Reviewer: NotSirk Signed [Report This]
Date: December 09 2017 12:04 AM Title: Back and forth

Okay......after reading this, then re-reading this, then reading it again. First thoughts?....I kinda hate Shannon, but more on that later.

First I love the worldbuilding. Mentioning locations like New Orleans help flesh out the world. Establishing Old Creek as a small town by saying they only had one car rental place.

I'm loving Alejandro's family! The father's strong but caring, the mother sets up potential suitors, Lindsay's just a cutie! Good on her for getting Alejandro out of his shell....and not letting him get crushed. You really sell the strength of the MAJORS when a little girl casually out lifts her older brother. Or the inescapable grip of a young child who still had baby fat and.....did Mac Ferlan punch a kid?! It's implied Shannon is closer to Alejandro's age and he was 8 when Josh was alive and 14 so did a teenager deck a 8 year old girl?! MAJORS are aggressive but Mac Ferlan is insane!

Okay Shannon. Damn she's huge. I imagine she's even taller than Ignacio who would be the minor equivalent of 6'5. Third talest in the country! Or was it the world? Huge! Also you really nail her casual arrogance. I love the line."As naturally above him as he was above ants!" She's great, but...........You don't just get to pick up Alejandro BITCH!! YEAH you fucked up! Go eat at the non existent kids table. Alejandro shouldn't have to move for you!

So yeah I'm enjoying this!

Author's Response:

Haha, thanks ! I think you'll like Chapter 5, out in some second from now. Honestly, the story is so easy to tell thanks to your awesome wolrd-building. Your last chapter blew my mind, I'll have to deal with the bond deeper than intended at first, because of it ^^. In any case, Alejandro and Shannon's growth as character will gappen (relatively soon). The night has to pass, before that however. :)