[Report This]Date: September 13 2020 5:12 AM Title: Chapter 15 - Loren Issakinen's Foot
Honestly, you're doing a very good job with this story, especially for it being your first one. You've created an interesting cast of characters, and that makes each mini character arc even more enjoyable. You've also been doing a pretty good job of slowly building up to the more action focused parts.
I really like how you've written Loren and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how her arc goes.
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response:
I really appreciate the kind words!
I've been a fan of your Shrunk at College series for a few years now. Excellent stuff, I really love the world you've created. I would have reviewed in real time, but I used to merely lurk around here until I made an account to do this first story.
Date: September 12 2020 8:31 PM Title: Chapter 15 - Loren Issakinen's Foot
Wow, Loren is really spoiling Brett this chapter. I'm also surprised how honest he is being with her considering how it didn't go so well last time with Mrs. Gomez. Hopefully his honesty with her doesn't come back to bite him.. (as if).. I expect that Mrs. Samson will be a bit of a rude awakening after Loren's version of "detention."
To also respond to your response, I figured as much, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You put so much detail into your style I wouldn't want you to stifle it by writing something that you can't personally get behind. Also love the idea of places of business using the certification logic and technology, the possiblities are endless, either people willingly shrinking to offer special services or criminals used as a new form of amenity for businesses. My first thought was a salon/massage parlor, plenty of applications for them there. Could also do something regarding gig working shrinkees, signing up for temp jobs that don't know much about ahead of time. The certification is a great premise cause you are pretty much clearly stating that these are people who have little to no experience with shrinkees in the process of learning what to do to control them. Plenty of room for some miscommunications, mistakes or lack of oversight.... fortunately :D
When it comes down to it, I just love the idea of someone thinking they are gonna enjoy being a shrinkee but quickly realizing they are in too deep, but unable to back out.
Author's Response:
Thanks much! There's some growth in both Brett and Loren going on in these chapters. It may be pivotal to his future after all...
I love your ideas for extending the theme!
Date: September 12 2020 7:13 AM Title: Chapter 15 - Loren Issakinen's Foot
Wooh!
You did not dissapoint with this chapter, a great follow up to their first meeting.
I loved their interaction, and the scene leading up to the shrinking. I loved Loren's assessment of Brett and how she cut through all the bullshit and simply laid it all out in front of him.
I also like that she was open and encouraging of him to enjoy himself and 'release' I hope we get to see some intimate moments.
This also introduces a new form of dynamic which could be explored in later chapters (I know I said this with a few of the other teachers, but I feel it applies here too) where you've laid out a scenario and interactions which could have Brett back with her again.
I could see Brett visiting her on weekends of afterschool for more shrinking fun, or just to talk.
Loren is presented as not having many people she interacts with in her private/social life outside of her work and job.
And the visible change in her demeanor with Brett after their conversation, her more playful and gentle actions with him while shrunk, and her willingness to explore his desires (and on the flip side, his desire for her to explore hers)
Makes me feel that this relationship could grow into something more, and Loren could find a close friend (or little lover/tiny friend with benefits (or normal sized)
Hope this chunky review shows how much I really freaking loved this chapter, and am so excited as always to see more (but even more excited than normally XD)
Author's Response:
Thanks very much! I appreciate your review.
I think that you pretty much have Loren figured out, but she may have a few surprises - although your suggestions for a future relationship that they will have, I believe will not be disappointed.