Semi-mandatory disclaimer (my imaginary lawyer, Izzy Serious, insists on it): "Ray Venn" is an original character of mine that was loosely inspired by Mr_G's "Sizechanger" stories. Most other characters and concepts are the intellectual property of Johnny Scribe, Openhighhat, DXM, and Mr_G.

* * * * *

I was born Raymond Van Helsing.

Yean, yeah! Just like the guy who staked Dracula back in the late 19th century. Only I don't look _anything_ like Peter Cushing or Hugh Jackman. In fact, I'd say I have a greater resemblance to a young, brown-haired John Karlen. As in, the original "Willie Loomis" from the original DARK SHADOWS?

Anyway, after spending the Vietnam War in Okinawa as a USAF Security Policeman, my dad (Rodney "Dutch" Van Helsing from Holland, Michigan) decided to follow in all his forefathers' footsteps. Hunting vampires the world over. With his first assignment involving a spate of mysterious disappearances from the famous New York City toy store, FAO Schwartz. And, with said disappearances having one thing in common.

Night shift cleaning staff who were well-documented checking in for work. But, not so much with regard to checking out at the end of their shifts.

Dad spent a whole year there, posing as a night watchman named "Rod Venn," before the vampire in question finally rose to the bait. The only trouble was, his plan almost worked _too_ well. He almost became another one of that vampire's victims, himself!

Fortunately, for him, a smitten woman named Kundalina had been following him around on his job for those same twelve months. Not just any woman, though. But, a "doll-clubber!" A sizechanger, from the parallel-world called Sizeloa, who belonged to a sub-culture that liked to live in doll houses and play with lonely Earth children.

Kundalina retrieved my dad's Swiss army knife from where he had dropped it (in the initial attack); she flicked open its cutting blade; and then used her size-changing power to gigantize the whole thing to the same proportions as a medieval broadsword! One "whoosh/thunk" later, that vampire (one of a subspecies colloquially known as "sizevamps") was a pair of charcoal-gray piles of ash. The larger pile representing her former body...and the smaller one, her former head.

As I'm sure you've guessed by now, Kundalina nursed my dad back to health. Eventually becoming Mrs. Van Helsing, and my mom, in that order. And, as a mixed blessing of his near-fatal attack, I inherited both her powers and the sizevamp's.

Two qualities that helped me become a private detective on my dad's home world after my exile from Sizeloa.

Here, though, I'm known as Ray Venn. Partly because, as a kid, I had often been mockingly referred to (by "pure-blooded" Sizeloan kids) as "Raven" Helsing. Due to my friendship with a Corvus ossifragus I had named Edgar Allen Crow, after raising him from the orphan I had found him as during a Nusi Academy field trip to the Mystery Hill region of New Hampshire.

Anyway; I had just finished mailing off my annual p.i. license renewal fee, to Albany, when I got a phone call from an ex-client.

"Ray? This is J-Rog."

I felt my eyebrows arch in pleasant surprise. "Jolly Roger" was the screen name used by the owner/editor of "Theparanoidsareright.com" Probably the biggest conspiracy theory website on the planet! And, the last I had heard, he had become the proud father of twenty GTS-demigoddesses by the beauteous Sizae-onna (the patron GTS-sea goddess of the Sizeloan archipelago called the Size Islands).

"Nice to hear from you, dude! What are you doing back on Terra Firma?"

"I might have a case for you, Ray. I know how you feel about the Sitmobtia and their human-pet trafficking. And, I think they might be up to their old tricks. But, with a new twist, so as to avoid detection and intervention by Sizeloan authorities."

"What do you mean?"

"There's been a wave of UFO sightings around the world, recently. A gigantic, cigar-shaped UFO, to be exact! And, wherever the sightings have occurred, someone's gone missing. The most recent disappearance involving a polytechnical prodigy who was mountaineering in the French Alps. You might have heard of him; Dr. Niall Freeman?"

I felt my eyes bulge like an anime character.

"The boy wonder who invented the world's first successful cold fusion reactor? Everybody this side of the Amish has heard of him! But, how come his name didn't make the news?"

"The French think tank that currently employs him managed to keep it out of the press. The only reason I know about it, at all, is because one of his co-workers is one of my subscribers. Screen-name 'Perry Meson.' "

I told him the truth: "While I admit this sounds like a typical Sitmobtia snatch, I'm not sure what good I could do you, overseas. After all, I'm only licensed to privately investigate in this country!"

"That certainly didn't stop you when you did all that interdimensional world-hopping on _my_ behalf," he reminded me.

"Okay, okay," I chuckled: "You got me. I just wanted to be sure you weren't the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE type of client."

"You mean, disavowal-of-your-captured-ass and all that jazz? Forget it, Ray. I don't do that to my friends. Ever!"

"Then, you've got yourself a gumshoe."

* * * * *

MEANWHILE, ON THE ISLAND OF GOD-TEACHERS...

"You're at it, again, I see," observed Mr. G.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," replied Racym Iocc (with as much sincere innocence as he could fake).

"Everytime you've started this type of story, you always declare there won't be a second chapter. And, yet, more often than not, you've knuckled under and done far more than two! So, why are you employing the same old tired reverse-psychology?"

Racym Iocc grinned and shrugged.

"Doctrine of Limited Interference, remember? Those Who Lurk Behind the Fourth Wall must decide for themselves whether or not this story will go on! And, if the curious among them raise the viewer count to greater than one hundred (plus, the reviewer count to greater than zero)? I might regard that as tacit permission to continue."

Mr. G rubbed the palms of his hands together, with anticipatory glee.

"Mind if I sit, and wait to see, with you, then?"

"Not at all!"

tbc

* * * * *

I had to admit, if only to myself, I was a little mystified by what J-Rog had told me. You see, normally, the Sitmobtia went in for speed and subtlety when it came to their slave raids. Hence, their use of small, two-person dimension hoppers, which are normally (if facetiously) shaped like saucers with the accompanying cups upside-down on top of them.

And, being sizechangers, the pilot and co-pilot of a DH don't usually require a giant-sized vessel. They merely shrink all their captives down to an inch, or less, in height!

Anyway, the first thing I did was to log on to "Theparanoidsareright.com" and search for "Perry Meson." When I found several of his most recent entries, on the subject of UFO's, I decided to catch his attention with something that I was sure would prove enticing.

"Hey, Perry! Wanna know the truth behind the Kecksburg Crash? E-mail me @ iPry.com."

Twenty-four hours later, I got a response via instant message.

"RU serious?"

"More than Frank & Ernest, put 2-gether," I typed back: "But, I can't risk telling U on-line. Where can we meet?"

"How about the bistro atop the iFul?" he/she replied.

"Noon GMT?" I suggested.

"Magnifique!" Perry Meson affirmed.

After mutually signing off, I checked my watch. It read 6:46 P.M./EDT. So, if England was five hours ahead of that, and if France was one hour ahead of Greenwich Mean Time, then it would be quarter of one in the morning, in Paris, right this instant. Which, in turn, meant that if I was to be at the restaurant atop the Eiffel Tower by one o'clock tomorrow afternoon, French time, I'd have to warp out of New York no later than five minutes before seven, tomorrow morning, our time!

So, Ed and I naturally went to bed, early. When my alarm clock started beeping at 6:15 A.M., I hurried as much as I could in freshening up and getting dressed.

"Ready to go, Ed?" I asked him, thirty minutes later.

"Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!" he cawed.

"Well, too dang bad," I replied: "We've got a case."

Whereupon, I opened the window sill of my apartment; brought Ed over to it; and, then, shrank down to one inch in height. Small enough to ride on the back of his neck! And, when we had reached a sufficiently high altitude, I pressed a secret stud on my "Grolex" watch. Activating the crosstime warp that would allow us to make the quickest non-stop flight to Paris since the invention of the SST Concorde!!

We emerged in much brighter daylight, which disoriented both me and Ed for about a microsecond. Then, we adjusted. Ed touching down on a stairway railing about three flights below the observation deck. You see, most tourists visiting the Eiffel Tower usually use the elevator. So, I was able to jump off Ed's neck, and re-enlarge, on a perfectly vacant landing.

The head waiter came up to me, at the entrance to the restaurant, and asked if he could help me. Now, if I had been a normal tourist, he would have taken one look at my usual ensemble (black leather jacket; matching slacks and shoes; and gray Gatsby cap) and promptly ignored me. But, I have the vampiric power of telepathic hypno-suggestion. So, I made him think he was looking at a rich American, in a designer business suit, while telling him my name and confirming my reservation for two.

"Ah, oui! Right this way, M'sieur Venn."

I sat down at a relatively private table in the upper right corner of the restaurant, and told the head waiter I was expecting my guest at the top of the hour.

"Tres bien, m'sieur! I will (as they say on television americain) keep my eyes peeled."

The man was as good as his word. Promptly at 1:00 P.M./UTC+1, the head waiter brought "Perry Meson" to my table. And, I could not help staring.

Because, the latter was a beautiful blue-eyed blonde whose hair was longer than her sleeveless black dress (with matching high heels). And, a pair of eye glasses that only served to accentuate her looks, rather than detract from them!

"You're 'Perry Meson?' " I exclaimed, unintentionally belaboring the obvious.

She laughed: "Nee Paula Drake! Professor of quantum physics. And, you are...?"

"Raymond Venn," I replied, shaking her proffered hand: "Alias iPry."

We both sat down, before getting to the main topic of discussion.

"So!" she began: "How long have you been a UFO investigator?"

"Since before I even opened my own detective agency," I replied: "And, how long did you have to wait before reporting Niall Freeman's disappearance to Jolly Roger?"

Sammy the Singing Bass couldn't have opened his mouth any wider.

"How on Earth...?"

Before she could go on with that inevitable first question, she was interrupted by the alarmed cawing of Edgar Allen Crow. Which was subsequently followed by a series of vibrations that started out as very small. But, which gradually increased to the level of a minor L.A. earth tremor.

Several of the other people started screaming at this point. I merely jumped to my feet. Instinctively dropping my sartorial illusion, and quick-drawing my nine millimeter Smith & Wesson Model 39, at the same time! For all the good the latter did me. Because, the next thing I knew, there was a bright flash of white light. And, when my vision finally cleared? I heard a jovial female voice (which was decidedly _not_ Paula's) exclaiming:

"Welcome to the Titan Station Duty-free Gift Shop! How might I help you?"

tbc???

* * * *

The first thing I noticed is that I appeared to be in a stainless steel coffin. And, believe me; I had heard all kinds of sizevamp-and-coffin jokes when I was at Nusi Academy!

Then, I noticed the square piece of plexiglass just above my head. So, I instantly knew this must be some kind of cryostatic transport pod, similar to that used by the Sitmobtia. Except, it wasn't cold inside. And, believe me; I know cold. Because my metabolic temperature is considerably below 98.6! Requiring me to wear a black leather jacket even during the dog days of summer in Manhattan!!

In any event, since I was now wide awake, I decided to use my size-changing power to outgrow this pod.

A minute later, I was free. Though, my nervousness made the noise of the metal shattering sound so much louder than it probably really was that I knelt on one knee. Prepared to instantly grow ten feet tall, and come out fighting. You see, my dad had personally tutored me in kajukenbo and goju-ryu karate during my summer vacations away from the academy.

Yet, nobody came running to see what had happened. So, I slowly stood all the way up and looked around. Noticing right away that there were other stainless steel transport pods surrounding me. Each one containing a person who appeared to be peacefully asleep. Before I could do anything to help them, though, I heard that female voice again.

"Welcome to the Titan Station Duty-free Gift Shop. How may I help you?"

"I understand you have some confiscated humans for sale?" replied another (and younger-sounding) female voice.

"Oh, yes! Station security caught some Kzzz'thn'x smugglers, right in the act. And, naturally, repatriation of the humans is impossible. So, the poor things have been given to us, in the hopes that we can find good homes for them."

"May I see what you have available?" asked the younger female.

"Certainly!" replied the older female: "Right this way."

Call it a premonition, if you want. But, I sensed, right away, that it would be a bad idea for these two women to catch me out in the open. So, I hid behind the stasis pod to my right...by shrinking down to my absolute limit of half an inch tall. And, just in time, too!

