Date: July 08 2018 11:32 PM Title: Origin
Another one shot with huge potential. The pacing was good and the characters already lively(imo), very nice job. Only complaint I have was the line “as well as staying quiet when you're so damned huge in comparison to everything else that evolved on the planet.” since it sort of took me out of the medival setting.
I really appreciate the review! As a measure of thanks I went back and edited that sentence to make it more streamlined. And yes, I do occasionally check my reviews. I'm glad you liked the story. I am on a bit of a hiatus from writing right now as well.
I can't really commit to long stories. If I get a cute idea I'll share just enough to get the message across usually. :)
Date: January 14 2018 6:46 PM Title: Origin
Too bad this is a oneshot, it was quite cute. I had my worries about Juta reneging on her knightly vows and succumbing to her more primal appetities - well, in a way, it did play out like that. You really have a knack for making endearing characters!
Ha, thanks! Unfortunately that's my business model; just come up with an idea, give it a start, and end it there. Full stories aren't something I'm up for at the moment. But I appreciate that you see some potential in this one.
Yeah, Juta is a bit of an awful knight when it comes to sticking to honor. If nothing else, she could more easily just fit the role of Hector's Warrior.
I wanted to at least present some opportunities for her to act like a giantess, she respects Hector far too much to give him any friendly mouth or body play without his consent. Everyone else is free range game for her, though. And the forest is teeming with hostile targets that don't stand a chance.
Thank you again-- I like to try and give characters a more realistic personality if possible, but I also don't want them to all end up just being the same person in a different body. They need flaws to sort them apart. Thanks for taking the time to submit a review!
Date: January 14 2018 2:09 AM Title: Origin
As a quick one-shot, that was nice. Pacing felt a little off, but other than that, good job.
Oh, and my head canon for the future is that Hector's sister returns and defeats Juta in battle with an army in revenge for harming the horse. That horse didn't deserve that. :(
Yeah, I agree with the pacing issue. I wrote it over the course of three days, taking an hour or two here & there, so my mind may have been at different levels of attention when I did. Ah well, I'll accept that critique, lol. Like, when I look at the story as a whole, the first half seems to hardly move anywhere and the last third, soooo much happens so fast. Plus, I personally felt the ending was a bit abrupt, too. And finally, a lot happened in the course of one day-- his sister's fast arrival must have meant she left nearly immediately after Hector was carted off to be abandoned.
Ah, yes, that could be an issue. I would think she would also like to avenge Hector, since she was sent off thinking he was dead, too, though. His sister was a loose end, after all. It's very possible she would either accept defeat at home, or rally an army over time if her zeal for vengeance was strong enough. And, like I've admitted in my replies to the other reviews, Chestnut REALLY didn't deserve any of that. His original fate was a bit more violent, but this is what I toned it down to, and it still turned out pretty mean, haha. Agghh... the real victim in the story wasn't even any of the humans.
Anywho, I'm still glad you liked it overall, 'Mecha.
P.S. In your proposed future for the story, I wonder how Hector would react, who's side would he take? If he had spent enough time with Juta and bonded with her enough, would he forgive her for keeping her sister's initial forest visit a secret? Surely watching his sister arrive with an army and the intent to kill Juta would be a red flag for him.
Thanks for the review. I like hearing genuine feedback from you guys.
Date: January 13 2018 11:16 PM Title: Origin
Good story. I love the fantasy setting and the relationship between the characters. I also liked the way Juta toyed with Hector's sister. Sorry to hear this is just a one-shot. It has a lot of potential.
You do me too much honor, Pixis. I appreciate the encouragement, though. I spent the better half of last night just worrying that the story was trash and I shouldn't have even really bothered to type it. As for the sister thing, I touched on that in Nothingness's review on the story-- that whole encounter was originally going to go a much darker route, but I'm glad it went the way it did. A small, sexy roughing up and she was able to leave intact, haha. The horse is what really made me feel bad, though.
I prefer to do one-shots since they're easier to type without a proper outline/draft-- I usually can type something like this in a few hours. I wish I were more prone to doing a proper story, like you or the other fine writers on here. Regardless, I really appreciate your review. Have a good one!
Date: January 13 2018 9:10 PM Title: Origin
Absolutely loved the story. I understand that this was a one shot but im really hoping for more. Juta is my favorite type of gts, the yandere gts, especially how shes all sweet and gentle with him but then hungers for death, torture and human flesh at the same time. She is definitely NOT as knightly as I was expecting at first... Again, loved it!
Ahh, I'm sorry geeman! I do realize the story could go quite a bit further-- I set up the forest to be huge and full of stuff to find, in my mind. As for the yandere and not-so-knightly thing, I touched on that in Nothingness's review on the story in more detail, but I agree with you. Something about having ALL that power on your side, completely ready to bend to your will, it's a bit hot, to be honest. She's a bad knight, but she's still pretty good at fighting most threats.
