found it!” I shouted up at the girls outside.  “Just like we thought, it’s lodged in deep.  I’m glad that Katie’s not bleeding, though.  I can feel the end of it, but I can’t quite get enough of a grip to pull it out.  I need more leverage.  Keep a hold on me, Liz!  I’m going a little further in.”

“Be careful, Daiz!” said Jessica.

The could touch the fishbone with my fingertips, but I was going to need to pull it out with both hands.  Just a few more inches would be enough.  I shimmied forward on my belly, keeping one arm outstretched toward the bone.  At this point, I was more determined and driven than ever.  It was going to get this out of my roommate’s throat and she would owe me a whole pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream--and I wasn’t sharing.

Perhaps it was my stubborn drive that caused a tactical error.  I was so focused on where my hands were, I didn’t even think about my head.  As I was urging forward, my head came in contact with the sensitive skin of Katie’s epiglottis.  Immediately, rushing air stopped moving.  Katie’s breathing stopped.  

“Katie, what’s going on?” asked Jessica alertly.  “Daisy, are you okay in there?  Katie’s clutching her throat like she’s choking!”

“Dammit!” I shouted.  “I bumped into her throat wrong and I think I triggered a reflex.  Don’t cough me up, Katie!  Don’t do it!”

The air started up again, but it was very labored.  Katie couldn’t help it and I knew it.  I needed to brace myself.  She was going to start coughing.

“Hold me tight, Liz!”

My eardrums almost burst from the explosive sound.  My whole world lurched and quaked and shook.  I braced myself with both hands, seeking something to cling to, but I didn’t want to make matters worse and make her cough even more.  Not only would it endanger me, it would endanger Katie by moving the fishbone even deeper.  To my relief, it seemed that after just two or three coughs, everything was stabilizing.

Then the swallowing motion began.  Katie couldn't help it.  The coughing combined with half a minute of accumulating saliva—I wasn't going to blame her, but I wasn't going to like it.  All light was shut out as her lips closed.  Behind me, I could feel her tongue pressing up against the roof of her mouth.  There was a sudden pressure change and my ears popped.  A wave of saliva rolled passed me, over her now closed epiglottis, and descended down her gullet.  If it weren't for my floss lifeline, I would have joined that one way journey to her stomach!

“Is everyone okay?”

“I'm good!” I shouted.  “Tell Katie that I'm fine and not to worry.”

“I will after she exits her state of shock.”

Once I regained my orientation, I went back to the task at hand.  From the girls’ perspective, all they would have seen was a pair of tiny legs sticking out of Katie's throat.  I was as far down as I could get without being swallowed.  The only thing keeping me from falling was my floss harness.  It wasn't the most comfortable, but I was able to reach out both my arms until I felt the fishbone again.

The bone was covered in a thin layer of saliva and mucus, making it fairly slippery in my hands.  I was going to need to ensure that I had a firm grip on it before pulling it out.  I started slowly, carefully easing it out of its resting place in the lining of Katie's throat.  This was not proving to be that difficult.  The only challenge was that at this upside down angle, I only had a little bit of leeway and leverage.  I was going to need some help.

“Hey Lizzie!  I've got the fishbone in my grip, but I can't pull it out on my own.  You're going to have it pull us both out at the same time.”

“Gotcha!  Going up!”

Momentarily, I would be emerging from within Katie, fishbone and all.  It was longer than I was tall!  Dangling in the air, I proudly brandished it like a greatsword, displaying it for all to see.  “Ta da!”

“Ohmygosh, you did it!”

“Woohoo!  Good job, Daisy!”

“Oh, Daisy, if you weren’t so small, I’d hug you right now!” Katie exclaimed, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Hey, no sweat.  Just saliva!” I said.  My scrubs were drenched and my hair was frazzled.  I was going to need a long, hot soak in the bathtub after this.

“Whatever favor or reward you want, I’ll do it.  I owe you big time.”

“Oh, I already know.  And it involves your friends Ben and Jerry…”

~+~+~

“Dear lord, Daisy,” Jessica said in astonishment.  “It’s going to take you a year to eat all of that.”

