[Report This]Date: July 13 2018 12:47 PM Title: Chapter 5
I forgot to review the last but I had read it when it came out and it was just perfect. What a cruel way of TF would like more of it. I also like the idea of some boy or man has to give BJ so cruel and amazing, would like to see it again and the not aware of the boys makes it so much better.
[Report This]Date: June 19 2018 1:19 AM Title: Chapter 5
the best chapter so far. cant wait for more. what a story... one of the best I ever read. I enjoy blow jobs and scat plots the most.
[Report This]Date: June 01 2018 5:53 AM Title: Chapter 5
the best chapter now, I enjoy the part the most with this teen having his dick deep in this blow up dolls throat and how they all had no idea, so hoot. please do again something like it, it cant get more cruel of some teen having his dick in a straight guys throat or mouth or taking a shit into his mouth, and them are unawre, that is so hot. best story ever.
[Report This]Date: May 25 2018 10:02 AM Title: Chapter 5
Totally re read the chapter and had to tell a few more things. I like most the parts in all chapters so far where the transformed guys are like please no why is this happening, or screaming, are in pain, tears, throwing up, gaging, are losing their mind, scream for help, are like oh please no no, oh god n- and then are interupted, by some just casual normal event, by the unaware people, this is so written well, I honestly havent read something like it before and I am just loving it. You should totally focus on this and maybe make it even darker. And then as a toping of the cake, Ashely just ignore them, or find it thrilling how they suffer. Or even doesnt care, and just forget about them from one instant to another as just nothing happened. I liked how this William guy for example just... poof, became trashed by him, even he was a person before in a chapter, but he literally ruined the exam learn phasse for Ashely, so he became just trash... or actually shit in this case. I liked how Ashely just wanted him to end in a trash can, maybe had talked to him actually then, but it went totally different and he just laughed about it, oops. I liked how Phil was like this asshole, I then thought of, what if someone became one actually... or when someone says something like this shit mouth/breath. I also think a very cruel transformation would be, turning someine into a portable toilet box, maybe they go on a camping trip or bike trip, and Ashely offers this box to Phil to take a shit into when they are with bikes on the road. I think a very cruel contrast would be having the sobbing transformed guy somehow having false hope, sobbing and tearing up, maybe he like please, I dont deserve this, wh whats going on? And then the boy above just presses him on his anus to take a shit into, OH GOD NO PLEASE GOD NO. Then having hist Phil above txt casually with one hand holding his phone maybe, while slowly he slides out a large turd like from a soft ice machine, and it is like 3-5" long, and creamy soft. It would also work great for this idea with the fleshlight, but also with someone turns into his anus. I think this concept of SAW like with the fly would also be awesome to focus on again, maybe turning someone into a cockroach. Ashely gifting Phil a fleshlight would also fit great, because of the part where Ashely spoke to him and he didnt want to use the doll first, then later how he said yes it was good a bit shy. Ashley removing the capability to understand someone too is also a nice way of torture I think, like whispering to him oh dont worry, I wont be able to hear you anymore after this, enjoy being his/my asshole. Then also cruel would be Ashely looking through a microscope maybe in biology class, and watching someone being the size of a amoaeba or actually became one. Turning someone into a little grub and having him feed to a bird or goldfish by his unaware friends would also be cool, then being digested by the bird or goldfish intestine ending as a liquid withis yellow poop. The best is totally of the unaware boys and them doing stuff, joking about or using vulgar language, which indirectly mocks the transformed people.
[Report This]Date: May 25 2018 1:51 AM Title: Chapter 5
New again highest enjoable, I like dirty plots the most, and this was totally to my taste. The guy becoming just a blow job and fuck toy for these teens, wow I love this. Would like more in this direction. I did not see any mistakes at all. Time to get ffffffffoooooked, eeeh he, I enjoy how you make them talk and the other boys, I like high school and college plots the most. I love this story. I can see it have a lot more chapters there is no need to end it any time soon, I am just in love with it. And it was not too long too I think, really good.