Because the two women arrived at that very moment. The older one being rather plump with curly silver hair, black-rimmed eye glasses, and a long-sleeved black dress. While the younger one appeared to be Hawaiian, with purple-tinted black hair cut in what used to be known as the "Dorothy Hamill salad bowl" style. And, as she was wearing a blue blazer over a white blouse (with some kind of white logo on the blazer's left-hand lapel), I could only assume that she was some kind of prep school girl. Which, in turn, could only mean some kind of rich kid. Possibly, spoiled.

Lord knows there had been plenty of those at Nusi Academy, as well!

There was a long pause in between the sales lady's inquiry--as to whether or not the youngster saw anything she liked--and the latter's reply.

"This one! The one in the sleeveless black dress. She has such lovely golden hair, she could pass for one of those captive princesses from one of my nanny's old bedtime stories!"

"An excellent choice," replied the sales lady: "Will that be cash or charge?"

"Charge, please."

"Certainly! Shall we go up to the register, then?"

The two women walked away. Leaving me to resume my normal size and, thereby, affording me a clearer glimpse of them. The younger one, in particular! The sales lady appeared to be one hundred fifty feet tall. While the youngster (whose blue-and-gold plaid skirt confirmed her to be a preppie) was about fifteen feet shorter. And, since the latter had mentioned her intended purchase as wearing a sleevless black dress, I decided to follow her. As I knew only one other person who had been wearing such an outfit at the time of my "white out."

Professor Paula Drake; a.k.a. "Perry Meson!"

Having made up my mind, I jumped off the shelf I had finally seen I was standing on...and enlarged myself to my absolute maximum (one hundred and one feet) before I hit the floor. The moment I stood up, though, I noticed something peculiar.

I practically leaped off ground like a basketball player on steroids!

"Whoa!" I thought to myself, as I narrowly avoided hitting the ceiling): "Wherever this Titan Station is, they must have lighter gravity than on Earth."

You see, I was operating on the assumption that the Sitmobtia had taken us (my fellow captives and I) to the solar sytem of a parallel-Earth. And, that we might be aboard a space station orbiting Luna, Mars, or maybe even Saturn (seeing as how this was called "Titan Station")! So, I gingerly made my way to the front of the store. And, let me tell you; it was a weird feeling seeing both those women tower over me.

"There you go, Miss Gruja. I hope the two of you will be very happy, together."

The pretty young preppie blushed and thanked her. Then, she left the store. I made to follow her...only for the sales lady to finally notice me.

"Oh!" she exclaimed: "I'm sorry, young man. I didn't see you come in."

"Not to worry, ma'am," I replied (with a reassuring smile): "We hypo-thyroid types get used to that, real fast."

"Can I help you find anything?"

"Not today. Thanks, anyway."

I tipped my gray cap, to emphasize my gratitude. Then, I exited the store, as fast as possible. Trying to use the lighter gravity of this place to my advantage, by leaping and bounding like John Carter of Mars, in order to catch up with my quarry. And, yet, at the same time, trying to appear casual about it!

When I finally accomplished the latter, I got my second shock of the day.

She was standing in line at what was clearly a departure gate. Only the sign above it wasn't printed in English, Gromanian, Sizeloan, or any other language I had studied at Nusi Academy. In other words?

I was aboard a space station of literally extra-terrestrial origin!

tbc

* * * * *

For the first five or ten seconds, it was mind-blowing.

I mean, sure: I'd been to a whole bunch of parallel-Earths. But, they'd still been _versions_ of Earth, just the same. Now, I was aboard a space station filled with people who looked like uncredited extras from a MEN IN BLACK sequel. Including giant humans who made _me_ look like a midget, even at my maximum height!

Then, the line at the departure gate started moving again. Which, in addition to immediately snapping me back to reality, also afforded me a closer look at young Miss Gruja.

The prep school she went to evidently had a semi-formal dress code, as she was wearing dark blue translucent pantyhose with white sneakers! Either that; or this was as wild as she got when vacationing away from school. Whatever her usual demeanor, I had to get aboard that space liner (or whatever the locals called it) and follow her.

The only question was how. Because, the next thing I noticed (after her admittedly cute ensemble) was the male and female security guards electronically scanning everyone passing through the gate. I don't know what kind of contraband they might be searching for. But, I would be a fool to think they wouldn't detect good old Smitty!* So, I looked around for other potential passengers who might have bought themselves a new "pet."

That's when I spotted her.

She was about twenty feet taller than me, with black hair kept in a pony-tail. Plus, a pair of eye glasses that looked more like terrestrial safety goggles. And, the sleeveless white mini-dress she was wearing was (more or less) offset by matching thigh-high boots. In short?

She looked like Emma Peel of the Avengers...caught half way between tennis and go-go dancing.

More importantly for me, though, was the white purse dangling loosely off of her left wrist. The idea that suddenly occurred to me was going to be risky. Yet, I couldn't think of any other way off this space station! So, I carefully sauntered up to this woman...

...and then broke into a run after grabbing her purse.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" she screamed: "Stop! Thief! That man just stole my purse!"

I have to give them credit. The resident security guards were quick to respond. And, I knew that a second contingent would be headed straight for me, to help my pursuers box me in. Still, I had just enough of a head start that, when I came to what I interpreted to be a multi-species rest room, I ducked inside.

My hunch was right. There were lavatorial stalls all over the place. I ducked inside the nearest unoccupied one, and locked the door. Following which, I hopped up on the toilet in a crouching position. Then, I opened up the stolen purse...

...and vaulted inside the moment I shrank back down to normal size.

Only half the objects inside were familiar-looking to me. I guess some aspects of womanhood are a multi-versal constant. Anyway, I hid behind the biggest object I could find. And, just in time, too. Because, based on the thunderclap that made me cover my ears, one of my pursuers must have shot off the lock to the stall!

Sure enough, I felt the purse lifted off the floor and taken back to its owner.

"Did you catch him? Did you catch him?!" was the first thing I heard her excitedly ask.

"No, ma'am. Somehow, he gave us the slip. But, he did drop your purse in the process! Please, accept it back with our profoundest apologies."

"Oh, thank you-thank you-thank you!" she gushed.

Then, came a voice over the station P.A. system.

"Last boarding call for 'Pride of Archavia.' Departing from Gate 11 in one minute."

"That's me! That's me! Can I go now, please?"

"Of course, ma'am," replied the security guard: "And, please accept this half-off coupon, for our duty-free gift shop, for whenever your next visit to Titan Station might be."

The next thing I knew (based on the earthquake that rocked the contents of the purse), we were boarding the space liner at a dead run.

tbc

* * * * *

"Ladies and gentlemen? This is your chief flight attendant speaking! We will be arriving at Archavia Interstellar Spaceport in ten minutes. Please, put your bio-degradable trays into the recyclotrons next to you, and begin fastening your safety harnesses for the deceleration. We hope you enjoyed your flight home. And, we thank you for flying Imperial Spaceways in the first place!"

That little piece of corporate propaganda woke me up from the boredom-induced nap I had taken, soon after take-off. I got up and stretched the kinks out of my back and neck muscles. Then, I reached into the right inner pocket of my black leather jacket and removed a small flashlight.

Clicking it on, I checked my Grolex watch. The red LED numbers revealed that I had been asleep for five hours. Before I could grasp the enormity of how fast this spacecraft had been traveling, I fell on my keester. The result of the spacecraft slowing down!

Five minutes later, I could get up again. Only to fall down a second time as the purse was lifted up by my unwitting hostess! I was then jostled about with the rest of the contents as she walked off to whatever was the local equivalent of baggage claim.

After that, I heard lots of people (including my hostess) shouting: "Cabbie! Cabbie!"

"Yes, ma'am! Where to?"

She gave him some geopolitical coordinates that meant nothing to me. Following which, we were off.

Twenty minutes later, I felt us slow down. The cabbie quoted a figure when she asked what the fare was. And, realizing that she would next reach into the purse for the payment, I shrank myself down to one inch tall!

Just in time, too.

"Whew!" I thought to myself, as her fingers reascended with her wallet: "I've got to remember these people are natural-born giants, even when I'm normal human-sized."

Five minutes after that, I felt the purse being thrown through the air and landing on something bouncy. Most likely, my hostess' bed! Then, I heard a shrill beeping noise...which turned out to be the local equivalent of the telephone.

"Hello? Oh, hi, Sylvee! Yes, I just got in, this minute. No, it was the same old stuff. Well, can I help it if the Gruja kid behaves like anyone else's? It's not like she's Pryvani Whatserface! Alright, fine! I'll bring over the holocam flashdrive after I get everything squared away. See you, then."

"Gruja?" I thought to myself.

Then, I remembered. That was the surname of the boarding school girl who had bought Paula Drake! Evidently, my hostess was some kind of paparazzo (or, is that "mamarazzo?"). And, she had been following the youngster around getting surreptitious photographs...or holographs...or whatever.

Fifteen minutes later (by which point I had resumed my normal human size), I heard my hostess call for another cab. I then felt the purse lifted once more. Three minutes after that, I heard her get in the cab and tell the driver her destination.

"PLANETARY CHRONICLE, please."

tbc

* * * * *

At the end of the cab ride, my hostess paid her fare and evidently entered the building where she worked. Because, suddenly there were lots of loud voices entering the purse. Muffled by Archavian standards, maybe. But, audible to me, just the same. About five or six minutes later, I heard the tell-tale sound of a metallic drawer being slid open. Following which, the purse I was in was obviously deposited at the bottom of it. Because, once again, the contents and I bounced around upon impact!

Good thing my dad had taught me all those judo falls.

Anyway, the drawer slid shut again, and the voices from outside the purse became even more muffled. And, that's when I saw my chance!

Using everything I had learned at Nusi Academy, I enlarged myself at a much slower rate than usual. Consequently, I think I was about eight human feet all when my gradual increase in height and mass caused the hinges of the purse to pop open. Whereupon, I finally rolled free of its interior!

Getting out of the drawer, however, would be a bit trickier. First of all, I was in a public work place. And, secondly, I was technically an illegal immigrant.

[You might even say an "illegal alien," if you want to stoop to making corny puns about it.]

Then, I had an idea. Like the stunt I had used to get off Titan Station, it would be risky. But, the way I figured it; if this planet was Earth-like enough to have news media, then they might also have forms of entertainment similar to ours. So, I sat down and assumed a yoga lotus position. Once more gradually enlarging myself...until I had become big enough to push open this drawer from the inside.

"What the...?" my hostess began to say.

Followed immediately by: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

In that moment, I quickly vaulted out of the drawer. Accelerating my resumption of giant size, in the process! And, when I was once again 101 feet tall? I used my power of telepathic suggestion to make me look like a stereotypical Earth magician.

Top hat, tuxedo, and all!

"Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! I am the Great Ravenini. Illusionist extraordinaire. Soon to be appearing at a theater near you."

I then flourished my imaginary cape, and ran for the nearest stairwell exit, before somebody could contact the in-house security. By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, at the ground floor, I had long since shut off my telepathy so that everybody else would see just another averagely dressed civilian heading out the main entrance.

That was when I got my first real look at Beautiful Downtown Archavia City (or whatever its local name was).

Trying not to look like a typical first-time tourist, I gazed as intermittenly as possible at my surroundings. And, it would be safe for me to say that these people were definitely more advanced than Earth in that they had flying cars. Of all shapes and sizes. But, neither had they yet reached the point where they could pass for Coruscant's identical twin! For one thing, the area I was walking through looked more like Mid-town Manhattan.

Complete with open-air phone kiosks. Something I regarded as a good thing. You see, maybe I had watched one too many spy movies, when I was a kid. But, the first and only time I had ever used a full-scale glass phone booth? I kept looking over my shoulder, to see if any black Cadillac sedans were coming to run me down!

In any event, I picked up the cordless receiver and looked over all the push buttons on the rectangular carriage. Subsequently pressing the one that looked like it might connect me with a switchboard operator.

And, luckily for me, I was right.

"T T & T!* How might I help you?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm looking for the number of a certain public library. But, I misplaced the paper on which I had written it down. Could you give me the street address of the library nearest to this kiosk?"

"Certainly, sir!"

After a brief pause, she came back on the line.

