Date: November 30 2018 2:25 PM Title: Breakfast...with company
I think the story could benefit from an antagonist since everyone else is so nice, but the Alyssa character came up so abruptly that it seemed forced. I know this was a first run, so maybe it could be improved. Perhaps as an alternative one of the existing characters finds a darker side of themselves...perhaps Jackie herself. When the three try the role reversal (a great idea!) Jackie's new position of power awakes something in here where she is in charge for once. Perhaps her new position as giantess gets the better of her. Not that she's evil but she enjoys the power. Perhaps it even allows her to better understand Carissa who was in a similar position as a child when she visited Jackie's school for the first time. I think the Alyssa character can be developed a bit more, and just wanted to provide some alternative ideas for an antagonist. Great work as always!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And yeah, Alyssa's introduction could've been a little more organic and not forced as you said. But I love your idea of one of the three becoming 'darker'. It's definitely an idea we could see in the future. Adding Alyssa however back into the story however, I'll go back to the drawing board on that one. Hope to see you around, hopefully with Alyssa's reintroduction fixed and definitely more organic!