Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 05 2019 5:15 PM Title: Chapter 3: Hard to Swallow

Junie appearance is never described (as far as I know) which was a bit frustrating. Overall it was a nice chaptewr to read, even with the various time skips. Now, when Rembrandt says:

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

Is that a hint at family issues?

Here:

Than it was forced

I think you mean “then” not “than”. You would use “than” in a statement such as:

“I want more than that.”

“Then” is normally used to describe something in sequence.

Here:

“She’d went topless today.”

It may be better to simply state that she wasn’t wearing underwear/bra because topless implies (at least to me) she’s not wearing any clothes above her waist.

Here this sentence seems unfinished:

“...side of Rembrandt’s face with her fingers and then nuzzled his cheek with her.”

With her what exactly?

Author's Response:

Thanks for the edits. I rarely find the time to actually go back and do that (laziness) but since you took the time I will! 

Junie has been described. In the first chapter actually I just didn't give a name till now. She's the girl that stares at Remy whenever he's waiting by the locker. She has thick glasses and long black hair. Crystal owed her money but she forgave it so Crystal can save for a purchase. In exchange Crystal let Junie watch Remy give her a blowjob! Because they're friends!

Rembrandt has some sort of troubles going on. Seems like he's avoiding people and lives by himsel.f There's probably a story there.