“Watch me,” I retorted, licking my lips.  One of the plus sides of being a Parvian: a pint of ice cream is very well a year’s supply.  I needed a stepladder just to get to the rim!  If I were to eat a Magnian-sized mouthful, I would likely immediately enter into a sugar-induced coma.  

“Well, if you feel like sharing, just let me know.  I love mint chocolate chunk.”

My only response was an audible mmmm as I slowly withdrew my spoon from my mouth.  The chocolate chips were the size of my fist.  It was glorious.

“Thanks Kate!  Excellent flavor choice.” I called out across the room.  Katie was seated at the desk with a pair of tweezers and squinting at a pile of itty bitty clothing.  

“Oh, and do be careful with my socks.  I’d hate to lose a pair!”

“Tim, my brother!  Long time no see!”

“Hey Patrick!” I said, giving my friend a quick bro hug.  “How was winter break?”

“Boring.  Got some cool stuff for Christmas, but otherwise it was super dull.  You?”

“About the same,” I answered.  It took me a couple attempts to remember the combination to my mailbox, but eventually I got it open.  “Part of the reason I went off to college was to get away from my family.  I love them, but spending five weeks back in my parents’ house was...rough.”

“I hear you, man.  Did you ever think you’d be counting down the days until school started again?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.  Have you seen my schedule?  It’s murder!”  I closed up my mailbox, tossing the junk in a nearby trashcan.  “Especially this class I’m headed to now: Differential Equations.  Ugh, I did not major in engineering because of my love for math.  And I hear that the professor is a real hard-ass.”

“Oh snap...do you have Dr. Jankowszki?  I’m a social science major and even I’ve heard of his reputation.”

“That’s the one.  He’s going to eat my soul.”

“Welp, good luck with that,” Patrick said as he gathered his things.  “Meanwhile, I’m going to my easiest class of the semester: it’s all about the sociology of Bruce Springsteen!”

“I hate you so, so much right now.  I’m not even kidding,” I said, shaking my head.  “Anyway, I’ve got to go.  I just got an email that class has been moved to Keller Hall, which is way over on the integrated campus.  I’m definitely taking the monorail if I’m going to be on time.”

Fortunately, the monorail was running on schedule today.  It was a good five minute ride to get from the Student Center to Keller Hall.  If I had decided to use the walkways and go on foot, it would have taken me at least twenty minutes.  The monorail was well worth the 25 cents.  As I sat there comfortably, I looked out the window and watched the Magnian students trudging through the snow in their heavy coats and boats trying to get to class.  I was not envious.  This was definitely one of the perks of being Parvian.  

The campus was divided into three zones: one for Parvians, one for Magnians, and one that was integrated for both.  The Magnian zone was definitely the majority of campus, for obvious reasons.  They needed multiple buildings, dormitories, cafeterias, and gymnasiums to accommodate their students.  The Parvian zone was just one building: Linden Hall.  Linden, though, was one of the most spectacular buildings on campus.  It was the size of any of the other buildings on campus, but it housed everything that Parvians needed.  If any Magnian students were allowed to take a peek inside, they would have been very jealous.  Everything about it was better: the dorm rooms, the gyms, the classrooms--I think even the food was better.  There was really no reason for us to ever leave Linden, except when we needed to go to the integrated zone for the occasional class or social gathering.  

That’s where I was headed: Keller Hall.  The Parvian students did not really like going to Keller unless they needed to.  We had nothing against it or the Magnians at all.  It was just inconvenient compared to Linden. Keller wasn’t rundown by any means, but it also wasn’t as clean or updated as Linden.  It was an older brick building that was retrofitted to make it Parvian accessible.  While all of us were used to living in a Magnian world, especially when we went off campus, it was really nice to be in Linden where everything was sized appropriately for us.  (The Wi-Fi in Linden was much faster, too.)

I exited the monorail car and made my way up the stairs to main hallway.  It was bustling with people.  Students, professors, administrators, and staff were making their way to classes and meetings for the afternoon.  From the Parvian walkways, which stood at the average Magnians’ shoulder height, one could see the numerous giant heads passing by, their faces downward as they focused on their mobile devices as they walked.  It was a similar scene within the walkways, as Parvians were even more addicted to their technology.

Outside of the classroom, I ran into a couple of guys I was in classes with last semester. I was going to chat with them a little, but they quickly rushed inside and urged me to follow.