"I'm sorry, sir. But, the nearest library to your current location is not a public one. That would be the campus library of Tannhauser Gate University. Could I assist in you some other way?"

"No thank you. You've already been a bigger help to me than you'll ever know."

"Why, thank you, sir! And, do have a good day!"

"Tannhauser Gate University, huh?" I thought to myself: "Great! What better place to learn about this new planet I'm on than a school?"

And, with that, I began trying to hail one of those flying cabs.

tbc

* * * * *

I tried but failed. Fortunately, it was a relatively short walk, for someone who was giant-size. Just three or four city blocks. But, I still had a pretty extensive campus to cross! Luckily for me, the gravity of this planet was somewhat lighter than Earth's. Perhaps somewhere between that of Mars and Luna. In any case, I saved myself some travel time by putting a (hopefully inconspicuous) spring in my step.

And, it paid off. I finally reached the campus library of Tannhauser Gate University.

At first glance, it seemed no different than an American library, back home. A centrally located main desk, surrounded by diverse sections of books and non-print media geared to different types and ages of people. It was while I was giving everything the proverbial "once-over" that I was approached by one of the younger staff members. A female one, at that!

She was a rather pretty blue-eyed blonde, wearing a very officious black blazer with matching midi-skirt and shoes. And, with her hair pony-tailed. As to her height? Well, if we were on Earth, I'd say she was about four inches taller than me. So, if my normal height was five feet/seven inches, she'd be 6'1".

In any event, her first question was the inevitable one.

"May I help you, sir?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, uhm..."

I looked at her name tag.

"...Lyroo! Could you show me how to use the computers, here?"

Her eyebrows arched in amazement.

"You've never used a library computer, before?!"

I shrugged: "Not since the ones at my hometown library had to be discontinued due to budget cuts."

I have to give her credit. She allowed incredulity to show on her face for only a micro-second. Then, she was once more the stalwart professional.

"Well, if you'll follow me, I can give you a quick refresher, over here, on this terminal."

Suffice it to say that Archavian library computers had voice-interface capability just like the starship computers on STAR TREK. So, with only five minutes of tutelage, plus a hands-on demonstration, I was soon surfing the Archavian equivalent of the World-Wide Web. Allowing a satisfied Lyroo to return to her in-house duties.

"Computer," I asked (now that I was safely alone): "Find me the latest news on a celebrity named Gruja."

Almost immediately, there were abstract references to a man named Bruno Gruja. Following the first half-dozen up, I eventually discovered that he was the Archavian equivalent of a rock star! And, that he'd been entertaining teenage Titans for the past twenty planetary years.

[Oh! Did I forget to mention that I'd had Lyroo give me the general history of this planet, as part of her tutorial? That's how I knew that Archavia's sun was a red giant. That the natives referred to themselves as Titans. And, that their aging process was a whole lot slower than most Earthlings!]

I then inquired about Gruja's children, if any. It turns out that he had one daughter, Lihsah, by the second of his three wives. And she was presently attending TGU as a music major.

So, after that, I naturally when to the TGU website. So, I could learn where the students resided on campus. Consequently, I learned that TGU's leading sorority was Omega Mega House. The Archavian initials for which were identical to those I'd seen on Lihsah's blazer back on Titan Station!

For the first time since my reawakening, I felt a ray of hope was shining down on me. Unfortunately, that ray was literally eclipsed, a second later, by four shadows that enveloped both me and the computer terminal.

"Move it, Shorty! This work station is for upper classmen, only."

tbc

* * * * *

Slowly, I turned; shaking my head in the process. Only on a world like this could a giant one hundred and one feet tall be disparaged with the nickname "Shorty!"

As I concluded my one hundred eighty degree swivel, I saw four young men (or, at least, ten years younger than me), wearing light sweaters dyed to match the school colors. And, with the college's initials on the right-hand lapel.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, putting a hand to my right ear as if I were half-deaf.

To which the shortest of the four (a youngster with red curly hair and black-rimmed eyeglasses) replied:

"You heard him. Make like an autumnal deciduous dicot, and leave!"

"Oh, great," I thought to myself: "Even the botany nerds pick on those smaller than themselves, here!"

Slowly, I stood up and faced them. I was about twelve inches shorter than the tallest of the four. So, if we were on Earth, he'd be about seven feet/one inch to my 6'1"! Whereas, the botany major would be about 6'3".

"You 'gentlemen' (and I use that term, loosely) are obviously under the impression that I'm a freshman on this campus. And, you could not be more wrong! So, please, find another terminal to use before I lodge a complaint with the nearest librarian."

The tallest one grinned.

"I don't care who you are! But, you obviously don't know who _we_ are!! Or, you wouldn't be stupid enough to talk to us like that."

"You're the one who provoked me into arguing over a computer work station," I countered: "So, if there were a letter sweater for stupidity, I'd say you're the one most deserving of it! And, wouldn't that make Daddy proud?"

I could tell right away that my amateur psychoanalysis had hit a nerve. Because this guy was obviously used to being catered to, around here. Probably due to his father being some big wealthy alumnus! In any event, his facial expression went from open-mouthed shock to teeth-gritting anger as he ordered his two slightly shorter flunkies to "show" me out.

The jock to his left tried to put his left hand on my right shoulder. I intercepted it with a right-handed wrist lock while using my left hand to grab him by his shirt collar. I then swung him around in a clockwise semi-circle and flung him into the third jock. Sending both of them to the floor, one on top of the other!

The collective gasp issued by all the on-lookers was almost deafening; the acoustics were that good in the library.

"Your turn," I told the self-appointed leader: "Or, would you rather wisely beat a discrete retreat?"

His only response was to try and give me a right-footed kick to my gonads!! I saw it coming, though, and gripped his ankle in both hands. Using his weight and momentum to turn his leg to my right, so that he flipped over in mid-air...

...and crashed flat on his face, as a result.

That's when Botany Boy tried to get in on the act. I heard the tell-tale "popping" sound of a plastic cover being removed, and saw him beginning to aim something tube-shaped in the direction of my eyes! Not knowing if something worse than peppers grew on this world, I used my gray Gatsby cap as a left-handed shield. While I used my right hand to give him a shuto chop on his right wrist. Thereby, disarming Botany Boy of the tube.

All this in less time than it takes to tell.

The next thing I knew, someone was yelling for security. Convincing me (most ironically) to act on Botany Boy's advice, after all!!

tbc

* * * * *

In retrospect, I suppose I over-reacted.

After all; I had used some of my telepathic mojo to make Lyroo accept my "budget-cut" alibi with only a slight amount of dubiosity. Why couldn't I have worked the same Jedi-style mind trick on these scholastic snobs?

Because, like it or not, there are some emotional wounds that time can _never_ heal. Some things (no matter how seemingly petty) that are neither forgettable nor forgiveable. And, chief among them, in my case, was the amount of verbal and emotional abuse I'd endured from the Sizeloan "pure-bloods" at Nusi Academy.

I had incessantly kow-towed to them because the Masterchemi had forbidden fighting (either physically or via our powers) anywhere on the campus. But, of course, I wasn't at Nusi Academy, anymore. Frig! I wasn't even on Earth!!

So, as calmly as possible, I told the library staff there was no need to call security. I would see myself out. Which I did...despite their polite and puzzled protestations to the contrary.

You see, even if I were ruled as legitimately defending myself, I'd still have to go on record with my name and local address. And, as I naturally lacked the latter, the Archavian police were bound to arrest me as either a vagrant, a material witness, or both!

Anyway, I fast-walked out of the library with the aid of this planet's lighter gravity. Once outside, I switched to a mild jog and headed in the direction of Omega Mega House. Again, trying to keep my pace as casual as possible. Yet, once again, my good luck failed to hold out.

"Sir," someone behind me called out: "Sir! Halt! Campus security!"

My jog became a flat-out run.

Immediately, there were screams of shock and astonishment as my pursuers (wearing the same golden-brown outfits as the guards on Titan Station) began trying to catch up to me. But, I not only had lighter gravity on my side. I also had the unique obstacle-course training that comes from living and working in New York City!

I leap-frogged over hedges; jumped over green benches; anything that might obstruct or delay the security guards, I made use of it. Until, finally, it worked. I reached my destination well ahead of them.

I didn't just barge into the main lobby of the sorority house, though. Oh, no! I ran a little bit further on. To a very large tree right behind the sorority house, in fact. And, when I reached its roots?

I jumped straight up into its branches!

I climbed up as high as I could go, among them, at my giant size. Then, when I judged the foliage was thick enough, I shrank myself back down to normal human-size...and waited.

Sure enough; most of my pursuers surrounded the tree while a few of them got an aluminum ladder (or, at least, ir resembled aluminum) and climbed up after me. I have to confess: it was pretty difficult not laughing out loud at their "WTF" expressions when they couldn't find me!

Still, this was not the time to get cocky. So, when the security guards in the lower branches started whipping out the same kind of scanners I'd seen on Titan Station, I shrank down even farther. To about one Earthly foot tall. At that size, Archavia's lighter gravity whould allow me to jump and leap even greater distances.

You see, I had spotted someone who might be able to get me into Omega Mega House unawares. A young woman with blonde hair longer than her skirt. A young woman wearing the same kind of sweater as those jocks who had tried to mess with me at the library. A young woman carrying text books in her right arm...and a net-like bag of multi-colored confetti in her left.

In short? I had spotted a giant cheerleader. And, getting as much of a running start as possible, I leaped right out of the tree in her direction! Unfortunately, for me, I had misjudged the distance. Consequently, instead of landing atop her golden head of hair, I went wide to my right,...

...and landed in her pom-poms.

[The bag of confetti, you pervs! NOT her cleavage!!]

tbc

* * * * *

"Are you switching to omniscient author mode, now?" asked Mr. G.

Racym Iocc shrugged and nodded.

"Why not? Louis L'Amour rightfully did so, whenever he wanted to depict a plot-twisting situation in some of his Western novels. A situation simultaneously occurring elsewhere, from the main action. Yet, one that the 19th century first-person narrator couldn't possibily know about!"

"And, what manner of exposition requires this temporary digression?"

Iocc grinned: "Watch and see."

* * * * *

Artura Lamrev watched the holographic replay from Titan Station, one more time. Then, she played back the holo-feed from the offices of the PLANETARY CHRONICLE. In both instances, the individual was the same.

"Now, show me the feed from the security cameras at the TGU campus library."

The holographic replay showed four upper classmen having their dupahs handed to them by the same mystery man from the other two holo-feeds.

"Any idea what started the altercation?" she asked her raven-haired male assistant.

Barco Lounjah gave a lop-sided smile as he consulted his notes.

"They wanted to upload a snuff-holo on to the Grid! Adopted contraband humans being fed to an Archavian bug-trap belonging to one Zootah Suwet. A botany major trying to get in good with the inner circle of Rho Alpha Tower. That's him! The one with the red hair and chunka spray."

"Heh!" snorted his brunette boss: "His opponent fights well enough to be ImpSec! Although, he'd never make it past the minimum height requirement, of course."

Barco agreed...before half-seriously adding that the Titanic Intelligence Agency might not be so picky.

"Him?!" Lamrev exclaimed: "An undercover man for the TIA?"

"Well, he certainly eluded our people at the university like one. They scanned every inch of that tree. Branch by branch. No sign of any holo-belt residue. Yet, he was nowhere to be seen. And, he didn't make it past any of the guards cordoned around the base!"

Artura sighed: "We'd best arrange for a planet-wide arrest bulletin. Illegal alien; possibly a spy."

She got on the phone and asked to be put through to Imperial Security Headquarters, immediately.

* * * * *

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

When I first landed among those pom-poms, I was too small to grab on to any of the strands of confetti with any firmness. So, I instantly resumed my normal human-size.

Sure enough; that did the trick. I stopped my descent out the other side of this mesh-like bag. Good thing, too. Because, suddenly, I found myself being subjected to a series of back-and-forth motions! Which obviously meant this cheerleader was on the move, again. I could only hope it wasn't to one of her classes, or cheer practice.

My on-again/off-again luck seemed to be back on, because the next sound I heard was the opening and closing of a door. Followed by this cheerleader calling out for the person I presumed (and prayed) to be her roommate.

"I'm home! Lihsah? Are you here?"

