Date: February 16 2008 8:35 PM Title: Chapter 3: Rampage
At first i like the strory. She felt bad after killing him. But then the power went to her head like it aways does in stories.
This chapeter suck very much. I hate it very much it was not fun to read at all. It lost it's fun when she keep on getting bigger.
I can see where this story is going. She will just keep getting bigger and bigger tell she can't be stop and so she now rules the planet. That is where i see this is going. So far this story sucks and it is not fun to read a story that has nothing but killing people.
So give up on this story and try to think of something much better and that has a better story line to it. People are sick to think that killing is sexy in any way. Only kill when need be not just because it is fun to do.
Date: February 16 2008 8:10 PM Title: Chapter 3: Rampage
I can probably guess where this is going.
When the National Guard falls, the President orders a nuclear strike.
Anyway, as for advice: You introduced a new character (that General) and then killed him off in the same chapter. Why bother giving all that detail if you kill him off a few seconds later.
Also, you could add the fact that America would have scrambled fighter jets, fired cruise missiles and also fire-and-forget missiles. You know, those ones that can be launched kilometres away.
I can understand with the gunships being that close, but they'd be opening fire with rocket pods and cannon, not hovering around and waiting to be killed after the shockwave.
How does it go? Shoot first, ask questions later?
Oh and one final note: The text size is really tiny. I can read it, but perhaps make it a bit bigger.