[Report This]Date: October 25 2018 3:14 PM Title: Chapter 5
Just caught wind of this story and for one thing just wanted to say congratulations on creating a story that provokes such an emotional response. That's a sign of good writing whether they like the story or not.
As for the story so far and its themes it really feels like a revolution is occurring for society as a whole for both men and women and there are growing pains with it. It feels like there is almost an over-correction in the women. An opportunity to make up for the centuries being viewed as little more than property despite the more recent status of general equality among sexes. It's not perfect but I can understand why women might be taking unfair liberties during the power shift. That's probably what's pissing people off. I personally think Camelia already regrets some of what she's done but the high of it all is too good. Plus it is objectively better for Mark to move on. Just because he doesn't have a job and isn't able to provide doesn't mean he's not a father and that his kids don't need him. Especially his son who is likely to have it a lot rougher than him soon enough just growing up in this new society.
Speaking of Mark I really feel bad for him because what Camilla is doing is incredibly unfair and maybe even hypocritical. I have questions for her. Like has he done anything to make her fear him in the first place? Why was she intimidated by him, because normally children don't fear their parents. Respect and fear are two different things. He didn't seem like the kind of guy to force respect through physical punishment so why is she using it? I kind of think she's getting some bad advice from her friends. For all her talk this is a huge failing for the new "head of the household" and kind of a bad example for Kylie. Unless this new world is one ruled through violence and intimidation. That's kind of dystopian actually.
Anyway I hope this family can find some new equilibrium and that Camilla doesn't actually take away Mark's right to even be called a dad even though she seems adamant to crush his dignity and his children's respect for him.
Great story so far. Provocative themes.
Date: October 24 2018 3:39 AM Title: Chapter 5
This story isn't really doing much for me at this point, but I'm glad you continued to write it. Please don't change course just because people don't understand what you're doing, or what social commentary you're trying to get across. It might be that it's just hard to get behind someone who has all the power. (Camilla) Who knows? Keep going though, there are still enough characters lying in wait to make this interesting, but it seems like a steep hill to climb. It feels almost so final that you could end it here, and there wouldn't be any unanswered questions except what happened with lynn.
All in all, keep going and tell a great story!
Date: October 23 2018 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 5
I think this is the part where he attempts suicide, but Camilla just barely stops him