[Report This]Date: May 24 2018 9:20 AM Title: Chapter 5
Hey dear, what an amazing new chapter. What an amazing idea, is there some chance to see more of it? Actually I am a big fan of deep throating especially forced, gaging, choking on some boys dick, pinching a nose cut, cutting off the air and the gurgle and despression rising, and this part, the boy Tim doing this: As much as Tim didn't want the sensation to end, he couldn't' stop himself as he sped up his hips and gripped the doll by its almost human like hair and yanked the doll down into his crouch and held it there for a few moments. The vibration came back stronger than before. He swore that it was like the doll was screaming for air, which was impossible. It didn't take long before the sensation made Tim burst, as he forced his load down the small tube that wrapped around his dick. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,oooooo, yeah." Tim said as he kept pumping his hips into the vacuum like pipe that wouldn't let go of his penis. It was like it didn't want him to pull out yet. Finally, when his member wilted, Tim could extract his shrunken member from the sex doll. Tim looked down thinking there would be a mess left with his cum leaking out, but there was nothing coming out of the mouth except that mysterious fluid. "Wow, that was amazing." Tim pulled up his pants. ... ... Was one of the most hot things you ever wrote. I just love it. So thrilling and exhausting to read it is pure pleasure. Not sure how but I would enjoy something like this again, maybe another doll chapter of it being used, or fleshlight maybe. I just love "dick sucking" plots, and deep throating, damn this was so hot.
[Report This]Date: May 23 2018 11:43 PM Title: Chapter 5
Aboslutely stunning. I was hoping and waiting for blow up sex doll plot, thanks for this, I loved it so much. I have actually no idea how and where to start actually again, there is so much I wished to talk about, when I read the chapter. But I worry that I already forgot a lot. I should somehow try to make marks during my first read through.
First, I absolutely loved the length of the chapter. So please dont cut them down, if they become long, than thats a plus, not a negative. You are actually one of the best authors I know so far on here, putting the most love, details and time into chapters. I want to give you like 100 out of 100 stars for this actually. And I hope you keep up on this.
The plot telling is so damn realistic again. I love how you follow up your telling style, by writing about Ashelys go through his day. The chapters of yours literally are so awesome because of this. It is "not just" some kinks, it is also the conversations, Ashely learing for exams and school, going to school, sitting in classes, doing homework and all this, I already loved it in your previous story a lot.
The idea with the gym was fantastic and great way to use this idea, with the football team and Phils friends being around at the gym. I loved the idea SO MUCH of this shithead guy being so rude to Ashely and... how he paied it back BIG time to him, so epic.
I LOVED all the little things you put in between which I always love, like "he was literally fucked"... this part, was one of the most hot I read:
"No," Ashely said putting a hand on her. "Clair if he's ignoring you than he's a shitty person. If he's a shitty person than you shouldn't give a shit about such a little shit like him."Clair frowned at Ashely words, "Why are you using shit so much?"Ashely just laughed and shrugged, "Just thinking about William bailing on you like that just make me so mad."Clair gave Ashely a hug and thanked him, "Your right, if William wants to ignore me than he can go and be a piece of shit somewhere else."Ashely couldn't help but laugh again. A piece of shit was what he was, and a lot closer than Clair knew.
And I would love to see someone turn literally into shit, and still lives through it. I LOVE your ironic remarks so much especially by Ashely... and how cruel and sadistic he is, and literally has no empathy towards the people he changes. This is the best about this story. He literally doesnt give a shit. And how he faked about asking about him, and was like oh Im sure hes fine, maybe "just going through a lot right now" and all... I LOVE these two meaningful ironic remarks more than anything "oh he is mostly just a shitty guy"... fantastic, please more. Maybe even Ashely mocking someone whispering stuff like this to someone he trasnformed.
I have to say the doll part was a bit short unfortunatly, I would loved it being way longer. I wasnt a bit not happy with the ending too. I actually would had loved a way more cruel ending. For example, imagine two of the youngest of the team... come back the other day and make a "funny prank" with the doll. Of one of them takes a shit into "her" mouth on the ground, them making pictures and post them on FB, thinking it would be hella funny, like typicall straight jocks are, especially on the football team. And they would obviously also throw the doll in the trash of course after this.
Another little criticsm I had was, the shock moments are a bit missing in this chapter. Charlie gaging, nearly vomitting with his non existing stomach, his screams, his horror moments like... n-no. no, this can- please nono NONON-- of suddenly a teens dick is shoved into his mouth. Especially of this guy was older and straight, right. He would have lost his mind, it was totally gay to him. Imagine of some straight jock being raped like this, he would scream, chock, vomit, tear up, lose his mind, even be like please kill me at some point, with a broken voice. Maybe you can adapt this more in this flesh light tf idea, I would love more than anything to see this actually. Maybe as a gift for Phil. And then... the flesh light is used as a "toilet" of the dorm toilet is clogged, and the flesh light had a nice oepning as a mouth, ironically, and Phil takes a shit into it filling it to its rim, also felt like better not telling Ashely about it. Bringine me over to this part:
"Sure," Ashely said as Phil lead him to where there were some drinks. As soon as they got their drinks, Ashely felt like it was time to ask Phil the question of the night. "You going to use it too?"This caused Phil to choke on his drink a little, "What? No. Hell no, I mean thanks for the gift to the team and all but, dude come on.""What," Ashely said all innocently. "I'd be insulted if you didn't."Phil just snorted. "Then I'm sorry I insulted you but you won't catch me touching that thing. I'd have to be black out drunk to even think about it," Phil joked obviously not serious.