“Get in!  It’s 1:01!  Class started a minute ago!”

Sure enough, as we walked in, the professor was already lecturing.  The other students who had arrived on time were typing away at their notes.  The lecture hall was full.  I mean this in the sense that there were only a few seats left available, when in fact, very little of the enormous room was actually occupied.  The Parvian students and the professor (also a Parvian) were on a platform that resembled a large table pushed against one wall.  There were presently no Magnians, but had there been any in the class, there were a few places for them to pull up a chair.

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I took a seat in one of the desks near the back.  I was afraid to draw attention to myself.  Dr. Jankowski was feared for his short temper and strict discipline.  If anyone interrupted him, they would be immediately ridiculed and possibly expelled from the class.  I believed myself to be safe for the moment, as he continued discussing the syllabus in detail.  However, one of my classmates was not nearly as fortunate…

Dr. Jankowski stopped mid-sentence and put his dry erase marker down, turning to the large open door.  “Well, class, look who has decided to show up: Ms. Morgan!”

A young Magnian woman was hurriedly making her way to the lecture table.  Her parka was covered in snow, which shed and softly fell to the ground as she ran.  Taking off her hood exposed a tangle of blonde curls, which she swept to the side as she apologized profusely.  “I’m so sorry!  The winter weather is terrible out there.  It took me forever to find parking and I--”

“That’s enough, Ms. Morgan.  Have a seat,” the professor said, sighing.  “I’m sure I’m not the only one here who was hoping that you wouldn’t show!  I was just about to tell the class that we would be relocating to Linden Hall on Wednesday, as our only Magnian student had dropped.”  

“Nope, I’m here!” she said, feigning a smile.  She took a seat at the table, setting her backpack on the ground by her feet.”

“Marvelous,” the professor snidely remarked.  He then turned to the Parvian students and said, “Sorry if this disappoints some of you.  But don’t worry.  I highly doubt that she will endure through the rest of the semester.”

“Excuse me?!  What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, don’t take it personally,” the professor said with a casual wave of his hand.  “It’s just statistical probability.  I’ve never had a Magnian pass one of my classes.  I have no reason to think that you’ll be the first.”

The young woman was unable to respond, her brow furrowed and her mouth slightly ajar.  Without saying anything, she just shook her head, shrugged it off, and continued to get settled for the class.  She took out her notebook and set it before her on the table.  (Half the class could have fit comfortably on it.)  She unzipped her parka and draped it behind her in the chair, revealing a modest turtleneck sweater that hugged her slim frame snuggly.  She was a pretty sight, which was nice as even sitting down, she loomed over the rest of us.  She even smelled nice.  I found myself looking at her a little too long, but quickly snapped myself back to the lecture.

Just as Ms. Morgan finished settling into position, she paused as she remembered something.  Burrowing through her backpack, she retrieved a bag of Harvest Cheddar SunChips.  Despite her efforts to open it quietly, the wrinkling and crackling resounded through the lecture hall.  The smell of powdered cheddar and fried multigrain filled the air.  

Once again, Dr. Jankowski stopped his lecture just as a loud crunch resounded through the air.  “Ms. Morgan.  What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

She stopped and looked at him, the next chip in her hand.  “Umm...eating a snack?  I didn’t have time for lunch.”  She slowly put the chip in her mouth and started munching.

“If you were here for the beginning of class when I was going through the syllabus, you would know that I absolutely prohibit food and drink in my class.  Especially Magnians!  How do you expect me to talk over the sound of your chewing?  It’s deafening!”

“I’m sorry...” she said sheepishly, putting the chips back in her bag, trying to quietly finish chewing the one chip.  It was still a quite audible crunching.  I will admit that for us Parvians, it really would have been distracting.

The professor shook his head and continued, turning his back to us and writing a set of equations on the whiteboard.  It was a “smart board” that took whatever he wrote and digitally mirrored it on the back wall of the lecture hall so that any Magnians students could actually see what he was writing without leaning over us and squinting.  Apparently, the inventors were alumni of the college and had generously donated them to all of the classrooms in Keller Hall.  This was not unusual.  Many graduates went on to be respected and successful innovators in the technology field.  It was why so many people tried to get into this school, but so few succeeded.  To be accepted to such as prestigious and competitive program was a great achievement, and I certainly consider so personally.  To actually endure the four years and graduate, though, was something even fewer people accomplished.

