Date: January 19 2018 7:48 PM Title: Chapter 4
Elites just have it all don't they. Strength, speed, brains,size, they probably crap gold too! And what's this bullshit about not being able to refuse vassalship? (thanks for the suffix) Shut up, Lotus of the fifth Council! You really are a (lesser) titan. "Torment Breaker" more like NERD!
I am really curious about how Les feels about all this. Her greatest moment comes with the crushing of her sister's dreams. Will she even try to make Ky her vassal considering the whole no rights thing if Ky refuses! Even death! But if she doesn't it's been made clear that Ky's a catch apparently and at least one other elite wants her. That's a powder keg situation.
For now I hope she cuts Ky some slack. It's still raw and I'm genuinely surprised Ky hasn't lashed out more, but I think a confrontation is bound to happen. Especially as time passes and it becomes harder for Ky to maintain hope of becoming an elite. I hope this tension doesn't become a wedge between the sisters.
Author's Response:
HOW did you know they crap gold! It's almost as if you read ahead to the next chapter. :)
As for Ky, perhaps she hasn't lashed out as much because Les is...Les. Imagine lashing out at a kitten who randomly gains magical powers. Ok, perhaps not the best metaphor. ;)
Thanks for the insights, NotSirk.
Date: January 19 2018 6:22 PM Title: Chapter 4
Okay, this improves a lot XD
It really feels the tension between the two sisters and the introduction of the father has greatly improved the family dynamics now that Les is on his way to ascension.
I'm sure you can not answer it, but even then I would not be forgiven if I did not, so here I go.
Are the final attitude of Ky and the final words of the doctor as important to the plot as they feel? I'm glad you're updating so often and even then each episode leaves you wanting the next! Good job!!!
PS: This is more personal, but as you will have noticed in my 3 messages, although I have a good level of speaking and reading in English, my writing is not as good and I depend on Google translator in part to express myself correctly. Do you think that with this level of English I could write a story here or should I just leave it? Between your Link and Johnrusy you have made me take up a draft that had been set aside for some time and I do not know if people would take very well a story with parts written with translate ...
Author's Response:
Many things in this chapter are important to the plot, however change is always possible, especially in POV characters.
As for a story, go for it! Some folks prefer well-formed prose, but most read for the story itself. The story and characters are 95%, grammar perhaps 5%, at least in my mind. In fact, sometimes I find foreign writers refreshing as they don't use the same cliches/euphamisms as native English speakers, instead injecting new and welcome ways of phrasing.