There was no response. But, at least, my prayer had been answered. Paula Drake's "owner" was part of this sorority! My elation changed to startlement, however, as I felt the bag of pom-poms being thrown down on top of what I presumed (and prayed) to be a bed.

The two or three seconds of bouncing I experienced seemed to answer that prayer, too. So, I carefully listened. Waiting to see if my hostess would leave the room for any reason. Giving me an opportunity to slip out and find a better hiding place, nearby.

It would seem that not all prayers are answered in threes.

tbc

* * * * *

With all due respect to the rock star stage-named "Meat Loaf?" There are times when two-out-of-three is most definitely _not_ good. And, this was one of those times.

Because, the Titanic cheerleader who had unknowingly smuggled me into her sorority had evidently decided to get some practice in! I know; because no sooner had this woman stopped calling out for her roommate than the giant pom-poms I was hidden among were removed from their mesh carrying bad. Only to suddenly start getting shaken from left to right.

"Ready? OK!
And a vee-vo; and a vai-vo;
And a vee-vo, vai-vo, vum-vum!
Vum, get a shaa trap bigger than a tupp trap!
Vum, get a tupp trap bigger than a shaa trap!
Hooskah! Hooskah! Cis-boom-bah.
TGU MONARCHS, RAH-RAH-RAH!"

What else can I say? I felt like a squirrel caught in a tree during a hurricane!

The violent back-and-forth shaking, though, was soon replaced by an equally uncomfortable up-and-down motion as this young woman brought her routine to an end. She then (much to my immense relief) put her pom-poms away inside her closet. Or, rather, I assume that's what she did. As I plainly heard--even through my dizziness--the sound of a door opening and closing. Followed by my ears slightly plugging up from a rapid descent ending in another jarring bounce!

After that, there was a brief silence, followed by the sound of running water. Which even Dr. Watson could have deduced meant my unsuspecting benefactress was now taking a shower. This allowed me to emerge from the pom-poms like some Robinson Crusoe Japanese soldier emerging from a Phillipine island jungle thirty years after World War II.

Sure enough; I was in a closet. The proof of it was in all the shoes surrounding me, right and left. And, as I was still a little dizzy, I decided to sit down and rest my back against a stiletto heel. Yet, no sooner had the world stopped flip-flopping before my eyes, than another headache arose to plague me.

I'm being literal, here!

One of my lesser-used abilities (as a Sizeloan dhampir) is a sort of psychic early warning system that brings on a migraine whenever there are full-fledged sizevamps anywhere in my immediate vicinity. And, that's precisely what I was feeling, now!

"It can't be," I muttered to myself: "We're on a whole other planet, for crying out loud!"

Yet, the migraine persisted. Reaching a peak of intensity at the same time as someone began screaming. The loudest scream of terror I had ever heard! So, I re-enlarged myself to giant-size; drew my Smith & Wesson Model 39; and charged out of the closet at a dead run for the bathroom.

I kicked in the bathroom door; leveled my gun; and told the man I saw kneeling on the floor to get up. Very slowly; hands over his head. The guy chuckled, but complied. As he did so, my worst fear was realized.

The stark-naked body of the cheerleader was half-in/half-out of the shower. With the right side of her neck bearing two tiny holes in it!

"You have no idea who you're up against," said the sizevamp.

"Eat blessed steeljackets," was my only response.

tbc

* * * * *

The next few moments were like one of those fight scenes from the original "Kung Fu" series with David Carradine. Everything seemed to happen at once, while time, itself, seemed to slow down. For one thing, I began firing Smitty. Four consecutive rounds in less than three seconds. Yet, even as those bullets were tearing into him, that sizevamp was suddenly shapeshifting like a Morpher!

As a result, they merely lodged in his left upper arm.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" he screamed, as he snaked his past me.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came another scream from right behind me.

I spun around, counter-clockwise, and saw _her_ behind me. Lihsah Gruja; the vacationing school girl who had bought Paula Drake on Titan Station! I lunged forward to try and pull her out of harm's way. But, the sizevamp beat me to it. Sliding between her feet and re-solidifying behind her back. With his uninjured right arm wrapping itself around her neck!!

"Let her go, suck-head," I demanded: "This is just between you and me."

"I don't think so," he replied: "I'm leaving here, alive. And, I'm taking her with me...as insurance to that effect."

"Oh, I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you."

Whereupon, I shrank back down to normal human-size and cart-wheeled to my left!

As anticipated, both the sizevamp and his hostage became momentarily open-mouthed with astonishment. Allowing me to re-enlarge to the sizevamp's right...and put two more bullets in his right shoulder.

Screaming once again, the sizevamp instinctively released his headlock on Lihsah and flowed towards the dorm room window.

CRASH!

I briefly doffed my hat to Lihsah. Then, I ran towards that window, and jumped through it in pursuit of the sizevamp. True, he had a few seconds head start! But, it wasn't difficult to determine which direction he had headed in. All I had to do was follow the shouts and screams of startlement coming from ahead of me!! And, with Archavia's lighter-than-Earth gravity on my side, I had soon caught up to him.

Or, almost, anyway.

Just as I had slowed down to draw another bead on his head, the s.o.b. liquified completely, and oozed down into some kind of sewer drain!

"Frig!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Only for that yell to be drowned out by the sound of approaching sirens. Needless to say, I didn't wait around to give my statement. If I did, the cops would no doubt think me crazier than a chameleon on a plaid table cloth. Besides which, I needed to find out how that sizevamp had gained the power to shapeshift like a Morpher!

You see, Morphers are a race of sentient, bio-electric giant amoebae who can normally only assume the likeness of anorexic bald men. The only time I'd ever heard of them having greater abilities than that was during the Co-Ed Case. When I learned that some of them had actually digested/absorbed the dead bodies of super-witches!!

So, I shrank back down to normal human-size, and followed that sizevamp into the sewer. Re-enlarging just before my little body hit the putrid stream of water, flowing from left to right, below me. And, consequently, landing with one leg on either side of it. Sort of like a ninja version of the Colossus of Rhodes.

Slowly, I turned to my left. But, no headaches. So, next, I turned to my right. Success; instant twinge!

Whereupon, I resumed the chase.

tbc

OMNISCIENT AUTHOR P.O.V.

* * * * *

Imperial Security was quick to respond to the reported disturbance at the Omega Mega Sorority House. And it was Artura Lavrem who personally questioned Lihsah Gruja.

"Where you coming from when you walked in on the crime in progress, miss?"

"I was returning from ch-ch-choir practice. I'm l-lead soprano for the school choir."

Artura paused to let the girl dab at her tear-filled eyes, with a handkerchief, before resuming the interrogation.

"And, what was the first thing you saw when you entered the room?"

"I s-saw two men in the bathroom. One about f-f-four feet tall, dressed all in b-black, and holding a gun on the other. The other was...slightly t-taller, maybe by a f-f-foot-and-a-half. With b-black hair and...extra pointy teeth."

"Extra pointy?!" Artura echoed.

Lihsah nodded, pointing at her own canines for emphasis.

"Like these! Only...m-m-more so."

Artura duly noted that before asking what, if anything the two men had said Lihsah repeated what she had heard, verbatim, before asking if she could see her roommates' body.

"I don't think that's advisable, just yet," Artura replied: "My people are still performing their preliminary analyses."

Lihsah nodded her understanding. At which point, Artura had one of the junior ImpSec officers take the distraught younger woman to get some refreshment. When this had been accomplished, she went over to the bathroom doorway.

"Well?"

"We've got a weird one, boss. According to the school's database, the deceased is one Lintah Ecalevol. A sophomore; age twenty. With a recorded height of five feet/eleven inches."

"So?"

Barco gestured to his left: "See for yourself."

Artura leaned past him, and gasped.

"She's the size of a child!!"

"Four-foot-one," Barco specified: "There's no doubt about it. I had the coroner measure her twice, just to be sure. So, either this girl was the first one in history to lie about her height, rather than her age? Or, she posthumously...shrank!"

"Add Mr. Pointy Teeth to the BOLO on Mystery Man," Artura ordered: "As a possible accomplice to murder!"

* * * * *

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

My headache was growing progressively worse. So that meant I was slowly catching up to the sizevamp. Yet, it wasn't just my early warning system that was giving me a headache. There was also the unanswered question of how that sizevamp had gotten Morpher-like abilities!

That, and the fact he had also been giant-size.

You see, unlike other vampires, sizevamps just don't suck blood. They suck on pituitary hormones, as well. Causing their victims to shrink as they drain them dry!

But, this doesn't give them the ability to grow giant-size, as a result. Oh, no! Not unless they're half-Sizeloan, like me. And, I had never heard of any other such dhampirs...on Sizeloa, or anywhere else in the multiverse.

Suddenly, the pain got so bad, I actually had to grit my teeth!!

"I must be right on top of him," I thought to myself.

The reverse turned out to be true. The sizevamp dropped down on me, from the ceiling of the sewer tunnel, like a gecko who had suddenly developed arthritis!

tbc

* * * * *

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

I fired a three-round burst, straight upward. But, the son of a bitch merely reshaped his upper torso into a number three. Letting the bullets lodge in the ceiling, instead!

The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back. With Smitty dislodged from my right hand, and flying off half way toward the wall. I exerted my strength for all I was worth. It was no use, though. He had leverage on his side...and his hands around my neck.

Then, I had an idea.

Half-pretending I was trying to loosen his grip, I grabbed both of his wrists, and psychometrized him. Instantly, a whole bunch of images started flooding my mind at the speed of thought. All of them, from the sizevamp's point of view!

The first imaged depicted him being lifted up towards the face of a beautiful redheaded giantess with brown eyes and puckered lips. Then, the scene changed to him looking up into the night sky at a cigar-shaped aircraft. Followed by a third image of that elderly saleswoman at Titan Station...standing next to the blonde teenager from TGU.

There were other images that followed. But, these first three were the most startling. And, I couldn't take the time to sort through the rest, right now! So, releasing my grip on his wrists, I repeated the technique I had used back in the cheerleader's dorm room.

I shrank back down to normal human-size.

Naturally, this unbalanced him for a second or two. Long enough for me to reach inside the right inner pocket of my black leather jacket...and withdraw a foot-long wooden stake.

The second I did so, I shot back up to a hundred and one feet tall.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

The stake went right through him, from front to back! But, I didn't stop there. I used my initial momentum to slam him back against the right-hand wall. There, I made him double him over by introducing his groin to my left knee. Then, I gave his jaw a left-handed palm heel strike. Followed by a counter-clockwise spin and a left elbow jab, three times in succession, that drove the stake even further into the wall!

I ended up somersaulting back to where I had dropped Smitty...and sending the last blessed bullet in the chamber right into that son of a bitch's head.

I reloaded Smitty with one of my two spare ammo clips (from my left inner jacket pocket), while I watched the sizevamp twitch for a few seconds. At the same time, I also considered those first three mental images. The redheaded giantess had clearly been a GTS-goddess. One I had seen on Sizeloan TV before (on "GTS-Goddesses Go Wild"); but whom I had never personally met.

Her name was Bubla. The only GTS-goddess to have ever started out as a Morpher! And, if I had interpreted that very first image right?

That sizevamp had been her personal pet.

You see, most of the time, the EGG's ("Evil GTS-Goddesses") of the multiverse just crush and eat humans. But, every once in a while, they'll find one cute enough to kiss. And, once he gets kissed? He's eternally her "pet!" That is; a psychically-linked slave...

...who also becomes endowed with the ability to shift between giant-size and normal human-size, at will.

In short; if there was an alien equivalent of the Sitmobtia that periodically abducts Earth humans for some local black market on Archavia, then it was no accident or coincidence that a sizevamp had been part of their most recent batch of "merchadise." Bubla was up to something!

And, whatever it was, I guarantee you it boded no good for the Archavians.

tbc

* * * * *

As I trudged along, through the sewer tunnel, I tried to keep my mind off my fatigue by recalling that Sizeloan TV special.

It was December 31, 2001. Mom, Dad, and I were gathered around the television set in the living room of our doll house (which is based in the Statue of Liberty's torch eight months out of the year), preparing to watch "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve." While Ed was already asleep in his aviary. You see, he was only half-grown, then, and still having nightmares about the opportunistic herring gulls I had just barely rescued him from at Mystery Hill, New Hampshire, the previous fall.

