You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: whackamole1 Signed [Report This]
Date: December 10 2017 5:09 AM Title: Breakfest

"Inside Justine's purring moaning stomach James could feel his skin melting off as he screamed aimlessly in the hot steamy dark powerful digestive organ he was confined inside of. From within the pitch black shifting prison he could hear Justine's heartbeat slow down while her windpipe began to produce a loud snore. While her father knew death was coming soon in the giant sleeping belly of his daughter Justine as he in his last breaths couldn't stop the burning fowl liquid from entering his lungs."

Love the descriptions of the horror the regular sized people have to go through in their encounters with Justine, and the fear she inspires even when she doesn't necesssarily mean harm. If I can make a suggestion, there should be more point of view style narration from the perspective of regular sized people with lots of detailed descriptions of Justine, her body, the horror she can cause, and how powerful she is in even the most mundane tasks. There can be narration from the perspective of the giant, naked, and carefree Justine who's too big and powerful to be fearful or inhibited anymore, and a more detailed narration from the perspective of skittish regular sized people, providing contrast between the two perspectives. Including nice detailed descriptions of the cruel fates of those an unihibited Justine can punish with her body if she gets a reason to do so, with her perspective, the perspectives of those she victimizes, and how Justine and her actions are percieved by other characters.

Maybe there can be a chapter where we can see things from the perspective of a new character, like a hunter who tracks the trail of forest destruction Justine leaves behind wondering "what could cause this?" He comes across Justine unnoticed unable to comprehend the 150 to 200 foot tall giantess in front of him, just as Justine squats down to empty her bladder and bowels, which at her size is quite a spectacle. Being an experienced hunter he doesn't dare get her attention until he knows if she's carnivourous and what she eats, so when she leaves, he examines her waste and discovers the half digested bodies of the 3 people she swallowed alive earlier, with detailed emphasis on the gruesomeness of the discovery and his horror when he finds out she eats people whole. He runs out to warn the town but no one believes him until Justine shows up for help, and her attempt to make a good impression is immediately ruined because the townsfolk have been warned that she eats people and are terrified of her. Her secret is out. How does she react? How does Kevin react to her secret being out.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the suggestions. I plan on more narration from the regular sized people in some future chapters though I haven't settled how I will go about doing so.

The idea of someone encountering the remains of those Justine had eaten alive has crossed my mind a high number of times and odds are I will write a chapter at some point where this happens.

As for Kevin with the way things are it would be up to Christina or someone else visiting him in order for him to know what Justine has done. I don't know when or even if I want Kevin to find out at lest for the time being.

Reviewer: officerkc Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: December 09 2017 2:02 PM Title: Breakfest

What a fun story. Can't wait for more!



Author's Response:

Just posted the next chapter. Thank you for the review and hopefully you enjoy what was added.

You must login (register) to review.