I just loved this so much. You literally thought of everything. The idea could literally be left out, right? But this makes it even BETTER. Of Phil didnt mean to use it actually at first, but Ashely talked him into it actually, LOL!
Tim... I love this Tim guy. And the whole virgin idea. Totally the best part of the chapter. And how he was also literaly losing it with this "blowjob" and how he came out and told his friends about it, and them joking and all.. I just love it. Please more of the football team, Phil, and co. The idea where he tested it first with his finger, LOL! "It must have been lubricated," such a great idea.
The best again was all the conversations obvously, it is your biggest strength, and all the jock talk, so damn realistic. All you characters are so realistic and vidid, Ashely, Phil, these new guys... Tim... ALL of them.
I also loved this part
Nick let out a defeated sigh, "Figures. I'm in the back a few seats behind you."Ashely gave him an ashamed look, "Sorry, I don't tend to look behind me that often."
Haha... this somehow let me think, of someone turn into a butt, which would mean also "Sorry, I don't tend to look behind me that often." hahaha.
I LOVED the part with the bubble gum... and the shit talk, like I mentioned about, so damn good.
LOL this Bill part!!! and him sleeping in with still coupled with the sex doll... I also actually thought all the time, what if it "blew up". Like I said above, the horror stuff somehow missed a bit, like something like ".. mo...mommy..." the former giy whimpering in a broken silent voice over the snoring. I think he wouldn really shout GET OFF ME, it was a bit not fitting. Also in your previous chapters, this is like the only criticsm I have, you have to think into, what would you do or say in this parts. These people would totally break and whimper, and becoming smaller actually. They wouldnt just be like "get off me" at this point, he would mostly just be a former shell of his self, totally broken, white face, open large eyes, a horror expression literally like a fuck doll:
https://i.imgur.com/H8wlQo9.png
Do you know the movie The Ring, and its enings? Literally a disturbed broken freak look on his face like that.
And then the total ironic combination of the unaware boys of course, with their dick in his mouth, and having fun.
Maybe add this in the flesh light idea. But also, when using as a toilet "potty" box, it would literally be the worst imaginable hell I actually can think of.
MAybe even worse..someone becomes Phils or Ashelys anus.
I LOVED this idea of the "fuck the next team name" LOL! Perfect idea!
Ugh this chapter is so much full of fantastic little ideas like this one, it is actually one of your best so far I think.
I hope I didnt forgot something to talk about, thanks so much for writing. Youre my hero, seriously. Would love if you can look on the ideas I posted on the other post, flesh light+toilet, anus, maybe cockroach, hooker+mc, turd, bacteria, condom, cum stain, there are also some more cruel stuff imaginable, like turning into a hair inside a butt, dingleberry, ant, toilet paper.Thanks for writing !!!!!!
[Report This]Date: May 23 2018 3:14 PM Title: Chapter 5
Sooo good. Seriously? This virgin idea, best idea eaver! Totally the best part with this Tim character. I love this chapter. And Phil too. Too bad Phil wasnt wrtten out just mentioned using the doll. But there is plenty of room for more Phil I guess, ha. The gum idea was also wesome, especially of her swalloing it, lol. And that gum boy drawing, lol!! Not sure about this, but maybe you could have put the gum idea in the beginning of another chapter actually, and then had more room for the dool idea. I totally loved the doll idea, wished it had been a bit longer. I loved how they all used his throat mostly and the one guy falling asleep with his dick in his ass, lol, best part.
[Report This]Date: May 23 2018 2:57 PM Title: Chapter 5
Totally best hot chapter so far, amazing idea with the doll. The ending I dont know so much, with the time warp. maybe you can let them use the doll again in another chapter or so. The length was totally not to o long, I enjoy your long chapters more than anything. Hope to see some scat plots again with very sadistic style. But this was such a great chapter it is my favorite so far.