Anyway, just as the eleven o'clock news was ending, a different face came on the TV screen than the one we had been expecting. A face belonging to Sizeloa's most annoying game show host... "Perky Pat" Answer!

"SCBS (the Sizeloan Commonwealth Broadcasting System) brings you live, from the 26th Century, a variety special like no other. It's...WHEN GTS-GODDESSES GO WILD! Celebrating the four hundred and sixteenth anniversary of the GTS/SW War Armistice. And here, to start things off with a rather appropriate number, are those sensational songstresses. the Mice Girls, with their own rendition of... THE YEAR 2525!* "

"In the year 2525, if man is still alive.
If woman can survive, they may fiiiiiiiiiiind..."

"What the frig is going on here???" my dad had bellowed: "What's that idiot talking about; 'GTS/SW War?' Lina, did you hear anything about such a war?"

Mom shook her head. As did I, when he turned to look at me. Then, just before Dad could say anything else, some kind of commotion started occurring on TV.

"I don't believe it!" Perky Pat was shouting: "Tina! Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

A woman (whose caption identified her as "Tina, Mini-goddess") replied:

"Unfortunately, yes I can, Pat. What should have been a marvelous, celebratory occasion has just been ruined by the unwanted intrusion of some rotten EGG's! That's 'Evil GTS-Goddesses,' for those of you not up on your 21st century slang. And, apparently, these particular rotten EGG's still bear a grudge against the victorious mini-goddesses!"

"I especially recognize that one, at lower left center. It's Bubla! The renegade ex-Morpher-turned-GTS-goddess. She's flinging her bio-electric lightning bolts around like there's no tomorrow. Indeed; there will--quite literally--be no tomorrow, for any of the Mice Girls' mortal fans, if any of them gets hit with one of those..."

"Look out, Tina!!!"

KA-ZAP!

It wasn't until the first anniversary of my permanent exile that I learned that Tina the mini-goddess was a time traveler. So, she had dodged that lightning bolt thrown at her by merely traveling back to just one second _before_ the surprise attack had begun. And, then, fast-forwarding to one second _after_ the near-miss!

As for what Bubla had to do with a sizevamp being on Archavia? That still mystified me. But, I was too tired, right then, to figure it all out. According to the geographic stuff I had looked up, via the campus library at TGU, an Archavian day was somewhat chronologically longer than an Earthling day. Which means, had I still been on Earth, I would probably now be getting ready for bed!

Where to sleep down here, though?

As if in answer to that unasked question, I suddenly found a ladder in the middle of the tunnel. A ladder leading up to street-level! Not to mention, a man-hole cover. I wasn't worried, though. I simply climbed up the ladder at my present giant-size. Then, using Archavia's lighter gravity to my advantage, I leaped upward toward one of the small holes in that metallic cover. Simultaneously shrinking my height as I did so!

It worked. I managed to get enough of my upper torso through the aforementioned opening that I was able to pull the rest of my body on top of that man-hole cover. And, that...

...is where I blacked out.

When I reawoke, I found myself on a smooth, transparent surface. So, I slowly stood back up and looked around. I was obviously in a jar of some kind! Yet, who had found me? And where had he/she/they brought me?

The first question was answered--almost on cue--by the giantess who suddenly leaned down and began tapping on the glass of the jar to get my attention.

tbc

OMNISCIENT AUTHOR P.O.V.

* * * * *

Imperial Security Agents Artura Lavrem and Barco Lounjah watched the holo-feed of the strange chase across the campus. And, the strange way each of its participants had entered the sewer system running beneath the TGU campus.

"One man can alter his size," said Barco: "The other can semi-liquefy himself! I'm afraid there's no longer any doubt, Boss."

Artura nodded: "These two are definitely not of this world!"

Her male assistant scratched his head: "I used to read comic book stories, when I was a teenager, about invasions by extra-Titanics. But, to actually be hunting for E.T.'s as a grown-up? I almost feel like freaking out!"

"Well, don't," she admonished him: "I need you as level-headed on this, as possible. Where are those Custom Enforcement dogs?"

"They should be here, any second."

MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, FROM RAY VENN'S POINT OF VIEW...

I looked up at the face of my captor. And, almost immediately, I recognized who it was. The Archavian gossip columnist who had unknowingly helped smuggle me to her homeworld!

I also noticed that the lid of the glass jar I was in had several air holes punched into it. And, that I was stark naked!

"Hello, up there!" I yelled (using my right hand as a megaphone, while using my left hand to try and preserve my modesty): "Can you understand my language?"

"Of course!" she replied: "You're speaking fluent Archavian."

As now was not the time to discuss theories of parallel linguistic development, I didn't stoop to the stereotype of telling her I was speaking English. Rather, I asked her more serious questions. Who was she; where was I; and how had she come to find me?

"My name is Dah Liah. I'm a reporter for the PLANETARY CHRONICLE. And, when I heard that ImpSec was looking for the so-called 'magician' who seemed to pop out of the thin air in my desk drawer, I knew it couldn't be for just disturbing the peace. Especially, after my police-band telecom unit picked up the call sign for a riot in progress at the university!"

"So, when ImpSec cordoned off half the campus between Omega Mega House and a certain sewer grating, I knew I might be on to a big story. That's why I interviewed as many witnesses as I could, before ImpSec 'escorted' me off. It was while I was en route back to my aero-coupe that I saw a green shaa-bird looking at something on the ground, and mewing in puzzlement. Which is lucky for you. Because, you might have been pecked to death in your sleep if I hadn't scared it off by stamping my feet!"

"I then picked you up, put you in my purse, drove home to my apartment, and took off all your dirty, smelly clothes (which are now washed and drying out, even as we speak). But, enough about me. What's _your_ name, and where do you come from?"

I just couldn't help grinning.

"That's a pretty long story. Why don't I tell it to you, face-to-face? Or, should I say, eye-to-eye?"

Whereupon, I started to gigantize myself. Within ten seconds, I was straining at the underside of the jar's lid, like Atlas bearing the weight of the world. Then, there was a rippling of cracks all around the glass-like exterior of the jar. A feat that made Ms. Liah arch her eyebrows, and cover her mouth with her hands, in sheer disbelief. Then, finally...?

CRACK!

"AHHHHH!"

I leaped down on to the floor from the top of her dresser and finished growing to my maximum height.

"Sorry about the broken glass...or whatever you call that transparent stuff. But, if you tell me where my clothes are, I'll get dressed and give you the story of your lifetime!"

tbc

* * * * *

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

"Are you decent, yet?" my hostess called out.

I swung open her bathroom door really fast.

"No! But, I'm fully clothed!"

She gasped for a second. Then, she frowned and glared at me as I laughed.

"That's not funny!"

"Sorry. But, I just couldn't resist."

To be honest, I wasn't _entirely_ sorry. I had been on the go pretty much since I had escaped from Dah Liah's office desk. And, most of my stay had not been fun, in the slightest!

So, while I gave Dah as capsule a version of my autobiography as I could, from behind her locked bathroom door, I first got dressed. Then, I field stripped "Smitty" (my Smith & Wesson Model 39 in 9mm, in case you've forgotten) in order to inspect it and the two ammo clips I had left. All three of which seemed to be in working order. So, I put it back together, reholstered it beneath my black leather jacket, and went outside to finish explaining my origin. Which, I confess, made me feel like a Silver Age comic book superhero.

In the meantime, while Dah simmered down from the little trick I had played on her, I got a second look at her facial appearance. I had mentioned earlier that she reminded me somewhat of Emma Peel from that old British adventure series "The Avengers." But, to be honest, there was also a little bit of Lynda Carter's post-WWII Wonder Woman, as well!

My pop-culture introspection was interrupted by a sigh from my hostess.

"Humans who can change the size of other humans and/or themselves," she muttered: "If I hadn't seen it twice, I wouldn't have believed it! It's like something out of an old bi-vid show!!"

"Bi-vid?" I echoed.

"Bi-dimensional video," she replied: "We only switched over to tri-vid about..."

She paused to do some half-whispered mental figuring.

"...fifty of your years, ago. About this friend of yours, though. Does she know about...?

I shook my head.

"First off? She's not _my_ friend! She's a friend of the man I was (more or less) hired to find. As I'm the one who inadvertently got her involved with this, however, I feel somewhat responsible for her safety. And, to answer the rest of your question; no. She has no idea that sizechangers et al. even exist! Now, what can you tell _me_ about Lihsah Gruja?"

Dah shrugged: "Not much. Her father is a famous concert singer/composer/musician. Her mother is Ex-wife Number Two. And, every so often, the news media try to make her antics top story of the evening. This month, it was my turn. But, much as I hate to admit it; her lifestyle is as dull as my first ex-boyfriend!"

"Well, do you think you could use your credentials to smuggle me in to see her?" I asked: "Sort of a re-enactment of how I got to your homeworld."

That made my hostess grin.

"I can't wait to see her face when you introduce yourself!"

tbc

* * * * *

"Time, once again, for omniscient author mode," chuckled Racym Iocc.

* * * * *

12 MONTHS EARLIER

The cross-time warp closed behind the two decon-suited men. The older of the pair lifting up the apex of his teleportational baton and speaking into it.

"This is Agent 349, Inter-Dimensional Exploration and Enforcement Agency (Environmental Evaluation Division), recording. Accompanying me is Agent 350. Together, we have arrived on Earth-08112009 (formerly designated Earth-07052009-A) to make the annual inspection of its ecological recovery, if any."

"Prior visits have shown little-to-no change for the better since the Vancouver Teleforce Incident circa 1909 (Old Calendar).* However, the Moderator remains hopeful that there may one day be enough life left on this parallel-Earth to warrant the re-establishment of an I.D.E.E.A. observation post, here."

Suddenly, the younger man of the pair called out to his partner. So, Agent 349 stopped recording long enough to find out what all the excitement was about.

"Hey!" exclaimed Agent 350: "Look what I found!"

The older agent bent down to get a closer look at what his partner was pointing to (with barely restrained enthusiasm).

"Is that what I think it is? Huh? Huh?"

Agent 349 held his teleporton sideways, and crouched a few moments longer, before nodding and replying.

"Yep! A definite bristlecone pine sapling...growing epiphytically."

"ALRIGHT!!" shouted the younger agent: "I bet that'll give the eggheads at EED a real hard-on!"

Agent 349 shook his head in bemusement.

"Your way with words never ceases to amaze..."

His verbally ironic rebuke was cut off, rather abruptly, by a sudden earth tremor. One that was followed by another, similar tremor two seconds later. Then, another...and another...and another.

"Well, well, well!" an unmistakably female voice finally inquired: "Who do we have here?"

Both men involuntarily screamed at the intense agony their bodies were suddenly subjected to as they were lifted off the ground. One in each giant hand!

* * * * *

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA,
ONE YEAR LATER
(RAY VENN'S P.O.V.)

It turns out that Dah Liah was a bit of a trickster in her own right. Before we left her apartment, she put on this weird-looking belt. Sort of like an automotive seat belt...without the seat!

"What the frig is that?" I asked.

She grinned: "A holographic camouflage belt. Holo-flage, for short. Watch!"

She pressed the belt buckle, and almost immediately, her white mini-dress became a skin-tight gold unitard! She pressed it, again, and her original ensemble rematerialized. Whereupon, she giggled at my drop-jawed amazement.

"Now, we're even for that stunt you pulled at my office desk. Care to demonstrate it for me, again, in reverse?"

Whereupon, I shrank down to normal-human size. After which, I used Archavia's lighter-than-Earth gravity to jump up toward my hostess' wide-open purse...and then into it. I won't bore you with the details about the ride back to Tannhauser Gate University. You already know what it felt like for me the first time I rode in that purse. This time, she knew I was there. But, there was only so gently she could carry it--and me--without giving people the impression she was treating it like a human infant!

Anyway, I soon felt (more than heard) her knocking at some door.

"Hello!" said a slightly older-sounding female voice: "May I help you?"

"Yes. I'm Agent Liah; ImpSec Public Affairs office. I need to question Miss Gruja, one more time, so that we can make sure we're not misquoting her when we release our official statement to the news media."

"Certainly, Agent! Just follow me."

