[Report This]Date: June 24 2020 9:26 AM Title: Introduction
Hi, love your stories, as usual.
Taking some time, as you do, weaving the subject material into a real believable and internally consistent story, however short, is absolutely essential, to me at least.
fyi, I think there is an editing error at the end of the first chapter, the victim is stepped on twice, differently?
Author's Response:
Thank you! It can be a fun challenge to tell a story in as few words as possible, and this helps get right to the action.
No error; I was trying to figure out how, exactly, to write vignettes, and there's a POV shift. Every story posted is a new learning experience!
Date: July 22 2018 11:25 AM Title: Introduction
This is pretty good so far. The way the guy at the gym was crushed by the sheer tightness of Fulda's squats was fairly creative. I'm also kind of biased towards macros taking lives at a whim so that sort of attitude that's been prevelant so far has also made me enjoyed this. I think the transition between the focus on Fulda to the victim could be a bit more streamlined or at least some sort of marker to indicate it that transition would be fine.
I noticed that although Fulda is described as "outwardly a bully", so far she has not been the initiator of conflict. All of her shrinking interactions have been retalitory on her part against people violating her physical space or putting their hands on her. Macros having some kind of justification (however tenuous) is a good detail that I think is skipped over in a lot of macro stories though if Fulda is a bully I think it would make sense that somewhere down the line she would shrink or otherwised torment someone who the reader would be inclined to feel a bit more sympathetic towards. Perhaps her assigned partner in a class project couldn't pull their weight despite an earnest attempt or maybe she shrinks some bystander simply because she wants something to take her frustration out on.
That being said, I'm looking forward to reading more of this collection. I'm interested to see how Helen plays out once she appears.
Author's Response:
I could make it more clear when a transition is happening. A hard break doesn't make sense for a story that's just a few pages, but a few words specifying a change in perspective is doable, and I'll keep that in mind for future entries.
That's a pretty good idea! She's just having a bad day, and wants to feel better about herself. For the first few stories the people she encounters have been more aggressive to firmly establish the themes I'm trying to cover, while later ones are going to be more subtle and social transgressions like guys who pop out of nowhere with a "well, actually," or try to mansplain. I'll think about how best to include something like that, since while the girls included in this are far from being good people they're not villains, either.
[Report This]Date: July 15 2018 12:50 AM Title: Introduction
How about one where a tall girl is entered into a limbo contest? She is surprised to find that every time she goes under the limbo she shrinks a bit. In order to regain her size she has to win. She ends up facing a short girl that is amazing at limbo.
The shrinking is unnoticeable to everyone except for the tall girl herself.
The short girl can either get ticked off and get rid of the shrunken girl, or find some way to get her disqualified or cheat to win. This causes the girl to become stuck at her new size.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the idea! Unfortunately it doesn't fit with the themes I plan to cover, and with a limited pool of characters it would be unwise to use one for this, in addition to rendering her unusable for future stories.