I looked at my watch.  Class was halfway over but it seemed like the professor’s lecture was still beginning.  Time was dragging to a standstill.  If this was any indicator of how the rest of the semester was going to be, I was not enthusiastic.  Everyone else was furiously writing notes, but I wasn’t even sure what I should be writing down.  Already I was feeling behind.  I glanced over at the Magnian girl and she, too, was scribbling away.

Rrrrggggrrrrrrrrgggggg.  A low gurgling rumble filled the air several minutes later.  Being in the back, I was close to the source and could almost feel the vibrations in my seat.

Dr. Jankowski was halfway through writing an equation, but stopped and put his marker down.  All of the students looked up from their notes to see what was stopping him.  Once again, he was interrupted by a loud rumbling peal, which resounded even longer than the first.  All of us stared at our Magnian classmate.  It was obvious that the source was Ms. Morgan, whose face was beet red with embarrassment.  The professor glared at her through squinted eyes.

“I...I told you I was hungry,” she said, clutching her famished stomach.

Dr. Jankowski methodically took off his glasses, folded them, and set them on his lectern.  He composed his words and spoke them clearly: “I hate teaching Magnians.”

The class stirred uncomfortably at this.  Ms. Morgan, upon hearing his words, could hardly believe it--and quite frankly, neither could any of us.  

“W-what?” she asked in a tone that conveyed that she was all the same time confused, upset, and offended.

“I hate teaching Magnians!” he said again for emphasis.  “I thought I was going to have a good semester until you joined the class last week.  I find it impossible to teach in such conditions.  If I had not already achieved tenure when this institution was integrated, I never would have joined the faculty here.  ‘Integration’--bah!  Magnian students are a waste of my time!”

I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing here.  We all had seen and experienced sizism from both ends of the spectrum, but never so blatant, especially from an academic figure.  I was dumbfounded and I know I wasn’t alone.  No one else was saying anything.  They just sat there in uncomfortable silence, fidgeting in their seats.  Still, something within me had to speak up, half certain that I would regret it later.  “Sir, surely you can’t mean what you’re saying…”

“Of course I mean what I’m saying!  Otherwise I would not have said it!  Magnians are a waste of my time.  They are not as intelligent as Parvians.  I don’t mean that on a subjective level.  Every technological innovation of the last century has been accomplished by Parvians.  Those smartphones you all obsessive over?  Invented by Parvians.  The Internet that it connects to?  All thanks to Tim Berners-Lee, a Parvian.  The microchip?  That one goes without saying: thank a Parvian.  The television.  The radio.  The goddamn video game!  All of it comes from Parvians.  It’s how we ever stood a chance against the titanic brutes to begin with.  Our technology has always been superior ever since they were dwelling in caves and we were under rocks.  Meanwhile, for millennia, they have contributed nothing!”  

He turned to Ms. Morgan, whose angry fingers were firmly pressed into the surface of the platform. “You will not pass this class.  Just drop it already.  Don’t waste my time or yours.”

At this, she spoke up.  If I were her, I would have been yelling, but she was still relatively composed, though obviously upset.  (Our Parvian eardrums were glad that she wasn’t shouting.)  “You may be a professor, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.  You don’t know me.  You know nothing about me!  I was valedictorian of my graduating class.  I got a perfect score on my ACTs.  I am here on a full scholarship.  And none of that was easy.  I busted my ‘big dumb Magnian’ ass to get into this program and I am going to bust my ass to get through it, whether you like it or not!”

I wanted to applaud.  The professor appeared unphased.  

“Being valedictorian of a Magnian high school in some rural backwater town doesn’t impress me.  But whatever.  I don’t care what you do.  Attend the class or drop the class.  Legally, I can’t do anything.  I am required by law to treat you just the same as a Parvian, and I will do that.”  Dr. Jankowski put his glasses back on and picked up the marker.  “But, if you do decide on continuing to attend...please be sure to fill that garage of stomach with food before you come!”