Well, she had kept her word. She had gotten me past the front door of Omega Mega House; the one and only sorority house on campus. The rest would be up to me. All I had to do was wait for the proper opening.

Or, rather, the re-opening...of Dah's purse.

My hostess (mis)identified herself a second time, for Lihsah's benefit. Then, as soon as she had successfully requested the house mother to give the two of them some privacy, she unlatched her purse and took me out. Whereupon, I jumped off Dah's hand and on to the floor. Landing at my (relatively) giant size of one hundred and one feet tall!

Lihsah gasped, but she didn't scream. I've got to give her credit for that.

"You!" she softly exclaimed: "You're the one who saved my life!"

I smiled reassuringly, and nodded. Adding:

"If you wish to repay the favor, you could do so by telling me where Paula Drake is."

tbc

* * * * *

Now, I've had a lot of different reactions, from first-time witnesses to my sizechanging. But, the response I got from Lihsah Gruja was definitely a first. She picked me up in a bear hug (like I really was an Archavian little kid, instead of just the size of one) and gave me several pecks of gratitude on my right facial cheek!

"Thank you-thank you-thank you-THANK YOU! Thank you, _so much_, for saving my life."

"Uhm! You're welcome?"

My flustered response provided Dah Liah no end of amusement. But, after a few moments, even she became eager to continue with the more serious reason for our visit.

"Miss Gruja. Is it true that you bought a rescued Earth human from the Titan Station gift shop? A blonde-haired female, to be precise?"

"What?" replied Lihsah, as she deposited me back on the floor: "Oh, yes! But, what does that have to do with...?"

"She was abducted by the same aliens who took me," I explained: "Not to mention, the...being who killed your roommate."

That was when I heard the faint shout.

"Ray?! Ray, is that you?"

I turned around and looked to my left. There, on the floor of the closet--the same one I'd briefly been in, hours earlier, and the door to which was now fully open--was a dollhouse shaped like a castle. And, waving to me, from the lowered drawbridge of that castle was Professor Paula Drake!

I could not help grinning as I walked over and crouched down.

"Long time/no see, prof! How about joining us on a more equal level?"

Before she could even nod her head, I picked her up in my right hand (as gently as possible) and brought her over to Dah and Lihsah. More specifically; I put her on the carpet in between them...before enlarging her to the proportionate size of a real Archavian woman.

All three women were now taller than me. Yet, Paula, herself, looked like she was about to faint! So, I hurriedly escorted her over to the nearer of two beds and sat her down on it.

"You just relax, here, and I'll explain everything."

Whereupon, I went into a more detailed explanation--than I had initially given to Dah--as to my origin, abilities, and reason for meeting up with her (Paula) in the first place.

"Now, if I can just find Niall Freeman," I sighed as I concluded: "...my day would be complete. And, the three of us could stow away aboard the first rocket ship headed home!"

As if in karmic rebuttal, there was suddenly a loud slam followed by a female voice shouting for us all to freeze!

"Imperial Security Service!" came the added identification.

I spun about and saw two armed people (a man and a woman) standing in the dorm room doorway. Each one wearing a gold outfit similar to Dah's. Only, in their case, I had the sinking feeling that theirs were genuine.

This was confirmed, five seconds later, as Paula and I found ourselves being put into some kind of high-tech handcuffs. Our arms behind our backs.

tbc

* * * * *

Claire Martin looked up at her hostess in disbelief.

"You know my power only works on mortals," growled the renegade mini-goddess.

"That's true," replied her hostess: "But, I know a couple women who are only GTS-goddesses at night! If you were to kiss one of them during the day, when they were still plain old human, I could swallow that one alive. Thereby allowing me to assimilate her power through gastronomancy!"

"Isn't You-Know-Who liable to detect that...and object?" demanded Claire.

"Not if you use one of their lesser-known counterparts from other parallel-Earths," said her hostess: "After all; look how many Gabrielles and Valentinas there are, throughout the multiverse!"

"Okay, okay!" shouted Claire: "I'll do it. I do have to admit; I don't think I'll have much trouble convincing Verta to go along with this."

"Why shouldn't she?" asked her hostess: "This barren lump of space rock will be the perfect challenge for her!"

* * * * *

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA,
(PRESENT DAY)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

I was herded into the back of what looked like the VTOL version of a 1950's paddy wagon.* With Paula Drake and Dah Liah right behind me. The ImpSec agents waiting outside Omega Mega House, as potential back-up, had already confiscated Dah's holo-flage belt. As a result, she was once again wearing her white mini-dress (as opposed to the projected illusion of a female ImpSec unitard).

When we arrived at ImpSec Headquarters, we were interrogated separately. With the ladies going first. When it came my turn, I had to fight to keep an anticipatory smile off my face.

"Before we begin, Mr. Venn," said the brunette who appeared to be in charge: "I have to tell you that Ms. Drake and Ms. Liah told us some very odd things about you. I'm not talking about you and Ms. Drake having been illegally abducted from Earth by the Knnn'thxx! Unfortunately, there's ample precedent for that. I'm talking about..."

"...my 'alleged' sizechanging powers?" I concluded: "Fear not, Captain! I can give you an effective demonstration of their veracity. And, mine."

Whereupon, I shrank back down to normal human-size. Thereby slipping out of their high-tech handcuffs! And, when I immediately resumed my giant-size, I could not help wishing that I had a disposable digital camera with me.

The looks on the faces of the captain and her partner were that priceless.

"H-H-How the frig...?" began the latter.

So, once again, I had to give complete strangers a crash-course on the nature of the multiverse, in general. And, my family history, in particular. When I was finished, I added:

"Speaking of sizevamps; I had better tell you what I psychometrically gleaned from the one I slew in the sewers."

That segued into a lecture on GTS-goddesses and their various abilities. Not to mention, attitudes! When I got done with that, my throat was so dry, I had to croakingly ask for a glass of water. And, thankfully, I was provided with one.

After finishing it, I summarized matters, this way.

"I don't know how tall you Titans get, on average. But, Bubla reaches ten thousand Earth-feet, in height! And, if she reaches this planet, she'll make even your Emperor look like a bug, by comparison.

tbc

* * * * *

Valerie Arcoymicc was halfway to her next class, when she felt a gentle tap on her left shoulder from behind. Upon turning around, she beheld her science lab partner.

"Annie; hey! What's up?"

"I found something interesting outside our dorm, the other night," replied Annie McAllen: "And, I wanted you to be the first I show it to."

"Ooooooh!" exclaimed the green-eyed brunette (with good-naturedly melodramatic sarcasm): "What ever could it be?"

Annie reached under her sweater and withdrew...a female-looking doll with red hair and green eyes.

Valerie was impressed with how life-like it looked, and said as much out loud. To which Annie smilingly responded:

"She is alive."

Whereupon, she threw Claire Martin right in Valerie's face! The former grabbing on to the latter's bottom lip with both hands...and kissing it. Almost immediately, Val shrank to a height of four inches! Prompting Annie to pick up both little women, at once, and stuff them into a vintage "Bugaloos" lunch box.

"You alright in there?" she asked, five minutes later, in a more private spot.

"So right!" chortled the renegade mini-goddess: "Look!!"

Claire Martin pointed downward to where Val was on all fours...kissing Claire's feet.

"Perfect!" remarked Annie: "So, where do we go, now?"

"Next stop? Verta's place."

* * * * *

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA
(5 MONTHS LATER)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

We were taken to see the Titan Emperor's chief of staff. His real name is classified ultra-top secret by the Archavian government. So, I can't reveal it aloud or in print. I can only refer to him using an appropriate pseudonym.

How about Simperius Wimpus?

I mean, I've encountered my share of anal-retentive bureaucrats before. But, this guy took the proverbial cake! We didn't have a pre-existing appointment to see him. And, he refused to listen to our story without one. He told us we'd have to leave and basically phone for an appointment to come back and tell him about the potential threat to his world!!

I admit it, freely...and shamelessly. I lost my temper.

"How about I show you, instead?"

With that, I used Archavia's lighter gravity to once more aid me. This time, to perform a spinning back-kick that knocked the wind out of this one hundred fifteen-foot pencil-neck! Doubling him over enough that I was able to pin him to the top of his desk...and shrink him to three inches tall. Which, for all I knew, was probably the Archavian equivalent of "micro-!"

Needless to say, Captain Lavrem and her adjutant were quick to lock their ray guns on me.

"Restore him to normal size, Venn. Now!!!"

"Okay, okay! I just wanted to get my point across. Namely, that time is of the essence, and this world can't afford to go by the usual rulebook."

"I quite agree," added a new voice, from an apparently hidden loudspeaker: "I thank you for your steadfast adherence to protocol, Simperius. But, I think I can waive it, just this once, to hear our visitors out."

Simperius blanched (I've always wanted to use that word!) and knelt down on one knee.

"As you wish, Your Majesty."

tbc

* * * * *

"Let me get this straight," said Michelle: "All I have to do, to get Verta to regrow Canada's North Woods from scratch, is to kiss this counterpart of Valerie? So that only I can gigantize her, while you retain mind-control of her?"

The erstwhile eco-terrorist (who now looked more like the Jolly Green Giant after a sex-change operation) nodded her head in confirmation. Michelle--who had expanded to match Verta's fifteen hundred foot height--looked deep into those verdant eyes to see if she was being lied to. But, she could detect no trace of guilt or fear in them. So, she decided to accept the proposition.

"Just one thing," amended Claire Martin: "I have to have her teleport me and Verta to Bubla, next. When we get back from there, then Verta can start reseeding the North Woods."

Michelle shrugged: "No problem."

Whereupon, she put a giant fingertip to her lips and kissed it. Transferring it to the bridge of Verta's nose where the still-shrunken demigoddess in question was ordered to kiss it in turn.

* * * * *

IMPERIAL PALACE,
THE PLANET ARCHAVIA
(4.5 MONTHS LATER)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

A previously invisible panel slid open in the wall immediately behind Simperius Wimpus' back. The Imperial chief of staff preceded us through it. With me and Paula Drake going next. Followed by Dah Liah and the two ImpSec officers.

I looked to my left and right as we slowly trudged down the weirdly-decorated corridor.

"All that's missing is emerald-green wallpaper," I muttered.

Paula was the only one who got THE WIZARD OF OZ reference, and she giggled accordingly. Just as I had planned (as I could tell she was more nervous than I was about this audience)!

Finally, we reached a big set of double doors that had an equal number of guards in front of it. One well-armed one on each side. I couldn't see their faces because of these big helmets with what looked like black-tinted plexiglass plates pulled downward. Screening them from scrutiny! But, I could see, from the neck down, that they were the tallest, burliest Titans I had yet encountered on this world. The Archavian equivalent of ten feet tall, at least.

In less time than it takes to describe all that, the doors slowly swung inward. With the guard on the left waving us all through. Consequently, we found ourselves in some kind of private study. A swivel chair that would normally have been facing some kind of work desk, now facing us...along with its occupant.

"Greetings, Capt. Lavrem; Sergeant Lounjah; Ms. Liah; Ms. Drake, and Mr. Venn. I am..."

[Here, I have to use another pseudonym, because the Titan Emperor's true name is even more classified than that of his chief of staff.]

"Paternus Titanicus* XXIII; ruler of the Archavian Empire! At your service."

Paula and I were the only ones who didn't do the one-knee genuflection thing. She simply curtsied the best she could (considering she was still wearing that black mini-dress from Paris). While I bowed like I had been taught to bow before and after the martial arts my dad had taught me. Because, I have to admit; it wasn't hard to feel over-awed by this guy. He was even taller than his bodyguards at the doors to this study! Maybe fifteen feet tall, by Archavian standards. Which would make him approximately three or four hundred feet tall, back on Earth.

I was snapped out of this reverie by a most pertinent question.

"So, Mr. Venn; what exactly can you tell me about this 'potential danger' to my world?"

tbc

* * * * *

It was a weird assortment who materialized in the middle of the barren landscape. Verta was the tallest of the three. Holding Valerie Arcoymicc in the palm of her right hand with no problem, whatsoever. And Valerie, in turn, held Claire Martin in _her_ right hand as the latter made the requisite introductions.

"Ladies? This is our hostess...Vanessa Combs."

