One of my biggest complaints about this tail...no wait...tale...oops, sore subject..sorry Emerald...has gotten to be a certain annoying character repetition.  The characters have been enigmatic, but they’ve been enigmatic in the same way.  They all seem to be continuing a conversation that none of us ... especially Thomas... were there at the beginning of.   The lingo seems to be getting in the way.

Try to imagine that Thomas’ adventure is the story of his car breaking down in East LA.  He needs to get directions and a tow truck and stuff like that ...but everyone will only speak to him in Spanish  which Thomas doesn’t speak.  We’ll say he speaks another romance language like French, but he only gets some words and not context.   East LA is a diverse and vibrant place, home to many cultures and peoples...but in our story people will only speak to Thomas in Spanish.  He meets a Japanese girl...she only speaks Spanish.  After a while Spanish speakers and non-Spanish speakers will grow weary of the same interaction.  It’s would not be a true or interesting portrayal of East LA and the narrative would just grind down.

And that’s a shortcoming of the reality Thomas is visiting.  Why, in a confluence of realities does anyone assume Thomas would know any more than he does ... or think less of him because of his lack of information?  It’s as though every other character is going “you don’t know about grblfix?  everyone knows about grblfix!”  and the reader nor Thomas don’t get to find out about grblfix. 

As a POV character it’s Thomas’ role to ask questions, but as a protagonist it’s his job to steer the story.  Thomas has been risking losing his appeal as a protagonist for the same reason actors wanted to stop playing a Dr Who companion:  There’s only so many ways to say “what is it Doctor?”

This chapter went a long way to fixing that.  And was remarkable and entertaining in its own right. 

Delilah and Posie are compelling characters but give a feeling like they are visiting from another story.  Which is in some ways a nice hook and gives them some depth and complexity, but in some ways carries that “we missed the beginning of the conversation” feeling.

It was really satisfying to see Thomas taking control of his story, though why he doesn’t just walk away from the biggies and their drama is beyond me.  Not a one of them has a bit of merit to be worth his time...but you’ve established he’s way too nice and so I can see him stepping up and being a good person for them.

Your theme of duality became crystal clear this chapter as we encountered multiple characters who expressed this theme in delightful ways.  And it was great to start to see another side of Thomas.

Vivian was vile...Vile Vivian!  I’m gonna’ make that a thing!...anyway, she was vile as usual, though her concern for the missing Thomas was sorta redeeming. 

Markus came off a bit too much of a jerk this chapter...going straight for a lowest common denominator is not good characterization, in my opinion.  If he wants to help his mom, he should be asking Thomas for help and clarification, not being insulting.

Making some progress on the mystery of Luna was also a big step forward for the narrative.  I’m really committed, now that everything seems to be on Thomas’ shoulders.

Love the current situation...we have the sea influencing the moon instead of the natural order, vis a versa.  Great art!

Thank you.  You are a talented and inspired writer.  Well done and keep up with your craft.


Peace

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