~+~+~

After class, I went to the library, since I was already in the integrated part of campus.  It was the building right next to Keller, so I decided to use my legs, taking the skyway.  It was a covered walkway that connected the second floors of each building.  My next class wasn’t for three hours, so I wasn’t in a hurry.  The exercise wouldn’t hurt me, either.

The library was fairly busy during the afternoon, though not as much as it was in the evenings.  The main floor was a commons area with computers, couches, and a cafe area with a Starbucks.  Oh, and there were books, of course, but they were mostly on the other floors.  They were Magnian in size, too, so those floors weren’t even Parvian accessible.  We had our own library in Linden.  The other areas that I mentioned before were all integrated and one of the few places on campus that were specifically designed for Magnian and Parvian students to mingle and interact.  For many students, it was a place to hangout with friends, do homework, meet with study groups, find tutoring, and of course, browse social media.

Walking in, I immediately found a group of my classmates from Dr. Jankowski’s class standing around and talking.  I had an idea what the topic of discussion was just from everyone’s posture and hand gestures.  Getting closer, I entered into the circle and listened in on the conversation.

“What...an...asshole!”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about dropping the class myself.  I’m not going to spend the next few months listening to that man.”

“He’s a really good math teacher, though.  He’s brilliant.  Just a terrible human being.  I think I’m going to stick it out.”

I chimed in with a question.  “Has anyone talked to that girl?  What was her name...Morgan?”

“Oh, you mean, Ashley?” one girl answered.  “Yeah, no.  I thought I saw her headed this way, though, so she might be in here somewhere.  I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now.  She’s really nice, actually.  We were in a study group last semester.”

Upon hearing this, I looked around to see if I could find her myself.  I didn’t know what I would say to her, but I wanted to let her know that she was supported.  As the circle dispersed as the mutual venting session ended, I went on a search to find Ashley.  I had a hunch that I knew where to find her.  I was correct.  She was in line at the Starbucks cafe.  I made my way to the counter next to her where the Parvian line was formed, next to the Magnian one.  I tried to time my entry in the line to match with her position in her own line.  Soon we were both at the front.

“Hey!” I shouted at her, trying to get her attention.  She looked around.  The Magnian barista pointed down at me.  “Hi!  I’d like to buy for you today.  Get whatever you want.”

“That’s sweet of you,” she said with a polite smile.  “But you don’t have to do that.  Besides, I’m getting more than just a drink.”

I flashed my student ID card.  “I’ve got Campus Cash.  It’s the beginning of the semester and I still have a lot of it.  Let my tuition pay for your meal!”

She laughed.  “Sure.  Thanks.  That means a lot.”

I order a simple latte for myself then had the Parvian cashier pull up her order so that I could pay for both.  Though her order was orders of magnitude greater than mine in size and mass, our shared economies made it so that it mostly evened out in the currency exchange rate.  Otherwise, I would have been out a couple hundred dollars…

“My name’s Tim,” I said as we stood waiting for our food and caffeination.

“Ashley,” she said with a quick smile and a wave.

“You probably didn’t notice, but we’re in the same math class.”

Her countenance fell as I mentioned it.  “Ugh, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize!  Jankowski’s an ass.”

“No, I’m sorry that you’re in that class, too.”

“Oh.  Yeah.  That class totally sucks and it’s only been the first day.  It’s going to be a long semester.”

“Tim!” called the barista.  “Your order is ready.  Would you like a tray?”

“Sure.”

“Here, I’ll carry it,” Ashley said, stating the obvious, as there was no way I could carry her gargantuan croissant sandwich and her caramel macchiato, which was one hundred times the size of my little latte.  I even got a venti size!  I did the math in my head.  If mine was 20 ounces, hers would have been 2000 ounces, or over 15 gallons!  “Why don’t you hop on board?”

I complied, picking up my drink from the floor of the platform-like tray.  I stood on the side opposite her drink, as the last thing I wanted was to be doused in Starbucks if some of it accidentally spilled on the way to a table.  Fortunately, she had a steady hand and we didn’t have to go very far before finding a place to sit down.  We found a relatively quiet booth in the corner of the cafe.

After being set down on the table, I quickly made my way up a spiral staircase leading to an upper deck with Parvian sized furnishings.  This was more conducive to good conversation as we were elevated closer to the Magnians’ faces and further from their plates of food.  I pulled a chair away from a table and sat down near the railing so I could talk with my classmate.