I'm glad to hear you liked it, though, and I'm sorry I'm a tease with the one-shot. :( You're quite welcome to daydream on whatever you think would happen next, though, haha.
Have a good day, though!
Date: January 13 2018 6:32 PM Title: Origin
Yandere. That's the word I'd use to describe Juta. You had me going even when you warn us she could be an awful bitch. She seemed so shy and sweet towards Hector that I thought, "Sure, Intheliar. How awful can this sweet girl be?"
Kills a boar with her sabre when she didn't have to, pisses on a horse and threatens and lies to Hector's sister... I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I could only predict things will get complicated for Hector in the future with Juta around. She's definitely unstable and now that I think about, I wonder if much of what she said about how she got exiled by her queen was true? Very suspect.
I still can't deny how sexy it was when she dominated those badass guys, especially the part were she casually opens her mouth when he did that inhumane jump towards her face and she just ate him. You never cease to amaze me lol.
I do have one bit of criticism but it's minor. Hector mentioned calling Juta Elevator? Given the Medieval setting, how did Hector know about elevators?
I loved this story and Juta was quite a character. I think you're too hard on yourself. This was definitely NOT a waste of time. You're a very talented writer and I'm not just saying that. I envy your meticulous writing, so neat and proofread. (God knows I need to proofread my writing -_-)
I wish you the best, my friend :)
Haha! Yeah, I suppose yandere does kind of describe her a bit. I was going for a more D/S Elena-type giantess again, one who could be either cruel or behaved. Not sure where Juta ended up on that spectrum, but her nature is, well, it's something alright.
Killing the boar was both a way for her to show off, and let off some bloodlust steam. That was Hector's first warning sign that the giantess who placed herself under his command had violent and sadistic tendencies. The way she treated Hector's sister, well, that actually got re-written a few times. Initially, she crushed the horse underfoot instead of kicking it, and ended up swallowing the girl to tie up all loose ends (while worrying about a search party). I found it lore-breaking that she would defy something Hector asked her not to do, even in secret. So that was scrapped. Also, if anything, freaking Chestnut, man... That horse didn't deserve anything that happened to it in the final story, or the draft version.
You're actually onto something, there. While indeed she has absolutely the best intentions for Hector, she's a wild card and could make future situations more difficult. And, as for Juta's backstory about being a knight, that thought also crossed my mind, too. What if she was lying, and she was just some rouge, crazy yandere who wandered through the forest and eventually met her match at the business end of another giantess's sword? Would that be harder for Hector to accept-- to find out she wasn't even a knight in the first place, and was merely just another one of the forest's oddities? I would personally feel more relieved that I'd even managed to pacify someone like her in the first place. She absolutely doesn't act like a knight, she just wears the outfit and pretends.
R.I.P. Kethro & The Flea: Giantess Assassin-warriors
Okay, so in my mind at the time when I mentioned elevators, I did realize that would be an odd term to use. However, I did a bit of googling, and they're a thing, to a small extent. They had wooden platforms and ropes back in the day. Also, if you've ever played Dark Souls 3, there's a wooden elevator that runs off a wench and pulley system in one of the early levels, which is more akin to what I had in mind. It's a bit tough for me to explain, but I certainly didn't have Hector referencing a modern-day hospital or skyscraper elevator with buttons and whatnot.
Thanks again for the encouragement. You have no idea how much I hate my own work, half the time. Every concieveable flaw runs through my mind. As for this story, I ran it through a proofreader on the internet before submitting it, and had to change probably 20 words, which really ain't so bad. I have learned I like to misspell traveled as 'travelled.' To give some more insight on how much I worry about the little stuff, I think I had a dream last night where somewhere in it, I had only a single review on this story which pointed out numerous mistakes and (for some reason) called it bigoted and racist. Now that I'm awake, I realize how silly that sounds.
And I wish you well, too.
Date: January 13 2018 6:25 PM Title: Origin
Your story is off to fine start. It certainly is unlike any other that I have run across here. I hope you will decide to continue it, even if you prefer to keep it gentle. I see no reason that your giantess, Juta, cannot decide on her own that Hector is a fine roll model. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the encouragement, Tigernach! I'm a bit of a tease though. I like to come up with story ideas, give them a beginning, and stop there. I've got commitment issues with long stories.
I like your train of thought about Juta, though. It is certainly something she could end up doing, she's too wild and unrefined to be any proper knight. But the way the story was going near the end, Hector was starting to accept her as she was. But you're right, she really respects him and I'm sure she might try to control herself if she thought it would please him. I will not be continuing the story myself, though. It is just meant to be an origin story, haha. Thank you for the kind review, though.