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Reviewer: wq123 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: March 14 2017 10:23 PM Title: Chapter 1

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Reviewer: wq123 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: March 14 2017 10:16 PM Title: Chapter 1

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Reviewer: Lordrevan12 Signed starhalf-star [Report This]
Date: June 19 2013 1:02 PM Title: Chapter 1

The storie line is good but, You need to use quotation marks to show speach. Like

"Happy birthday, Sammy," Naru said raising her hand and cheering."

I would also suggest you work on showing not telling. You are telling us not showing us the emotions. As an Author it bothers me to see that.

Reviewer: tinytiger8 Signed [Report This]
Date: August 09 2012 1:48 PM Title: Chapter 1

Great! Creative!

Reviewer: SafetyPin Signed star [Report This]
Date: November 22 2007 8:11 PM Title: Chapter 1

Good story idea. Lots of potential.
However it is poorly written.

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