“You know, I don't think I ever went to Starbucks before going to college, but now I'm a daily regular.”

“I know, right?!” she said, warming her hands around her drink between sips. “I usually just get black coffee. But today I needed something extra….”

“You drink yours black?  Really?”

“I like my coffee like I like my Death Stars: gigantic, on the dark side, and powerful enough to destroy planets.”

I had seen that on the Internet before, but I still laughed at the reference.  “Well, you've definitely got the ‘gigantic’ part down!”

In response she giddily took a long sip of her macchiato, savored it in her mouth, then gulped it down with a satisfied mmmm.  

“So…” I said, changing the subject. “How are you not super pissed off right now? I mean, honestly, if I were you, I'd still be fuming mad after what Dr. Jank did earlier.”

“Would it help?” she asked. “Don't get me wrong: I'm upset. But it's not surprising.”

“How so?”

“I'm a female engineering major. Even if I wasn't at an integrated school, I'd been in the minority. But here, I've especially got the cards stacked against me. I'm going to have to work harder than everyone else. But I'm going to do it. Getting angry and complaining about it will only slow me down and distract me.”

“That makes sense.  I admire that.”

“Thanks. But I'm not trying to impress anyone. I'm just trying to survive.”

“Aren't we all?” I mused. “But you’re not alone. That's why I came up to you and what I wanted to tell you. You may feel like the odds are against you, but you're not alone. You've got support. Most of the Parvian students hated what happened to you this morning. We've all experienced sizism.  It's never right, no matter which direction it goes.”

“I...really appreciate that.  To be honest, I was wondering a little what the others students were thinking.  I know that you had to move to Keller because of me and that was an inconvenience.  Then I caused a disruption on my first day.”

“Uhh, do you think you’re the only one who rushed to class without eating lunch?  I heard a couple other stomachs rumbling.  Yours just happened to be the loudest.”

Rrrrggggrrrrrrrrgggggg.  Ashley’s stomach responded as if on cue.  Once again, I saw her face turn a shade of red.

“Ok, I’m sorry.  I swear I’ve been been listening, but I’ve also been staring at this sandwich this whole time and I’m going to have to eat it immediately,” she said, hastily grabbing the turkey and cheese croissant from the tray.  A small flurry of flakes fell from the croissant and onto her plate as her hands lifted it up toward her mouth.  Another shower of crumbs fell from her mouth as she made a sizeable bite into her lunch.

“Oh, go ahead!” I said with a laugh, “Please, I know you’re starving.”

Ashley said nothing until after she had taken a few more bites.  Before long, half of the sandwich had been consumed.  Meanwhile, I sat drinking my latte and checked a few notifications on my phone, trying not to stare at her as she ate.  Watching Magnians eat was always an impressive sight.  Even a young college girl like her could wolf down a semi-truck sized sandwich as if it were nothing.  

“So I was thinking,” I said, “this class is going to be super tough.  And like I said, we’re not alone.  I don’t know about you, but I could use a study buddy.  What do you think?”

Ashley paused, wiping her mouth with a napkin and swallowing her last bite.  She then nodded.  “Yeah.  That’s a really good idea.  Did you look at the syllabus yet?  Our first exam is in three weeks!  And we’ve got four of them this semester!  Each exam is worth 15% of our grade.”

“You’re kidding me,” I said in shock.  “I hate exams.  I hate, hate, hate them!”

“You’re not alone,” she replied with a wink.  “Want to meet up this weekend?  We can review each other’s notes from the week.”

“Let’s do it.”

Ashley and I exchanged each other’s phone numbers and planned our first study session for Saturday.  I knew this was going to be a tough semester, but I was glad to have a new friend with whom I could at least commiserate.  I liked her.  Our conversation flowed naturally.  This early on, I wasn’t anticipating being anything other than platonic study partners, but I could see the possibility of a good friendship forming between us.  Perhaps we could be even more than that?  I didn’t know.  I wasn’t even going to let my mind wander there at this point.  But just from our first conversation with together, I was feeling more confident about life.  It would be a tough semester, yeah...but I had a good feeling that it was going to be a good semester.