Chapter 46

Jack sat at the defendant's table. He saw Somedude, Ben, and Darien walk in and sit in the row right behind him.

"All rise for the honarable Judge Reinhold," said the bailiff. Everyone in the jury laughed. "Show some respect for Judge Reinhold! .... I'm sorry Judge," said the Bailiff as Mr. Reinhold walked in.

"Ah, it's ok... it's more laughs than I got in Head Office. Is the plaintiff prlesent?"

"Yes, your honor," said the Japanese attorney in the plaintiff's table.

"Is the defendant present?"

"Hey guys, where's the attorney you got?" asked Jack.

"He's-" before Somedude could finish, Freak Boy rode through the doors on a motor scooter wearing a blazer and mirror lens sunglasses. He had a brief case, out of it were hanging a string of Vienna Sausages. Following the string were a bunch of Goats.

"Jack, your attorney has arrived." Freak Boy said as he walked up to the defendant's table. He kicked the normal chair aside and replaced it with a reclining chair with built in drink holder and fold out mini flat screen TV, DVD/VHS combo player and a tray to hold his popcorn. "Freak Boy, attorney at law presiding."

"No! No, this man is not my lawyer," Jack shouted.

"Mr. McCoy, you're out of order!"

"He's not even a lawyer!"

"Jack, in South Texas, anyone who passes the bar can be a lawyer," Freak Boy said.

"You haven't passed the bar! And this isn't South Texas," Jack hissed.

"They don't know that," Freak Boy said.

"Your honor," the plaintiff began, "may I point out that this man is not a lawyer... and we are relatively sure this isn't South Texas."

"Your honor," began Freak Boy, "may I point out that I've seen all your movies, including Zandalee and Vice Versa."

"I'm going to allow it," said Judge.

"At this point I would like it noted that neither myself nor my client recognize this court's authority," Freak Boy said.

"Very well," Judge responded. "Raise the roof for your Jury!"

Into the room stepped Snoop Dogg, MC Hammer, Notorious BIG, Tupac, Ice Cube, and many more!

"Oh my god, they're all black," Jack said sadly. "Where's Eminem?"

"I think we may have some trouble with MC Hammer."

"The defense may make it's opening statement," said Judge Reinhold.

"Relax," Freak Boy said, "the way to win over a black jury is to make sure they know you're one of them--that you understand them."

"Thanks, Freak Boy."

Freak Boy stood before the jury. "Renowned rappers of the jury, Jack McCoy is just like you. He knows what it's like when the clerk at the store won't take your food stamps," all the rappers frowned. "He LOVES grape soda," at this point the rappers clenched their fists. "and he looks forward to his welfare checks!"

The rappers began growling and looking ferocious as Freak Boy waved his arms in the air. "Hey! Hoooo! Heeeey! Hoooo! Thank you."

Freak Boy took a seat and Jack sighed. "Great, now the jury hates us."

"I've got them eating out of the palm of my hand," Freak Boy said. As if on queue, one of the rappers threw a microphone at Jack, knocking him in the head.

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"The defense may call it's witnesses," said Judge.

"I'd like to call to the stand... Lori Roberts! A surprise witness," Freak Boy said. Lori, a hot busty blonde took the stand.

"State your name and occupation."

"I'm Lori Roberts... I work at the Mall."

"Do you remember seeing ME at the mall?" asked Freak Boy.

"Yeah... you're the guy they kicked out of the bookstore."

"What is your phone number, Ms. Roberts? May I remind you that you are under oath."

Lori sighed. "376-6421."

"Thank you, you can step down. I now call to the stand, Jack McCoy."