* * * * *

THE IMPERIAL PALACE,
PLANET ARCHAVIA
(4 MONTHS LATER)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

The Emperor of the Titans had personally asked me to outline the potential danger to his homeworld. So, I did.

I started off by explaining about the multiverse, in general. Followed by a concise lecture about the various races who commute through it as easily as the Titans travel through outer space! Size-changers; sizevamps; GTS-goddesses; mini-goddesses; and Morphers.

"The Morphers hate all single-shape races. And, Bubla is the first of that people to become a GTS-goddess! I don't know how she gained the power to entrance others with a kiss. But, the sizevamp that was smuggled here has long-since revealed the existence of your world to her, through the psychic link she established with that kiss!"

"But, why should she want to destroy our world?" asked the Emperor: "We pose no threat to anyone. Or, at least, no one who does not first threaten us!"

"You're pretty technologically advanced, though," I reminded him: "Even more so than her own people! So, she might try to usurp your rulership purely as a means of using that technology to take over her world. As a way of gaining revenge for them sending her into exile in the first place."

The Emperor half-smiled down at me.

"Such a feat would be difficult, to say the least. For, as you just pointed out, our technology is quite advanced. Especially, that of our armed forces! I'm sure that the latter would have very little problem repulsing any invasion attempts by this Bubla. No matter how tall she might be by Terran standards!"

I frowned as I replied: "With all due respect, Your Majesty. Have you ever read a science fiction novel called WAR OF THE WORLDS?"

The Emperor shook his head. So, I continued.

"You should have one of your patrol ships intercept the E-book version. You might find it quite enlightening."

"I couldn't agree, more!" exclaimed a new voice.

That is; new to everyone else present. Me? I was all too familiar with it. Seeing as she had liked to crash all the fraternity keg parties back at Nusi Academy (much to the incessant annoyance of the Masterchemi).

It was Rose Crusher. All six hundred feet of her! And, before I could even open my mouth to identify her, she had dealt a left hook to ImpSec Agent Barco Lounjah. Followed by a right cross to Captain Artura Lamrev. And, concluding with a right-footed kick to my jaw!

She then flung Paula Drake over her right shoulder in a fireman's carry...before teleporting away as quickly as she had come.

That was when I lost consciousness, completely.

tbc

* * * * *

Mr. G sprang to his feet at the sight of his long-lost associate.

"So! You're finally back."

Racym Iocc smirked.

"Believe it or not, I do have _other_ literary irons in the metaphorical fire!"

Whereupon, he waved his hand and summoned the usual tulpa of a computer keyboard. And, unable to contain his curiosity any longer, Mr. G looked over the former's right shoulder at the first few paragraphs.

"Another variation of your screen name?!" he exclaimed: "People are going to start thinking you're full of yourself."

"All authors are vain, to one degree or another," replied Iocc: "Otherwise, they wouldn't be authors in the first place! And, the ones who claim they have zero vanity are victims of self-delusion. Surely, the worst vanity of them, all."

"Sad, but true," Mr. G (grudgingly) admitted with a chuckle: "But, don't call me 'Shirley.' "

* * * * *

EARTH-08112009
(3.75 MONTHS EARLIER)

The spaceship was shaped like a tear drop. Yet, Vanessa had never seen a tear drop the size of Lake Superior! And the moisture emanating from her eyes, at the dust being kicked up by the ship's landing, made her somewhat of an expert on the subject, right at that moment.

Finally, however, the dust devils subsided enough that the blonde GTS-goddess could look up as the ship's sole occupant disembarked.

"Hello, Bubla. Welcome to my world."

The expatriate Morpher took on the semblance of a six hundred foot-giantess with pale skin and red hair. As a result, her hostess could now look Bubla in the eye...except for one thing.

Bubla's simulated eyes had no pupils. And Vanessa suspected the omission was deliberate.

"Is it true?" the former bluntly demanded: "What Crusher told me? You have devoured a counterpart of the Reluctant One?"

Vanessa shamelessly grinned and nodded. Demonstrating the veracity of the aforementioned claim by instantly growing to ten thousand feet!

Bubla's maximum height.

The latter instantly matched it, however, and demanded further proof.

"Can you reach _her_ maximum height?"

Vanessa's only response was to instantly become a five mile-high giantess.

"I now have _all_ of Valerie Arcoymicc's abilities! Minus the diurnal limitation."

"And, in return for smuggling you away from your place of exile," Bubla continued (though now having to shout upwards): "...I get what, exactly?"

Vanessa's grin became positively feral.

"An end to your own!"

The giant she-Morpher was still dubious.

"The Green One is amenable to staying here, in your stead?"

Vanessa pointed to her right. More specifically; at a mountain range that used to be a drab brownish-gray. But, which GTS-goddess Verta had now spent the past three months...

...re-greening.

"Very well," replied Bubla: "Shrink back down, so we can depart."

Five minutes later, the only sentient being on the planet was Verta, herself.

* * * * *

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA
(3.75 MONTHS LATER)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

I don't know how much longer it was before I awoke. But, I knew right away I wasn't still at the Imperial palace. Not when I had a bunch of seven foot-tall lemurs standing around me wearing hospital scrubs that were a brighter shade of blue than their fur!

"At the risk of sounding like a cliche'..." I began.

"You are in a private room of the Capital City Hospital," intoned one of the lemurs: "Captain Lavrem of Imperial Security called for medical assistance, for you, immediately after notifying her own people about the abduction from the palace. That is why she is not here, herself."

"Oh," I replied: "I see. And, what's the diagnosis, Doc?"

"Fortunately, you have not sustained any concussions. Merely a bruised jaw and a slight lump on the rear epidermis of your cranium."

"Really? Then, why the bedside symposium?"

I used my chin to indicate the other blue lemurs.

"My subordinates and I were merely expressing our fascination over your genetic readings. You see, they seem to indicate that you are of partially human origin. Yet, your present height...!"

"Oh, brother!" I thought to myself: "I have to do another mini-lecture on Sizeloans?"

Luckily, I was saved from that chore by a beautiful angel. Well, that's who I thought she was, for a second. Because, the beauteous giantess who suddenly appeared to the right of my hospital bed had hair the same shade of blue as the doctors' fur!

"Please, Doctor. Could he satisfy your curiosity, another day?"

"Oh, my! Yes, of course, Miss Tarsuss! My apologies."

"Quite understandable," replied the azure-haired angel.

Then, after they left, she turned to me and smiled.

"Mr. Venn? My name is Pryvani Tarsuss. And I understand, from Captain Lavrem, that we have a mutual friend...of sorts."

"We do?" was the best come-back I could think of as I sat up in bed.

She nodded. Whereupon, she reached into the right-hand pocket of what I took to be the Archavian equivalent of a designer leather jacket, and withdrew something. Or, should I say, "someone?" Because, the figure she put on her right shoulder was most definitely Earth-human in shape. And a male human, at that!

Judging by the Irish brogue that came wafting down to me.

"Greetings, boyo! The name's Niall Freeman, and I hear you've been lookin' for me."

To be continued (hopefully, in a much shorter timespan than six months).

* * * * *

STILL RAY VENN"S P.O.V.

Pryvani Tarsuss, it turned out, was to Archavia what Madonna Ciccone and Angelina Jolie were to Earth. Namely, a female pop icon whose physical looks often caused her rivals to underestimate her business acumen. Such being the case, she had an equally large number of friends. One of whom was Bruno Gruja. The father of Lihsah Gruja; that college girl who had "bought" Paula Drake back on Titan Station.

And, whose life I had saved from that sizevamp.

Thankfully, that part of my back story had already been told to Ms. Tarsuss by the young lady concerned. The rest of it had been relayed to Dr. Freeman by my new friend, Captain Lavrem of Imperial Security, via the brother of Dr. Freeman's current hostess, Naskia Bass.

Now, it was my turn for some information.

"Evil GTS-goddesses can be impulsive, at times. But, when they team up, they usually have a deadly serious ulterior motive. So, Rose Crusher must have some method behind her mad rush to abduct Paula!"

"Granted," replied Freeman (from his scapulan perch): "But, you're obviously more acquainted with these women than I am. You tell _me_ what that could be."

I ignored his somewhat pompous demand as I was already pondering that very question while I got dressed into my freshly cleaned and sterilized Earth clothes. Being careful to keep a white opaque screen between myself and Ms. Tarsuss, as I did so!

[Titans might be more advanced than Earthlings. But, their medical gowns are still just as erroneously labeled "One size fits all."]

Then, the proverbial light bulb went on.

"She told me when we first met that she was a quantum physicist. Was she working on anything in particular at that French think tank?"

"As a matter of fact, yeah," replied the self-proclaimed Einstein of Ireland: "She wanted me to collaborate with her on a new project. Specifically; the usage of my cold fusion reactor in the generation of an artificial wormhole!"

That announcement stunned both me and Ms. Tarsuss.

"Had the two of you met with any kind of success at the time of your abduction?"

"On a small scale," he reluctantly admitted: "We managed to generate a wormhole about a foot in diameter. Just wide enough for a white rat to enter it from his cage, in one room...and emerge into a cage full of cheese, in another room, three doors down the hall."

That light bulb was starting to glow a little brighter.

"Assuming she one day realized her ambition, of being able to generate one a lot more massive, what was her long-range plan for such wormholes?"

Freeman shrugged: "What else? To make interstellar space flight a reality. In this case, by allowing a nuclear-powered spaceship to reach, say, Alpha Centauri as easily as you or I might walk through a revolving door! Of course, there were times I kidded her about using such an analogy. Half-seriously asking her if she'd gotten the idea from that LOST IN SPACE episode where Sean McClory played a Scottish ghost!! But,.."

I tuned out the rest of his techno-babble as my light bulb suddenly reached blinding brilliance. Because what he had just described to me was nothing less than a rudimentary form of what Sizeloans called...

...a crosstime warp.

tbc

3 MONTHS EARLIER

* * * * *

"Are you sure we're safe here?" Rose Crusher nervously demanded.

There were four of them, altogether. Three of them wearing the form-fitting type of beige leotards that made their Caucasian bodies look positively stark naked!

"Relax, dearie," laughed Claire Martins: "We're in a micro-section of Earth-03312008. Formerly self-styled 'the Normal World.' And, this particular piece of it...is the central setting of a ring worn by this world's resident counterpart of Annie McAllen. A ring she got via the Wishbone Restaurant! So, unless he's deliberately looking for us, already, we don't have to worry about Mr. G invading our privacy."

This caustic come-back seemed to reignite Rose's usual inner fire of snarkiness.

"Okay, beeyotch! If you're so smart, answer me this. How did I.D.E.E.A. fail to investigate the disappearance of those eco-evaluators they sent to Vanessa's world?"

"Simple. After learning, through gastronomancy, that I.D.E.E.A. men were capable of cross-time travel by mechanical means, she telepathically contacted me. Offering to share her world with me, in exchange for my shrinking and eating any successive teams of agents who came searching for her first morsels."

Rose shook her head: "It's not like I.D.E.E.A. to just give up on their people like that. No matter how many they lose in the field!"

Bubla, however, had finally grown tired of listening to all this.

"Enough prattle!! Will you help us, or not?"

Rose massaged her jaw, with her right hand, quite nervously. Then, she nodded.

* * * * *

SAN GABRIEL, CALIFORNIA
EARTH-01072014
(THREE MONTHS LATER)

Paula Drake awoke with a splitting headache.

"Oh, man," she muttered to herself: "I haven't felt this bad since I over-celebrated getting my Ph. D!"

"AWWWWWWWWW!" thundered another female voice, in mock-sympathy: "Maybe I should kiss it and make it better."

Whereupon, Paula looked upward and gasped...just as Annie McAllen's lips descended on her shrunken prisoner.

* * * * *

AT THAT SAME MOMENT, ON ARCHAVIA...

As we rushed back to her place, in her aerial limousine, I explained to Pryvani (she finally insisted I call her that) and Dr. Freeman about the reason for my nervous silence at the end of Freeman's explanation. Which, of course, entailed a mini-lecture about Sizeloan crosstime travel.

"But, that doesn't make any sense," he replied when I got done: "If these self-proclaimed goddesses can teleport interdimensionally, on their own, why would they need to abduct someone who's only just invented an artificial version?"

