[Report This]Date: June 16 2011 2:07 PM Title: Chapter 1
After such a build up, i was expecting more description of Barry in Mandy's mothers stomach. Instead of just blacking out almost straight away.
Everything else was very good though
[Report This]Date: August 22 2008 10:52 AM Title: Chapter 1
A very nice story that is well written and simplistic
Date: June 08 2008 3:08 AM Title: Chapter 1
I thought perhaps I had overlooked the vaginal insertion because of the cramping of your pragraphs, so I checked again and saw no mention of the insertion. So you've added it in your reply to my previous comments.
So, take the advice, use seperate paragraphs and do please continue writing and maybe, just maybe, add a little exciting mastication.
Author's Response: I will quite happily take both of your suggestions to heart.
[Report This]Date: June 07 2008 7:38 AM Title: Chapter 1
(Excuse for my bad English)
Excellent history! It is pleasant to me, when very young girls swallow of 2 inch boys. Many thanks for sharing. Please more!!!
Author's Response:
All review, positive or negative, English-speaking or not are appreciated.
You probably speak English better than I speak your own language, anyway!
Date: June 07 2008 5:14 AM Title: Chapter 1
A few notes: This story was pretty basic. Considering fantasy and poetic license, I feel it unlikely that a female would relish her little victims fully-clothed, and how could she 'taste' the fellow by simply swallowing.
I fully agree with Stylesri - Paragraphs, please!
Two more: The victims are far TOO small; and secondly, where was the insertions?
Other than that, thank you for sharing....
Author's Response: "With that, I was crammed head first into Mandy’s incredibly vast vagina. I crawled in much deeper into the wet, pink tube until I came to a bundle of nerves.“Is that what I think it is?” I said to myself. In order to find out, I touched it gently. An earthquake followed or, rather, a girlquake.“Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” Mandy screamed as a jet of foaming liquid expelled me from her body."
Date: June 06 2008 9:08 PM Title: Chapter 1
Paragraphing please. We're only human
Author's Response: Trust me, I've learned my lesson in this area. Don't worry about it.