Date: February 25 2018 1:59 PM Title: First Interlude
Samantha's a tier 3?...That's troubling. Al does have a pretty tough wall built around him though. Maybe he can endure it. There are a lot of variables to that interaction that can really cause tension. That's a powder keg!
And I misread Jim. I thought he was an okay guy, but he's already made plans for Alejandro. Maybe he won't be into your daughter! Maybe he won't be into anyone! Shannon's a billionaire who helped him recover significant mental trauma and she just barely qualifies a second glance from Rando! You presume too much sir! You presume tooooooo much!
I will say I actually like the school setting. It's one of my favorite tropes BUT.....New Lives doesn't necessarily need it. It would make good background detail and world building, but Alejandro has tons to work with already with just Lindsey, moving to a new place, not getting eaten by an alligator, Shannon, his own mental health, missing his family. Hell you could do a whole chapter on him just trying to get out the door by himself! No minor entrance! That's bullshit I haven't forgotten!! That being said I do want to see Alejandro succeed in school...if that's what he wants. Education is an important step to independence for a minor. Ah! There's too much to talk about! What will Al do?!!?
Author's Response:
He'll do whatever he wants. Sometimes, he like to be treated like a precious jewel, after all (he told so to Joseph at the end of my first story in your universe, if you remember XD). But I can tell you that Samantha will probably surprise you in a good way (and Jim too, I think he is probably one of the most tragic character I'll write in this story). The school won't be too big a part of the story (unlike your main story) but I want to build some solid foundations at first and then make use of them when needed. I may or may not do a whole chapter of Alejandro roaming in his house and trying to get out, I'm not sure yet. So far, I've roughly sixty chapters that I want to write, with a lot of room to add more or add details !
Anyway, thanks for the review !
Date: February 25 2018 8:12 AM Title: First Interlude
I wonder how info about his daughter slipped Shannons notice. Because we know t3 has a chance of dominating even the strongest wills. A major without experience can accidently give commands without noticing their influ3nce, what will a trained t3 be like? How will this become a conflict between the new love Shannon and Alejandro share? Will Shannons secrets be revealed through Alejandros mind? Will there be conflict between the daughter and the minor rights movement? School feels like a.way to keep Shannon and Alejandro apart, and new conflict to arise, but it doesn't feel needed. I don't really see what sort of character growth will occur in a school s3tting for our characters. It just seems to pull unnecessary conflict into the story.
Author's Response:
The school is mostly needed for Alejandro and Lindsey, but also the rest of the MAJOR population. Most of the ambassadors don't attend school, or at least not the "elite" ones like Alejandro will. I can tell you that Samantha isn't the usual "gimme" MAJOR, even if she is Tier 3, thouth her abilities will make her dangerous. But she'll allow me to play with a whole other power-level, so to speak, something I wanted to do for some time now. Alejandro going to school will impact a lot of lives in a more mundane way than a talk-show would... but it won't be the only way he'll do so... "Mysterious smile"
Also, Shannon is not a fool, her corporate secrets won't be shared with Alejandro, despite the way she feel about him. She wants to protect him, even if she often try it in misguided ways, and in an environment as ruthless as corporate business... a Minor with access to sensitive informations would be far too exposed and at risk for her liking ! And when Alejandro will be at school, or generally away from her, it'll force Shannon to reflect on herself, her feelings toward him and how she could and should respond to his own and nurture them ! Win-Win situation in my eyes !
Anyway, thanks a lot for the review !
[Report This]Date: February 25 2018 7:56 AM Title: First Interlude
Okay, I really feel like someone needs to remind Alejandro that he can use the word “no.”
From the plane to the house to Jim planning to use him to hook his daughter up... he needs to make it clear to everyone around him, it seems, that they need to make his consent “part of the plan.”
Seriously, does he need to get a t shirt that says “Don’t Spring Things On Me?”
Oh, I know...”Biggies are like that.” But I think our hero needs to put his foot down. He’s working so hard on being frank with the people around him and I see a lot of his frustration coming from the fact that he’s not included when plans and decisions are being made.
This story has been a lot of fun, with an insightful quality that made it more unique as a world building piece. Little details make these worlds come alive. I really enjoy how Alejandro has such a strong support network but little bits of conflict and tension arise, mostly thanks to the nature of the crazy biggies.
I’m really happy to see such a unique story here. Your characters are fun and alive and I will keep coming back for more as long as you keep “hooking us up.” (Oh darn...I didn’t use any quote marks on paragraph five....I gotta do better next time. Ha ha.)
Peace
pix
Author's Response:
Okay, I had made a huge ass reaction, but somehow, the site gobbled it up. Damn it, I'll write it again, and longer even !
First thing first, hourra ! The dreaded but still long awaited pixl8ed review ! I was beginning to be afraid that I had bored you to death ! Happy to see I was wrong :)
More seriously, I can tell you that some MAJORS won't know what's coming their way when Alejandro will beging school. Even before that, I intend for him to remind everyone that he isn't some trophy to be fought over. Some plans will be upsetted, and big changes for a lot of biggies will come because they'll discover that a Minor can be harder to move than a mountain range. As for Samantha... she'll be one of the major (eh) character of this story. I don't want to tell too much about her future role, but she'll be pretty important, with at least several Interludes for herself, possibly some chapters from her point of view even.
I'm also glad that you're liking all the details I put in the story. It's something I'm always afraid off overdoing, but my OCD when it comes to crafting worlds can't allow me to do less (and believe me, compared to the stuff I write for myself, it's rather tame here, considering that I don't have the urge to try to create a fictional language, or at least as many words of one in a way that makes sense and fell coherent, like I have elsewhere). It's made harder by the fact that the setting is estadounidense (I don't like to use American in this meaning, deal with it) when I'm French, which add some level of difficulties... even if searching demographics for New Orleans and the like is always interesting, at least for me ;) ! Still, help will always be appreciated.
I'm happy to tell you that the quality of the chapter should improve a little (at least I hope it will) since I'll be reading fictions in English more often this year, something I hadn't ncessarily done until now, so I should learn new words to add to my vocabulary (or remember some of them and finally use them). Anyway, once more, I'm glad to get to read your reviews, they are always extremely interesting.
Thanks for reading my work !
PS: We (at least I) want a continuation of Dark Necessities Beautiful Destinies !