I responded by telling him about "kissers." Adding how the humans kissed by them can then gigantize themselves to a slightly lesser degree than their mistresses. But, how most of them lacked the power to bio-teleport across time, like their mistresses.

"In other words," I concluded: "If Bubla is planning to invade Archavia, she might be building up an army of giant pets. One that will need to activate a whole bunch of artificial wormholes to get here!"

"Or one big one?" added Pryvani (only half-questioningly).

I grimly nodded.

"We need to get word to Naskia's brother," Dr. Freeman finally decided: "The Titan High Command are more likely to take his word for this than either yours or mine. That way, the responsibility for a space recon of this Bubla's homeworld is on them! Do you happen to know its astrogational co-ordinates, by any chance?"

I nodded, again, and disclosed them.

tbc

* * * * *

LAS VEGAS, NEV. (EARTH-DXM)
2.5 MONTHS EARLIER

Since the disincorporation--commercially and molecularly--of all counterfeit branches of Wishbone's Restaurant, Etag Thron and Ledo Srmm had been on the run.* The female garhu still posing as a green-eyed redhead (patterned after the ill-fated Liz Anderson). And her Morpher lover still using his augmented shape-changing abilities to pose as a slim human male with salt-and-pepper hair. But, eventually, they had returned to Las Vegas posing as "Mike and Molly O'Dell." A husband-and-wife team of stage magicians currently living and working, at the Luxor Hotel, on the world-famous Vegas Strip.

And, the two of them were engaged in their favorite form of love-making when they were rudely interrupted by the arrival of...

...Bubla.

She materialized at the foot of their bed, chuckling rather loudly--and derisively--at what she was seeing.

"I was not aware that Earthling vibrators could be so pleasurable."

Ledo screamed in terrified surprise. While Etag was so startled, he assumed his more usual form of a bald anorexic male (and a sickeningly naked one, at that)!

"M-M-M-M-My Goddess!" he stuttered in greeting: "F-F-Forgive my, uhm, appearance. But, if I had known..."

"Spare me your half-hearted apologies, Etag. Amusing as your attempts at them can be! I have sought you out because I need your help with a certain matter. One that requires great subtlety as well as the two of you making a brief sojourn to Paris, France."

"You have but to name it, My Goddess, and we shall do all in our power to achieve it."

* * * * *

PARIS, FRANCE
(2 WEEKS LATER)

The handsome couple were guided to their table by the maître d'hôtel of Chez Brechet. Whereupon, he gave them menus (identically covered in silver foil) before telling them the name of the waiter who would be serving them. When the latter finally arrived at their table, they each had their orders ready.

"Two orders of Speciale de la Maison, s'il vous plait."

"Oui, m'sieur!"

Fifteen minutes later, the handsome couple were brought a pair of Wishbone Specials. When Ledo had finished consuming hers, she broke the wishbone with Etag. Whereupon, she wished to know how Niall Freeman's cold fusion reactor worked!

Upon magically receiving, understanding, and memorizing that knowledge, within her head, it was Etag's turn. He had amoebically absorbed every bit of his Wishbone Special while outwardly appearing to have eaten each slice the normal human way. When only his wishbone was left, he and Ledo pulled at that. Whereupon, he wished that the two of them could be teleported back to their Vegas hotel suite...

...before the check arrived.

* * * * *

EARTH-01072014
(2 MONTHS LATER)

Annie McAllen stepped into her shower after wishing her little captive good night. Another day had dawned, and she had to catch up on her sleep before resuming her diurnal existence as just another boring human. So, she had shrunken Paula Drake back down to normal human-size, before placing the latter in her cleavage. As a result, when Annie, herself, shrank back to normal human-size,...

...Paula shrank even further in direct proportion!

Now, Annie was completely naked. Luxuriating in the spray of the water in "hydro-massage" mode. Unfortunately, for her, this bit of bliss was to prove short-lived. For, the next instant, the water began to look more like mercury!

"Eh? What the friiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG...?!"

The voltage that coursed through her body killed her in less than two seconds. Whereupon, the puddles of "mercury" on the shower floor slowly enveloped the corpus dilecti. Moments after doing so, however, the body vanished!

It was now a normal human-sized Bubla who turned off the shower.

"So ends another one who has served her purpose."

tbc

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA
(RAY VENN'S P.O.V.)

* * * * *

As Pryvanni's aerial limousine continued along, my stomach started growling. And the smiles that appeared on her and Niall Freeman's faces made me feel the heat of mine blushing.

"Sorry! I might be your size, right now. But, my biological clock is still on Earth time. And, it's been quite a while since that interrupted meal Paula and I had back atop the Eiffel Tower!"

"In that case," Pryvanni replied (quite graciously): "...why don't we all go grab a bite to eat? I know this wonderful little place that just opened up. Some of my friends have eaten there, and they just rave about the house specialty. A dish that's supposed to make all your dreams come true!"

Naturally, that got my attention.

"That establishement wouldn't be called the Wishbone Restaurant, by any chance; would it?"

Her lower draw dropped with astonishment.

"Why, yes! How did you know?"

I answered her with a second question.

"And the proprietor's first name. Is it Stanley?"

She nodded, vigorously: "Yes! Stanley Wishbone, in fact."

I had had a hunch. You see, among all the parallel-Earths of the multiverse, there are only two restaurateurs who make wishes come true. One of them is named Stanley Charm. The other is his counterpart, Stanley Wishbone. But, where the latter owns an interdimensional chain of stationary restaurants, that serve Wishbone specials, the former owns just one dimension-hopping restaurant! And rumor had it that a mysterious entity (called Mr. G) had personally brokered an agreement between them.

Stanley Charm's restaurant would never travel to wear Stanley Wishbone had a branch eatery. And, vice-versa.

The aerial limo pulled to a stop in front of the aforementioned restaurant. Whereupon, the chauffeur took it into a nearby parking garage a hundred times as tall as the Empire State Building! Meanwhile, upon entering the restaurant, Pryvanni was immediately accosted by the most fawning head waiter I had ever seen.

"Oh! Ms. Tarsuss! This is, indeed, quite an honor for us. Normally, we require reservations for this time of day. But, for you and your entourage, I'm sure we can find some vacancy."

"Why, thank you..."

She gave a quick look at the guy's lapel pin.

"...Oskeesah. That would be most appreciated."

Sure enough; within five Earth-minutes, we were seated in a semi-private dining room on the second floor of the restaurant. It was only when he handed me a menu that Oskeesah's smile turned upside-down. I had no doubt it was because he had finally gotten a good look at my black leather jacket and its matching accessories. I'd often received similar looks of disapproval from other head waiters back in NYC.

But, in Oskeesah's case, it was too late. I had been allowed in as an acquaintance of Pryvanni's. And, he couldn't throw me out without giving himself an economic black-eye!

"And, your order, 'sir' ?" he now asked me (stressing the last part with as much disdain as he could subtly get away with).

"The Wishbone Special, please," I replied.

"I'll have the same," added Pryvanni.

"Very good, madam. Will your pet be dining off your scraps?"

Oskeesah pointed to Niall Freeman. And, boy, did the temperature suddenly drop in that place! Fortunately, however, Pryvanni was quick to cut off any verbal attempt by Freeman to warm it back up (like the reactor at Chernobyl)!

"He's not _my_ pet! I'm just minding him for a friend. But, yes, we'll split my Wishbone Special."

"Very good, madam."

Our specials arrived twenty Earth-minutes later. It took us an additional fifteen minutes to consume them, until only the wishbones, themselves, were left. Whereupon, I explained what she had to do next. With Niall Freeman helping to show her. And, naturally, it was no contest. She got the bigger half of the bone when they pulled it apart. Yet, once again being gracious, she gave it to him and let him make a wish.

I don't know which of them was more startled when the wish came true. But, me? I fell off my chair laughing as Oskeesah suddenly appeared before us wearing a string bikini! With Niall Freeman joining in once Oskeesah saw his reflection in the glass water pitcher, screamed at the top of his lungs, and then ran for the employees' locker room.

Once I was too exhausted to laugh anymore, I decided to break my wishbone.

tbc

* * * * *

"I learned about them while I was at Area 51, posing as General Michaelsen*," explained Etag Thron: "They come from a constellation human astronomers refer to as 'Telescopium.' The one I personally dealt with used a term that sounded like 'Zanix,' when we were first introduced. Although, I'm unsure as to whether that's his individual name or his whole species' name! In any event, I contacted him on the subspace wavelength he gave me. And, he agreed to meet us here, tonight!"

"What of Kamarius?" demanded Bubla.

"Ledo should be arriving with him, any second. As one of the leading killers of super-witches during the Co-Ed Affair, he's in no position to be picky about how he leaves the country. Let alone, this planet!"

As if on cue, the pair of Morphers suddenly found themselves illuminated by headlights from a quickly approaching vehicle. Two minutes later, that vehicle revealed itself to be a Jeep Wrangler. With the garhu, Ledo Srmm, at the steering wheel and a very grim sizevamp in the shotgun seat.

The two of them got out and Etag made the requisite introductions. Kamarius bowed as respectfully as he could. Then, after nervously looking to his left and right, he quaveringly asked if Bubla was sure about the promised method of escape.

"I mean, no disrespect, ma'am," he added: "But, a lot of those super-witches are pretty well-traveled!"

"For the last time," growled Etag: "They stay well away from Titan space!"

Before Kamarius could utter any kind of rejoinder, the spot of ground on which all four of them stood became even further illuminated. But, the extra lighting was not even half as blinding as the dust storm kicked up by the descending extra-terrestrial shuttlecraft. Although, it stopped descending upon reaching an altitude of five hundred feet. Whereupon, Bubla suddenly shot up to a height of four hundred feet!

Then, with the tenderest smile she could manage, she bent down and gently lifted the desperate sizevamp in her cupped hands. Kissing him oh-so-carefully on his head, before holding both her arms outstretched. The moment she did so, the insectoid aliens that Etag Thron had summoned to Earth shined a tractor beam down upon Kamarius. Thereby lifting him up and into the shuttlecraft.

Seconds later, that shuttlecraft flew back to its orbiting mothership.

"Are you sure he'll be able to escape from them when they get to that alien space station?" Ledo now whispered to her metamorphic lover.

He nodded: "With the kissing power she assimilated from that counterpart of Annie McAllen, My Goddess has endowed Kamarius with some of the abilities of a true Morpher! Plus, the psionic link now established between them will allow her to track his and Paula Drake's flight path to the Titan homeworld."

* * * * *

THE PLANET ARCHAVIA
(ONE WEEK LATER)

RAY VENN'S P.O.V.

Now, it was my turn. Having a bit more experience with Wishbone Specials, I paused to not only regain my breath (from all my laughing). But, also, to word my wish just right. When I was certain I had done so, I closed my eyes and broke the wishbone in half.

"I wish I could know what Bubla's ultimate goal is."

A moment later, I reopened my eyes when I heard a familiar feminine voice exclaim:

"It's about time!"

It was Tina the time-traveling mini-goddess.

"Nice to see you, too," I replied (somewhat dryly): "Are we still on Archavia, or are you astrally projecting us like you did the last time?"

"The latter, of course," said the nine-inch-tall blonde: "How else could you survive in the vacuum of space?"

To emphasize that point, she pointed below us. More specifically; she pointed at the planet I was currently floating above like a satellite!

"Is th-th-that...Archavia?"

She shook her head: "Nope! That's the Morpher homeworld in the star system of Alpha Microscopii. Better known to ancient Greek astrologers as 'the Right Hind Leg of Sagittarius!' And, right behind us, you'll see a couple of alien spacecraft towing a real big cannon-like thingamajig into firing range of it."

I turned my head and, sure enough, there was.

"What do they plan to do with it?" I asked: "Blow up the planet a la Death Star I?"

"Not quite. Watch."

I did as ordered. Five seconds later, a gigantic V-shaped beam of light came shooting out of the mouth of that "cannon-like thingamajig." At the apex of its emission, a large circle began to form. A circle that soon became the all-too familiar opening...

...of a crosstime warp!

"Oh--My--God!" I muttered, in near-total shock, as it suddenly occurred to me what I was seeing.

Archavia and the Morpher homeword were changing places!!!

THE END of Volume 1.

To Be Continued in Volume 2.