[Report This]Date: May 06 2018 7:32 AM Title: Third Interlude
I like it. I think you understand the characters very well. Especially the dynamic between Linda and Lisa. Linda does believe her daughter is a precious little angel and would never manipulate her. She might be purposefully ignorant to her daughter's manipulative nature. What really resonated with me is the idea that Linda sees Lisa's status a a halfsie as more of a detriment than a plus.That's good stuff.
My one criticism is that Lisa seems a little too knowledgable of Al and Shannon's relationship. Stuff like Shannon paying for Alejandro's schooling or that he has a sister I don't think Izzy would give her those details or even mention Shannon much at all. But that's just me. Shannon's pretty famous so it's not implausible for Lisa to know who she is. Izzy's definetly at least mentioned Alejandro to Lisa though so she is aware of the crush.
Very good work overall.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the praise, of Creator of MAJOR/minor !
I'm happy that I didn't pushed the characters too far, I wasn't sure about Linda being as oblivious of her daughter's mischievous and manipulative side, but I thought that you would correct me if I was wrong anyway, so no harm trying it :p . The halfsy's problem was a spur of the moment, something I thought MAJORS would feel bad for minors because it embolded them, being "half-MAJOR" and all, and for someone like Lindsey desperately trying to get more freedom in anyway she can, I felt it would be a can of worms for her parents.
Concerning Lisa's knowledge about Shannon and Alejandro, I can't help but imagine her pestering Izzy or taking advantage of our titular heroine's training to resist mental probed to actually learn more about it ! At least, it's my headcanon so far.
And many thanks for the review !
Date: May 04 2018 8:48 PM Title: Third Interlude
The Lindsey chapter was good, was nice seeing her meet new people. The chapter had quite a few grammatical errors and the ending felt a little weird but guess it showed what a Major goes through at that age.
The Bondange chapters I did not expect which was a good surprise. Liked seeing Shannon and Alejandro growing closer especially with Alejandro starting a Bond taking the lead was unexpected. Wonder if Fiona's attitude will change when meeting Izzy even falling for her like everyone that meets her.
The Linda chapter was good showing more of how Majors tend to think of Minors which reinforce my own thoughs on that Majors feel like giant children. It felt like Lisa had quite a bit of power over Linda making her look like the adult. So to me Minors feel like adults while the Majors feel like bickering children if that makes any sense. Also wondering if Linda will make a pass at Izzy.
Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review !
Sooner or later, i'll return to the old chapter to do the spell-checking and corrections they deserve;;; but not today, I'm too lazy for it !I'm glad that you liked the bondage chapters, they were kind of hard to pull off. For all the Izzy question, NotSirk will have to answer it someday, perhaps. I'm also glad that the Linda chapter came out well !
Once more, thanks for the review ! :)