Date: October 13 2017 6:08 PM Title: A real party with friends
This is a really cool story.
In general, I like the dynamic between Marilyn and Annie, and I'm looking forward to see how it develops. And you do a great job with writing the interactions, as they are really descriptive and engaging.
And the concept of toggleable shrinking is great, and it can really lead to some cool scenarios, since Annie has to trust others about shrinking her.
This chapter had a nice amount of extra character development, while keeping the action to a minimum, which I'm more than okay with.
Keep up the good work!
Date: October 12 2017 7:05 AM Title: Meeting the Ballerina
You’ve got a good premise here. It’s a fun contrast to the story you’re basing this off, where the main character enjoyed her torment but not externally; this character enjoys it and is willing to make it known. We’re pulled in quickly.
I like the attitude you give to Marilyn; I easily buy the characters in this odd world. However some of the dialogue maybe felt a bit awkward/formal or not realistic to human characters. Also, just be careful of verb tense consistency; I’d try to keep everything in past tense, but that’s just me. Good luck in continuing.
Yeah I'll go over and do some corrections. English is not my first language so it's harder but I learn every day. Glad you like it so far! I do like all your stories by the way.
Date: October 12 2017 5:29 AM Title: Meeting the Ballerina
Fan fiction of the insole gitl? Xmas came early this year!!!
For the record, I was thinking of commissioning something in the opposite direction, ie someone goes from some big city without shrinkers to some place where they are common, but this story will do - 2nd time in a few weeks that someone writes something akin to something I wanted to commission, can you believe it? :D
I do! Glad you like it!
Date: October 12 2017 12:28 AM Title: Meeting the Ballerina
really glad to see you take on this world. Very exited to what Annie has gotten herself into. Alwaye exited to see a new story from you.
:) My latest story called "forgetting amy" was a hard one to write this one is more positive.